Humble leanings

As one strives to "be good", the hardest virtues to acquire are humility and constancy or perseverance. Being judgemental is a ridiculously effortless raising of an eyebrow or a barely discernible sniff.

I find myself having to contend with the constant flow of inner talk that nitpicks and condemns the range of behaviour that falls short of my Christian gold standard, of what I deem acceptable.

What a Scrooge, why is he not giving more to the poor when he is rolling in it? Such selfish behaviour! How can anyone be so cluelessly inconsiderate and rude? Calls that Christian behaviour? It goes on, ad nauseam, if I let it.

What gives me the right to a holier than thou attitude when the good I am doing is just me doing what I ought to, as a decent human being who knows better. There's nothing special or extraordinary, nothing that deserves accolades. It is just so easy to act superior and forget the plank in my own eye.

In a recent homily, Pope Francis warned that Christians who lose the faith and prefer ideology become rigid, moralists, ethicists, but without goodness.

The reason for this is, he said simply one thing: that Christian does not pray. And if there is no prayer, you will always close the door.

It is easy to close the door to faith and fall into the ideology of religion. To think one has all the answers to life and to discard everything else as unworthy of consideration. Ideological Christians, Pope Francis elaborates, are people who have become proud, sure of themselves and lacking humility.

Pope Francis goes on to reminds us: In ideology there is no Jesus: his tenderness, love, meekness. And ideologies are always rigid.

It is ideologists who alienate people and create dissension, disunity; at times to the point of choosing violence as their voice against perceived wrong.

At our last Woman to Woman Ministry meeting of the year, we reflected on what would be an appropriate Advent offering. I decided to place my pride at the foot of the empty manger for it is at the root of my judgemental ways. My desire is to grow in humility and make that my gift to the Christ child come December 25.

The secret is, as the Pope pointed out, the distinction of prayer. Much can be accomplished if we keep praying and there is no better time for a renewed effort than Advent, the season of preparation before Christmas.

And for those of us who are too hung up on results or personal achievement, Blessed Mother Teresa said it best:

Be humble

and you will

never be disturbed.

It is very difficult

in practice

because we all want to see

the result of our work.

Leave it to Jesus.

Immersed in this world

By now, everyone on the planet knows how Typhoon Haiyan (aka Yolanda in the Philippines) wreaked catastrophic destruction when it made landfall November 7, affecting multiple cities in the Philippines, with thousands dead and many more missing or displaced. Other countries affected were Micronesia, Palau, Taiwan, China and Vietnam, but nowhere near the level of damage suffered by Tacloban City in the Philippines.

As unscathed onlookers, our response is not only a measure of our humanity, but an indictment of our faith. If we have a strong and lively faith, then we will gather our resources and reach out to our brothers and sisters who were affected with support and comfort, to help them rebuild their lives and make it even better than it was before.

 

In a show of solidarity, nations have all swung into action, galvanizing forces to bring aid to the disaster-struck areas. We thus have ample opportunity to join in these national and communal  efforts by participating in whatever way we can. More so if we are believers or followers of Christ. We must do as He did, bringing comfort to those who most need it. In fact, to play the Good Samaritan is a call that each one of us has within our hearts.

 

Blessed John Paul II said:

 

We live in history, side by side with our peers, sharing their worries and hope. We cannot escape into another dimension, ignoring the tragedies of our era, closing our eyes and hearts to the anguish that pervades life. On the contrary we are immersed in this world every day, ready to hasten to wherever there is a brother or sister In need of help, a tear to be dried, a request for help to be answered.

 

While I'd like to think that I do my part in proclaiming "the good news to the poor", it is at times like these that I am reminded I can always do more. I am glad I overcame my initial reticence to go reverse carolling* next month in the Philippines for I have been travelling quite a bit this year and another trip did not seem a prudent choice in any way.  

 

As it turns out, this round of reverse carolling will involve us visiting not just homes in Montalban and Tagaytay, but in Bohol where an October earthquake and the recent super typhoon have spelt disaster for inhabitants.

 

Although I look forward to reaching out to those whose homes were destroyed, charitable efforts should not restricted to what one reads in the headlines but should be a continual crusade to help end poverty, hunger and injustice. The cries of our brothers and sisters, at home and abroad, should not be ignored.

 

Hear and respond. Every day.

* Reverse carolling is an outreach to visit homes of disadvantaged families to bring some Christmas cheer into their lives by connecting with family members, singing carols to them and leaving them with a Christmas hamper filled with food to ensure they have something festive to eat over the Nativity season.

Read more about the preparations on: https://plus.google.com/112131744968067307130/posts.

The blessed single life

I am generally quite happy being a singleton. I don't feel like that it is an "unfortunate conscription" where I am only "looking in at life from the outside". However, a conversation with T this week made me feel like I was missing out big time if I chose to remain single and celibate. Rather, I should be actively looking to find me a man, and having fun while doing it.

Mine seemed like a weird, unnatural choice and I was odd in choosing this route especially since I am not working towards a religious vocation. Have I given up on marriage out of fear? Should I be putting myself out there? I hate feeling this way and yet, I know it is a choice that is not really understood by many (there are times it is incomprehensible to me, too) so I should not let it faze me.

It was, therefore, a boost to my flagging confidence to read Father Ron Rolheiser's The Single Life*. I could say that I was fully and joyfully picking up my life and seeing it as worthwhile. I accept with equanimity that I am single, in a spirit that fits the life I am actually living. I am good with my state of life, and often, more than good.

I don't dispute that, as Father Rolheiser put it, the universe works in pairs, and that even God himself said it is not good for man to be alone. I feel that reality in my body every day, the need to be in union, to connect. But understanding that this need is first and foremost a call from God to connect with Him, then with others, has made the difference for me. I don't expend extra energy desperately seeking for The One, for He is with me always (granted cold comfort at times, but mostly reassuring).

In allowing the cross of Christ to transform and repair this fault in my chastity, I can be made whole. I am not a half looking for another half to complete me. I can be a "normal, generative and happy" person, in my single self.

Certainly there are days when loneliness seems to be a fierce, all-encompassing ache that has me singing the blues, but when properly channelled, blue gives way to gold and silver. And, interesting shades of gold and silver abound.

I especially like this paragraph which I share below:

However, to be celibate and single doesn't necessarily mean that one is asexual or sterile. Today the impression is often given that no happiness exists outside of sexual union. That's superficial and untrue. Sexuality is the drive in us towards connection, community, family, friendship, affection, love, creativity, delight, and generativity. We are happy and whole when these things are in our lives, not on the basis of whether or not we sleep alone. The single celibate life offers its own opportunities for achieving these. God never closes one door without opening countless others. For instance, when our culture recognizes that it's easier to find a lover than a friend, it recognizes too that human sexuality and generativity are more than biological.

As Father Rolheiser goes on to say:

There are other ways of being healthily sexual, of getting pregnant and impregnating, of being mother or father, of sexual [sic] enjoying intimacy. Sexuality, love, generativity, family, enjoyment, and delight have multiple modalities.

It is all a question of opening ourselves to Divine-inspired creativity and going down roads previously ignored or undiscovered. The more I venture down paths I had not considered before, the more I have to concur. God has ways we humans dare not dream of, as exemplified by the Annunciation.

I would like to think that the single life has given me opportunities I otherwise would not have experienced; more adventures taken, more surprises afforded, and I am grateful.

The travails of life will arise whether I am single or married, and there will be sacrifices to be made either way. Regardless of either state of life, the choice really is to make the most of life and to be joyous for the graces one receives every day.

So I wear my single celibate life with pride for it is blessed by the living presence of Christ, who makes all things right and beautiful with great love.

* To read Father Rolheiser's article, go to: http://www.ronrolheiser.com/columnarchive/?id=1289

Taking pride down

A friend of mine recently shared that someone dear to her has allowed fear and insecurity to reign supreme, thereby turning this person into a manipulative and selfish being, quite unlike her usual self.

Why is it so unsettling when we hear that someone who strives hard to model Christian values and is generally a kind and giving person has suddenly morphed into a crazed witch and has fallen away from God's truth?

Three things come to my mind. One, pride is to blame; two, it could very easily have been me; and three, it does not take much to discourage others with behaviour that smacks of counter-witnessing. My friend has found this surreal situation difficult to deal with on so many levels.

Yes, we all have our imperfections, but for those who are in positions of moral authority or leadership, the bar is, unfortunately, set much higher. As Jesus said, those who have been given much, much will be demanded of them. That's the reason why we expect our priests and religious to be exemplars of Christian virtue and model citizens.

Faithfulness in small things is required, consistently. For this is what witnessing is all about. In all circumstances, in every waking moment, we do not stop striving to be like Jesus. The only way we can achieve this impossible aspiration is to submit to God's will each nano second. Constant prayer is key to allow transforming grace to course through our arteries, pulsing through our bodies with life-giving, Spirit-filled oxygen.

Saint Paul said to the Corinthians:

I shall be very happy to make my weaknesses my special boast so that the power of Christ may stay over me, and that is why I am quite content with my weaknesses, and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and the agonies I go through for Christ’s sake. For it is when I am weak that I am strong.

The thorns in our flesh are strong enough to lance the boils of our pride, to drain away the pus inside. However, if we do not see the hidden purpose of the thorns that afflict us, we will just whinge, wallow and do nothing.

Pride is truly the queen of all deadly sins for it does not take much for pride to colour our perspective and insidiously blind us to our own faults. Even our strengths are not exempt. I find I have to constantly catch myself from pinning a good deed onto my breast like a badge of honour for all to see and admire. Saint Thérèse of Lisieux urges for the glory of anonymity when it comes to doing good; the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing and all that.

Thus, good people with noble intentions, beware. Always submit your intentions, your acts of love and your good deeds to an examen of consciousness*. Allow your strengths and virtues, not only your weaknesses and faults, to be purified constantly. Do not commit base murder flowing from honourable and lofty ideals just as Brutus in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar did.

In The Way of Perfection, Saint Teresa of Avila talks about the three essentials of a prayer-filled life, humility, charity and detachment, in order for us to become spiritually mature Christians.

To be humble is to walk in the truth of who we are and to be content with whatever it is the Lord wants us to do**. She called humility the queen of virtues. To be charitable is to give of one's self with a self-donating love that puts others first and self after. And detachment is all about self-relinquishing liberation from created things, including our preferences and prejudices. 

Humility, charity and detachment are the trinity of virtues and, Saint Teresa assures, the way to a happy and fulfilling life. These virtues are fully embodied in Jesus, whose example we can emulate closely. So don't let pride get the better of you. Stay humble, loving and hold all things loosely in your hands.

* A great article on how to do the examen: http://www.ignatianspirituality.com/ignatian-prayer/the-examen/consciousness-examen/

** From Susan Muto's Late Have I Loved Thee

God's caress

In a recent address, Pope Francis said: Every day we are all called to become “God’s caress” for those who perhaps have forgotten the first caresses, who perhaps have never felt a caress in their lives.

What a beautiful invitation to each of us to reach out to those who are marginalized or forgotten, who may be neglected or rejected by mainstream society. Pope Francis was encouraging a group of pilgrims who are involved in charitable work, but it is a statement each of us can make applicable in our lives.

I know I have been much blessed for from the day I was born, I have been the beloved of family and friends. I have known what love is in many different ways and I continue to experience it so much so that I find it hard to imagine anyone not having felt a caress of love and care in their lives.

It is therefore a sobering reminder that there are many in my midst who have not been given what I have and I should do something about it. Everything I have is pure gift. I did not earn it or deserve it, and therefore I should be sharing what I have.

I have to admit I have been slacking lately. Busy working on replenishing the coffers after an expensive vacation has been all consuming and energy zapping. And yet, I know it is time I take a step outside my little bubble. As Pope Francis pointed put, answering our call is an everyday affair. There is always someone I can administer to and they are not that difficult to spot.

But besides writing a few cheques and making a financial contribution to worthy causes, I also need to get up close and personal in order to be a palpable caress. I need to make face time.

Just last week, I received a phone call from someone with whom I have a prickly relationship. I know I should pay her a visit and see how she is, but I have used the convenience of my busy life to forget about her for some months now. I have been feeling bad about neglecting her, but not bad enough to make the effort to pop by and spend time with her. Instead, I salved my conscience by just buying her something expensive she needed.

In The Story of a Soul, Saint Thérèse of Lisieux wrote charity ought to betray itself in deeds, and not exist merely in the feelings. She also reminded me there is no real merit in helping those whom I like or love but rather in loving those whom I find hard to love.

I know TA is someone who has long forgotten her first caresses for she has been crotchety for as long as I can remember. And yet, she is someone I know who could do with some TLC.

So tomorrow I will see her and I hope it will be not too unpleasant an encounter. And if it is, I will have to remind myself ad majorem Dei gloriam.

Naked goodness

Lady Gaga recently did a Lady Godiva when she was performing at a gay club. I am not sure what was the point of this act of exhibitionism (Lady Godiva at least did it for a noble cause), but it seems to be the rage amongst women entertainers to be as outrageous and bizarre as possible for the sake of fortune or fame presumably, for it can never be termed art, or have any merit other than that of poor taste.

What has happened to allowing the gifts we have to speak for themselves? In the case of singers, the voice and the music. But no, in order to entertain, an aggressive display of the scantily clad body moving in overtly sexual ways seems to be de rigueur.

While I do not have children to protect from these dehumanizing acts that objectify the body so demeaningly, I feel saddened, as a woman, that all these decades of fighting for women's rights has come to this:

Emancipated women who willingly choose to debase their bodies and be treated as sexual objects, displaying their beautiful assets like meat in a market. They willingly choose to subjugate themselves to male domination by agreeing to be judged on and desired for their physical assets.

In the name of external beauty, they undergo aesthetic surgery to enhance and preserve physical beauty to frightening extremes. What is wrong with one's God-given features? Why is looking one's age so abhorred? Are not inner beauty, character, substance and goodness more valuable, influential and permanent?

We women are so much more than the sum of our body parts. We have so much more to offer the world: our brains, our feminine grace and our inner beauty. We can change the world just be using our wits and our talents. And we can do it without resorting to prostituting ourselves or undermining our own dignity.

I would urge every woman reading this to evaluate how you value your own dignity as woman and to reclaim it if you think looking sexy in order to snag a man is a good idea. Work on developing your God-given assets, your self-esteem, and growing in virtue. Challenge yourself to being a woman who would be a good role model for younger men and women, boys and girls

I would encourage every man reading this to value and affirm the women in your life, be it mother, aunt, sister, girlfriend, wife, daughter or friend, for who they are. Respect and love them as fellow human beings, just as you would want to be respected. Do not lust after women or use them for your own gratification, treat every woman as your beloved sister or mother.

Likewise, women, sexual liberation does not mean twerking your bottom shamelessly into a man's crotch, but it does mean standing up (clothed decently) for your right to be admired and respected for everything that you are. Demand to be loved for the beautiful inner you, not only for your pretty face.

Teach men to go gaga over the real you - body, soul and spirit - stripped of all pretence and artifice, clothed with decorum in your dignity.