I had lunch with J yesterday and I realised that the one thing most women do not seem to know much about is menopause or the period leading up to it - perimenopause or premenopause. It can be a trying time, and some symptoms can last for as long as 10 years.
Some women are blessed for they seem to breeze through it, while others, like myself, experience a whole plethora of wonderful stuff like mood swings, hot flashes, sensitivity to sound and smell, foggy brain, poor memory, insomnia, weight gain (especially around the middle), anger that is not proportionate to the situation, increased irritability, and even severe depression. There is also dry skin, thinning hair, reduced neuromuscular coordination and unexplained aches and pains, not to mention the dark circles and eye bags from the lack of sleep.
It doesn't help when as women in our forties and fifties, we have achieved much in our lives already, and suddenly, we seem to be fumbling big time. On top of this, we have to contend with ageing woes and feeling unattractive. It is hard to accept our physical limitations brought about by the change of life, the decreased energy levels and the lethargy that seems to set in so that all we want to do is retreat from the world. Everything just seems too difficult. We don't want to get out of bed. We give up very easily. Then we beat ourselves up for being in this state of torpor, yet are unable to rise above it.
When we fly into rages, we hate ourselves after, for we should have known better. Self-hate seems to be the flavour of the season. I sometimes feel like a crazy person and a failure, someone who just cannot get her act together. My IQ has dropped drastically and, I find myself doing really stupid things, both mortifying and unforgivable.
I know I am not sick, and that all this will go away eventually (I seem to be over the worst of it), but there are days sheer exhaustion takes over and I just don't want to engage in the world, or I feel very unlovable and unworthy of being loved. I cannot seem to let go of my own mistakes, and I dwell, I brood on less than perfect situations, never mind that everybody else has already forgotten about it, or never even noticed anything was wrong in the first place.
So, ladies, if you are experiencing any of the above, take heart, it could just be a hormonal thing. There are things you can do to alleviate the severity of some of the symptoms. Do some research, and experiment to see what works for you. Personally, my life-savers include miso and seaweed soup for the hot flashes, progesterone cream for the insomnia, and exercise for general well being and to rebuild the marked loss of muscle. I even tried TCM for a short period of time, and it has worked.
A vital part of going through perimenopause and menopause is to maintain and lean on a strong support system. Act against the inclination to go it alone, to be the independent and capable woman you are. It's no crime in being needy at times. Share with loved ones how you feel, and get the necessary TLC you need from good women friends - please do not veer off the path and seek inappropriate validation from others that will only increase your misery in the long run. It's perfectly alright to be vulnerable and weak, and not to have all the answers in life. I am grateful for good friends and my mother who have eased my passage through their care and concern.
Quality and frequent quiet time with Jesus has been another requisite for me - to rest in my identity as Beloved, especially when I feel like a zero. Prayer has been my mainstay through the worst patches, as well as daily mass and regular reconciliation. I have learned to let go and to let God take over. What is not within my control is certainly within His, thus, leaning on His understanding enables me to deal with my reality and my frustrations daily.
Every season of life will have its challenges and the menopausal years are no different. We can, however, choose how we deal with it. Pragmatism, prayer and lots of exercise go a long way. Give it a shot.
Some women are blessed for they seem to breeze through it, while others, like myself, experience a whole plethora of wonderful stuff like mood swings, hot flashes, sensitivity to sound and smell, foggy brain, poor memory, insomnia, weight gain (especially around the middle), anger that is not proportionate to the situation, increased irritability, and even severe depression. There is also dry skin, thinning hair, reduced neuromuscular coordination and unexplained aches and pains, not to mention the dark circles and eye bags from the lack of sleep.
It doesn't help when as women in our forties and fifties, we have achieved much in our lives already, and suddenly, we seem to be fumbling big time. On top of this, we have to contend with ageing woes and feeling unattractive. It is hard to accept our physical limitations brought about by the change of life, the decreased energy levels and the lethargy that seems to set in so that all we want to do is retreat from the world. Everything just seems too difficult. We don't want to get out of bed. We give up very easily. Then we beat ourselves up for being in this state of torpor, yet are unable to rise above it.
When we fly into rages, we hate ourselves after, for we should have known better. Self-hate seems to be the flavour of the season. I sometimes feel like a crazy person and a failure, someone who just cannot get her act together. My IQ has dropped drastically and, I find myself doing really stupid things, both mortifying and unforgivable.
I know I am not sick, and that all this will go away eventually (I seem to be over the worst of it), but there are days sheer exhaustion takes over and I just don't want to engage in the world, or I feel very unlovable and unworthy of being loved. I cannot seem to let go of my own mistakes, and I dwell, I brood on less than perfect situations, never mind that everybody else has already forgotten about it, or never even noticed anything was wrong in the first place.
So, ladies, if you are experiencing any of the above, take heart, it could just be a hormonal thing. There are things you can do to alleviate the severity of some of the symptoms. Do some research, and experiment to see what works for you. Personally, my life-savers include miso and seaweed soup for the hot flashes, progesterone cream for the insomnia, and exercise for general well being and to rebuild the marked loss of muscle. I even tried TCM for a short period of time, and it has worked.
A vital part of going through perimenopause and menopause is to maintain and lean on a strong support system. Act against the inclination to go it alone, to be the independent and capable woman you are. It's no crime in being needy at times. Share with loved ones how you feel, and get the necessary TLC you need from good women friends - please do not veer off the path and seek inappropriate validation from others that will only increase your misery in the long run. It's perfectly alright to be vulnerable and weak, and not to have all the answers in life. I am grateful for good friends and my mother who have eased my passage through their care and concern.
Quality and frequent quiet time with Jesus has been another requisite for me - to rest in my identity as Beloved, especially when I feel like a zero. Prayer has been my mainstay through the worst patches, as well as daily mass and regular reconciliation. I have learned to let go and to let God take over. What is not within my control is certainly within His, thus, leaning on His understanding enables me to deal with my reality and my frustrations daily.
Every season of life will have its challenges and the menopausal years are no different. We can, however, choose how we deal with it. Pragmatism, prayer and lots of exercise go a long way. Give it a shot.
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