I am very tired, yet elated, which pretty much sums up this year for me, as a year where I have had to roll with the COVID and dengue punches that have come my way, living through the stress of caregiving, housework, lack of sleep, and wondering if I, myself, would succumb to it (the answer is still not yet). The most recent brush was over this Christmas season where my son M, and helper, LK, came down with it, forcing P and I to cancel all our social engagements, and hunker down at home, kept busy with housework. Today is the first day I can relax as both have been restored to health, although P has come down with the flu. I just feel hung over from the last few days of crazy activity.
I give thanks for God’s kindness and providence throughout the year. Despite feeling as if I have not really had time for quiet reflection through the year, and that I have just been running from one activity to another, at times quite manically, without time to breathe, I have managed to stay fairly emotionally centred and mentally grounded. And I have been able to recognize how the Father as protected me and my loved ones through all the topsy-turvy days. I have not given into despair when the going was tough, and it’s all thanks to my morning rosary and checking in with God throughout the day.
What has amazed me is how loved I am by the people around me, who have given help and support in various ways, when I needed it. I am blessed, and I mean this in a very heartfelt, non social media gushy way. The Lord has put people in my life who have allowed me to grow and to heal. He has also challenged me to stretch: to be more open, more available and more sensitive to the cries of help around me, and, at the same time, to experience the profound joy of responding, saying yes, even if it has come at a price to my own physical health.
The highlight of this year is how the Lord has been faithful in even the small things. We have been able to experience good weather on vacation even though it was atypical for the season, the most recent being our time in Penang. When I checked the weather forecast prior our trip, the prediction was rain every day. We actually saw a storm rolling in from the sea towards us on our last day in Penang but it continued to blow inward and the rain lasted about 30 minutes enabling us to take the grandkids to the beach for one last fun-filled afternoon.
P dropped his credit card case a second time on holiday, this time in Ipoh. My go to intercessory warriors, Mother Mary and Saint Anthony, came through, yet again. I initially felt a little disingenuous, praying for the same lost item again, but I was reminded, faith can move mountains, so I prayed. We found it!
So what is Jesus saying to me as I end this year of multiple COVID disruptions? Change is the only constant and not to get too stressed out or worried when things don’t go as planned. He will always be with me in the storms of change, chaos, loss and uncertainty, and He will guide me through it with grace, protecting me from the worst of it, if I let Him. More faith equals less struggling, less stress. Be open. Be available.
I would like to give glory to God for all my successes, and for all the times I have chosen to walk the narrow path against my own selfish inclinations.
Thank you, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, for showing me how families are loving and forgiving all the time, even when I don’t feel so loving and forgiving at the time. Thank you for guiding me how to be gentle, wise and compassionate, in order to be a better spouse, parent and grandparent; daughter, sister and friend, a better person, to all I meet.
Jesus, all the time, for a good time, for inner peace in the chaos.
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