Monday, August 31, 2015

Lawful living for joyful living

How do we know that we are living out the Law as it should be lived? It is when we are loving, we are understanding, and we are full of joy, not just towards ourselves, but also towards our families and our communities. Thank you, Monsignor Vaz.

T1is Sunday past was a meditation on allowing the Law* to guide us to love and life (Deuteronomy 4:1-2).

 ...accept and submit to the word which has been planted in you and can save your souls. (James 1:21)

Psalm 14 tells us saying yes to Jesus means walking without fault, acting with justice, speaking truth from the heart... doing no wrong to your brother, casting no slur on your neighbour, and keeping your pledge come what may.

While James goes on to tell us:

Pure, unspoilt religion, in the eyes of God our Father is this: coming to the help of orphans and widows when they need it, and keeping oneself uncontaminated by the world.

As good Christians, we all know what we must do. Often, we are contaminated by our own selfish desires, and we choose the more convenient path or the easier walk, and we find excuses not to do what we know we should.

I find myself often ignoring the small, inner voice that tells me what I should be doing instead of indulging my own fancies. Yes, I work hard, yes, I do a lot to serve the Lord, yes, I am a good person who helps others, but there is also a bunch of stuff that takes me great effort to do, so I tend to leave that in a pile, for later. I procrastinate. And procrastinate. And never get round to doing most of it... It may be too late, if I am not careful.

One such instance is my Third Aunt. I have been meaning to visit her and see how she is, but because where she lives is a little out of the way, inconvenient, and I am never very sure of a warm reception, I have used work as an excuse to put off seeing her. She is currently quite ill and I am filled with remorse that I have neglected doing what my heart told me to do months earlier.

Thus I find myself making amends by visiting her frequently this period and trying my best to make her feel comfortable (and loved, hopefully). I can only thank God I am not too late.

If I am merely motivated by my guilt conscience then I will find the task onerous and I will be like the Pharisees who cling to human tradition and pay lip service in worshipping God, my heart not truly in what I do. (Mark 7) I will not bring comfort and joy to her, nor to myself, but only a grim, duty-bound and joyless satisfaction to us both.

The only way I can keep my intentions pure - I won't lie, I do feel physically and emotionally drained (it is very hard to see her suffering so) - is to keep offering every visit up to Jesus and allow myself to be His hands and feet. His glory, not mine.

Being good, living by the Law and delighting in it, may seem a contradiction in terms, but it isn't, unless I choose to make it so. It is not always the natural choice, the yes that rolls off the tongue lightly, but it is always the right one. More importantly, as I keep internalizing the Law, writing it on my heart, I feel a lightness of being which can only come from living as I was created to, fully engaged in the world, vitally alive.

We are all created to be good so being good feels good. Don't buy into the world view that feeling good can only come from self-serving, pleasure-seeking ways, leading you to disregard and disparage 'killjoy' commandments. Live lawfully and you will find yourself in the presence of the Lord, genuflecting with great joy.

*  Readings are taken from the 22nd Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year B.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Guard your heart

I was recently involved in two weekend retreats for Nativity church and the final message to retreatants was the same at both: guard your heart.

Whenever we experience inner healing, breakthroughs and profound insights into our lives that can help us grow; impacting our spiritual journeys in a significant and positive manner, the enemy is always waiting to snatch the truth away from our hearts.

Anything that brings us closer to Jesus is taken away, if we are not careful, and we quickly revert to old ways of thinking and acting. The devil likes us lukewarm in our convictions, stagnant in our spiritual lives and not very committed in our relationship with Jesus.

One of the oldest tricks in the book is to keep us believing in the lie I am not good enough and therefore let someone better than me do something for God, I better stay out of it and do nothing. This is where we are often attacked.

I cannot believe how rapidly the joy and elation I felt last Sunday afternoon dissolved into tears that evening when I came face to face with a barrage of lies hurled at me in a phone conversation. I doubted my own goodness and I questioned the value of my participating in ministry. What's the point when I am such an ineffectual and useless human being?

Often we emerge from the highs of a retreat, ready to do battle, only to face our lives where nothing has changed. The people who can hurt us the most do continue to hurt us. If we do not hold onto the truths and divine revelations we received, we will lose hope quickly, our enthusiasm fizzles, and like the disciples after the crucifixion of Jesus, we will walk away, go back to our old lives, beaten and discouraged.

We forget all too easily the resurrection, the salient fact that we are already living in God's kingdom as free men and women. We have been redeemed and every day Jesus wants to show us just how much He loves each of us in unique and personal ways. How much more grateful and happy should we be?  Life is to be celebrated and cherished. Our joy is to be shared with others.

Of course our challenges and difficulties do not disappear, neither do our weaknesses, our sinfulness, but our secret weapon is the gift of faith, the size of a mustard seed, which through a persevering and ever-evolving prayer life grows into a huge tree, bringing shelter and life to many.

So exercise the gift of faith: keep believing, keep praying and keep loving yourself and others. The truth is I will never be good enough but His grace is more than sufficient for me. The Lord can use me to move others powerfully, if I let Him. Say yes.

At the recent retreat, we talked about lies told to us as women and how one of the best ways to combat the lies is to know who you are and be centred in your identity. I cannot over-emphasize the importance of this. This, for me, is one of the key ways I guard my heart.

Knowing who I am in God's eyes, His beloved daughter, a radiant Bride of Christ, a beautiful, empowered woman with unique gifts and talents, has gone a long way in helping me build my self-esteem and self-worth. I am no longer as fearful or fussed by what others think of me, as long as I am right by God.

Sometimes my world does get rocked, as it was Sunday evening, but prayer brings clarity and inner peace. The lies shatter in the light of God's love, and the little bits of truth embedded in the lies* help me reflect and aspire to be a better person, grinding away the snarls and jagged edges of my imperfect personality.

Ranked in importance to identity in guarding my heart is knowing my vocation. To know who and what I was created to be helps me live meaningfully and intentionally. When I do my best to live the dream (His plan and purpose for me), I wake up with a strong sense of purpose, and I end my day in tired satisfaction. It can get a bit manic at times, juggling so many balls in the air, and it may not be the easiest course of action in life (it can be humbling and downright painful at times), but letting Jesus steer my course has blessed me abundantly, and blessed others.

If you are still in the process of discerning your vocation, there is one vocation we all share as Christians regardless of our personal gifts and talents and that is to love and serve others in everything we do. We can contribute to building the Father's kingdom wherever we are, broken as we are. It just takes our will to seek God and be His hands and feet.

Every retreat we attend helps us see the face of God clearly, know Jesus, His Son, in greater love and intimacy, and feel His awesome presence in our lives through the Holy Spirit. We get to uncover the lies in our lives and to live the truths with greater resonance and integrity. Make every retreat count. Let it be living bread for the journey as you continue to walk closer with Jesus. Stay close to the source through prayer (thanks to K who inspired me to turn more to our Mother and pray the rosary more regularly), work on your issues and guard your heart from deceptions, lies, and worldly temptations.

*   The most powerful lies are half truths where within the lie is a kernel of truth which could either be personal blind spots that cause us to stumble, especially when we deny them, or cause us to completely believe the lie. 

Friday, August 21, 2015

One true face

Inside of me there are many faces
The shy and tender soul
The bold as brass, hard-nosed cookie
The mille-feuille light, bubbly girl
The weepy, bleeding heart
I can be serious and very responsible
Mother hen loving and giving
Like the girl with a little curl down her forehead
I can also be horrid - a greedy brat
Unforgiving, cold and self-serving
Worse, I can be a goody two-shoes
Decked out in Pharisee tassels
Perfect to the outside world
Quoting Scripture for my own purposes
Nasty mean within four walls
No one could possibly love me, except Him.
Is there one true face?
The me I was created to be
Who is she?
She is the Daughter of the Father
The Bride of Christ
The one in whom He delights
Beloved.
A woman fertile and prolific
Bringing life and light to the world
Transforming hearts, channelling beauty
Exuding feminine genius
A watered garden.
If I keep my gaze on Him
See the me He sees
Then perhaps I can be
Everything He hopes for, and more.

Sunday, August 09, 2015

Happy 50th, Singapore

I did not choose to be born here
But God decided that it was good -
That's good enough for me!
His plan and purpose involves
Knowing, loving and serving* the people
Who live with me in this place I call home
Singapura, the Lion City
Where the brave of heart roam, rojak** united.
Regardless of race, language or religion.
It may not be perfect but it is HOME. Truly.
Kiasu*** and kiasi****, safe and ordered
Some say too sanitized, straitjacketed,
Too expensive, material focused on the 5Cs*****
Or is it six now? Full of complainers.
We wouldn't be Singaporean if we didn't grouse.
Lest we forget, we should be proud,
Of how far we've come in just 50 years
Thanks to our indomitable forefathers
Who sacrificed their lives and made it work
From nobody's child to Little Red Dot.
The world sits up and applauds
I do, too.
To give thanks I pledge my best
Majulah Singapura.******


*  Thanks to Derek Chong who is here to do group work facilitation with us 7-10 August. This is my main take-away.
**  a salad
***  competitive
****  afraid to get involved
***** denotes materialism and the pursuit of Cash, Condo, Credit Card, Car and Country club membership
******  Onward Singapore

Wednesday, August 05, 2015

Kerygma

What is the real truth?
Jesus chose death on the cross freely
So I might live in a garden
Filled with sunlight, humming with life
Rose pink and lavender sweet, 
Softly sighing a jasmine high.
I may not appreciate His sacrifice always, 
But when I do, I am moved to spiritual revolution. 
A new self created in God's way
Of goodness and holy truth.
I walk the way of beauty 
So many can enjoy and come 
To know Him personally 
And find love everlasting, grace infinite,
Life never-ending; a source of hope.
The world can be better, brighter, and lighter,
If you and I hold Him close
And encourage the other to live 
Fully alive in harmony and liberating joy
Freedom never looked so good
I say it again, and again.















NB: Inspired by Ephesians 4:17, 20-24 and Evangelii Gaudium 165.