Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Living the questions

During my recent day of recollection with the liturgical ministries of Blessed Sacrament Church, Brother Dominic came with many questions for us to reflect on so that we can each work on transforming our ministry into community. He quoted Rainer Maria Rilke on living with the questions in our life rather then pushing them aside:

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

Brother Dominic encouraged us to sit with the questions in our life, to reflect constantly on why we do the things we do in our quest for answers in our life. If we do not know the questions, then the answers may not mean much either to ourselves or others, and we risk being jaded and burnt out, especially during the times when we don't seem to be making much headway.

He reminded all present that there is a universal call to holiness which we exercise and grow only when we live it out actively in ministry, serving others as bread broken, blessed and shared. Because ministry is collaborative and communal by nature, we have to dialogue face to face and work hand in hand together. The one who gives, receives, as the one who receives also gives. This dynamism of service is most strongly evinced in the sharing of lives, the telling of our own personal stories.

Brother Dominic also encouraged us to see our brokenness as as starting point for the light of Christ to enter and fill us even as it heals us, and to then allow ourselves to reflect that same light to others, bringing relief. It is mostly through our suffering that we learn to be more compassionate and less competitive. He stressed that compassion does not come naturally and we require spiritual strength to view the world in a more fraternal and Christ-like manner.  When we reach out and share through our brokenness, this encourages and gives hope to those around us.

My lesson from this weekend is that I should continue to live the questions as richly and reflectively as I did before I got married.

When I look back at the last 13 years of single life, I had to  live out the many questions of my vocation of marriage and motherhood in creative and unique ways. What I draw from those years is that all things are indeed possible with God, and there is deep satisfaction in being obedient to the Father and willing to go His way, for He will lead you down paths you would not otherwise choose. Consequently I developed a vibrant and Abrahamic kind of faith.

Having now experienced just over a year of marriage, I find myself living the questions of my vocation with increased intensity. There is a whole spectrum of questions, and I have to lean on Jesus more than ever. Plus, Mother Mary helps me with a feminine perspective on dealing with life. Those 13 years pale in comparison to the complexities that I am faced with today. However, the blessings are manifold.

The second reading of last Sunday's Liturgy of the Word, 1 Corinthians 7:32-37, spoke strongly to me: how a married woman must concern herself with things of the world and devote her time to her husband. Marriage necessitates a change in how I go about serving the Lord. I need to love the Lord by being pleasing to my husband and the children, and yet, I cannot allow marriage to be a distraction that draws me away from Jesus. Questions are needed to ensure I do not fall into the trap of the latter. Only wisdom of divine nature can assist me in treading the fine line of ministry within and without my marriage, just as the Spirit will guide me to ultimately be pleasing to my Father in heaven.

Whatever our vocation and the vicissitudes of that vocation, there is just one simple guideline that predicates love of neighbour, and that is to love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength and with all your mind. If I live out the hows, wheres, whats, whens and whys in close reference to Jesus, then living the questions becomes an altogether simpler yet more profound experience.

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