So
why is chastity so brilliant before and within marriage? As I wrote in my last
entry, TOB good, man and woman are made to be in a monogamous relationship, and
in order to live out the nuptial meaning of their bodies, chastity is vital. It
may not be easy, but when men and women attempt sexual honesty
(leaning heavily on grace), they will find many blessings.
In my previous relationships, I never really knew if I was liked for who I was or was it the sexual chemistry that kept the relationships going. When couples focus on the physical aspect of a mutual attraction, lust muddies the water of love, if it flows, for the motivations that keep a couple in a relationship become unclear. Both had used each other for their own gratification from the start, and this pattern of using often becomes the blueprint of relationship dynamics.
Lust tends to cement relationships of two personalities that should not be together. Even if it becomes clear that they do not bring out the best in each other (every good, long-term relationship should do this) things may have advanced to the point where they are too comfortable to break up and move on. They rationalize staying in a stagnant or unhealthy relationship rather than face being alone.
The mindless, feel good character of lust is akin to gorging on junk food which fills the empty void inside temporarily and leaves you craving for more, like an addict. And what about the ill effects? While less visible than clogged arteries and obesity, they are more damaging.
One night stands are only good for cheap thrills, the danger and risk one exposes oneself to is not worth it, let alone risking one's soul.
Casual sex keeps one focused only on scratching the sexual itch, neglecting the real prize one craves for, a life partner to rely on, through thick and thin.
We have become a world full of people desperately searching for love, but no longer certain what love really looks like and how to find it. We think a sexual smörgåsbord feeds the emptiness in our souls and we keep going back for more. Instead, we grow more pleasure-seekingly selfish, self-absorbed and immature, falling easily into sexual infidelity and perversity. We are morally flaccid.
Here is where chastity makes a difference. When you first meet someone you like, by not jumping into bed immediately, you give each other time to figure out if you really like each other, or is it just hormones talking.
As time progresses and feelings grow, you focus on liking each other in ways that do not objectify or use the other. You plant the seeds of a giving, selfless love and watch it grow.
If you find yourself in love and working towards sharing a lifetime together, should you maintain sexual purity? Yes, for good things truly do come to those who wait. Respecting and honouring the dignity of the other beyond seeking one's own pleasure is of inestimable value, as is the value of self-control.
You know your relationship is not just based on animal attraction but on more substantial stuff, the stuff that keeps marriages going through tough times. You don't feel used. You feel cherished. You are loved the way you want to be loved, for you. If anything, abstinence before marriage begets love of a higher, more generous order.
Marriage is the ultimate symbol and gesture of love for a formal and public exchange of vows enables you both to love to the fullest of your potential with honesty and integrity. In the permanence of the marital bond (this is, of course, assuming both parties recognize the sanctity of the marriage vow they each took), couples have space in the relationship to screw up, behave badly (at times) and fail in life, knowing their spouse will always be there for them to support, forgive and love them.
Marriage is not an excuse to indulge in lust, although, marital sex can be mind-blowingly good in the absence of lust. For in the intimacy of shared lives, the connection of minds, hearts and bodies becomes an experience that transcends the ordinary where God is present, making the union of husband and wife sacred and achingly wondrous. This realization of heaven on earth is the gift open to all married couples. It's a gift I am holding out for, even if it takes forever.
Chastity within marriage makes sex an act of love that is unitive as well as procreative. Every time couples engage in sex, they are not only renewing their promises of avowed love to each other, they are also saying I give myself totally to you in such a way that if the miracle of new life should occur, we give thanks for that blessing, even if we may not be so thrilled about it initially (if unplanned). Children are that gift of life, created out of love. They are not a right that parents decide to exercise at will, despite the wonders of modern science.
We humans have the ability to practise natural family planning and couples who do abstain from sex when necessary, find that it makes for better communication that, in turn, engenders mutual love and respect. It is life affirming, unlike couple who contracept and focus only on getting their sexual kicks by blocking fertility.
A asked me a question when we met for dinner recently, about what I thought about an unmarried couple in a committed relationship sharing a room while on vacation.
My immediate thought is why put yourselves through this test of will power when you have already come so far in maintaining sexual purity (and if you haven't, there's no better time like the present to start)? Besides, even if you managed to just sleep and do nothing else, no one would believe you.
Although propriety seems irrelevant, the old-fashioned standards of behaviour make good sense. They make for refreshing simplicity and clarity. Adhere to them and relationships won't get complicated. No unpleasant surprises before marriage, and the courtship is a little sweeter, while the wedding night all the more special when it finally arrives. Plus no one can point a moralistic finger at you, and you will feel very good and virtuous about yourself, and deservedly so.
Chastity works to keep couples on the right track of love, to love with purity and single-minded intensity. And if couples allow the third party of Jesus to be part of their love, then all they need do is follow His lead.
PS: I thank God for the gift of JPII and his amazing Theology of the Body.
In my previous relationships, I never really knew if I was liked for who I was or was it the sexual chemistry that kept the relationships going. When couples focus on the physical aspect of a mutual attraction, lust muddies the water of love, if it flows, for the motivations that keep a couple in a relationship become unclear. Both had used each other for their own gratification from the start, and this pattern of using often becomes the blueprint of relationship dynamics.
Lust tends to cement relationships of two personalities that should not be together. Even if it becomes clear that they do not bring out the best in each other (every good, long-term relationship should do this) things may have advanced to the point where they are too comfortable to break up and move on. They rationalize staying in a stagnant or unhealthy relationship rather than face being alone.
The mindless, feel good character of lust is akin to gorging on junk food which fills the empty void inside temporarily and leaves you craving for more, like an addict. And what about the ill effects? While less visible than clogged arteries and obesity, they are more damaging.
One night stands are only good for cheap thrills, the danger and risk one exposes oneself to is not worth it, let alone risking one's soul.
Casual sex keeps one focused only on scratching the sexual itch, neglecting the real prize one craves for, a life partner to rely on, through thick and thin.
We have become a world full of people desperately searching for love, but no longer certain what love really looks like and how to find it. We think a sexual smörgåsbord feeds the emptiness in our souls and we keep going back for more. Instead, we grow more pleasure-seekingly selfish, self-absorbed and immature, falling easily into sexual infidelity and perversity. We are morally flaccid.
Here is where chastity makes a difference. When you first meet someone you like, by not jumping into bed immediately, you give each other time to figure out if you really like each other, or is it just hormones talking.
As time progresses and feelings grow, you focus on liking each other in ways that do not objectify or use the other. You plant the seeds of a giving, selfless love and watch it grow.
If you find yourself in love and working towards sharing a lifetime together, should you maintain sexual purity? Yes, for good things truly do come to those who wait. Respecting and honouring the dignity of the other beyond seeking one's own pleasure is of inestimable value, as is the value of self-control.
You know your relationship is not just based on animal attraction but on more substantial stuff, the stuff that keeps marriages going through tough times. You don't feel used. You feel cherished. You are loved the way you want to be loved, for you. If anything, abstinence before marriage begets love of a higher, more generous order.
Marriage is the ultimate symbol and gesture of love for a formal and public exchange of vows enables you both to love to the fullest of your potential with honesty and integrity. In the permanence of the marital bond (this is, of course, assuming both parties recognize the sanctity of the marriage vow they each took), couples have space in the relationship to screw up, behave badly (at times) and fail in life, knowing their spouse will always be there for them to support, forgive and love them.
Marriage is not an excuse to indulge in lust, although, marital sex can be mind-blowingly good in the absence of lust. For in the intimacy of shared lives, the connection of minds, hearts and bodies becomes an experience that transcends the ordinary where God is present, making the union of husband and wife sacred and achingly wondrous. This realization of heaven on earth is the gift open to all married couples. It's a gift I am holding out for, even if it takes forever.
Chastity within marriage makes sex an act of love that is unitive as well as procreative. Every time couples engage in sex, they are not only renewing their promises of avowed love to each other, they are also saying I give myself totally to you in such a way that if the miracle of new life should occur, we give thanks for that blessing, even if we may not be so thrilled about it initially (if unplanned). Children are that gift of life, created out of love. They are not a right that parents decide to exercise at will, despite the wonders of modern science.
We humans have the ability to practise natural family planning and couples who do abstain from sex when necessary, find that it makes for better communication that, in turn, engenders mutual love and respect. It is life affirming, unlike couple who contracept and focus only on getting their sexual kicks by blocking fertility.
A asked me a question when we met for dinner recently, about what I thought about an unmarried couple in a committed relationship sharing a room while on vacation.
My immediate thought is why put yourselves through this test of will power when you have already come so far in maintaining sexual purity (and if you haven't, there's no better time like the present to start)? Besides, even if you managed to just sleep and do nothing else, no one would believe you.
Although propriety seems irrelevant, the old-fashioned standards of behaviour make good sense. They make for refreshing simplicity and clarity. Adhere to them and relationships won't get complicated. No unpleasant surprises before marriage, and the courtship is a little sweeter, while the wedding night all the more special when it finally arrives. Plus no one can point a moralistic finger at you, and you will feel very good and virtuous about yourself, and deservedly so.
Chastity works to keep couples on the right track of love, to love with purity and single-minded intensity. And if couples allow the third party of Jesus to be part of their love, then all they need do is follow His lead.
PS: I thank God for the gift of JPII and his amazing Theology of the Body.
No comments:
Post a Comment