By His divine mercy

I find the lived reality of Easter much more difficult than that of Good Friday. It is so much easier to mourn and moan, to regard the pitted, misshapen form of my own cross and feel ashamed, aggrieved and discouraged all at the same time. It feels so much more natural to complain about the burdensome heft across my shoulders than to appreciate its weirdly beautiful grain or enjoy its Christ-induced lightness.    

Pope Francis put it most aptly in his Easter Vigil homily last Saturday when he likened the journey of the women at the tomb to our own personal journey especially when they came up against the large stone blocking the entrance: At times, it seems that everything comes up against a stone: “the beauty of creation against the tragedy of sin; liberation from slavery against infidelity to the covenant...It seems that the steps we take never take us to the goal.  We can be tempted to think that dashed hope is the bleak law of life.

How true there seem to be stones everywhere; big ones, medium ones, and even the little pebble in our shoe become huge obstacles in our lives. It is just so tempting to give up and wallow in doom and gloom. The pope reminds us: God takes away even the hardest stones against which our hopes and expectations crash: death, sin, fear, worldliness. 

All is not lost. We should continue to celebrate the light of Easter and not give in to resignation and failure for “Easter is the feast of tombstones taken away, rocks rolled aside.”  God takes away even the hardest stones against which our hopes and expectations crash: death, sin, fear, worldliness.  

Pope Francis goes on to describe the stones that hinder us, the first being discouragement that leaves us cynical, negative and despondent... Life becomes a succession of complaints and we grow sick in spirit.  A kind of tomb psychology takes over: everything ends there, with no hope of emerging alive. 

The other stone is that of sin, it promises things easy and quick, prosperity and success, but then leaves behind only solitude and death. Sin is looking for life among the dead, for the meaning of life in things that pass away.  

Pope Francis further comments on the women at the tomb who were too frightened to look up when they encountered the angels. Are we also like those women: We prefer to remain huddled within our shortcomings, cowering in our fears...glum and closed up within ourselves, we feel in control, for it is easier to remain alone in the darkness of our heart than to open ourselves to the Lord.  

Why do you seek the living among the dead? It’s a really good question to ask myself for rather than always fixating on the blemishes, I should look for the irrepressible kernel of beauty when I view life. Jesus was crucified, died and is resurrected just so that I can be restored from my sins, reborn in my deaths and revived from my desolation.

Jesus is a specialist at turning our deaths into life, our mourning into dancing (cf. Ps 30:11).  With him, we too can experience a Pasch, that is, a Passover– from self-centredness to communion, from desolation to consolation, from fear to confidence. What grace! I should be escstatic.

If I put my trust in Him, I will know that He loves me unfailingly and that no matter however much of a mess I make of things, His love remain unchanged - He loves me with a love I can feel every day in very real ways. This is the Easter faith I am challenged to embody, this lively love of the Lord. On this love I can rise again with Him.

So this Divine Mercy Sunday which marks the end of the octave of Easter I want to rise with Him and give my life to Him. Jesus I trust in you.

By your divine mercy we met

And sooner rather than later 

We chose the abundance of Cana

By your divine mercy we knew

Just how much we could love 

Not just each other but You

Our Lord and Our God

By your divine mercy we trust

To seek you in all things

Above all things always   

By your divine mercy we see

How much more life can be

Joy never-ending can be ours

Singing his first birthday song

* To read Pope Francis’s entire Easter Vigil homily, go to: https://www.vaticannews.va/en/pope/news/2019-04/pope-francis-easter-vigil-mass-homily-text.html

Chasing Jesus

The joyful mysteries have always been a favourite of mine for I am always inspired by how Mother Mary reacts to the challenges of life especially the bizarre (it isn't every day one has a conversation with an angel who tells you do not be afraid then proceeds to reveal something quite terrifying that will happen to you). Most recently I was struck more by the narrative of Jesus as a child right from the very beginning.

J is almost a year old now and it has been gratifying to be able to witness his growth from newborn to a little boy who is now wobbly walking. From an angel-faced infant who slept most of his life into a toddler who makes his wants and desires known quite decidedly J has grown swiftly, bringing lots of joy and laughter. 

The joyful mysteries remind me of how I was present and witnessed his growth from conception to the day he was born into the world, sorta, kinda. J was already a being, a person, just as Jesus was at the Annunciation in his mother's womb, even though I couldn’t see him. I remember what Father Garcia said about potentiality and that is why we Catholics believe contraception and abortion are morally incorrect.

From conception, a healthy embryo left to grow uninterrupted can become a crying baby who in turn grows up into an adult person who brings unique flavour and depth to the world, enriching it. Regardless of whether one can see or hear the foetus, the foetus is a person who has the same rights and dignity that you or I have. 

Mississippi recently passed a bill disallowing abortion when a heartbeat is detected which protects foetuses as young as six-weeks-old. I say good on Mississippi but I would go even further to protect the life of the unborn child - abortion should be disallowed period. There is life when cells multiply and grow, no heartbeat needed there. Therefore no adult has the power to decide whether life in the womb should continue or not, and yet it happens all too often when the child is unwanted due to whatever reason. 

God is the only one who gives life, from conception, to birth, and eventually death. The Annunciation illustrates how life for Jesus began when Mary said yes and she conceived. We need to recognize that conception is God-given and respect the sacredness of life even in the womb.

Again during the Visitation, both John in his mother's womb and Elizabeth herself acknowledged the presence of Jesus in Mary’s womb with joy. There is great mystery in the Visitation for no one else knows Jesus is in His mother’s womb, and yet, those who are given insight are able to see beyond the externals. Pregnancy is a time of celebration, it brings friends and family together where everyone rejoices and anticipates eagerly the arrival of the child.

Jesus and John were both miracle conceptions for neither conception was biologically possible, making them true gifts from God. No wonder there was such jubilation when Elizabeth, Mary, and their respective offspring in the womb met. I enjoy sharing in the collective joy and respective love of these two pregnant women and how they must have felt on meeting each other and celebrating the other’s state of life. Truly special.

The Nativity calls up a hubbub of activity in the humble manger. First a child enters the world. He is then wrapped in swaddling and probably lies sleeping on His mother’s breast while around Him, everyone is exulting at His arrival. Shepherds visit and angels sing, while His parents exhausted, relieved and happy despite the mean surroundings bask in the preciousness of their newborn son.   

It was the same when J was born. He slept on, oblivious to the world around him while people kept visiting him and his overjoyed parents. We celebrated his long awaited and visible presence in the world with great wonder. It is worth remembering that every birth is deserving of jubilant fanfare, and to allow the Christ child to be born in my heart every day, which means giving joy the space in my often busy and beleaguered life to bubble and overflow, as well as never losing the unique sense of wonder J’s arrival stirred within me.

When Mary and Joseph presented baby Jesus at the temple, it marked the public recognition of what was to come, that is, what was the future of this tiny, insignificant baby who would grow up to be the Messiah. The prophetic words of Simeon and Anna must have brought pride and joy to Jesus’ parents as they did sorrow and pain for the couple were told their child’s life would not end well. 

We all know death is certain and most probably will involve pain and suffering. We also know that as believers of Christ, we will have to make hard choices that may invite more suffering into our lives. How will I choose to live my life if I knew how and when I am going to die? How would I choose to teach and influence J if I knew who he would grow up to be? It would be no different for if I choose to follow Jesus who knew how it would all end eventually, I would still choose to be the best person I can be, always seeking to desire the good of the other no matter who the other happened to be, and I would intentionally cultivate the virtues that will enable me to make the right choices all the time as Jesus did. 

I do not seek to know the future, but I do know I can make the decision every day to live in the love and joy of the Lord, and perhaps encourage others around me to do the same as well. Chasing Jesus and not happiness has given me more richness in life than I could have ever imagined so I still maintain that’s the way to go.

Even as a young boy of twelve, Jesus was wise beyond his years (being fully divine and not just fully human). At the Finding in the Temple we are told he engaged in discourse with teachers, astounding those present with His level of understanding. When his parents found Him after three days, He asks them why they did not know He would be about His Father’s business? Both parties seem baffled by the other. Nevertheless, He follows His parents home and submitted to their authority, growing up into a man increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with both God and men (Luke 2:52).  

I have always found this Scripture a little puzzling myself but what strikes me now are two things: His passion and love for His Heavenly Father and His love for His earthly parents as demonstrated by His obedience to them. In the same vein, out of love of her son, Mother Mary kept what she didn’t understand in her heart. 

Having entered a season of life where I sometimes experience the loss of control and hurt, angry bafflement Mary and Joseph must have felt, I am challenged to be more like Jesus in going about my Father’s business by submitting to the rigours of my earthly life. Even if I do not understand what is happening right now I need to keep all these things in my heart as Mary did and not react with angry outbursts and endless tirades that leave me ashamed, insecure and ugly. I need to put on the mantle of prayer to receive the wisdom and stature Jesus did through obedience. Hopefully in time I will find more favour with both God and people, inspiring those whom I wish most, like J.

Entering the spirit of Holy Week

It has been a middling Lenten season for me. Some bits of my fasting were successful, others not so, although my failures have served to give me a heightened sense of self-awareness which in itself is a good thing. Naturally I will keep on plugging along even after Lent to try and “perfect” my personality by continuing to fast from certain unhealthy habits.

When I met my SD last week he asked me what was it that I wanted for Holy Week and I thought to myself I wanted to be more joyous despite the grim implications of the imminent Passion. Yes it is horrific that Jesus was crucified and died on the cross, but He did it, as my SD said, in love. Out of love for humanity, He gave up His life, willingly. It was not easy, seeing as He already knew exactly what was coming, but He did it with complete freedom of will, asking for His Father’s strength to accomplish the task ahead after having experienced the agony of anticipation in the Garden of Gethsemane. 

How can I not feel gratified and happy that someone can love me so much that He actually died for me? But as if to challenge my desire for joyfulness this week, I have recently been stressed out over something quite ridiculous and as a result of it, have not been able to get sufficient sleep. It’s been quite difficult to function normally when one feels likes the walking dead, and yet, I also know that this is exactly how I can align myself with Jesus, and walk with Him on the road to Calvary. I may not be the cheeriest companion, but I can certainly try to put up a good show and not let my inner discomfort surface.   

Like Jesus, I have been relying on the Father, spending as much time as I can in prayer to fortify myself. I have continued to do what I needed to do, not what I wanted to do, and to throw myself into my daily activities with determined calmness even when I feel like screaming. To exude peace and compassion even when I am a seething jumble of jangling emotions inside. 

I would not deign to compare how I feel is even close to what He must have experienced, but I am glad that i have the opportunity to exercise my will in not allowing my inner turmoil to be seen. Grace can be found even under unfavourable circumstances. I continue to walk with Him in a mixture of sadness, revulsion, fear, deep love, gratitude and joy.

Playing with power

Lately I have been reflecting about power and authority. I know I have power. It says so in 2 Timothy 1:7: the Spirit of God has given me not timidity but “power, love and self-discipline”. The power comes through my baptism, and again with the sacraments I have received. I also have the power of the charismatic or spiritual gifts. 

What do all this mean? I can make a difference in the world. I can change the world, one random act of kindness, one conscious choice of dying to self, one sacrifice of love, one decision to rest and luxuriate in His love, one occasion of saying yes at a time, in a series of unending choices and actions all through the day, every day. 

When I fail, it’s often a case of chittering fears that undermine my confidence, inducing paralysis; the malaise of complacency, sloth and being comfortable with inertia; and the forgetfulness of the Israelites wandering in the desert. My powers lie discarded, dissipating in the space of time, lost forever in the land of missed opportunities.  

I especially like this article* by Father Robert Barron which explains the power of our baptismal office and how we can keep tapping into that power. Firstly, we look at Christ  and what He is all about in order to be more and more like Him: As priest, he sanctifies, that is to say, he reestablishes the lost link between divinity and humanity; as prophet, he speaks and embodies the divine truth; and as king, he leads us on the right path, giving guidance to the human project. You might say that, as priest, he is the life; as prophet, he is the truth; and as king he is the way. 

Yes, I am human with concupiscence built into my genetic make-up, but baptism wipes the slate clean and gives me the chance to make everything right again, to redeem myself as Christ redeemed me for I am now part of the mystical body of Christ and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me as Philippians 4:13 declares. Christ can live in me and I in Him if I so desire it, and I do. 

Thus, to be fully human means I choose to be as holy and fully human as He was and therefore allow myself to be in harmony with what is fully divine within me, creating wholeness and wholesomeness to be an influencer, a “bridge-builder” linking others to Christ and engendering a “inner peace” all around. Father Barron calls it “holy contagion” and recommends we first keep ourselves holy through prayer, the sacraments, and the Mass... cultivation of a real friendship with the living Christ if we are to act out our priestly identity and purpose. 

Aside from my priestly identity, I am to be prophetic as Jesus was, to be a sign of contradiction, bearing uncomfortable but life-giving witness as Jesus did. John 8:31-32 tells us: If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free. 

This freedom that comes from aligning myself to Him and His Word allows me to speak powerful truths of “salutary madness” as a prophet does. The more I study and chew on the meat of  philosophy, theology, spirituality, church history, and the lives of the saints, the more able I am to exercise my prophetic power for as Father Barron points out: Having been illumined, these prophets are then sent out into their worlds as beacons of light”. If I want to be a life-saving light, I need to keep upgrading myself and my OS.

In the theological sense, a king is someone who orders the charisms within a community so as to direct that community toward God. To exercise my sovereignty, I need to lead those in my spheres of influence on the right path, unafraid to wear my religious views on my sleeve, speaking and acting from my Jesus-infused heart if I wish to be an outstanding monarch. 

Here is where I need to have the clear, unswerving, joyous and bold direction the saints had in shepherding others who may not believe in God to Him. I am often stuck, what’s the right thing to say and do, how do I preach without being preachy? Only the Spirit can help me. Praying and living in the Spirit, asking for and taking good care of the charismatic gifts I receive by using them judiciously is the way forward.

Power per se does not interest me. I have always sought anonymity. I prefer working behind the scenes, taking the hidden path. While I do desire to change the lives of many for Christ, I know I will not do it facing a crowd of thousands. And yet my love of God has given me this deep desire to spread His word so I must go where He leads, undeterred even by my own weaknesses for as that old chestnut from Saint Paul exhorts “power is made perfect in weakness”. No excuse for doing nothing. 

My SD said something to me this morning that reminded me of the power and authority God has blessed me with. He said to always give thanks to God by being confident of my giftedness. I am a gifted woman who was chosen by Him to be the one He loves. So banish doubt and live in the freedom of my identity as child who is also priest, prophet and king with an abundance of spiritual gifts to aid me along the way. Power up with me! 

* To read the excellent article by Father Robert Barron, go to: https://www.wordonfire.org/resources/article/priests-prophets-kings/

April snow

The grief never ends because I miss you

I miss you something fierce, a monster longing

Shredding my heart with wicked claws   

You’re not supposed to leave so soon

How could you? You’re younger!

I’m not sure if I can ever forgive you your sudden departure 

We had texted each other just the night before 

You were the first to know about him, our first date

“Sometimes it snows in April

Sometimes I feel so bad”* it’s sad

For you’re not here to commiserate with me

Halve my sorrows, double my joys

Lighten my mood with your chipmunk laugh

So look out for me now you’re with Him

Send me a star as I send you a kiss

Until we meet again I will miss you till then. 

* Lyrics from the chorus of Sometimes it Snows in April by Prince whose music J and I both like immensely.

3️⃣ years

It’s been 3️⃣ years since we first met

over ☕️ which wasn’t coffee🍹

Just in case the date went south ⬇️

and I could make a quick, graceful exit 😜

Instead we lingered over life stories

Intrigued by the promise of rock 🍯 

I was deliciously and utterly confused 🤩

But Mother knows best, as she did in Cana 💒

Entreating His Divine Mercy to make it Spring 🌺🌱🌷

Breathing a new life of autumn abundance 🥰

The 💃🏻 continues, the feast doesn’t end

For Jesus provides the best wine for last 🌈

To last our lifetimes, our 💞 drunk in His 💗

His 😘😘 are more delightful than🍷*

Take us away with You always, let us hurry. 🈵

*Extracted from Song of songs 1:2-4