While driving me home last night, J asked me a question that made me smile and roll my eyes simultaneously (and she was not the first one to ask it). She asked if I had met someone special on the cruise. What is with this absurd Love Boat notion (I loved that schmaltzy 70s show growing up)? Worse, S had asked me earlier on when we met if I had a little holiday fling?
It amuses and annoys me at the same time when my women friends think that I can only have a good time on vacation if I (a) find a man who is attracted to me and romances me, or (b) have a mindless sexual encounter with a strange man.
Yes, it would have been a huge ego boost (after I laughed in his face in disbelief) if a tall, dark and handsome stranger had materialized before me and told me I was his soul mate, but I have outgrown trashy, romance novels that promise love that is not true love but the surge of pheromones and the idea of romantic love itself.
I will admit I am picky. I always want the best in life, the real thing, no fakes, and I will not compromise, especially when it comes to that special someone. So I have put all my trust in God. If indeed, I am to be married someday, then He will show the way.
If not, I am not waiting in the wings, quiescent and half alive until that happens. My hours are filled with satisfying work, relationships that are dear to me, and ideas and things that fill me with wonder, curiosity and passion.
It is hard to surrender one's desire for a spouse to a Higher Power and wait on His will to unfold His plan for we all have this innate, urgent desire for unity embedded deep within our souls.
In JPII speak, this longing for union is, at the core, the longing for God, put there by God. It is a life force that impels and drives us and one of the ways we humans fulfil this longing for union is in marriage, a lifelong commitment to love each other freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully.* It cannot be found in casual sexual encounters or romances that last only as long as the fizz in an opened bottle of champagne lasts for it is much more than a physical union.
The nuptial union is a promise to love beyond selfish desires, hurts, abuse, betrayal, misfortune, adversity and loss. It is a union that must rely on supernatural graces to inject forgiveness, compassion and the ability to love with vulnerability and fidelity in the marriage.
Sex, the physical part of the union, is the final and ultimate outpouring of love originating from the spiritual and emotional bonds of a marriage, and, is the unitive act that says I pledge my love without reservations and I promise to be there for you forever.
Unfortunately today most couples trivialize the sanctity of the physical union, making it the first step in establishing a relationship, using sex as a tool to satisfy lust. This makes for a shaky foundation for lust is both indiscriminate and selfish, an uncertain material on which to lay a relationship. And that is why chastity before (and inside) marriage is a brilliant idea, but that's another story (look out for my next post).
The alternative to marriage is a way of life that JPII calls celibacy for the kingdom. It is to consecrate one's life to God in a special way, as priests and religious do. Clearly this is not a calling for many, and yet, it is a way of life that I can emulate as a single woman, and all single people are called to copy.
Chastity is really sexual honesty and integrity. So in order to be true to my human nature, I choose to have no sex before marriage and if I never marry, no sex forever. It is not very comfortable at times, but I love how it allows me to develop other facets of my sexuality more fully, rather than taking the narrow world view of what sexuality means and bemoaning my state of life.
In choosing to cultivate an intimate and living relationship with the Lord, I am able to live out this nuptial meaning of my body wholly, even as a single person. He is my playmate, my bestie, my spouse and my ultimate lover. Through Him, with Him and in Him alone, I have need of no other.
He alone reveals the way I can attain inner peace, lasting happiness and deep self-satisfaction. Following in the footsteps of Jesus has been, for me, a challenging, but fascinating, always enlightening and thrilling journey.
Therefore, whether on vacation or at home, I am happy to go where He leads me, to love others as He loves them without using them, but giving them what I have to give in my personhood, as He did.
* Christopher West's interpretation of Blessed John Paul II's Theology of the Body.
It amuses and annoys me at the same time when my women friends think that I can only have a good time on vacation if I (a) find a man who is attracted to me and romances me, or (b) have a mindless sexual encounter with a strange man.
Yes, it would have been a huge ego boost (after I laughed in his face in disbelief) if a tall, dark and handsome stranger had materialized before me and told me I was his soul mate, but I have outgrown trashy, romance novels that promise love that is not true love but the surge of pheromones and the idea of romantic love itself.
I will admit I am picky. I always want the best in life, the real thing, no fakes, and I will not compromise, especially when it comes to that special someone. So I have put all my trust in God. If indeed, I am to be married someday, then He will show the way.
If not, I am not waiting in the wings, quiescent and half alive until that happens. My hours are filled with satisfying work, relationships that are dear to me, and ideas and things that fill me with wonder, curiosity and passion.
It is hard to surrender one's desire for a spouse to a Higher Power and wait on His will to unfold His plan for we all have this innate, urgent desire for unity embedded deep within our souls.
In JPII speak, this longing for union is, at the core, the longing for God, put there by God. It is a life force that impels and drives us and one of the ways we humans fulfil this longing for union is in marriage, a lifelong commitment to love each other freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully.* It cannot be found in casual sexual encounters or romances that last only as long as the fizz in an opened bottle of champagne lasts for it is much more than a physical union.
The nuptial union is a promise to love beyond selfish desires, hurts, abuse, betrayal, misfortune, adversity and loss. It is a union that must rely on supernatural graces to inject forgiveness, compassion and the ability to love with vulnerability and fidelity in the marriage.
Sex, the physical part of the union, is the final and ultimate outpouring of love originating from the spiritual and emotional bonds of a marriage, and, is the unitive act that says I pledge my love without reservations and I promise to be there for you forever.
Unfortunately today most couples trivialize the sanctity of the physical union, making it the first step in establishing a relationship, using sex as a tool to satisfy lust. This makes for a shaky foundation for lust is both indiscriminate and selfish, an uncertain material on which to lay a relationship. And that is why chastity before (and inside) marriage is a brilliant idea, but that's another story (look out for my next post).
The alternative to marriage is a way of life that JPII calls celibacy for the kingdom. It is to consecrate one's life to God in a special way, as priests and religious do. Clearly this is not a calling for many, and yet, it is a way of life that I can emulate as a single woman, and all single people are called to copy.
Chastity is really sexual honesty and integrity. So in order to be true to my human nature, I choose to have no sex before marriage and if I never marry, no sex forever. It is not very comfortable at times, but I love how it allows me to develop other facets of my sexuality more fully, rather than taking the narrow world view of what sexuality means and bemoaning my state of life.
In choosing to cultivate an intimate and living relationship with the Lord, I am able to live out this nuptial meaning of my body wholly, even as a single person. He is my playmate, my bestie, my spouse and my ultimate lover. Through Him, with Him and in Him alone, I have need of no other.
He alone reveals the way I can attain inner peace, lasting happiness and deep self-satisfaction. Following in the footsteps of Jesus has been, for me, a challenging, but fascinating, always enlightening and thrilling journey.
Therefore, whether on vacation or at home, I am happy to go where He leads me, to love others as He loves them without using them, but giving them what I have to give in my personhood, as He did.
* Christopher West's interpretation of Blessed John Paul II's Theology of the Body.
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