Passion kind of love

It has been a special Holy Week for me as I prepared for a family vacation in Taipei. For it will be the first time in decades that all my brothers and I will gather together in another country with my mother (sadly without my father, but with the wonderful addition of my sister-in-law) on vacation. The last time the entire family was together was probably when I was a teenager.

Amidst the joy of preparing for such a rare celebration of life, the 80 years that my mother will have spent on this earth, come Easter Sunday, I have been trying to prepare my heart for the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus, His death on the cross.

Through the week I have, by chance, met friends and neighbours who each shared their personal stories. What has struck me in their sharing is their great faith that is sustaining them through such difficult times. That even though they live so closely within the shadow of death, the joy of living has not been diminished and their lives have become acts of love and faithfulness.

It reminded me again of what Father Arro had shared with us during his talk on the Stations of the Cross - that amidst all the horrific suffering and humiliation of the Passion, the leifmotif and coda of the whole story is about love.

Love indeed conquers all, including death, and leads us to the new life of the resurrection. That is the reason why love is so sought after by everyone, for it is potent, an elixir of life.

We each crave the love of one special person in our lives, a person who will indeed die for us as they live for us in the good times. This kind of love is one that is not truly found in the peaks of the romantic honeymoon moments, but is mostly forged in the flat prairies of humdrum, everyday life and the rocky valleys of discord, illness, suffering and loss.

Jesus Himself shows us what love is truly about. That love is not just extravagant (having one's feet anointed with costly perfume) or exulting (receiving the affirmation of palm-waving crowds), but excruciating and humiliating as well, as evidenced by the Passion. He did not run away even though He knew what was in store for Him.

True love will require us to sweat blood out of anguish and fear, and yet, if we deem it a worthwhile endeavour, then we will be given the ability to live out the Gethsemane moments of our lives with fortitude and deep hope; to live out our Passion experiences with grace. P and L were proof of that when they spoke to me.

As I spend this Good Friday with my family in Taipei, I would like to pray this psalm, and hope that I will reflect the love of Jesus in some small measure this triduum, even as I can never match the depth of His love for me. I know I can never die for Him as He has died for me:  

In you, O LORD, I take refuge;
let me never be put to shame.
In your justice rescue me.
Into your hands I commend my spirit; 

The greatness of loss

Earlier this week, my iPad winked out on and refused to come to life anymore. When I visited the service centre and had to surrender it in order to arrange for a replacement, it was literally a heart-wrenching moment.

My iPad had been an extension of me. It was a repository of books, photos, videos, notes, manuals, uke tabs... things that are of great relevance and meaning to my life, and I, of course, did not back up... hence my anguish. Hours and hours of note-taking and work gone - in a blink. I could cry a month of Sundays.

It has been difficult for me to feel grateful that I am getting my replacement iPad for free, being within the last two weeks of the warranty period. Not even knowing that nothing I really valued and lost could not be re-created could stop me from mourning.

In the scheme of life, the demise of my iPad is inconsequential. And yet, losses, even small ones, can be keenly felt. But because I know it is my fault for not backing up, I am bearing it with a serves-you-right stoicism.

Being messy and disorganized, I tend to lose things all the time. The standing joke at home is that Saint Anthony is my favourite saint as I seek his intercession frequently.

Loss is part of life (of course, in my case, it could be reduced significantly if I were more neat and organized). While never welcome, loss can be cleansing and healing, a catalyst for growth. If allowed to be a movement towards new possibilities, it can be an ever-bubbling source of creativity, leading to new discoveries, especially self-discovery.

Loss tests and celebrates the resilience of the human spirit, spring-boarding us to new heights and fresh accomplishments. The trick, though, is to soldier on out of mourning, transforming bitter seeds of sorrow and regret into courage, and a tensile resolve to venture into unknown and strange territory, armed mainly with faith.

Even in my darkest hour of catastrophic loss, my faith has been a lighthouse of hope, guiding me to safe and unimagined new passages. I knew that I was not alone, and that I would never be alone. Jesus was present: in the loving concern of family and friends, the spiritually nourishing and edifying Eucharist, and the mostly unacknowledged beauty of each successive sunrise.

The silent, desolate plains of loneliness were an invitation to go deep into my pain, walk around in it reflectively, then surrender it to the Almighty, and in the process, begin to perceive the upwelling of inner strength that have lain dormant thus far.

My epic losses have evolved into rivers of wisdom and compassion that allow me to bring refreshment to others as they stumble in the wastelands of their grief and anger. How great is that, even as I am humbled that I can be of help?

Kahlil Gibran in The Prophet says this of joy and sorrow:

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain...
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall
find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall
see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

I find this to be profoundly true for the losses in my life had given me an increased capacity for gratitude and joy.

In the final analysis, loss can be a great thing for it can propel us to greatness; as it can manifest as lightning rods of clarity and epiphany in the torrential downpours of life.

There are three things I learned from the death of my iPad:

1)  Do not get overly attached to material things. Brilliant as an iPad is, it is only a tool and an enabler. It is not an entity, a sentient being.

2)  Nothing is truly ever lost for the transience of life demands constant change. Hence the creative genius in each of us leads us to recover from loss in ways both inventive and marvellous. This is the great hope and mother of all payoffs.

3)  Be prepared always, like a wise bridesmaid. To live well (for me it is to be more organized and orderly), ready at any time to travel forward without any luggage. I am a pilgrim, and my journey here on earth is but a small step towards eternity, and a lifetime of perfect joy, with no loss.

 

Servant kingship

Among the many things Pope Francis did on his first day as pope was to drop by the place he was staying at previously to collect his belongings and pay his bill personally.

This is one of the many little ways in which he has already shown us what true leadership is all about, that leaders are people who must walk humbly by living, breathing and walking both their inner and external talk. Just as Christ did. And as followers of Christ, each of us would do well to follow in His footsteps.

The positions of power that are entrusted to us are not meant for self glorification, or merely a validation of one's abilities and capabilities, but are meant for us to step up to the plate, and exercise honour and responsibility in whatever we do.

Jesus was the ultimate servant king, a king who loved and cared for his people to the point of laying down his life. In baptism, we are each given that same mission of love, and as Monsignor Vaz shared last Thursday evening, us ordinary folk are not spared from this kingly office.

There are two aspects of kingship that belong uniquely to us, the laity: family life and temporal order. 

Within our families, we should edify and help each other grow in holiness by living out Christian principles. Parents, especially, demonstrate family governance (in cooperation with the Holy Spirit) by raising their children to be loving and giving men and women, walking in Christ's footsteps.

As for the rest of the time, we should engage in temporal affairs, directing them according to God's will. This means using our talents and working towards the right governance and ordering of society according to Gospel principles and the Social Teaching of the Church.

We need to embody everything that is good and beautiful about Christian virtue and put it into action in our daily living.

We need to fight the culture of death, so prevalent in the world today, by being the voice of the unborn, sick, elderly, displaced, poor, marginalized and the dying.

It is a gargantuan task, but as Father Arro said in his homily today, difficult does not mean impossible, especially if we walk with the Lord by our side.

In his first homily, Pope Francis echoed the primacy of Christ as we take on the role of co-workers and co-builders of the Kingdom:

"We can journey as much as we want, we can build many things, but if we do not confess Jesus Christ, the thing does not work. We will become a welfare NGO but not the Church, the Bride of Christ. When we do not journey, we stop. When we do not build upon the stones, what happens? Everything collapses, loses its consistency, like the sandcastles that children build on the beach. When we do not confess Jesus Christ, I am reminded of the words of Léon Bloy: “Whoever does not pray to the Lord, prays to the devil.” When we do not confess Jesus Christ, we confess the worldliness of the devil, the worldliness of the demon.

"When we journey without the cross, when we build without the cross and when we confess a Christ without the cross, we are not disciples of the Lord: we are worldly, we are bishops, priests, cardinals, popes, but not disciples of the Lord.

I would like for us all, after these days of grace, to have courage, precisely the courage, to walk in the Lord’s presence, with the cross of the Lord; to build the Church upon the blood of the Lord, which was poured out on the cross; and to confess the only glory there is: Christ crucified. And in this way the Church will go forward."

To add one last thought to the words of Pope Francis which comes from Father Arro's talk on the Stations of the Cross this afternoon, rather than just focus on Christ's suffering in His Passion, we should reflect more on the love He showed us, right to the very end.

The immensity of that love is the glory of God perfected in our world of sin and imperfection. As disciples of the Servant King, we can but strive for that perfection.

Habemus Papam

We have a new pope! Pope Francis, who is a Jesuit and formerly Archbishop of Buenos Aires. I am elated by the news for I have, like millions around the world, been praying for our next shepherd these last two weeks.

That he is named for Francis of Assisi, a saint I admire for his radicality in embracing poverty is encouraging. By all accounts, Pope Francis lives out this virtue of humility daily, to the point of taking the bus to work.

I look forward to how our newly minted pontiff will guide us through the waters of change. As Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI pointed out when he stepped down, Christ has not left the boat and the Holy Spirit will continue to be the wind the steers the Church forward even in vastly troubled times.

We are reminded, more than ever, as we approach the end of Lent and begin meditating on the Passion, that our beliefs can lead to crucifixion for we believe in the crucified Christ. Thus the question of What is truth is fundamental to how we live out our faith.

Is there truth in our beliefs? Or do we let relativism colour our thoughts, words and actions?

The Woman to Woman Ministry is reflecting on Pilate this Friday and how Pilate asked that question of Jesus, without making a full-hearted attempt at pursuing truth to the end.

Here is a man who obviously knew that Jesus had not committed any crime that required Him to be put to death. And yet, he allowed the fear of revolt and political chaos guide him to sacrifice the life of one innocent man.

Are we like Pilate, swayed by the lay of the land, the zeitgeist of our social, professional and political worlds, to make decisions that have no truth in them? Or do we live according to what our conscience dictates, with no fear of persecution or hate?

Pope Francis will, no doubt, face future criticism for pushing the agenda of truth in a world whose beliefs are tainted by growing secularism and crumbling morality, thus my prayer for him is for continued good health, supernatural courage and abundant humility in the months and years ahead.

Viva il Papa.

Laetare Sunday musings

I just returned from Bali where Mum and I met our family from Australia there last week. R, who just turned 40, was treated to a surprise birthday celebration in Bali where her family, her father (my maternal uncle), her brother and his family and a couple of good friends had gathered. When I first heard about it, I decided to gate crash the party.

 

It was good fun. R was completely surprised when we turned up and we really enjoyed hanging with everyone. I even came home with gifts from the girls, I and J. So I couldn't ask for more, although I did.

 

Being typically Singaporean, I found the service lacked efficiency (the waiter forgot to serve us our coffee and tea once, and he brought an extra coffee another time).

 

I picked on little things that were not perfect (no towel rails in our otherwise pretty spa villa).

 

And when I did not get what I expected, I could not enjoy what I did get, even though it was good in its own way (I wanted a Balinese massage and instead got a combination Swedish-Balinese one which I found a complete waste of time and actually made my stiff neck worse).

 

The cab drivers are dishonest...complain, complain. Just like the older son in today's Gospel story of the prodigal son, what is it about us that we do not appreciate the blessings we receive?

 

Instead we focus on the things that displease us while completely overlooking the things that are good for we have come to expect and demand those.

 

We forget that everything is ours by grace, and if we take the trouble to acknowledge our blessings, they are actually there, in abundance.

 

Like the sweetness and efficiency of our butler who was super duper attentive and arranged free transport to a restaurant one evening, and also arranged for our villa to be decorated as a birthday treat for my mum.

 

Or the honesty of the housekeeper who did not go through my opened suitcase and take the hundreds of dollars and our passports inside that I had forgotten to put into safekeeping.

 

What about our driver and the many others we met who were genuinely hospitable and friendly.

 

My utilitarian bent is hard to break, where I expect value for money and hone in automatically on places where standards are lacking, so much so that I forget to give thanks for all those moments where I received so much more than I paid for.

 

In my critical moments, I forget the practice of charity and mercy and I lose out on gratitude and its attendant joy. I choose to get grumpy and whiny instead. How foolish is that? For I miss, in those moments, the opportunity to meet Jesus' eyes and smile in delight. To taste and see that the Lord is indeed good.

 

Perhaps this will be another worthwhile Lenten project for the rest of the season: to focus on the joy of Lent as the readings of this Laetare (Rejoice) Sunday have elucidated, and fast from being critical and complaining.

 

I thank the Lord for a wonderful time in Bali and I rejoice that Mum and I had a lovely family vacation, together with our rellies from Melb.   

 

Laudate

I woke up this morning to this brilliant oeuvre from Pope Benedict XVI that explains what I wanted to say about rules and morality in my last post, Speaking truth, but in a much more eloquent and erudite fashion.

It comes from a two-minute daily meditation by St Luke Productions, linked through Laudate*, my favourite application of all time and in it the Pope Emeritus says:

Moral obligation is our dignity
Moral obligation is not man's prison from which he must liberate himself in order finally to be able to do what he wants. It is moral obligation that constitutes his dignity and he does not become more free if he discards it. On the contrary, he takes a step backward to the level of a machine, of a mere thing. If there is no longer any obligation to which he can and must respond in freedom, then there is no longer any realm of freedom at all. 

The recognition of morality is the real substance of human dignity. Morality is not man's prison but rather the divine element in him for nature is not as is asserted by a totalitarian scientism, some assemblage built up by chance and its rules of play, but is rather a creation - a creation in which the Creator Spiritus expresses Himself. 

Creation itself teaches us how we can be human in the right way: the Christian faith which helps us to recognize creation as creation that does not paralyze reason. It gives practical reason the life sphere in which it can unfold. 

The morality that the Church teaches is not some special burden for Christians. It is the defense of man against the attempt to abolish him. If morality, as we have seen, is not the enslavement of man but his liberation, then the Christian faith is the advanced post of human freedom.

Meditate and enjoy.

* Laudate is an app that every Catholic should access for it has everything needed for a rich prayer life and spiritual growth. It has, in various languages: 

Daily Mass Readings, Order of Mass, Liturgy of Hours, New American Bible, Rosary and Latin Rosary, Chaplet of Divine Mercy (on Rosary screen), Stations of the Cross, Saint of the Day, Catechism of Catholic Church, Sacrament of Reconciliation (Confession), Daily Examination of Conscience, various prayers and prayers in Latin with English translation. Podcast for Rosary and Stations. Daily Meditations. Podcasts of Daily Readings and meditations. 

Speaking truth

I met F at the bus-stop not long ago and we had an interesting conversation on our bus ride to town about rules and what is right and wrong. What should we do when we see that someone is engaging in what we perceive as wrong behaviour, and to what extent do we go in attempting to speak truth in this person's life?

She was faced with a situation where someone was resisting her persistent correction and avoiding her, and she was wondering if sterner measures should be taken?

This is a tough one for there is a fine line between offering the truth in humility and being intrusively self-righteous. Even if we are right, it may not be judicious to insist too much for it may have the opposite result and drive people away.

And yet, we must also not shrink from speaking the truth if indeed someone is bent on the path of destruction, even as we know the message may not be well received as soon as the words leave our mouth.

So how does one preach the truth without being preachy? How does one one speak the truth without judging the other?

There are no blanket or fail-proof answers for every situation is nuanced by different personalities, histories and motivations. However, we can be guided by God's law of love which stresses respect for the dignity of the other, so that we love our neighbour as we love ourselves.

In order that we ourselves can live upright and honest lives, we must first grasp the spirit behind the commandments or rules for expert knowledge of the rules alone is inadequate. We would only be like children engaged in rote learning, parroting truths without understanding, until we ourselves break them without much provocation.

Or we adhere to the rules but experience no joy in living a circumscribed life born out of duty alone. And because we have such joyless souls, we perpetuate a prevailing view of Christianity: institutionalized religion is for killjoy, moralistic, guilt ridden prudes who are unable to enjoy life.

That could not be further from the truth of the Living God, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the God made incarnate in His Son, Jesus, who gifted us with the Holy Spirit.

He wants us to have life to the full, something we can only know and experience if we listen and talk to Him frequently, in tender, intimate relationship. And when we are fully alive, then others around us can be dazzled by His glory and therefore attracted to Him through us, His ambassadors. They will be drawn to the abundance of joy, love and peace that radiates from our personalities. And that, folks, is how we become legitimate fishers of men and women.

True moral choices come from an adult, incisive understanding of self and an educated, well-developed conscience that has digested the philosophy behind the rules, especially Divine-inspired ones for they breathe truth, goodness and beauty into our lives, being rules of love.

But knowing right from wrong does not mean we point fingers or judge others. For we are also called to live lives of virtue, what Aristotle defined as excellence at being human. Thus the virtues of wisdom and compassion would qualify as knowing when, what and how to say something.

To speak truth with the right words, at the right time and in the right place for the right reasons so that it can be received openly, and in the same spirit of love as it was given. This requires both humility and courage.

I like what Father Timothy Radcliffe says in the Afterword, Beyond silence, in his book Seven Last Words:

The courage to speak is ultimately founded on the courage to listen. Do we dare to listen to the young with their doubts and questions...to people who have other theological opinions than ours...to people who feel alienated from the Church...to those whose lives may appear to place them on the edge, because they are divorced and remarried or gay or living with partners? We will not have the courage to do so unless we have listened in silence to the most disturbing voice of all, that of our God. If we can be silent before God and hear his Word which rose from the dead, then silence will no longer imprison us in any tomb.

His words echo what my SD told me last week. It is more often enough that we are available to people and listen, for that listening ear may just be what is needed to give truth the space to emerge and coalesce into a concrete reality.

Lenten sacrifice

I was, not long ago, party to an exchange of email where there were a series of miscommunication errors and it was threatening to escalate to a point of no return.

I had every justification to feel aggrieved (so I say) and get nasty but I decided that was not a path I would choose for there is no upside to non-resolution once I got over my initial anger.

As Aileen O'Donoghue wrote in Living Faith, we either practise being right or we practise being kind. And it is in forgiveness, we practise kindness in hope of kindness being given to us in 'good measure' (Luke 6:37).

So I picked up the phone and called, and talked, and listened. We both put down the phone feeling better for we agreed to wipe the slate clean and start over. Even if I had to eat humble pie initially, it was worth it. 

My lesson from all this is there's no point being right if it causes negative reactions and hurt feelings with no viable solution.

And nothing like prayer to give perspective, regain objectivity and not hold onto anger or ego; to be the one who first seeks reconciliation and thereafter engage in a win-win situation.

Recently, a couple of close friends have had skirmishes with a respective parent and both sets of people experienced deep hurt. The relationships were badly affected and in one instance, the existing rift is, at present, unbridged.

When resentment causes us to explode in anger, we often say and do things we do not really mean, even if in that moment our intent is murderous. Because we ourselves did not escape unscathed by the heated exchange of words, we refuse to yield or consider the other's position, for pride traps us in indignation and self-righteousness.

So we eschew forgiveness and reconciliation. We seek only justice and redress, not realizing when we dig our heels in, rooting in pain and anger, we face losing something more precious than our so-called dignity - our humanity.

We forget all the good times, where the other was there for us or showered us with sacrificial love. Instead, the words that hurt us wield power to keep us fixated on only the bad times, and what the other did not do for us, or did very badly.

These words take on a life of their own in our imaginations, roaming free to create chaos and bitterness in our internal landscapes, withering the delicate seedling of empathy and true understanding.

Being right is cold comfort when the possibilities of love are silenced by hurt and anger. When I look back on life what I regret most are the harsh words and/or unloving acts my pride and ego had spawned.

I regret times I was too stubborn to admit I was partially wrong (although I may have been partially right) and let a situation go from bad to worse.

I especially regret that I could not overcome years of hurt that silenced the words of love I wished to express to my late father until it was too late.

Loving is not easy for there will be times we will hurt those we love deeply, especially those in our families. But as today's Gospel from Luke chapter 13 remind us, we never know when death will come and we do not want to be caught unawares when it does.

We would want to go in state of grace, which means we should take to heart the advice that Paul proffered the Ephesians: to not let anger cause us to sin and give the devil an opportunity to mar our relationships with dissension and unforgiveness.

What Paul goes on to say is a fitting reminder this Lent:

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

                                                                      

                                                                                                        Ephesians 4:31-32     

 

When it comes to relationships gone bad or situations fraught with tension, kindness and forgiveness would be the best Lenten sacrifice we could ever offer up. Not just as a sign of love to God, but for our own good as well (as we get rid of past baggage). 

 

And should we go tomorrow, there would be no regrets, no loss. Just pure grace.

Passion and compassion

I attended the Episcopal Ordination of Monsignor William Goh last evening and it was a joyous occasion marked with the solemn beauty of Catholic tradition. I felt privileged to be among the 13,000 who had gathered at the Singapore Expo's Max Pavilion to witness this momentous event and to pray with and for our Coadjutor Archbishop.

This Roman Catholic Church is in transition whether at home or abroad, for change is inevitable in life. With the recent announcement of the resignation of Pope Benedict XVI, who officially steps down on February 28, the new pope will be in for rocky times for there are recent reports of sex scandals and blackmail in the Vatican.

Is the Church in crisis? Yes, for we are living in times of crises. One has only to look around to see the social fabric of nations being ripped apart by sexual infidelity, dishonesty, greed and violence daily.

Integrity, honour, virtue have fallen out of favour with humankind for we are living in a world caught in a miasma of secularism and relativism. How else can one explain when a group of high-ranking clergyman excuse and indulge in behaviour completely lacking in truth and purity, most unbefitting of the vows they made before God?

I am hoping the reports are fallacious but if they are true, do I lose heart when I see a canker festering within the Vatican? Do I leave the Church, disillusioned, angry and bitter? Now, more than ever, I am called to question how I can make a difference through my baptism: to be an agent of change and renewal for the good of all humankind and to help Mother Church heal, instead of walking away.

As Monsignor Eugene Vaz asked those present during a talk on baptism last Thursday, what is the quality of my faith during this period of Lent in the Year of Faith? Each of us who makes up the Church is called to a renewal and deepening of our faith during this special season.

The effects of baptism are manifold as he explained. First and foremost, I have been washed free of the guilt of original sin. I have a supernatural life and its attendant graces (if I choose to cooperate with the Holy Spirit that lives within me). I have been infused with supernatural powers that give rise to virtues, gifts and fruits of the Spirit.

I am also a member of the Church who is the universal sacrament of salvation and sanctification. And finally, I bear the indelible seal and character of Christ who is the vine I am been grafted onto and hence I enjoy a unique relationship with Him not found outside of baptism.

If I wish to fully experience the effects of my baptism so as to carry out the threefold office of priest, prophet and king with any measure of success, I must fully appreciate the ramifications of baptism and cultivate the gift of faith that is mine.

I must persevere beyond despair, and love beyond hurt and pain, for the trials and tribulations of life will certainly include suffering and persecution.

The hallmark of Monsignor William Goh's ministry is "Passion and Compassion", one I am appropriating for I don't ever wish to lose my passion for the truth of God's love and how I can live out that love, sharing it with others. And as truth without mercy can be harsh and unforgiving, compassion must be integral to everything I think, feel, say and do.

Through the upcoming storms, if we hold fast to the truth of faith and walk the distance with hope, defending it with love, we will see change for the better. Prayer will be the weapon of choice for it is only with and through prayer that we will be given the wisdom and heart to live and act with passion and compassion.

Thank you for your fiat, Monsignor William and your motto, Ut Vivant, That They May Live. I look forward to being part of an energized, evangelistic flock led by a dynamic and Spirited shepherd.

Upholding family tradition

I have survived another Lunar New Year clean and cook fest. While it has been exhausting, it is nice to be able to eat all the special dishes I enjoyed as a child, even if I have to cook them all by myself now.

The LNY brings back vivid memories of my grandmother and all the things she would do during this festive season. I find myself repeating her many rituals more to honour her memory (for they were important to her) than for the usual good luck.

As I cook, I get random memories of times past, when I was her helper, and later my dad's, and these memories are, for me, the highlight of the season for I get to capture the past, for a brief moment, and the mundane task of kitchen prep work is elevated and injected with meaning.

I catch a glimpse of my late grandmother and father, and it is as if I am cooking with them once again. They come alive in the sight, smell, texture and taste of each dish and I get to savour the goodness they put into LNY meals past today as I cook.

To the Chinese, food is important, not just for plain sustenance, but food has healing properties, and it is hugely symbolic of good fortune, prosperity and longevity during the LNY.

In my family, food is all that and more. Food is love, made visible in the painstaking prepwork, to the final culinary creation, and the act of eating together at the table, sampling with pleasure each bite as we share our lives with one another.

There is nothing more important than eating together as a family for that is what binds us and keeps us close. And there is something sacred about honouring tradition, the handing down of family recipes for each new generation to enjoy, as every recipe re-created is a labour of love.

Despite the tiredness and dishpan hands, I am glad I cooked this new year for I got a chance to thank both my grandmother and father for all those wonderful feasts they cooked for me and the rest of the family in the past. They would have lauded my current efforts, even if I lacked their culinary skills.

That the first day of the Lunar New Year fell on a Sunday made it all the more special for the Gospel from Luke 5:1-11 is about putting out into the deep, and catching more than just fish. The call of the first disciples by Jesus; a call that is still relevant today.

It is a call to remember where I come from, to know who I am today and to have the courage to embrace my future as a fisher of men. It is a call that both my maternal and paternal grandparents, and my parents answered. And, it is a call that I choose to answer as well.

Although family tradition may involve time, effort and even sacrifice, it is worthwhile for when it comes to love, there is no price too high to pay. Jesus Himself showed us that by becoming bread and wine for us all in the sacrifice of His own body and blood, a feast we partake of in the Eucharistic celebration every time.

I am grateful for the opportunity to uphold family tradition this year as I give thanks that it is but once a year.   

Good enough

Many of my friends ask me what is the secret of my mother's youthful appearance. Just seven weeks shy of her 80th birthday, she rarely gets mistaken for a senior citizen.

While my tongue-in-cheek response is daily afternoon naps, I believe the true reason why my mother looks and feels young, apart from her excellent genetic pedigree, is her attitude to life.

She is grateful and content with her life, has always been, and in the words of Psalm 23, she does not want. She does not hanker for things or experiences, she does not yearn for what she cannot get, therefore the simple pleasures in life satisfy her and make her happy.

Her attitude goes counter to current social norms where nothing is ever enough, where more means better. More material wealth, more love, more of everything equals happiness and therefore all ends justify the means taken to attain them.

Innate in us all are desires and dreams that push us to survive and flourish in life, that's our biology. But spiritually, we are built for transcendence, to go beyond ourselves and be more; to strive toward goodness, toward God.

Unfortunately, we now live in a world that emphasizes taking and not giving, using instead of serving, thus we remain stuck at the bottom of Maslow's pyramid, never moving up to self-actualization.

We focus so much on our own benefit that we become rabidly acquisitive, degenerating into greedy and selfish beings. We even fight and kill, commit unspeakable crimes in order to gain power, territory, wealth and love, whatever we want or desire.

We forget that true, lasting happiness comes from within, not without, and when we aspire toward goodness, we are well on the way to finding happiness as we most value it. Happiness is so not a Lamborghini Miura or a crocodile Birkin with gold and diamond hardware, lust-worthy as they are.

In past Sunday's Gospel (Luke 4:21-30), Jesus made the townspeople furious when He intimated that God's word and blessings were for everyone and not just the Chosen People.

As Father Stephen pointed out in his homily, the truth is "we, who are the Church, already have enough of God’s blessings.  In fact we are the ones who should be giving thanks and gratitude to God, and we should teach others to do likewise."

He could be talking about my mother for she teaches me this life lesson every day, that the joys and sorrows, achievements and failures, gains and losses of each day are enough, as long as we share in the joys and sorrows, achievements and failures, gains and losses of those around us, and we give thanks to God for being there with us every step of the way.

To me, she exemplifies love as it is defined in the second reading of 1 Corinthians 13 for she is patient, kind and truthful; not envious, boastful, proud or self-seeking; but trusting, full of hope and persevering. I can only aspire to love as she loves, not demanding more out of life.

Although Mum has had her fair share of tough times and is a breast cancer survivor, her lack of bitterness, regret or anger and her lack of demands keep her young at heart, and in mind and body.

For life, as it is, is good enough.

Child-like

Every year I like to try my hand at something new to get out of my comfort zone and this year, it is to be a Catechesis of the Good Shepherd (CGS) catechist. The first session of the year began today for the three-six year olds in the atrium this afternoon and it was all a little daunting for it was unfamiliar territory.

There were 13 children of mixed ages with two newcomers, while a number of them were siblings. I felt grossly unqualified to be there for I did not know all the works in the atrium. And for the ones I did know, I am not sure I could present them adequately for last year's training is now all a blur.

I caught myself doing and saying things I should not be saying (so much for Anne and Mary's training), but as Cecilia reminded us, children are very forgiving, plus they would not know if we did not do very well. Thank goodness for that.

What struck me as I sat observing was how trusting and open young children can be. They truly believe in the goodness of the adults around them and were able to ask for help quite freely. I felt quite privileged to have that level of trust directed at me when it is completely unearned.

How liberating it must be to trust in the goodness of people around you. How great it must be to be spontaneous and transparent. How secure it must be to know you are loved and that everyone treats you well. Why can't adults live the same way? Well, to a certain extent, they can, if they trust in God as a child does, as these bunch of three - six year olds trusted me and the other adults in the atrium

Today I found myself doing something that the world would view as foolish, literally turning a client away because she first began group classes with another instructor. However, because I fully trust in providence, I am not worried at the outcome. Yes, it would be nice to have a new client and earn more, but I trust that God will take care of me as He has done in the past and even as recent as this week, so if it is meant to be, she will be my regular client. So I do what I feel is right and just in life and I entrust God with the rest.

Just a couple of days ago I was trying to explain to baby bro that I do not seek to be good Christian just because I do not want to go to hell, but because I have experienced the goodness of God's love, and so I constantly strive to reciprocate the love I have received so lavishly.

The other perks in seeking to do His will in all things and adhering to a certain way of life is actually freedom from fear that leads to irrational action and potential sin.

I am not afraid that I do not have financial security as the world defines security, and because I am unafraid, I am doing what I love and I am free from financial worry. Plus, I am not tempted to cheat, lie or misrepresent myself in any way, just to earn an extra buck.

Then there is also the freedom to be like a child, fearless, confident and full of joy. God's approval is the only thing I seek in life. It matters to me whether I make Him happy for I know that if I succeed in doing so, then I am, at the same time, making myself and others around me happy. I can harness the simple joy of a child.

So I look forward to learning how to be more child-like in the coming year for I had a very good day today in the atrium.

C made me day when she turned to me and thrust a drawing in my hand saying this is for you, after she had been ignoring everyone in the atrium.

Now how did she know I liked the colour purple and rainbows (the girl has rainbow-coloured hair)? Uncanny.
 

Living epiphanically

Epiphany - I just love the word. It's melodiously beautiful and it conjures up triumph and celebration, Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture,  just from the sound of it.

In the Christian context, Epiphany is a feast worthy of great merry-making for in seeking and following the star, we, like the Magi, have arrived at the manger and discovered the good news of God made man in a tiny, rosy-cheeked baby.

It can, if we let it, be a revelation of such impact that our world is no longer the same.

Pope Benedict XVI says the deep desire of the Magi to leave everything and begin the journey towards God is precisely the mystery of God's call and the mystery of vocation.

Thus in undertaking the journey "toward the kingship of God Himself", we ourselves can experience the joy and hope of this eventual discovery, kneeling in adoration as we lay our gifts at His feet.

He goes on to add: "The secret of holiness is friendship with Christ and faithful obedience to His will."

What is obedience to His will? What are the gifts that we can lay at His feet?

Pope Paul VI delineates it as "...simplicity of life, the spirit of prayer, charity towards all, especially towards the lowly and the poor, obedience and humility..." and that "...Without this mark of holiness, our word will have difficulty in touching the heart of modern man. It risks being vain and sterile."

We seem to live in a world that is morally bankrupt. The brutal gang rape in India last month that resulted in the death of a young woman is unthinkable to me, and yet, it happened.

How can a group of men treat another sentient being with such unspeakable violence and think it fine? It boggles my mind, and yet, this is my, our, reality.

Do I despair? Or simply dull my senses into a state of indifference? What can I do for I am but one voice.

All it took was one solitary star to lead the Magi. So all I have to do is to strive for holiness, to obediently carry out His will in faith, and let the light of our friendship shine a light in the darkness.

With Christ and Christ alone, can I do great things. With Him living in my heart, holding me by the hand, can I aspire to live in a world without violence but one filled with hope, love and joy.

My resolution this new year has nothing to do with personal goals but I would like to bring light to the world in a way that is not vain and sterile, nor in vain.

I would like to be able to lead others to the joyful discovery of the child Jesus in the manger who is fully human yet undeniably royal, and divine.

Therefore the feast of Epiphany is not just one day or a season in liturgical times, but a feast I seek to celebrate every day.

I want to live epiphanically. For He is here, among us, and we can see, hear and touch Him, if we but try.

Christmas come lately

It is New Year's Eve and I am home with a bum knee. All the physical setbacks I have faced this year have been a little frustrating and I feel the weight of my years (and fat) deep in my bones.

And yet, I end the year on an emotional high for I have written the children's book I have had gestating inside of me since February. It has taken 10 months but I am glad I could gift it to Jesus this Christmas, albeit a couple of days late.

I seem to be late for Christmas in other ways as well. The commercial blitz of Christmas consumerism has left me slightly disoriented for it is the antithesis of what Christmas is all about.

Plus the hustle and bustle of December has given me little time to reflect, which always results in my inability to connect well with people, myself, and Jesus.

Whenever I get busy with Martha-like doing, there is no bandwidth to be with people in a way that feeds both them and me. I end up physically whacked and spiritually empty.

Thus my Christmas spirit was lacking and lagging until I celebrated Midnight Mass which made me realize that He is born to be with us not just 2,000 years ago, but today, as I live and breathe. He is alive today.

The miracles that touched the crowds who followed Him continue to touch us, to touch me, today. He gives me sight. He heals me of my infirmities. He feeds me and keeps me in clover as well.

So why do I falter and stumble? Why do I not experience the joy I feel at Christmas all the time?

Why do I not always trust in the living Word, the true light that shines in the darkness as John describes the living Lord?

For me, it all comes down to the distraction of living in this world where busyness gets the better of me, and things not being within my control all the time. Like my knee that decided to bail on me for no apparent reason.

I am in pain. I am grouchy and tired. I lose heart. I get insecure. I feel ineffectual.

I realize I will never perfect the balance but there will be moments when I am living beatifically. Like now. Because I acted out my yes. Because I put aside my personal reservations and went with the flow of my heart's desire.

So all I have to keep doing is to lay my "heart-earned" gifts at His feet in humble adoration. In silence. In stillness.

No one, whether shepherd or wise man, can approach God here below except by kneeling before the manger at Bethlehem and adoring him hidden in the weakness of a new-born child. 

                                                                             - Catechism of the Catholic Church, 563

Christmas may have come late this year but it is here to stay and can be mine throughout the year.

Venite adoremus

Loving more dearly

As we approach the end of the year, we are ever surrounded by unrest and strife in the world. Worse, there have been two events of senseless killings in America, committed by young men; one in an Oregon shopping mall and the other in a Connecticut elementary school involving the massacre of six year olds.

How do we make sense of killing for killing's sake? Both tragedies are abominable acts of violence that has made the world a darker place.

How did each of these young men arrive at the place where they decided to unleash firepower on other people with the intent to hurt and kill.

It is so easy to blame society, the legal system, the government; or to take matters into our own hands by bringing a gun to school to defend ourselves which is what an 11 year old in Utah did in the aftermath of Sandy Hook, but what each of us can do to fight these unconscionable acts of violence is to bring change in a radical non-violent way by loving as Christ did.

In the final chapter of Landmarks, To Love You More Dearly, Silf talks about the Fourth Week of Saint Ignatius's Spiritual Exercises which she likens to an earthquake where all but Truth is destroyed and truth itself transcends into Life.

This "resurrection energy" is what enables us to be expert witnesses, to walk the transformation that we have experienced interiorly, and to be channels of grace that receive and give constantly in our everyday lives, even in the face of hatred, anger or adversity.

As Father Romeo exhorted in his homily this morning, we all need to undergo metanoia which not only means repentance, but going beyond our understanding. We need to carry the words of John the Baptist in our hearts and go beyond ourselves every day by acting in love to all, and in all the circumstances of our lives.

The prayer of Saint Francis says it best for me:

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace.
That where there is hatred I may bring love,
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness,
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony,
That where there is error I may bring truth,
That where there is doubt I may bring faith,
That where there is despair I may bring hope,
That where there are shadows I may bring light,
That where there is sadness I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted,
To understand than to be understood,
To love than to be loved.
For it is by forgetting self that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven,
it is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.

In simple and concrete ways, we can restore light in a darkened world. This is how we can live out the Christmas story, this fourth week of Advent when we light the fourth candle that represents love.

My SD gave me two questions to take into my prayer time:

In the morning I should ask, "Lord, show me how to be light?", and during my evening reflection, "How have I been available today?". Thus, in this way, I can learn to love Christ more dearly.

While I can only offer up prayers for all those who were killed in both shootings and for healing in their families, I can make a difference in my community by being more welcoming, more loving and more forgiving.

...on those who live in a land of deep shadow, a light has shone. Isaiah 9:2

Sri Lankan surprises

Mum and I just returned from a first-time visit to Sri Lanka and we both enjoyed ourselves tremendously. I had reservations going on my first guided tour ever, but my excellent tour leader Sonny of Travel Buzz, assisted by our local tour leader Lucky and his able Jetwing crew, made the trip a luxurious, educational and insightful one.

Moreover, Sri Lanka is a land blessed with much natural beauty and inhabited by friendly and cheerful people. And the cuisine is deliciously spicy - my absolute favourite meal was egg hoppers with pol sambol and fish curry, yummydoubleyum.

We began in Negombo and worked our way eastward to Pinnawala, Nuwara Eliya, Kandy, Dambulla and Polonnaruwa, before doubling back to Colombo. I even managed an unexpected (for no one else wanted to go) climb up Sigiriya with my wonky knees and was rewarded by amazing views of its surroundings.

While I deplored the tedium of long stretches of time spent on the road (the stunning vistas hugging the Heritance Tea Factory cannot tempt my mother to make a repeat visit as she declared never again quite emphatically), I welcomed the surprises that unfolded on the journey such as the multiple wedding convoys we witnessed.

Our first morning there we saw five to six bridal parties (it was an auspicious date) and subsequently we saw practically one bride a day.

The joy visible on the faces of the many couples affirmed that love is truly what makes the world go round and nothing celebrates love as much as nuptial vows that are both sanctifying and elevating.

Amongst the newlyweds, the group celebrated a golden wedding anniversary of fellow travellers Christine and Henry. It was touching to see that their love for each other is still evident even after 50 years of marriage.

As we travelled uphill in predominantly Buddhist Kandy to our hotel, I was wondering how I was going to attend mass when lo and behold, someone spotted this Marian Shrine on the roadside opposite our hotel and a church spire in the near distance.

So I set off to explore the possibility of sunset mass and I soon found out that I could celebrate the feast day of Our Lady of Guadalupe in Our Lady of Fatima. It could not get better than that until I spotted a rainbow as I rushed back to change for mass. I truly felt that the rainbow was specially for me, a sign of God's own promise, honouring my fidelity to Him. Super special.

From Kandy we made our way to Dambulla and on our way to the gorgeous Geoffrey Bawa designed Heritance Kandalama Hotel, there were chance sightings of wild elephants, timid deer hiding in the scrub and brilliantly coloured butterflies. While among the ruins of Polonnaruwa we found monitor lizards and monkeys with Mo-like haircuts.

The weather could not have been more perfect for we encountered blue skies and cooling breezes, even in bustling Colombo.

It is, perhaps, fitting that I received so many surprising gifts in the land of Serendip (one of Sri Lanka's earlier names) for my vacation was serendipitously delightful.

Living well

"The times are bad! The times are troublesome!" This is what humans say. But we are our times. Let us live well and our times will be good. Such as we are, such are our times. "              

This insight from Saint Augustine reminds me not to just gripe or be defeated by circumstance but rather to rise up against adversity and manufacture light in the darkness, to be a star maker as Margaret Silf suggests in chapter 14 of Landmarks.

In the Third Week of Saint Ignatius's Spiritual Exercises we are invited to unite our sorrows with Christ's Passion and allow Him to redeem our "bad times", just as He first redeemed our lives by dying on the cross.

No matter what life throws our way, there is always a way out and a way up. As long as we walk alongside Jesus to Calvary, the irrevocable, heinous mistakes of our lives and its tragic losses, all our personal griefs, they can be crucified on the cross and be transformed into beacons of hope in the landscape of our lives.

For through Christ we are offered glimpses of God's eternity, kairos moments that will mark a change in how we journey forward.

While constantly grieving our less than glorious and painful moments is not a recommended activity, contemplating these events in the garden of Gethsemane or on the road to Calvary can bring solace, enlightenment and reveal to us a meaningful and joyous path that we can walk.

In this deliberate choice to experience death, or kenosis; we can be born again, a new creation. And thus, through the bitter seeds of our suffering, shoots can emerge and blossom so others can enjoy the eventual fruit.

We are saying to God, in Paul Baloche's words: As bread that is broken, use our lives, as wine that is poured out, a willing sacrifice. We are allowing Him to direct our hearts and hands beyond the personal hurts and universal horrors we experience on a day to day basis.

Today is Gaudete Sunday where the third candle of Advent was lit and we are reminded by the readings that we are made to be happy and the way to happiness, as Luke points out is to live in a way that reaps happiness: honestly, helpfully, generously and righteously.

Thus to live well is not beyond our reach and is irrespective of the times we live in. We just have to make the choice to live out the good news in our lives, that Immanuel, God is with us, is here.

  

Seeing clearly

I read with interest an article on contextual theology in which the search for God has its starting point is life's realities; where God is found in our daily lives. So because He is in me and my context, my history, He is real, tangible in my life, not some abstract, distant concept.

One writer described it succinctly in the words of Saint Anselm's motto, "faith seeking understanding". That through faith, we come to a deeper understanding of God.

When I began to read chapter 13 of Margaret Silf's Landmarks, it all fell into place for the Second Week of Saint Ignatius's Spiritual Exercises is precisely about this, where in prayer, we "become participants in the events and teachings of his earthly life and ministry".

We begin to see God more clearly only when we cultivate an intimate relationship with Him by listening, disclosing, sharing, reflecting and giving; letting Him participate in our daily lives.

By using imaginative prayer, we can situate ourselves in Scripture and find God in the events of our lives even if there does not seem to be a direct correlation at first. When we allow ourselves to look at life through God's eyes, we find Jesus walks with us as He did over 2,000 years ago when He actually walked on this earth.

This living relationship with Jesus is one relationship that can be cultivated and nourished even for tiny tots, as I discovered when I attended my first course of Catechesis of the Good Shepherd, CGS, last week.

I was astounded by how the pedagogy of Maria Montessori, when applied to catechizing children had such a powerful effect, thanks to the dual efforts of Sofia Cavalletti and Gianna Gobbi, co-founders of CGS. The Bible, Creation, Liturgy, Sacraments, all these came vividly alive as we walked through the presentations over the week.

It is, for me, a fitting way to end the year, to be reminded that a child can grasp and synthesize truths that an adult loss of innocence distrusts and denies. That if I want to enter the kingdom of heaven I must be like a child, with a humble and unwavering faith in the Good Shepherd.

Who is this child, this special child who will be born in our midst? It is a question I will ponder on this Advent season and I hope to see Him more clearly as I prepare my heart to welcome Him.