Christmas come lately

It is New Year's Eve and I am home with a bum knee. All the physical setbacks I have faced this year have been a little frustrating and I feel the weight of my years (and fat) deep in my bones.

And yet, I end the year on an emotional high for I have written the children's book I have had gestating inside of me since February. It has taken 10 months but I am glad I could gift it to Jesus this Christmas, albeit a couple of days late.

I seem to be late for Christmas in other ways as well. The commercial blitz of Christmas consumerism has left me slightly disoriented for it is the antithesis of what Christmas is all about.

Plus the hustle and bustle of December has given me little time to reflect, which always results in my inability to connect well with people, myself, and Jesus.

Whenever I get busy with Martha-like doing, there is no bandwidth to be with people in a way that feeds both them and me. I end up physically whacked and spiritually empty.

Thus my Christmas spirit was lacking and lagging until I celebrated Midnight Mass which made me realize that He is born to be with us not just 2,000 years ago, but today, as I live and breathe. He is alive today.

The miracles that touched the crowds who followed Him continue to touch us, to touch me, today. He gives me sight. He heals me of my infirmities. He feeds me and keeps me in clover as well.

So why do I falter and stumble? Why do I not experience the joy I feel at Christmas all the time?

Why do I not always trust in the living Word, the true light that shines in the darkness as John describes the living Lord?

For me, it all comes down to the distraction of living in this world where busyness gets the better of me, and things not being within my control all the time. Like my knee that decided to bail on me for no apparent reason.

I am in pain. I am grouchy and tired. I lose heart. I get insecure. I feel ineffectual.

I realize I will never perfect the balance but there will be moments when I am living beatifically. Like now. Because I acted out my yes. Because I put aside my personal reservations and went with the flow of my heart's desire.

So all I have to keep doing is to lay my "heart-earned" gifts at His feet in humble adoration. In silence. In stillness.

No one, whether shepherd or wise man, can approach God here below except by kneeling before the manger at Bethlehem and adoring him hidden in the weakness of a new-born child. 

                                                                             - Catechism of the Catholic Church, 563

Christmas may have come late this year but it is here to stay and can be mine throughout the year.

Venite adoremus

Loving more dearly

As we approach the end of the year, we are ever surrounded by unrest and strife in the world. Worse, there have been two events of senseless killings in America, committed by young men; one in an Oregon shopping mall and the other in a Connecticut elementary school involving the massacre of six year olds.

How do we make sense of killing for killing's sake? Both tragedies are abominable acts of violence that has made the world a darker place.

How did each of these young men arrive at the place where they decided to unleash firepower on other people with the intent to hurt and kill.

It is so easy to blame society, the legal system, the government; or to take matters into our own hands by bringing a gun to school to defend ourselves which is what an 11 year old in Utah did in the aftermath of Sandy Hook, but what each of us can do to fight these unconscionable acts of violence is to bring change in a radical non-violent way by loving as Christ did.

In the final chapter of Landmarks, To Love You More Dearly, Silf talks about the Fourth Week of Saint Ignatius's Spiritual Exercises which she likens to an earthquake where all but Truth is destroyed and truth itself transcends into Life.

This "resurrection energy" is what enables us to be expert witnesses, to walk the transformation that we have experienced interiorly, and to be channels of grace that receive and give constantly in our everyday lives, even in the face of hatred, anger or adversity.

As Father Romeo exhorted in his homily this morning, we all need to undergo metanoia which not only means repentance, but going beyond our understanding. We need to carry the words of John the Baptist in our hearts and go beyond ourselves every day by acting in love to all, and in all the circumstances of our lives.

The prayer of Saint Francis says it best for me:

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace.
That where there is hatred I may bring love,
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness,
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony,
That where there is error I may bring truth,
That where there is doubt I may bring faith,
That where there is despair I may bring hope,
That where there are shadows I may bring light,
That where there is sadness I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted,
To understand than to be understood,
To love than to be loved.
For it is by forgetting self that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven,
it is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.

In simple and concrete ways, we can restore light in a darkened world. This is how we can live out the Christmas story, this fourth week of Advent when we light the fourth candle that represents love.

My SD gave me two questions to take into my prayer time:

In the morning I should ask, "Lord, show me how to be light?", and during my evening reflection, "How have I been available today?". Thus, in this way, I can learn to love Christ more dearly.

While I can only offer up prayers for all those who were killed in both shootings and for healing in their families, I can make a difference in my community by being more welcoming, more loving and more forgiving.

...on those who live in a land of deep shadow, a light has shone. Isaiah 9:2

Sri Lankan surprises

Mum and I just returned from a first-time visit to Sri Lanka and we both enjoyed ourselves tremendously. I had reservations going on my first guided tour ever, but my excellent tour leader Sonny of Travel Buzz, assisted by our local tour leader Lucky and his able Jetwing crew, made the trip a luxurious, educational and insightful one.

Moreover, Sri Lanka is a land blessed with much natural beauty and inhabited by friendly and cheerful people. And the cuisine is deliciously spicy - my absolute favourite meal was egg hoppers with pol sambol and fish curry, yummydoubleyum.

We began in Negombo and worked our way eastward to Pinnawala, Nuwara Eliya, Kandy, Dambulla and Polonnaruwa, before doubling back to Colombo. I even managed an unexpected (for no one else wanted to go) climb up Sigiriya with my wonky knees and was rewarded by amazing views of its surroundings.

While I deplored the tedium of long stretches of time spent on the road (the stunning vistas hugging the Heritance Tea Factory cannot tempt my mother to make a repeat visit as she declared never again quite emphatically), I welcomed the surprises that unfolded on the journey such as the multiple wedding convoys we witnessed.

Our first morning there we saw five to six bridal parties (it was an auspicious date) and subsequently we saw practically one bride a day.

The joy visible on the faces of the many couples affirmed that love is truly what makes the world go round and nothing celebrates love as much as nuptial vows that are both sanctifying and elevating.

Amongst the newlyweds, the group celebrated a golden wedding anniversary of fellow travellers Christine and Henry. It was touching to see that their love for each other is still evident even after 50 years of marriage.

As we travelled uphill in predominantly Buddhist Kandy to our hotel, I was wondering how I was going to attend mass when lo and behold, someone spotted this Marian Shrine on the roadside opposite our hotel and a church spire in the near distance.

So I set off to explore the possibility of sunset mass and I soon found out that I could celebrate the feast day of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Our Lady of Fatima. It could not get better than that until I spotted a rainbow as I rushed back to change for mass. I truly felt that the rainbow was specially for me, a sign of God's own promise, honouring my fidelity to Him. Super special.

From Kandy we made our way to Dambulla and on our way to the gorgeous Geoffrey Bawa designed Heritance Kandalama Hotel, there were chance sightings of wild elephants, timid deer hiding in the scrub and brilliantly coloured butterflies. While among the ruins of Polonnaruwa we found monitor lizards and monkeys with Mo-like haircuts.

The weather could not have been more perfect for we encountered blue skies and cooling breezes, even in bustling Colombo.

It is, perhaps, fitting that I received so many surprising gifts in the land of Serendip (one of Sri Lanka's earlier names) for my vacation was serendipitously delightful.

Living well

"The times are bad! The times are troublesome!" This is what humans say. But we are our times. Let us live well and our times will be good. Such as we are, such are our times. "              

This insight from Saint Augustine reminds me not to just gripe or be defeated by circumstance but rather to rise up against adversity and manufacture light in the darkness, to be a star maker as Margaret Silf suggests in chapter 14 of Landmarks.

In the Third Week of Saint Ignatius's Spiritual Exercises we are invited to unite our sorrows with Christ's Passion and allow Him to redeem our "bad times", just as He first redeemed our lives by dying on the cross.

No matter what life throws our way, there is always a way out and a way up. As long as we walk alongside Jesus to Calvary, the irrevocable, heinous mistakes of our lives and its tragic losses, all our personal griefs, they can be crucified on the cross and be transformed into beacons of hope in the landscape of our lives.

For through Christ we are offered glimpses of God's eternity, kairos moments that will mark a change in how we journey forward.

While constantly grieving our less than glorious and painful moments is not a recommended activity, contemplating these events in the garden of Gethsemane or on the road to Calvary can bring solace, enlightenment and reveal to us a meaningful and joyous path that we can walk.

In this deliberate choice to experience death, or kenosis; we can be born again, a new creation. And thus, through the bitter seeds of our suffering, shoots can emerge and blossom so others can enjoy the eventual fruit.

We are saying to God, in Paul Baloche's words: As bread that is broken, use our lives, as wine that is poured out, a willing sacrifice. We are allowing Him to direct our hearts and hands beyond the personal hurts and universal horrors we experience on a day to day basis.

Today is Gaudete Sunday where the third candle of Advent was lit and we are reminded by the readings that we are made to be happy and the way to happiness, as Luke points out is to live in a way that reaps happiness: honestly, helpfully, generously and righteously.

Thus to live well is not beyond our reach and is irrespective of the times we live in. We just have to make the choice to live out the good news in our lives, that Immanuel, God is with us, is here.

  

Seeing clearly

I read with interest an article on contextual theology in which the search for God has its starting point is life's realities; where God is found in our daily lives. So because He is in me and my context, my history, He is real, tangible in my life, not some abstract, distant concept.

One writer described it succinctly in the words of Saint Anselm's motto, "faith seeking understanding". That through faith, we come to a deeper understanding of God.

When I began to read chapter 13 of Margaret Silf's Landmarks, it all fell into place for the Second Week of Saint Ignatius's Spiritual Exercises is precisely about this, where in prayer, we "become participants in the events and teachings of his earthly life and ministry".

We begin to see God more clearly only when we cultivate an intimate relationship with Him by listening, disclosing, sharing, reflecting and giving; letting Him participate in our daily lives.

By using imaginative prayer, we can situate ourselves in Scripture and find God in the events of our lives even if there does not seem to be a direct correlation at first. When we allow ourselves to look at life through God's eyes, we find Jesus walks with us as He did over 2,000 years ago when He actually walked on this earth.

This living relationship with Jesus is one relationship that can be cultivated and nourished even for tiny tots, as I discovered when I attended my first course of Catechesis of the Good Shepherd, CGS, last week.

I was astounded by how the pedagogy of Maria Montessori, when applied to catechizing children had such a powerful effect, thanks to the dual efforts of Sofia Cavalletti and Gianna Gobbi, co-founders of CGS. The Bible, Creation, Liturgy, Sacraments, all these came vividly alive as we walked through the presentations over the week.

It is, for me, a fitting way to end the year, to be reminded that a child can grasp and synthesize truths that an adult loss of innocence distrusts and denies. That if I want to enter the kingdom of heaven I must be like a child, with a humble and unwavering faith in the Good Shepherd.

Who is this child, this special child who will be born in our midst? It is a question I will ponder on this Advent season and I hope to see Him more clearly as I prepare my heart to welcome Him.