Time out

I had a great day today. No work and all play. Time to watch TV, nap and just chill.

It has been a wonderful long weekend - beginning with an impulse but sumptuous Thanksgiving dinner, followed by chances to meet up with friends and family: high tea at the Rose Verandah with G. and A., go on an unplanned starlit walk along the water's edge with K. and P., eat a delicious salad that was first created in my taste memory - one I give thanks for its many flavours.

Sometimes I wish my life were less hectic. I miss just hanging out at the beach, doing nothing but cloud gazing and dream weaving.

Having nothing to do is such a luxury for there is always something I need to complete and something I haven't yet had time to do or forgotten about...

While the merry-go-round of life will never stop, it's important to make time to give thanks - for the busyness, the people I need and who need me, the pockets of quiet and introspection, and for the many reminders to be mindful and aware.

To be still and know.

Breath-less

I cannot breathe.
There is a monkey on my shoulder,
A millstone round my neck,
and an albatross draped on my chest,
Oppressing me.
Much as I try to inhale,
Fill my lungs with oxygen,
A spot lies inactive and inert,
Where the alveoli refuse to inflate.
The heft of memory undealt with,
Unexplored and unexpressed,
Left to fester mutely,
Has taken up permanent residency
In the countries of fascia, bone and organ
Infecting my body with a vengeance.
But I will not despair.
For the One who breathed life into me
Can make of my being a new creation
If I let Him infuse my whole spirit, soul and body,
Making sense of my past, present, even future.
As I remember, acknowledge and feel,
I can then accept, mourn, to finally let go.
So with hope I wait on His touch.

Dialogue

I am sorry that I did not stop to listen
To see the beauty of who you are
Even in disagreement
there is room for transformation
Had I been ready to see
To recognize the truth of your world
that you were inviting me to explore with you
As friends
Treading a serpentine and oft precarious path.
I was too arrogant for words
Thinking I knew the answer to the question
When the answer needed time to unfold
For the question to be heard
and for dialogue
a convivial conversation to ensue.

 

Please pardon my very human impatience
My worldly logic that lacks
the wisdom of compassion
and the humility of suffering
Not knowing when and how to keep quiet
and allow a Spirit-led silence to heal.
If you give me another chance
I will search together with you
Wearing open minds and open hearts
So that we can be surprised
by the gifts God has in store for us
Like love, joy and so much more_
The possibilities are infinite...

*  Inspired by Fr. Timothy Radcliffe's talk on Being Christian in the 21st Century and dedicated to my W2W sisters.

Being Christian

Two Fridays ago I attended a talk by Fr. Timothy Radcliffe on "Being Christian in the 21st Century" and I was happy that I could sit and imbibe the wisdom of Fr. Radcliffe after having been so inspired by his books.

He is, as I imagined, after having read his autobiography, "I Call You Friends", a book I bought as a gift and snuck in a read before gifting it - erudite yet eloquent, gifted, insightful, humble and Brit funny.

Fr. Radcliffe, henceforth TR, had the ability to make theological profundities as simple as breathing.

As Christians, we must be like the Whitebeam tree residing outside the window of his room at Blackfriars: a living entity fully alive, behaving true to its nature and what it was created to be, and yet, open and in dynamic contact with what it is not, such as the sun and the rain.

We cannot succumb to the temptation of either "retreating into Christian ghettos", shutting out the world that is unlike us, or assimilating into society and "disappearing down the secular rabbit hole".

Instead, he encouraged those present to engage the other in friendship, in loving conversation so as to be true to our missionary calling to convert hearts and minds by redefining the modern day perceptions of doctrine and morality.

As doctrine is often greeted with suspicion, we must be sensitive and allow it to "flourish in open conversation", rather than attempting to preach it from the high horse of doctrinaire.

(Incidentally St. Dominic founded the Order of Preachers in a pub after a night-long conversation with the barkeep that led to the man's conversion.)

Doctrine can be a beautiful gift when approached in the right spirit. TR used the example of the trinity and how we can share its mystery with others.

Anyone who is in love or who loves is living the mystery of the trinity, for love can only be discovered with the help of the other.

So be like Christ, who engaged the ostracized in loving conversation and moved them to conversion with his openness.

However, before we attempt to engage in conversation, we would do well to study the doctrines of the Church to avoid any faux pas. With this piece of advice he told a joke that had the audience in stitches and brought home the point.

While society craves moral vision, it is stymied by its idea of freedom that often does not leave room for the Christian ideal of living in accord with the will of God to thereby live a fulfilled life, satisfying one's deepest wants and desires.

"Morality is not what you are not allowed to do or forbidden to do," TR clarified, "neither is it obligation or external constraint." Rather morality should be experienced first as intimate friendship with God, and then with others.

In this way, the commandments are no longer rules that must be adhered to, but rather they serve as a reminder of who we are, creating a mindfulness as we go about our activities of daily living of what it truly means to be human.

TR also reminded the audience that God's friendship is always surprising so we would do well to keep an open mind with God.

The two hours just sped by as he shared his thoughts and answered questions from the audience.

What I found most powerful was the reminder that where there is love, there is God, even if the people around us do not believe in God.

And we should not fret about those we love who do not believe for we should trust that God will seek out everybody, including the 100th lost sheep.

So patience. For every love has its own pilgrimage, its own journey to make.

It is my sorrow and my bliss

It is my sorrow and my bliss
To know where I'm going yet have miles to go.
To be completely lost but certain I'll make it home.

It is my sorrow and my bliss
To choose death in order to gain eternal life.
To embrace life fully, knowing that every day I am dying.

It is my sorrow and my bliss
To trawl the depths of darkness to find in its heart God's light.
To be light to the world in the brilliance of my blackest pain.

It is my sorrow and my bliss
To surrender my entire will and find authentic freedom.
To be bound by my relationships beyond earth unto heaven.

It is my sorrow and my bliss
To keep on loving those who are 'undeserving' and 'ungrateful'.
To be loved wholeheartedly despite my obvious unworthiness.

It is my sorrow and my bliss
To feel the pain of others until my heart bleeds with them.
To be borne on the back of my crucified Christ.

It is my sorrow and my bliss
To celebrate with joy in the midst of abject desolation.
To mourn the bittersweet ephemerality of life's peak moments.

It is my sorrow and my bliss
To be ridiculed and persecuted for my unwavering fidelity.
To inspire the faith of one man although I've failed him time after time.

It is my sorrow and my bliss
To experience His power made perfect in my weakness.
To be humbled when I am reminded all I have is not mine.

It is my sorrow and my bliss
To witness that all things are possible with God.
To live in a world where most don't believe there is a God.

Valley dark

As I've been experiencing some physical and emotional pain lately, I have been reflecting on the subject, and studying the world's response to it in trying to make sense of my own.

Most of us regard pain and suffering as if they were the bete noires of our existence, to be eschewed at all costs.

The recent death of Michael Jackson and the current trial investigating the death of Anna Nicole Smith attest to that for both celebrities' overuse of drugs to manage pain led to their deaths.

Certainly pain avoidance is a natural reaction, in-built by nature for the survival of the species and we must not ever ignore pain.

However, the question is how do we deal with it in a constructive manner?

The modern world's reaction is to find an instant panacea: pop a pill and make the pain go away. Or drink yourself into a stupor. If that doesn't work, throw yourself into any activity that will numb the senses.

We all have our own coping mechanisms which can be less than desirable if we get hooked on an emotional/physiological crutch and refuse to move forward into healing, content to rely on a quick fix permanently or constantly running away, to the detriment of our own health and even those around us.

A friend of mine who is currently in pain from gout has a wise and concerned physician who refuses to precribe medication, wanting him instead to alleviate the symptoms of pain by altering his diet first, making drugs the option of last resort.

How many of us have such wise physicians in our midst, and, do we heed their advice?

If we look at Psalm 23, the psalmist says "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me".

The darkness experienced in the valley is part of our earthly journey in life. However, we are not asked to run through the valley nor run away from it especially since we, as Christians, believe that Christ is with us, protecting us from evil (even if it is my own human response that could lead me to sin).

If Christ, who was afraid in the garden of Gethsemane, was sent an angel to strengthen Him, surely God will send us angels in our times of distress and need?

And if He does, do we recognize them and acknowledge their presence, the healers, physicians, guides, mentors, counsellors and concerned friends He places in our lives?

Do we accept the truth of pain, allowing it to envelope us and purify us as we let God lead us to a creative and life-giving response?

Will we allow the love of the Shepherd to administer to us even when all is lost and seems impossible?

Sometimes, it takes awhile to come to our senses as pain does blind us to the obvious. Or we are just patently stubborn in our refusal to see.

I must admit I have been particularly dense and tardy in dealing with my issues despite knowing what I must do.

I find it is a constant battle, a daily surrender of my own predisposition to rationalize my inaction and slothful inertia.

So today I make the commitment to listen to the pain and ask my Father how I can make sense of it and more importantly, how He wants me to respond to it.

And finally, to ask for the strength of angels to act on it.