Making miracles happen

Although it has been busy days for me, life has been fruitful and I am amazed daily by the goodness of God and all the miracles along the way

Deep down we all love to hear about miracles and even experience them in our own lives although we, oftentimes, approach them with adult cynicism. First of all, we usually think we are not worthy of receiving miracles. Secondly, we dismiss them out of hand for fear that others will laugh at us should we share them, so better to pretend we didn't even notice them in the first place. Worse, we doubt our own ability to be architects of miracles, which we can be, when we cooperate fully with God.

Listening to Sister Maria Jose of the Verbum Dei* community share how she and another sister spent the last 20 years establishing their community here in Singapore and how the growing community proved all the naysayers wrong, I have to agree with Father John Paul, the main celebrant of their 20th anniversary celebration in Singapore that there is no lack of vocations but, rather, there a lack of vision and trust - trust in God and where He is leading, each slow, uncertain step of the way.

Sister MJ had a true missionary spirit and lived out the poverty, chastity and obedience of Jesus as He did in His time on earth, and ended up growing the Kingdom in what was thought to be barren land, bearing much fruit in a scarce 20 years. Miracle upon miracle unfolded through the years of great struggle as the community established their presence here.

As Father Anthony preached last Saturday: if we truly know who and what we are as children of God, we will find ourselves going out and sharing the Good News, impelled by an inner effervescence and generosity of heart to spread the deep joy that can be found in the salvific love of Jesus Christ.

We are all saints in the making for we share in Christ's divinity as fully as He shares in our humanity. If we truly wish to maximize our saint-like potential, then we will listen to Him wholeheartedly and tread where angels fear to go, walking the narrow path unreservedly. Our bodies may be bathed in sweat, and tears, but we will experience the daily miracles that flourish in the fertile soil of aligning our wills with His. This is how we channel divinity, infusing our humanity with the best of virtues, living meaningfully the quotidian without losing hope or faith, working the extraordinary into the small, ordinary, even boring stuff.

Today P and I have been married nine months. It feels like a lifetime he jokingly remarked. I agreed with a smile for I can no longer imagine life without him - he has grown dear and familiar to me. Worshipping the Lord in marriage has been extremely rich and life-giving for me. I feel I have been stretched to grow in new ways that bring nuance to my spirituality and dimension to my personality. I have become more wise, more patient, more forgiving, and, more loving, all, of course, by the grace of God, for in striving to serve Him better, I recognize that I can do this by being a better wife and mother - all the time.

It's so clichéd but so true that one can never outdo Jesus in generosity for despite giving up many things, I have received more pleasure and joy, especially from the small miracles of family life every day. So when it comes to miracles, I comprehend fully that I have my own part to play as well: I first need to acknowledge Jesus as my all in all, relying on Him completely and with humble simplicity; I need to pray unceasingly for the needs of others for prayer can change the world; and, I need to act with unrelenting compassion and mercy as Jesus did by remaining open to the gentle promptings of the Spirit.

Like Mother Mary who remained resolute when the Angel Gabriel called her name and answered with that first "easy" yes (and that is why we honour her Holy Name today), and then proceeded to carry and give birth to the miracle called Jesus Christ, we can all be miracle makers with a simple yes. So what's your miracle today?

* To read more of the history of  Verbum Die in Singapore, go to: http://verbumdeisingapore.org/latest/about-verbum-dei-singapore-4/

Saying yes to wholeness

It has been an exhausting couple of weeks helping out at the five-day Pastoral Care Course entitled Empowering the Wounded Healer that just ended two Sundays ago as well as being involved in an earlier weekend retreat for Church of The Nativity of The Blessed Virgin Mary and an afternoon talk by Pia Attard entitled In Search of the Beloved.

There are so many things that have touched my heart - from lessons relearned to new discoveries. I am humbled and awed at just how God works and moves in mysterious and wonderful ways, not just in the lives of others, but in my own life. Truly the more one serves, the more graces one receives.

Perhaps the most important reminder for me this August is that saying yes to Jesus requires a lifetime of repeating the same response with fresh heart every day, something that somehow doesn't get easier with time.

My yes occasionally requires my willing to go the way I know I should even when my heart isn't in it: when I am feeling uncomfortably stretched beyond my limits, when I am most afraid to come out of my comfort zone, and especially when I am drooping and bone weary.

I like P's simple approach on how to say yes in tough circumstances. First, accept the situation for what it is. Then, look at the big picture (this also requires you to know who you are and where you want to go). Finally, respond by making the best out of the situation. Cut through all the dodgy rationalizations, the unreliable, seesawing emotions, plus the conditions that ego and pride place on things. Cut out all the complaining, griping and inner trash talk. Do what's right by God and by others even if it comes at great personal sacrifice that may not make sense at the time.

So when I wish to flee the scene, I am invited to make the best of it by standing my ground. And instead of bewailing the situation and allowing it to drain me, to look at it with a fresh set of eyes. Really grin, not just grit my teeth, and bear it. Bear it with good grace such that I eventually begin to see the merits of the situation. Did Saint Paul not say love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things?

Pia Attard quoted a line from Thomas Merton's Seed of Contemplation that is both profound and inspiring: There is a hidden wholeness in everything.

She encouraged PCC participants to live out a spirituality of imperfection for we are all called to wholeness and not perfection as the world sees it. Saint Paul proclaimed God's power is made perfect in our weakness, thus God's grace alone is sufficient.

It is only in my weakness that I seek for God strength.

It is only in my poverty that I seek for His richness.

It is only in my sin, that I seek for the Lord's mercy.

It is only in the seeking that I open my heart to receiving divine graces, and I open the door to wholeness, a wholeness that reveals the incredible beauty of Christ's suffering face in His redemptive act of love.

I, too, then, can be an instrument of redemptive grace and inject unimaginable richness in my life through my yes. It doesn't require me to be perfect, just to be honest with myself, vulnerable, and open to following Jesus.

In attempting to weather the hard blows and difficult life situations with the grace Jesus did in His life, the hidden wholeness will surface slowly, but surely. And even if it doesn't, I know it is there, and that, in itself, is enough. Therefore I need to continuously undergo kenosis, the self-emptying of my own will in order to receive His divine will, thereby enabling a constant flow of metanoia, a transformative change of heart.

Pia shared Saint Bernard of Claivaux's four degrees of love that we all, I believe, experience concomitantly even as we aspire to live out the fourth degree most fully:

1. Loving yourself for your own sake.
2. Loving God for your own sake.
3. Loving God for God's sake.
4. Loving yourself for God's sake.

When I can receive and wholly embody the love the Father has for me, then I am able to love myself as He loves me. Secure in my 'belovedness', I can mature into the being He created me to be. My brokenness can also be the space where He enters to bring wholeness to others. I just have to say yes to it, a wholeness that may remain hidden.

Our yeses power our actions of daily living, whether we are faithful to what we believe in, and whether we are able to rise above our own personal fears to act with integrity consistently. So make it a good resounding yes today. 

The Wounded Healer

I am not perfect.
And I will never be perfect
But that's okay.
In actual fact I am quite broken
Messed up
And more than a little quirky 
Good thing my Father really loves me
Greatly, and unconditionally
He dotes on me constantly
Calls me His delight
In His sight, I am precious
A priceless pearl
Me!
I am a child of God.
So no matter where I go or what I do
If I keep running to Him
I can celebrate my belovedness
Gain and regain strength in my weakness
Untold riches in my poverty
And in my sins I find His mercy
My imperfect cracks are gilded over
Made beauteous gifts that I can share
I can set the world on fire*
Just be being me _
Imagine that!
The imperfect, wounded one 
Who brings Christ to all.

NB   I am part of the team running the Pastoral Care Course comprising ICPE Mission Companions from all over the world, together with our brothers and sisters from the Earthen Vessels Catholic Community here in Singapore. It's a five-day course that ends tomorrow and it has been wonderful learning how to Empower the Wounded Healer inside each of us.

* inspired by Saint Catherine of Siena

Living with heart

P was sharing that when it came to healthcare, there is the heart and the art, besides the science of medicine. A good physician is one who has all three in the right proportions so that his or her patients will respond positively, to treatment both physically as well as psychologically.

Good doctors not only use their medical knowledge and skills to heal patients but they are able to build a relationship of trust with each patient, bringing reassurance and hope as well as the buy-in from each patient to do their utmost to restore their own bodies to health.

The danger is when a doctor loses heart and becomes jaded. All actions become mechanical and the practice of medicine becomes mere science, a depersonalized process lacking any soul. The loss of heart, and art, not only affects the physician's patients, but all he or she comes into contact with - colleagues, juniors, families, the entire healthcare system. The loss of heart taints everyone and everything.

Heart, or passion, is fundamental to everything we do in life, especially when it comes to our vocations and our ministries. When we are fired up with passion, our hearts are purest, we are unafraid and undeterred by obstacles; we have clear focus and we pour all our energies into hours of studying and practising skills to become good at what we do.

As practitioners, leaders or ministers, we continue to sacrifice comfort and personal wellbeing in order to help others. We aim to serve others always. We hone and use our skills so that others may benefit most. We keep on learning. And we maintain open and humble hearts to keep on running the race. We become people who inspire others to become like us: to live the art and science of being with heart.

It is not easy to remain unsullied by fame, fortune, position and power for when one is good at what one does, the attendant approbation and material rewards can change motivations and dispositions. Then there is the required staying power, the sheer grit to just keep plodding along when the going gets tough. When one loses heart, which invariably happens, how does one regain it?

I have a personal prayer which grew from the years where I turned my back on God and found myself in desperate and straitened circumstances. Because I could not experience the peace and joy of having Him in my life, I sought a purity of heart that would give me the ability to see Him again in my life. When I came back to the Lord and surrendered my life, I prayed daily that I would always be able to see His face and hear His voice in my life so as to always know where I should go. I know that if everything I am, all that I do is in God alone, then He will always teach me to walk with integrity and act with passion, compassion and wisdom.

I won't say that I do not lose heart in life, or grow a little deaf from time to time., for when the winds blow a little stronger, and the waves rise a little higher, fear does enter my heart. I am not good enough. I cannot do this. Who am I kidding - others are so much better than I am, how can I possibly make a difference?  Here is where I am called to come back to the correct disposition of heart, to return to the One in whom I live and move and have my being.

Matthew 6:33 encourages: Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. In some Bible translations it says set your heart on the kingdom of heaven. So set your heart on Jesus. When your heart is in the right place, you will have faith that moves mountains and transforms a multitude of hearts. Just as there is a science of being, there is an art of being that can only expand by being refined by the Maker Himself. 

Living in the communion of saints

C said this to me:  Someone once told me that if you seem to be doing something well in life, it means that there are lots of people praying for you...As I grow older, I begin to see more and more the wisdom of this saying.

I couldn't agree more with what he said for I know I have many brothers and sisters blessing me by way of intercessory prayer. The last seven months are proof, for I have, more or less, taken to marriage like a duck to water. Even I am surprised by how easily I have managed to take things in my stride. Not saying that it has all been smooth sailing, or that there haven't been moments of great frustration, deep hurt, and even despair, but all these difficulties seem to have been swept up in the strength of prayer to dissipate momentarily like fine mist in the warm rays of the morning sun.

In these last months, I have been given the wisdom to know what to do: when to hold, when to fold, and when to walk away (thanks, Kenny Rogers). I know the wisdom is not mine but the prompting of the Holy Spirit for the shift from completely clueless to instinctively knowing what to do is indescribable. The knowing is not a dead sure certainty, but instead works through an openness to being led by the Spirit; to be able to go with the flow of the situation, and to respond with flexible and humble sensitivity even when one is feeling quite unforgiving and hard. To be able to speak with gentle diplomacy rather than stubborn pride is remarkable, and I can only thank those who pray for me and desire that both P and I grow in the way of love and understanding in our marriage.

Apart from being a beneficiary of the intercessory prayer of others, it is a healthy spiritual practice to do likewise for those around us. Not only are we reciprocating or paying it forward when we pray for others, a good thing in itself, but we also gain a more grounded perspective and become more outward-looking as people, connecting unselfishly with others. No longer do our own problems consume all our attention. And when we go beyond prayer in helping others, we inevitably help ourselves grow in maturity.

Yesterday P and I attended the 10th anniversary memorial mass of Father Louis Fossion* at Church of the Holy Spirit and I was bowled over by how palpable the love in the room was, the love that the congregation had for this priest. P and I agreed that this man must be a saint for he touched the lives of many and changed the course of history in his own way. Of the eight priests in attendance, more than half became priests due, in no small part, to his influence, his authentic spirituality and lived love for Christ.

At the memorial mass, I realized fully that the communion of saints** is lived not just after we die and attain sainthood (some faster than others), but even as we live and breathe. (Guess it's hard for me to see myself and those around me as saints, most times.) As Father Paul Staes said, we did not come to pray for Father Fossion, but to pray with him. We, and those who are no longer with us, we collectively make up the communion of saints. We are all connected to each other in life and beyond death, and this connection becomes fully activated and alive in prayer. Last night, the communion of saints of both the living and the dead were joined as one, gloriously giving praise to God.

Thus, I not only have the intercessory power of saints official and unofficial to tap on, but the intercessory prayer of my brothers and sisters in Christ as well. They are my communion of saints just as beloved saints like Saint Therese of Lisieux are, and holy men such as Father Fossion who gave his life in service so that many could come to the faith not just in Singapore, but in Mongolia and the Philippines. I can even ask for intercessory assistance from departed loved ones who may still be in purgatory.

As I continue to intercede daily not just for those whom I love, but also those in need of prayer, I would like to thank all who intercede for me for I am grateful that I am doing well in life. Thank you for being my communion of saints.

* To find out more about the amazing and beloved Father Fossion, go to:
http://catholicnews.sg/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=2315:singapores-oldest-priest-dies-at-age-92&catid=98&Itemid=473&lang=en

** The Catechism of the Catholic Church states simply that the communion of saints is the Church. New Advent has this definition to offer : The communion of saints is the spiritual solidarity which binds together the faithful on earth, the souls in purgatory, and the saints in heaven in the organic unity of the same mystical body under Christ its head, and in a constant interchange of supernatural offices. The participants in that solidarity are called saints by reason of their destination and of their partaking of the fruits of the Redemption (1 Corinthians 1:2 — Greek Text). 

Learning to be a serpent-like dove

Yet another birthday has come and gone. This one is different for I celebrated it as a married woman. Initially I did not think anything of it until E highlighted it. It is special for my family has transformed quite significantly. It has grown, just like that. Apart from P, I have two lovely children in their 20s without having gone through pregnancy and childbirth (the best part), and I finally have sisters, together with another brother, who with their spouses and children do add up. I also have a mother-in-law who gives me the sweetest smiles.

While it can get overwhelming at times living in a houseful of people with an über affectionate goldie - as I commented to our Bible-sharing group I went from just having to please my mother to many constituents to serve - I wouldn't change it for the world. God has called me to live out my vocation of marriage and motherhood within this specific milieu and this is where I choose to be.

Reflecting on what has passed in the last year and what will be, the stories of Abraham and his progeny resonate robustly with me. The depth and breadth of faith displayed by Abraham, especially when faced with perceived great personal tragedy of the loss of Isaac at his own hands is inspiring. This can only come from a place of utter humility and obedience based on a level of deep trust.

As Henri Nouwen wrote in a letter to a friend in crisis found in the book Love Henri: You are asked to cling to your Lord no matter what. You are asked to keep praying even when it might seem absurd. You are asked to enter the darkness of not understanding with an ever growing surrender.

Just as I got proficient with my yes in my single life and was seeking a deepening of my relationship with Jesus, He saw fit to put me on a new path where I am a novice again, bumbling around cluelessly. It is not just a singular giant leap of faith I have taken with marriage, but multiple leaps into completely different dimensions with almost every step.

This time, last year, I was journeying towards marriage and looking back, I had many questions, some reservations and even deep fear even though I knew in my gut that P was the right man, and marriage was right for me, for us. Well meaning voices added to my confusion. Then there was the pain of leaving behind my single life which I loved and would miss greatly. I counted the costs, wept over the losses, but like Abraham, left everything behind - the old comfortable way of life to venture into the unknown based on a promise of greater things, a covenant of unimaginable proportions.

With the benefit of hindsight, I can laugh at how I struggled so unnecessarily. And yet, the struggles were vital. Without the struggles, I would not have grown so rigorously. I would not have sought for the healing insights, nor received the transformative wisdom I have since acquired. I would have remained a smaller, weaker person. Less refined and matured, spiritually and emotionally.

Despite seven good months of marriage, I currently feel off my game and more than a little frayed around the edges given my menopausal brain cloud and the physical woes of my fifty something body, but I have no doubt I will find my stride eventually.

Right now, it is time for me to lay low, lay fallow. It's not unlike going back to school to learn many things, chiefly, how I can find my place within my new family, bringing my own distinctive brand of love and care even as I continue to serve the Lord with docility and lightheartedness.

Yesterday's Gospel from Matthew 10:16 is something I will adopt as a theme in the new year: To be cunning as serpents and yet as harmless as doves.

To fulfil my commission well, I not only need to be wise and gentle, but patient and persevering. Where I have failed in the past, I can redeem those mistakes by not repeating them in my new family. I must re-invent myself into a better version of me, a more true version of who I am. The only way I can accomplish the desired integrity and nobility of spirit is if I surrender unquestionably to Jesus.

As I meditated on the sorrowful mystery of carrying the cross yesterday, I was struck by the reflection that stated should I choose to take up my cross, then Jesus and Mary would help me bear it. There is no need to resist so much, to be so beset with worry or fear. Let things unfold as they will, meet each step on the journey with Christ's courage and Mary's grace, even when the hour seems unendingly bleak. All will be well.

I praise God for an amazing year of growing in these last 12 months, and I am grateful His Spirit has been within me all this while, guiding me. I am also thankful for the gift of Mother Mary, who, as the peaceful dove, is the one who will teach me best to be a wife and mother par excellence.

The Lord provides

We were talking about crosses and yokes, and, somehow, the immediate picture conjured up is one of being additionally and heavily burdened, not something one undertakes with enthusiasm. Worse, the cross literally implies crucifixion, death on a cross.

Do I opt for crucifixion if I can avoid it? Not likely. And yet, as the words of the hymn Old Rugged Cross goes, the Cross has a wondrous attraction for me. To add to that, God promises that if we submit to His yoke, we submit to a kind of freedom - to be free of heavy burdens and unbearable yokes. It does not imply that life is without suffering or hardship, but it promises that we need not walk alone, and that Jesus is bigger than our problems, with Him we will always find a way out.

G recently commented that I was travelling much more recently and I laughingly responded that my dry season was over. She replied beautifully that the dry spell was a time of purification, an internalization of God's love, while now is the full expression of God's love, a time for fruition. I couldn't agree more and yet, I have enjoyed my dry season in an altogether different way.

In the intervening years since my Damascus experience, I have felt like the tree in Psalm 1, so rooted in God that I didn't feel the effects of my self-imposed drought. I was putting forth tender, green shoots of faith every day; the branches of my being were dressed in lush foliage, buds of virtue were forming to eventually bloom in profusion. Bumper crops of goodness were enjoyed by self, friends and family alike.

The dry spell was necessary to shape and mature my sensibilities, to bring out the true flavours of the woman I am. I have been tried and tested, and have grown from strength to strength. There is so much joy and satisfaction in the process of self-actualization, and this is one of the greatest benefits of taking up the cross of Christ. Plus, it is only in the desert that one can truly comprehend and appreciate God's providence.

I came to Him weary and heart-sick. When I put myself under His yoke, submitting completely to His will, I was able to receive His divine graces fully. It is the same today, when I am fearful, anxious, when I doubt myself in difficult situations, Jesus is my go-to guy. I lay everything that is out of my control at His feet, and I sit and wait, to figure out what it is I must do.

Sometimes what I am asked to do seems to be a contravention of the covenant established between God and myself. But if I keep saying to the Lord in complete obedience, here I am, just as Abraham did, I will experience extraordinary blessings. My ineffable, almighty and awesome Father always comes through.

Yahweh-yireh, the Lord provides, this is the name given by Abraham to the place on Mount Moriah where he was supposed to sacrifice Isaac, his precious son and greatest hope, as an offering to God, but was instead given a ram with its horns stuck in a thicket to sacrifice just as he was about to sacrifice his son- a reward for his faithfulness.

The Lord always provides, whether we are aware of it; whether we even ask for it. When we walk in His ways, He provides in even greater measure, not just materially, but in myriad, countless ways. It's a question of whether we ourselves can grasp the infinite generosity of the Father's beneficence.

So why wouldn't I want to take up my cross and follow Jesus? Why wouldn't I want an easier yoke or a lighter burden? It always comes down to my own generosity of spirit.

Do I want to give myself totally in service to Him by loving others without reservation or prejudice?

Have I not been shown again and again that I can never outdo Him in generosity, that the more I give, the more I receive?

Is my faith so puny that I refuse to let His power be made perfect in my weakness?

Am I so afraid of failing, of ridicule, that I waste an opportunity to help others experience the joy of being loved unconditionally by the Lord, a joy I myself have known over and over again?

Yahweh-yireh. The Lord provides. I testify to this every day and I have no doubt He will continue to do so in my future. My personal prayer is I keep praising and thanking Him as I hold my cross up with enduring pride. At the same time may I hold lightly in my hands all the gifts He bestows on me, sharing them joyously with others.

The little things

Your concern

Your care
The way you look at me
when you think I am not looking
Your gentleness
Your patience
The quickness with which you
forgive my foolishness
Your kindness
Your generosity
Towards me, but mostly towards others
disregarding your own needs
Your protectiveness
Your fidelity
I am wonderfully made
by your steadfast affections
Your smile
Your earnestness
The cheeky, fun-loving boy
who woos me with kampung charm
Your fortitude
Your passion
For His way in all things always
making you my perfect spouse
Your humility
Your faith
These are what matter most daily
on our journey to eternal happiness

Visiting the Graha Maria Annai Velangkanni

While in Medan, P and I visited the Graha Maria Annai Velangkanni, a Marian shrine set in the suburbs. I had read about it while prepping for our trip there and we were eager to go pay a visit. Upon arrival, we went inside and sat down to pray.

As I was finishing my rosary, I heard a voice in the background enumerating to an audience the significance of the various architectural details within the church's interior. Turning around I saw a priest talking to a couple and their daughter. I asked the priest if P and I could join with his little group, and he was most happy to oblige us.

It was only later that I found out the priest was none other than Father James Bharataputra, a Jesuit father who was instrumental in the building of this 'catechetical' church, as he calls it, in Medan.

Built in 2005 to serve the Tamil Catholic community in Medan, the idea of dedicating the church to Our Lady of Good Health from the town of Velankanni in Tamil Nadu was deemed not only appropriate, but strongly supported by the previous Archbishop who had visited the Shrine* there. Hearing the stories of how donations just poured in, and how this unusual church of eclectic architectural styles was constructed in just four years, in the hands of amateurs no less, was amazing.

Then there were the miracles**: the two Bibles, one hymnal and 10 million rupiahs worth of donations left untouched by a fire that razed Father James's room; the prompt arrival of the statue of Annai Velangkani that coincided with the laying of the foundation stone in 2002 despite the many obstacles; and the natural spring water that disgorges from a spot near the foot of a statue of Mother Mary in the Marian Chapel.

At the end of the tour, Father James gave us a blessing. It was a fitting way to end our short but lovely holiday, with a mini pilgrimage to yet another Marian shrine. I truly felt that everything that happened last Sunday morning was indeed by Divine appointment, and that Our Lady of Velangkanni herself blessed us and honoured our intercessory prayers for healing.

I thank God for the faith and passion of priests like Father James who are the shepherds who give up their lives for their flocks, believing as they do in the compassionate and loving heart of Jesus, our very own Good Shepherd.

*  Wikipedia says The Shrine of Our Lady of Vailankanni, also known as the "Lourdes of the East," is one of the most-frequented religious sites in India, drawing over two million visitors worldwide.

**  To read more about the miracles, see https://velangkanni.com/en/the-miracles/

Living and loving in the moment

What does it mean to be in love with God? According to Father Patrick Crowley love is not defined as twee sentimentality, nor is love of God the practice of a spirituality that does not connect with others with sensitivity and through easy availability. Addressing the various liturgical ministries of Blessed Sacrament Church last Saturday morning, Father Pat stressed the value of developing an interior life, centred on knowing the Father and His will, and allowing Him to direct all our thoughts, words and actions.

"Divine appointment," he called it, "a sense of something greater than yourself, ministering to you; something happening deep down within you." God our Creator knows every one of us intimately, but unless we choose to meet Him regularly in our daily lives, we will not know Him in return. Our faith will always flounder in the shallows, never growing in depth or richness.

Father Pat invited us to be sensible to life, in tune with life's rhythms, and to live mindfully, rather than get caught up with the act of doing, and our own way of doing things. We need to recognize and appreciate the moments in a day in order to live them well.

And when we cannot understand why things are the way they are, especially in times of crises, we should just let go, and let God. "God will always bring out something beyond your comprehension, so you need to pay attention," he reminded. It does not matter if we are in pain or broken-hearted, for God has always worked through broken individuals. Rather than give in to hopelessness, we should turn to Him, then get up, and move on. It is in the precise moment of turning to Him that we will experience the mercy of God. Perhaps not right away, but we will eventually experience an awakening, a new lease on life when we move in His Spirit.

There are three questions we should reflect on constantly:

1. How do people feel when they are with me, are they Intimidated or comfortable? If we are insecure and not comfortable in our own skins, we will tend to put people down. We cannot be life-giving individuals.

2. Am I fully aware of the presence of God in my life at this moment? Can we recognise the kairos* moments in our life, and submit ourselves wholeheartedly into the mystery of these God-gifted moments? This only comes from being more contemplative.

3. What does my daily behaviour say about the person I really am; are my actions a reflection of my intent? Is there integrity in our thoughts, words and actions? We are no saints, we will fall, but we must be honest with ourselves. Contrition and humility of heart is key.

Father Patrick called those of us in ministry to cultivate certain dispositions to aid us as we work in our Father's vineyard. There is a need:

For a universal mentality - The ability to stretch and give of self, more so when we feel challenged. Although we are shaped by our own culture, we should recognise that diversity enhances life and not be afraid of other cultures and peoples. Let's be more open and accepting.

For holiness - The call to holiness is for everyone. It is therefore important we have divine time every day, be it going for daily mass, and including any and all forms of prayer.  How else are we going to hear God speaking if we do not set aside time for Him?

To be just in the parish (and the world) - Are we fully aware of the needs of others around us and do we reach out to meet those needs? Not only that, do we exercise respect when we dispense help or "give alms", do we befriend the poor and get to know them by name? This is just behaviour, when we give in the true spirit of subsidiarity, knowing that all we have comes from God and thus, we are bound to share His bounty graciously, generously, and with full gratitude.

To be healer in the parish, and among the villagers - Rather than focusing on winning, and thereby selling our souls to be number one, we need to guard our humanity by giving of our time, effort and money. Here Father Pat spoke of the ministry of a smile as healing. He echoed Pope Francis's sharing last Wednesday: A human being’s life is an exchange of looks: someone who looking at us wrings from us the first smile, and we who freely smile at one who is closed in sadness, and thus we open to him a way out.

We also need to be inclusive, to continuously cultivate a sense of unity. This means to take time to listen, and speak words of affirmation to all who are around us, especially family members, whom we often take for granted. We can save lives when we speak loving and healing words of truth into people's lives.

To be rooted in God - When we are grounded in God we will have a solid foundation that gives us a sense of perspective and the ability to prioritize well. Father Pat quoted Mark, chapter one, verse 35, where we need to do what Jesus did, spend time in solitude frequently, so as to know and do the will of His Father perfectly.

It all boils down to the act of heartfelt ministering of the moment, bringing healing where it is needed. To do as Jesus did when He listened to the pleas of the possessed man and drove the demon within out, as told several times in Mark's Gospel. This is how we show how much we are in love with the Father, to do His bidding in a heartbeat, attuned as we are to His ways - to maximize the potential of life as it presents itself, moment by moment, in any given day. We are the Good Samaritan who does not hesitate to stop and help the fallen upon, before we go on our way.

Thank you, Father Patrick, for sharing your time and life, for living and loving us in the moment.

I would like to finish off with this inspiring prayer Father Patrick shared, written by General Douglas MacArthur for his only son, Arthur.

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.

Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee—and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.

Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.

Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.

And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the weakness of true strength.

Then I, his father will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain. ”

* the appointed time in God's purpose

Loving gratuitously

I read the Pope's recent general audience* with interest where he offers a remedy for unhappiness. He talked about the necessity for a gratuity of love to exist in the world, where we are loved simply for who we are. Love does not need to be earned and he cautions us from falling into a terrible slavery of thinking  we need to be strong, attractive and beautiful in order for others to care for us.

Imagine a world like this: a world without the gratuity of love! It might seem like a human world, but in reality it is a living hell. So many forms of narcissism in man come from a feeling of loneliness and being orphaned. Behind so many seemingly inexplicable behaviors lies a question: Is it possible that I don’t deserve to be called by name, that is, to be loved? For love always calls by name…

This experience of divine love, of being called by name, of being loved first for no reason at all, and that does not rely on whether we are good or bad is mostly found in the way a mother or father loves their child. Even if the child has strayed, a mother never stops suffering for her child. She loves him even when he is a sinner. God does the same thing with us: we are his beloved children!

The inclusive, unconditional quality of God's love is not easy for us to live out, especially when we sin or are sinned against. Plus, no one has perfect parents, and we learn to love based very much on how our parents loved us, and how they loved each other. Thus, the memory of this primordial beauty of being wanted, loved, desired is often distorted or obscured.

Even if we have not had such great experiences ourselves, it does not stop us from loving others with this brand of unconditional love. The more we try to love this way, the more we will become proficient at it, and we will also, in turn, experience this gratuity of love ourselves.

The Pope's "medicine" for unhappy people goes like this: First you need to embrace him. Make him feel that he is wanted, that he is important, and he will stop being sad. 

It may sound simplistic but it works. When I am down, what soothes my soul, gets me out of my despair, is to just have someone listen to me wholeheartedly, without judging me or offering me solutions - just be there for me. They don't have to say a word, simply embrace me in the soft silence of loving empathy (a real hug works wonders for me as well). For into that space, Jesus enters and brings His Spirit of healing, gratuitous love.

Love calls to love, more powerfully than hatred calls to death. Jesus did not die and rise for himself, but for us, so that our sins might be forgiven. It is therefore a time of resurrection for everyone: time to raise up the poor from discouragement, especially those who have been lying in the tomb for much longer than three days. 

One of the ways to raise people up is through what Father Patrick Crowley calls the ministry of a smile. When we smile first at others, meeting their eyes with warm sincerity as we do, we will, inadvertently, as Pope Francis says, open the doors of their heart. Sadly, busy beings such as we are, always rushing onto the next appointment, we hardly ever look at others eye to eye, or smile.

On this great feast of Corpus Christi, it is fitting to live out the power of Christ's Body and Blood, given to us at every Eucharistic celebration, by pledging to love as He did. To give of ourselves: to love with a freeness of not expecting anything in return but just to love someone for who they are; and to be fully present in the moments of the day when we interact with people, listening with openness.

May the wind of liberation blow here, on our faces. May the gift of hope bud forth. And hope is from God the Father who loves us as we are: he loves us always and everyone.

*   https://zenit.org/articles/popes-general-audience-on-beloved-children-certainty-of-hope/

Holding space

I just read an excellent article by Kaitlin Curtice, posted on her blog on June 1 entitled People Who Hold Space Will Heal the Church* and I loved how she shared about how her husband held the space for her in their relationship, trusting and allowing her to mature as an individual, and to grow into their relationship: it wasn’t a vision for what he thought I was supposed to be, but a vision still unknown to him, held by the mystery of God.

Curtice goes on to write on how this attitude of waiting patiently, and of trusting the long-term vision, can help us heal the church which is often "a place that tries to manage others, and it often leaves people wounded. It wounds the church by distorting who the church should really be, and it wounds individuals in the church by making them feel like they aren’t good enough for Jesus."

So what exactly does holding the space mean? This term was new to me so I googled it and came across yet another great article by Heather Plett** on what it is. She stresses that it is not exclusive to coaches, facilitators or palliative care nurses, but is something everyone can do for anyone they meet in the day as well as with people of longstanding relationships.

As Plett writes:

It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgement and control.

Plett offers eight tips on how we can hold space for others which I am going to summarize here. Do read the entire article by following the link at the bottom of this entry:

1. Give people permission to trust their own intuition and wisdom.
2. Give people only as much information as they can handle. 
3. Don’t take their power away. 
4. Keep your own ego out of it. 
5. Make them feel safe enough to fail. 
6. Give guidance and help, with humility and thoughtfulness.
7. Create a container for complex emotions, fear, trauma, etc. 
8. Allow them to make different decisions and to have different experiences than you would. 

Reading through Plett's tips, I realize my impatience and ego have caused me to be the church that wounds and distorts more than I would like to admit. Increasingly, I realize that true wisdom is not merely having clarity and deep insight into a situation, rather, it is knowing how to impart a nugget of information that helps the other arrive at the most judicious and beneficial decision. It is not about being right, or winning an argument; it is about being a sensitive and engaged listener who genuinely cares for the wellbeing of the other.

Being human, it's impossible not to get discouraged, or allow impatience to rule our tongues with harsh words when dealing with people, especially people who do not seem to learn from past mistakes, or insist on being pigheadedly obtuse.

The only way we can be effective space holders is to emulate the ultimate space holder, Jesus (read about the classic journey to Emmaus in Luke's Gospel, chapter 24). If only I could be someone who makes people hearts burn with the truth and renewed passion.

Today, I give thanks for my ICPE Woman to Woman and Companion communities who have held the space for me and allowed me to grow at my own pace. And I trust that the Lord will continue to teach me how to be the healing space holder He has been to me all these years, and to bring healing to His church.

 *  https://kaitlincurtice.com/2017/06/11/people-who-hold-space-will-heal-the-church/

**  http://upliftconnect.com/hold-space/

The power of struggling

We come out of our mother's womb struggling. Both mother and child will experience a mix of pain and fear, amidst the awe and joy. Every new thing we learn as a child, be it walking or talking, involves great effort, and most certainly, initial failure. So why is it that, as adults, we expect life to be plain sailing, or we shy away from struggles?

When life pulls the rug from underneath our feet, we moan and wail, ready to give up and walk away? How did we lose the innate confidence we had as children that we were born to walk, and thus, we never stop attempting to stand up again and walk, even after we have fallen the gadzillionth time. We are bold, intrepid beings, undeterred by failure. Adversity is swatted away by chubby fingers and blithe spirits.

Having hit an emotional speed bump lately I have been reflecting on where I am right now - why am I struggling so much, and what is it that I am being put through my paces to learn? P mentioned last Friday evening that emotional crises are brought upon by transitions in life. I guess that must be it. I am currently still transitioning into married life.

Don't get me wrong, I can see practically almost every blessing I receive in this new season of life, and I am filled with gratitude and joy. But, to be honest, there are things I mourn deeply and I grapple with change (why can't certain things stay the way they were). I suffer a sense of guilt for having left certain things, certain people, behind. I keep telling myself not to look back, lest I become like Lot's wife, paralyzed and unable to move forward in my new life.

Then there are the growing pains, and the need to find balance and inner harmony when thrown into a completely new arena fraught with complexities to negotiate. I am impatient to get on with it and acquire a certain level of expertise that can only come with time. Instead, I wish to fast forward life and skip the struggles, knowing full well that going through it all is necessary in order for insight and wisdom to come.

When Father Romeo said change was a blessing in our lives during his weekend homily, I almost groaned. I don't dispute that change can be wonderful, but I take issue with how it can be strange-awkward painful, causing me to struggle before a new equilibrium is found.

In order to fly, the butterfly must struggle to emerge from the chrysalis. The process of breaking out of the chrysalis pumps blood through the new wings so that they can unfurl strongly into the beautiful and functional apparatus the butterfly requires to fly. So the struggles I am now encountering in the transition of single life into marriage and motherhood are par for the course. I should not let them get me down, nor stay down for too long.

After all, I have been practising for years now for this vocation and I finally get to do it for real. These are thrilling and exciting times. Never mind the occasional cut or bruise. That should not stop me. Nothing should stop me. Just as little Moana of Motunui and little Diana of Themyscira had a sense of who they were to become when they grew up, I, too, have that same intuition. I, too, am made for greatness, to move hearts, change lives, and make the world a better place.

As I prayed the Novena to the Holy Spirit for the seven gifts of wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety and fear of the Lord, I came to a better understanding of my struggles and what powers my fears. I thank God for the gift of the Holy Spirit this Pentecost, for, with Him, I can rejoice in my struggles and celebrate my fears. I pray for His constant presence to aid me in all my endeavours and make change a blessing I can bestow on others. 

Channelling the Rita effect

Ever since P and I got back from France, I have been suffering from jet lag in the worst way. I am also in great physical discomfort due to tight muscles and I have not been able to sleep much in the night, resulting in me going about woolly-headed in the day, trying not to let nausea overcome me. Feeling lousy has affected me emotionally and I currently feel a little overwhelmed by life. So it was timely that May 22 was the feast day of Saint Rita of Cascia.

Saint Rita is known as the Saint of the Impossible; she is Patroness of Impossible Causes. Reading about her life, I can see why. Married against her will at age 12 to a physically abusive philanderer of a husband (she wanted to enter the convent from a young age), she managed to convert him, after long years, only to lose him due to a vendetta where he was violently stabbed to death.

Then she lost her sons, and when she wished to enter a convent subsequently, she was rejected until she could  put an end to the longstanding vendetta between her husband's family and his murderer's family. Here she enlisted the help of her three patron saints in prayer, to great effect. She brought about peaceful reconciliation, and thus could finally fulfil her childhood desire by entering the monastery of Saint Magdalene at age 36.

Her early life seemed to careen from one disaster to the next. I am just amazed that she never lost hope, remained full of faith, never gave up, and turned around seemingly impossible situations through steadfast prayer, and an attractive disposition that brought many people to Christ. All this from the time she was a mere child!

Saint Rita is known for her partial stigmata which is a bleeding wound on her forehead that appeared when she in her 60s and meditating before the image of the crucified Christ. The wound, as if from a thorn from the crown of thorns on Christ's head, signified her deep union with Jesus.

I especially like this fact I picked up from Wikipedia:

On the 100th anniversary of her canonization in 2000, Pope John Paul II noted her remarkable qualities as a Christian woman: “Rita interpreted well the 'feminine genius' by living it intensely in both physical and spiritual motherhood.”

Here is a woman who did not let the strictures and disadvantages of her time stop her from becoming a woman true to her principles of being God-loving. Her rock solid faith life buoyed her and helped her bear much fruit spiritually, and in very concrete, miraculous even, ways. She was humble and obedient to the Gospel despite all her travails.

Just as she loved greatly, she was loved in return. Close to the end of her life, she received the gift of a beautiful rose that came from her family garden in winter - God had granted this impossible request she made of her cousin who had visited her and asked her what she wanted from her family home.

Today, this saint that was born in 1381 has helped me put a little perspective into my own life. Sure, there are facets of my life that are challenging. And yes, I fumble, and may not be very good at what I do. I may even feel defeated by small and inconsequential things, dispirited by my clumsy efforts at loving the people around me, but that's no excuse for pessimism and self-pity, especially since I have her good example of what one can accomplish if one sets one's mind to it.

I may be a weak woman, riddled with insecurities and fear, but I have God's Spirit, all powerful and ever-living inside of me, I have the wisdom and strength of Jesus and His mother, Mary, when I run to them. I also have inspiring saints like Saint Rita to emulate as well as to root for me. Nothing is impossible or so unbearable that I just give up and give in to despair.

Many things may be out of my control and I may not necessarily be happy about everything that happens in my life, but is that a bad thing? Shouldn't I have more faith and trust that all things will work out for the good of everyone including myself, especially in the long haul?

Like Saint Rita, I must remain fearless, persevering and loving no matter what life throws me, and be true to who I am and what I stand for. As Saint John Paul II encouraged:

In her example of total abandonment to God, in her transparent simplicity and in her unflinching fidelity to the Gospel, we too can find sound direction for being authentic Christian witnesses.

Saint Rita, help me to focus on God, and God alone, to be obedient, and steadfast. May I change my world as you did yours, bringing peace, joy and the goodness of God to all. May I wear my suffering as lightly as you wore yours, loving Christ as much as you did.

Rosary powerful

Praying the rosary in front of the beautiful mosaics depicting the different mysteries in the Basilica of the Rosary in Lourdes was an extraordinary experience that has cemented my love of the rosary. It was also special to pray the rosary in the various churches we visited in Paris and feel that both Mary and Jesus were travelling with us as we went from church to church.

As May is the month dedicated to Mary, both P and I have also been watching, for free, the excellent series put out by St Paul Center for Biblical Theology entitled The Bible and the Virgin Mary. Watching the talks have given me fresh insights into the dogmas on Mary and how the Catholic Church arrived at them.

Contrary to what non-Catholics think, dogmas have their roots in the Bible, especially Marian dogmas; Mary's Immaculate Conception, her role as Mother of God, her Perpetual Virginity, and Mary's Assumption into heaven. Do watch the talks if you seek a deeper understanding of why Mary is so loved and revered as our Mother.

Each talk is prefaced by a vignette on Marian apparitions that have occurred worldwide. Apart from Lourdes, Mary has appeared in Guadalupe, Banneux, Fatima and Knock, to name a few places, and her apparitions usually coincide with turbulent times in world history, or just before pivotal events or great changes happen. Mary, through her appearances, inspires us to deeper prayer and faith, to turn to Jesus, her Son, as Lord and Saviour, especially in times of trial.

Her gentle and quiet wisdom, coupled with her exemplary life, has helped many return to the faith, and even today, many flock to places like Lourdes, to seek healing and reconciliation with Jesus. Thousands of hearts have been converted, just by visiting these sacred sites where she has appeared.

Although I have always loved Mary, I have never prayed the rosary with any regularity. It is through P's great love for Mary that I have come to love and respect our Mother in new ways, and to pray the rosary daily. I can testify to how powerful the rosary has been, for my prayers, spoken and unspoken, have been answered in ways I never thought possible. My faith journey has been enriched immensely in these last seven months

Praying the rosary, coupled with fasting, is truly a powerful spiritual weapon that has helped avert wars and combat evil. Many saints both recommend and, through their lives, demonstrate the efficacy of the rosary. Saint John Paul II exhorted the faithful to pray the rosary not only for peace in the world, but as a defender of family life. If we want to effect change in the world, especially attacks on the family, our own families in particular, pray the rosary. It will change not just us as people, but the people around us.

In his Apostolic Letter Rosarium Virginis Mariae, paragraph 15, JPII talks about how the rosary leads us to closer relationship with Jesus, and thus to be more like Him:

In the spiritual journey of the Rosary, based on the constant contemplation – in Mary’s company – of the face of Christ, this demanding ideal of being conformed to him is pursued through an association which could be described in terms of friendship. We are thereby enabled to enter naturally into Christ’s life and as it were to share his deepest feelings. In this regard Blessed Bartolo Longo has written: “Just as two friends, frequently in each other’s company, tend to develop similar habits, so too, by holding familiar converse with Jesus and the Blessed Virgin, by meditating on the mysteries of the Rosary and by living the same life in Holy Communion, we can become, to the extent of our lowliness, similar to them and can learn from these supreme models a life of humility, poverty, hiddenness, patience and perfection”

It is not easy to be committed to meditating on the five mysteries as one recites a decade of Hail Marys at a stretch during each mystery, but it has helped me learn perseverance and patience, besides giving me supernatural wisdom to aid my decisions these last months. Praying the rosary allows me to show my love and regard for both Jesus and Mary. Praying the rosary lets me live my faith out in a very real way. Give it a shot if you need quiet but potent oomph in your prayer life. Pray the rosary.

Lourdes and beyond

May 6:  P and I are in France. What began as a simple fulfilment of a wedding gift grew into something so much more, a pilgrimage. I am quite excited for it will be our first pilgrimage together. Finally, after all the fits and starts of last year, all the aborted plans, we are actually visiting not only a major Marian shrine (Lourdes is touted as the world's most visited Christian shrine), but also places that hold great meaning for us individually, and as a couple.

Our first stop is Lourdes. When we met couple P and H last week, P shared that Lourdes was like a spiritual Wonderland for both of them - every day, they were trying to decide what to do and where to visit. Oh, this is going to be so much fun!

Lourdes is where Mother Mary appeared to a young girl, Bernadette Soubirous, in 1858, in a series of 18 meetings (or apparitions), and where the now Saint Bernadette received instruction to dig in the mud from which the spring water flows to this very day. Pilgrims the world over come, en masse, to pray, drink and immerse themselves in these waters, and some experience great physical healing. Hence Lourdes is known to be a place of many miracles, and of healing.

May 9:  We have completed our sojourn in Lourdes and it has been a time of great blessing. We were first blessed with gorgeous, warm, sunny days despite all the warnings of cold and dreary weather.

We were also blessed to be here on the weekend when the Order of Malta congregate annually during the first week of May, May being the Marian month. The spirit of the hospitallers inspired me with their willingness to serve the sick. It was heartening to see this spirit of service inculcated in the young, as seen by the troops of children walking around the grounds in their red berets.

The International Mass, this Good Shepherd Sunday, in the underground Basilica of St Pius X was filled to its 25,000 capacity with pilgrims from the world over. I have not been in the same space as with so many priests, bishops, and even cardinals. It was an awesome and moving mass.

My best couple experience was to walk and meditate the Way of the Cross together twice. Many things spoke to me during both days when we did this prayer walk. God's creativity spoke to me in the beauty of the trees dressed in spring foliage and I gave thanks for the beautiful, serene surroundings of Lourdes. My sense of gratitude, and joy, was great during the walks. Who am I that Jesus should die for me? And yet, He did, and I was reminded to live life "to the full" for I have been given the gift of eternal life.

Another reminder is that life is a journey, and we are perpetually pilgrims, journeying with Jesus as our destination, as well as our Bread for the journey. Travel light and walk virtuously by partaking of the Bread every day. As I walked, and prayed, with P by my side, I luxuriated in the fact that I had found my mountain man in P, the one who will climb the mountain of the Lord with me, the one with clean hands, and pure heart. I am blessed beyond measure.

May 10:  P and I leave for Lisieux today after a very short stop in Chartres to visit the Cathédrale Notre-Dame de Chartres. We spent the afternoon in this immense and impossibly beautiful Cathedral giving thanks and praying. N and S had a little accident but are both fine, so much to be thankful for.

Although we couldn't walk the famed labyrinth on the church floor, we walked the two small labyrinths in the surrounding gardens. The thing that struck me about this Cathedral is how we took our bearings from it as this edifice dominated the landscape of the charming town of Chartres. Once I lost sight of the Cathedral I became disoriented. Likewise, in life, I need to keep my eyes on Jesus so as to know where I am going.

Onwards to Lisieux, to see the home of The Little Flower. 

Easter meaning

You delight me.
Every gossamer layer of my being.
Your goodness wraps seductive fingers
Round my soul, waking up my inner child,
Tickling, inspiring bubbly giggly joy.
Is it legal to feel this way?
So filled with intense happiness
High on how much you are like Him!
The honed muscles of your integrity
Sheathed in luminous lines of humility 
As I wend deeper within the sculptured spires 
Of who you are, I gaze with pleasure
On your battle-scarred heart 
Fashioned by faith and hard choices
You have become our Mother's son:
Many things bright and beautiful,
Sweetly wise and wonderful.
Spring flowers sing a melody true 
Of how, every day, Resurrection follows death.

Divine Mercy victories

Today is Divine Mercy Sunday. It is also the Easter Octave. Little did I know when I made an appointment to meet up with P last Divine Mercy Sunday that slightly over a year later we would be happily married. Truly, God's mercy knows no end. It took us both almost a lifetime to find each other, but it is definitely worth the wait.

Although I had always wondered why it was revealed to me the marriage, and motherhood, was my vocation over a decade ago, I also knew that I was probably not ready for the real thing, and so nothing happened. I had also come to the conclusion that if it never came to pass, it was perfectly okay. I was happy.

Jesus was 'all the man that I need' as Whitney Houston crooned. I crucified my desires for a life partner on the cross and resurrection came in the form of my ICPE Companions community, my Woman to Woman Ministry, my Saint Teresa's community, my work, my friends, and all the opportunities to fine-tune a heart set on Jesus as my eternal Bridegroom. It was more than enough. Then P came along, twelve and a half years later, thanks to Divine Mercy.

My reflection this Easter is how much marriage mirrors both the Passion and Easter - the rites of crucifixion, death and resurrection. Unless we crucify our sins and our selfish inclinations for self-serving happiness, unless we die to self, crippling habits and set ways of doing things, we cannot be open to the Spirit leading us into fully experiencing the joy and satisfaction of building a relationship that best mimics the penultimate, desirable relationship with God.

Marriage is the icon of our eternal and blissful nuptial union with Jesus in the afterlife. Marriage points us to heaven. I am greedy, I want to experience marriage with Jesus in the here and now. This desire forms the basis of my marriage with P. I therefore attempt to live out crucifixion, death and resurrection every day. I willingly accept 'suffering', by killing off my own ego and my fears, and I stay optimistically open to divine resurrection that breathes new life and form into my days. I can remain hopeful because I know exactly how much He loves me for He has demonstrated His love countless times before, and continues to do so on a daily basis.

Radical change so late in life is not easy but, again, Divine Mercy plays a huge part in making the transition from single to married seem fairly effortless and painless. I am grateful for all the help I have received to be able to 'see' what my human mind cannot see, and to 'know' what to do, especially when I experience hurt and anger, or when I really do not know what to do.

Last night, I attended a concert by the DVC Youth Choir from the Church of Saint Ignatius called Victory Stories. Apart from being highly enjoyable, it was inspiring to see how God has worked miracles in the lives of these young people, and that each victory story was one that testified to the Lord's bountiful mercy. When we seek Him with sincere hearts, He does not disappoint, even if it may take time.

My take away this Easter is to continue to trust and to hope, and as my Easter egg 'fortune' (Romans 12:12) reminded me: Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Seeing as this Word was given to me before marriage several times, and once again last night, I will receive this Easter gift with a joyous and grateful heart. Thank you, Jesus, for your Divine Mercy. You reign victorious!