A chance visit to a Christian bookstore with B. a couple of weeks ago yielded a treasure of a book, The Courage to be Chaste by Benedict Groeschel. It caught my eye for E. had asked me to get her a copy from the States a couple of years back. Although I rarely buy books nowadays, I decided to pick this one up, along with a Nouwen book. One has to pamper oneself, occasionally.
It was a timely read for thoughts have been swirling around in the depths of my being on my current state of life. While I have dedicated this year to building an intimate relationship with Jesus, I have recovered sufficiently from my previous relationship to begin ruminating a little more on my call to marriage. The call to marriage and motherhood and what this means in real, practical terms, peculiar to my life. How am I to live out this expression of my vocation?
Being a touchy feely person, I still envision spending my life with someone I can call husband. Someone I can link hands with, a comforting presence I can hug in my sleep. Someone to share a secret smile with, an alter ego who will bear witness to my life. Even though life as a singleton is just about right - between teaching Pilates, writing, taking courses and training, I barely have time to keep the house clean, let alone socialize – there are times, I do miss being cherished by a man.
Good woman friends are great and necessary to life, but there is tremendous power in being desired by a man. It’s a rush like no other. For at that given point in time, you know that YOU matter to this human being; his attention, his entire focus, is on you. He sees only you. He wants only you. It is this validation of your femininity, your being that is so appealing, extremely seductive, and all too easily leads to indiscretions of a sexual nature. And being consumed by it. Creating a habit difficult to break. Losing purity of heart, and with it, the ability to see the truth of God’s love.
Being chaste does take great strength, and courage, especially in a world that scorns the virtue of chastity. Groeschel’s book brings fresh insights and valuable suggestions on how to manage sexuality if one chooses a chaste, single life.
I especially like what he says about temptation, that it is “part of life and clear and consistent evidence of the mystery of original sin. The desire to be without temptation is part of the unrealism which so many therapists have come to see as a root of sexual problems.” We cannot ignore or run away from temptation.
He points to the positive of temptation, calling it an excellent teacher and a sparring partner for it “teaches us that we cannot save ourselves”, and instead “must rely on the power of God and the saving grace of His Son, or else we will be lost”.
Certainly being human, we will experience failure, but he reminds us that whenever we resist temptation, it becomes a great act of worship of God. And that is grace sufficient.
