When M asked us to reflect on one high point and one low point in our lives last week it was easy for me to pick THE high point. It was the three weeks of ICPE Mission's Pastoral Counselling School (PCS) in Bangalore.
Last night, I realized that it has been just about 10 years since those incredible days in November 2003. As it is with all life-defining moments, that period in time remains etched in my memory forever, timeless and ageless.
I am freshly amazed by how Jesus knew exactly when my heart would be ready to receive Him and thus orchestrated this first meeting at the well. When I drank the water of eternal life He offered from the PCS cup, there was no turning back. I was hooked for life for I had found my priceless pearl of faith.
For the first time ever I realized how much I was loved, totally and unconditionally. Even my darkest, deepest sins were forgiven. It was a homecoming to rival that of the Prodigal Son. I regained my identity as daughter, bride and queen and the words from Isaiah 62:4 resounded fully:
You shall no more be termed Forsaken, and your land shall no more be termed Desolate, but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her, and your land Married; for the LORD delights in you, and your land shall be married.
My life changed. Overnight I knew where I came from, I knew who I was and what I was here for, and I knew where I was going (sorta, kinda, well in the general direction, anyway). And because I was forgiven much, like the sinful woman in Luke's Gospel (chapter 7), I loved Jesus with great passion and verve.
Ten years on, nothing has changed. I am still as in love with Him as I was, if not more. Our relationship has matured into an exceptional vintage wine of love and trust. It has been an intense decade that has not been all fun and roses even though I have embraced every second of it.
Every successful relationship requires work and sacrifice. By throwing my lot in with Jesus, I had to make some hard decisions concerning career, lifestyle and love life. The lowest point in my life involved choosing between God and His ways, and a man I loved enough to consider marrying.
What made the decision doubly painful was obedience to the Father had me stay in the relationship for an additional year before I was to let it go. Apart from the grief of the breakup, I had to deal with my confusion, wondering if I had discerned correctly. And if I had, why did God play this cruel joke on me for I had known a year before the relationship was a no-fly and I was ready then to walk away. Why, God, why???
To misquote Tennyson, mine not to reason why, mine but to do and die. The process of breaking down to build up, of the Divine Potter moulding me into His image and likeness was excruciating when it came to this particular instance. Everything else pales in comparison in terms of difficulty or the pain factor.
With the benefit of hindsight I am able to see that this low point was a necessary conversion experience, just as my conversion experience in Bangalore was. Both helped me grow in faith and hope, while enabling me to break free from the bondage of relativism and secularism.
I stand on the side of goodness and truth, knowing that there are absolute rights and wrongs in life. It is not all relative in life. Doing the right thing will not leave you feeling fuzzy and warm most times - it is hard work. Sexual intercourse is a unifying act of love between husband and wife and not a pre-marital recreational activity. Choosing the better part will always be a real struggle. And when it comes to love, I profess to the kind of love that leads to death on a cross, the kind of love the world mainly disparages.
This is where I am, 10 years later, and I know there is more perfecting to undergo, more high and low points in life to encounter. It is daunting and exhilarating at the same time. Exhausting yet energizing.
Today is World Mission Sunday and learning more about the missionaries who braved and lost much in order to establish a dynamic and thriving Catholic Church in Singapore (I did a Pilgrimage In My Backyard, big thanks to Amilia and Adeline) has spurred me to be more missionary in spirit.
Loving Jesus has to mean more than merely receiving the graces of conversion from Him. It means stepping out in Christ's spirit: to see His goodness and likeness in others, to bring confidence and joy to people, and to ultimately be light to the world (great homily, Father Arro).
I thank God for conversion experiences and I pray for a missionary heart that is untiring, courageous and boundless in love, mercy and compassion.
Last night, I realized that it has been just about 10 years since those incredible days in November 2003. As it is with all life-defining moments, that period in time remains etched in my memory forever, timeless and ageless.
I am freshly amazed by how Jesus knew exactly when my heart would be ready to receive Him and thus orchestrated this first meeting at the well. When I drank the water of eternal life He offered from the PCS cup, there was no turning back. I was hooked for life for I had found my priceless pearl of faith.
For the first time ever I realized how much I was loved, totally and unconditionally. Even my darkest, deepest sins were forgiven. It was a homecoming to rival that of the Prodigal Son. I regained my identity as daughter, bride and queen and the words from Isaiah 62:4 resounded fully:
You shall no more be termed Forsaken, and your land shall no more be termed Desolate, but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her, and your land Married; for the LORD delights in you, and your land shall be married.
My life changed. Overnight I knew where I came from, I knew who I was and what I was here for, and I knew where I was going (sorta, kinda, well in the general direction, anyway). And because I was forgiven much, like the sinful woman in Luke's Gospel (chapter 7), I loved Jesus with great passion and verve.
Ten years on, nothing has changed. I am still as in love with Him as I was, if not more. Our relationship has matured into an exceptional vintage wine of love and trust. It has been an intense decade that has not been all fun and roses even though I have embraced every second of it.
Every successful relationship requires work and sacrifice. By throwing my lot in with Jesus, I had to make some hard decisions concerning career, lifestyle and love life. The lowest point in my life involved choosing between God and His ways, and a man I loved enough to consider marrying.
What made the decision doubly painful was obedience to the Father had me stay in the relationship for an additional year before I was to let it go. Apart from the grief of the breakup, I had to deal with my confusion, wondering if I had discerned correctly. And if I had, why did God play this cruel joke on me for I had known a year before the relationship was a no-fly and I was ready then to walk away. Why, God, why???
To misquote Tennyson, mine not to reason why, mine but to do and die. The process of breaking down to build up, of the Divine Potter moulding me into His image and likeness was excruciating when it came to this particular instance. Everything else pales in comparison in terms of difficulty or the pain factor.
With the benefit of hindsight I am able to see that this low point was a necessary conversion experience, just as my conversion experience in Bangalore was. Both helped me grow in faith and hope, while enabling me to break free from the bondage of relativism and secularism.
I stand on the side of goodness and truth, knowing that there are absolute rights and wrongs in life. It is not all relative in life. Doing the right thing will not leave you feeling fuzzy and warm most times - it is hard work. Sexual intercourse is a unifying act of love between husband and wife and not a pre-marital recreational activity. Choosing the better part will always be a real struggle. And when it comes to love, I profess to the kind of love that leads to death on a cross, the kind of love the world mainly disparages.
This is where I am, 10 years later, and I know there is more perfecting to undergo, more high and low points in life to encounter. It is daunting and exhilarating at the same time. Exhausting yet energizing.
Today is World Mission Sunday and learning more about the missionaries who braved and lost much in order to establish a dynamic and thriving Catholic Church in Singapore (I did a Pilgrimage In My Backyard, big thanks to Amilia and Adeline) has spurred me to be more missionary in spirit.
Loving Jesus has to mean more than merely receiving the graces of conversion from Him. It means stepping out in Christ's spirit: to see His goodness and likeness in others, to bring confidence and joy to people, and to ultimately be light to the world (great homily, Father Arro).
I thank God for conversion experiences and I pray for a missionary heart that is untiring, courageous and boundless in love, mercy and compassion.
No comments:
Post a Comment