Choosing Easter

C. has been going through a really rough patch at work recently. She is not alone for a number of my girlfriends have been weathering bad situations, some longer than others.

As Father Arro pointed out today, it may seem like the end of the road when we are faced with crisis, but Easter reminds us that these tough situations may signal new life - unexpected, unplanned for, but not always unwelcome as time will bear out.

We just need to keep on believing, not give in to despair, trust in providence while we work to right the situation with cautious prudence, and by conquering the fear of the unknown that gets the best of even the bravest among us.

The reminder of Easter is powerful for we all need symbols to hold onto and buoy us over stormy seas.

There will always be seasons of loss, persecution, chaos and things bad, but what could possibly be worse than knowing what Jesus knew, and yet choosing to go through it, loving to His dying breath.

Betrayed. Feared, hated and persecuted. Let down by His closest companions. Scourged, ridiculed and crucified. All this the price for loving an undeserving, fickle and faithless world.

And because of that tenacious, fearless love, all is not lost. For only through death could the miracle of the resurrection happen. Redemption.

It's pure magic. Let's not forget this as we move into the octave of Easter. Celebrate!

In darkest night, in deepest grief, you cameAnd turned my world around just when I thought
It crashed, never again to be the same.
All along you never gave up and sought
To win my heart with your gentle wisdom,
Showed me how to live in your Father's kingdom.
And now, the meaning of resurrection
Is etched deep inside, pure revelation.
My problem really is how do I stay true?
Especially when storms threaten to destroy
My composure, beating me black and blue.
Will I remember this moment, this joy?
Choose to honour your sacrifice each time
Make Easter mine; turn the bad on a dime.

Perfect placement

I met my friend Linguini for dinner last night after which we went for a walk at the Botanics. It was a flawless end to the day.

Lazy stream-of-consciousness chatting as we strolled, taking in the sights, smells and sounds of the balmy night.

I was charmed by the stark, monochromatic beauty of trees and shrubs silhouetted against the night skies.

One of the topics that came up was perfection: how we defined it and how we felt about it i.e. whether we felt we could be perfect or if we deserved a perfect life.

While there can be perfect moments, much like this evening or a Wordsworth's Daffodils moment, perfection, like happiness, is frustratingly ethereal and is to be savoured in the moment even as it slips by all too fast - to be fleetingly appreciated as it cannot be grasped.

Behind the drive for "the perfect life" is happiness and how we navigate through life depends on what we define as happiness.

As both ancient Greek and modern-day philosophers propose, happiness is not found in things like money, power or position but rather in leading a life of virtue.

Aristotle believed that happiness is striving for "the highest human good" or "living well". This offer of happiness is one Jesus made in John's gospel to us - He came that we may have life "to the full" - and one we often overlook or forget.

Why are virtues so important? Virtues enable us to integrate our minds, wills and emotions so that no matter what life throws at us, we will be able to tackle even the most fearful of problems and emerge with honour intact and a nobility of spirit present.

We all need prudence, justice, fortitude and temperance for these cardinal virtues steer us to make good decisions and right choices, choices that bring life and lead to harmony.

Christians would also propose the theological virtues of faith, hope and love for these three virtues deepen and enrich the human experience, spicing it up with joy even in times of loss.

Sadly, most people today view virtues as morally restrictive instead of what they simply are: moral excellence and intelligence, and a way to living a perfectly happy life.

These are the same people who view commandments and Church teachings as kill-joy restraints rather than life-affirming guidelines.

I was once such a person for I had a child's understanding of moral law and was motivated to keep the law out of fear of punishment. Hence the Church's teachings especially on chastity and contraception were viewed as unnatural, impossible and cause for resentment.

The sticking point came when I decided I no longer wanted to sit on the fence or be wishy-washy in my beliefs, yet I still struggled with Church teachings for I was so steeped in the ethics of the highly sexualized world we live in today.

As A. recently said, when in doubt, rely on the wisdom of the 2,000 year-old tradition of the Church and the wisdom of those who have gone before me, while continuing to question and search for answers. So that was what I had to do initially.

In gaining a better understanding of natural law and universal principles, my motivations to be and do good have changed gradually through the years.

This process did not happen overnight or easily. I have also had to work hard on making virtues, especially temperance, mine.

When is the moment one knows one has acquired a virtue*?

Father David stresses integration; when one delights in exercising the virtue, being good without feeling conflicted about it. In other words being happy being good.

Self-control may be a starting point but it is not enough. If one has only self-control to rely on, then the virtue is not yet yours for repression is a pretty miserable state and one would be like a time bomb waiting to explode.

I actually see this happening in my life now. The struggles I used to have trying to be good, to do the right thing, have pretty much evaporated.

Most times, I can look temptation in the eye and firmly say, "No thank you," walking away without bemoaning my negative response.

I am even happy, certainly feeling good being good. Needless to say all this is possible only because I keep my focus on Jesus and rely on Him to be my guiding light.

While I cannot say I am living the perfect life in that there is still lots of room for improvement, more virtues to master, I am perfectly placed on my journey of life.

Something I derive great pleasure from and give thanks for constantly.

* Aristotle writes "to like and to dislike the right things is thought to be the most important element in the formation of a virtuous character"

Lenten reality

Ever had one of those periods where your life seems to descend into chaos and your time is not your own?

This has just happened to me recently and part of it was my own fault.

It began innocently enough, the writing of my module one paper. The incipient tiredness that invaded my body after, and the need to reward myself after working so industriously (never mind that this last-minute, late-night rush could have been avoided) caused me to spiral into late-night watching of mindless drivel that passes off as entertainment.

While my schedule did not help for I suddenly had many useless blocks of free time in between classes and ended up leaving the house early and coming home late, I allowed time to slip away and felt the emptier for it. Physically exhausted and spiritually depleted.

Not everything I did was meaningless for it's easy to apportion time for others and for tasks that need to be done, but I left the welfare of me and myself out.

As I spent time living very much in the future, planning my next hour and rushing from place to place, I ignored my screaming muscles that protested my misuse and neglect of them.

I suppose I could say that the grace of getting older is that the body no longer allows such ill treatment for a protracted period of time, and so I have begun my climb out of this quicksand of brain-dead inactivity. More like forced to move.

Father David said that Singapore is one of the most utilitarian bent cities he has ever lived in: we value things according to their function. I have to agree.

As women are naturally inclined and socially reinforced to be nurturing and giving, we often place others above ourselves to the extent of self-neglect. This inclination, coupled with the value we place here on achievement can be deadly.

We often think that I am worthless if I do not show how giving I am by making someone feel better, by organizing an outing, by accomplishing... we are constantly out there from the get go and doing, doing, doing.

I think I have failed quite miserably this Lent from fasting from this need to do and to show how much I am worth based on my "useful" activity.

And so I resolve to make the latter half of Lent a time of moderation and a time for prayer - not because I have to, but because it will be doing something that is as fundamental as breathing to stay alive.

Not prayer for the sake of gaining heaven brownie points or for the desired outcome of inner serenity, but prayer because I am made to contemplate my love, gratitude and joy of being simply alive.

Thank goodness for Lent. I just have to make it real now.