Choosing covenants and their benefits

I recently came out of a weekend retreat spent with my community which was held in Majodi Retreat Centre in Plentong. As a second batch of Companions in formation come to the end of their exploratory year, they need to make a decision on whether to take their covenant commitment to become ICPE Companions. For others like me who have chosen, it was a time of discerning the finer points of God’s call within the context of the community covenant as well as the “bigger picture” of our own individual baptismal covenant. As E put it, it is God’s call for me to grow in my journey with Him; allowing him to invite me to deeper intimacy with Him, and to love Him more fully.

When we make time to listen to God, He speaks very clearly and profoundly in our lives. Coming into the retreat with an open heart and mind, I was rewarded with many gifts apart from clarity on my personal walk of faith. 

The process of any discernment always culminates in a response - what is my response to what has been revealed? There are always choices. Do I choose to say yes despite my fears and limitations, or do I say no, choosing not to rely on God’s strength and providence. So what is this point of indifference Saint Ignatius talks about that enables my yes in ways that can bring God unimagined glory, glory that goes beyond my limited human vision to foresee? 

How do I arrive at a state of indifference so that I choose what is God’s will in my decision? I loved this version of Saint Ignatius of Loyola’s First Principal as interpreted by Joseph Tetlow in his book Choosing Christ in the World

Father Tetlow first writes that: the goal of our life is to live with God forever. God, who loves us, gave us life. Our own response of love allows God's life to flow into us without limit.

He encourage us to find God in all things by acknowledging that all the things in this world are gifts of God, presented to us so that we can know God more easily and make a return of love more readily.

Therefore we use the gifts given to us with maturity such that they can help us develop as loving persons. But if any of these gifts become the center of our lives, they displace God and so hinder our growth toward our goal.

I loved this next paragraph when I read it for it really pay resonates with me: In everyday life, then, we must hold ourselves in balance before all of these created gifts insofar as we have a choice and are not bound by some obligation. We should not fix our desires on health or sickness, wealth or poverty, success or failure, a long life or short one. For everything has the potential of calling forth in us a deeper response to our life in God.

Considering all things, I need to make a decision that is free from the bias of my own personal fears and selfish motives and to only choose “what better leads to God's deepening his life in me. The choice falls back on a self-giving, self-sacrificing love, a love that seeks the better of the other unceasingly.

It can be exhausting to endeavour following His will and His plan to the T every day. Thus, it is so important to have a full appreciation of all our gifts, our blessings all the time, through prayer and contemplation. It is also here that the beauty of being part of a covenanted community plays out. 

If I desire to live out the first commandment to the fullest, I need my community to urge and cheer me on; to inspire and encourage me with their gifts and stories; to call me out and correct me lovingly when necessary; to lift me up in prayer when I most need it; to be safe harbour where I feel loved and comforted when I am weary and dispirited; and to hold the space for me so I can grow from my losses and grow. 

God has always been the initiator of covenants for He wants to walk with us ever more intimately, bestowing on us  a love that nourishes our self-worth and purpose in such a way we can self-actualize and connect to those around us most meaningfully. We can change the world as He sees it.

So when we decide to say yes to Him in every covenant we undertake, from the baptismal, to the community, to the marriage covenant, we say yes to allowing Him to mould and enlarge our hearts and perfect us in our humanity. 

Thank you Father for choosing me and making me whole in the bonds of covenantal love,. May I always be able to bless my husband and family as well as my ICPE Companions community, and the community at large.

The perfect queen

Sometimes, in my quest for perfection, I get too caught up in the doing, and forget the being of perfection. Loving Jesus, I want everything I do to be the best for Him, which is all well and good, but, often, I can get swept up in the details, obsessing about the results (faultless execution is Everything!), and I can lose my focus, and my way, consequently.

Because I do take pride in doing something well, I can, often, take myself too seriously so that it becomes all about me, me having my own way, for I know best what’s right and what’s good and will not stand for sub-standard ways. I get easily frustrated at setbacks, over tired, and short of temper. This isn’t what perfection is all about, at least the perfection we are alluding to in biblical terms. 

Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect says Matthew 5:48. Here perfection is not so much as we tend to see it, but more about a maturity and wholesomeness in being, depending on how the text is translated into English.

Having played the role of good Christian for so long, it is ridiculously easy to slip into self-righteous and judgemental mode and wear my holier-than-thou attitude. To be as perfect as my Father begins first with an attitude or heart of perfection so that I can still be the good Christian without falling into the sin of pride.  It asks for oceans of patience, constant humility and endless compassion, hallmarks of a mature Christian.

Of course I need only study Jesus, Mary and all the saints to try and get what this character of perfection is all about. Here is where the recently celebrated Memorial of the Queenship or Motherhood of the Blessed Virgin Mary speaks to me. This feast falls on the octave of the Feast of the Assumption, and for some reason, this fairly new feast day in the liturgical calendar set by Pope Pius XII in 1954 really struck me this year. 

Since I was a little girl, one of my favourite Marian hymns proclaims Mary as my queen and mother. I have always associated Mother Mary with motherhood, but never took much notice of her queenship until now.

Mary is Queen because she is Mother of our Lord Jesus, the King of kings. Pope Pius XII stated: Mary is Queen above every other creature on account of the elevation of her soul and the excellence of the gifts she received. She never ceases to bestow all the treasures of her love and care on humanity.

So she is this young woman, still a girl really, who said yes to God, and continued saying yes throughout her life, from the conception of her son, beyond his death, until she herself experienced death whereupon she “was taken up body and soul into heavenly glory and exalted by the Lord as Queen of the universe, that she might be the more fully conformed to her Son" (Lumen Gentium, 59).

Because of her simple yes, Jesus was born, our saviour was brought into this world. As a mother, she bore the responsibility of bringing him up well, knowing he would take on the role of the much prophesied Messiah and its requisite tragic ending. Even today, Mary points us to Jesus as our life, salvation and our hope. She seeks to bring us closer to her son every opportunity she gets. She is the Queen Mother who loves and serves without stopping for a cup of tea.

When I think queen, I think of someone who is kind, benevolent, gracious, hardworking, but dressed appropriately with hat and gloves on, quite regal and a little distant from the common people. Mary gives me a completely different picture for she was always with the common folk, and she still is. She is, by all accounts, a woman who lived modestly and virtuously. She was humble, gentle and she put the needs of others first. 

No one or nothing was beyond her capacity to reach out to and transform in an often quiet but defining way. If we read the vocation stories of many priests and religious, it is she who brings them to her Son. She sows love where previously there was hatred. She illuminates our world marked by death. She breathes life into impossible situations, bringing her feminine touch where it is most needed. She sways hearts in the thousands, enabling them to fall in love with Jesus, her Son.

Mary is Queen because she loves God with all her heart, mind, soul and strength and she says yes to Him in all things, especially the extremely difficult. Mary simply loves - the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, and everyone else through them. Who better to be my model of perfection for she constantly leads me to Jesus, my Lord and Saviour?

Through Mary, I am reminded of my smallness and my rightful place in the universe, to be the little pencil God uses to write His magnificent story of salvific love. As Sister M said, I am called to be mid-wife to enable Christ to be born in others by first allowing Him to be born in me, and this is the lesson I learn from my Queen Mother Mary. If I want to ooze perfection through every pore, it’s very possible, I just have to respond to every situation as Mary did, with a straight yes to the Father.

Waiting with joyful confidence, humble boldness

Over last weekend, I was in Kota Kinabalu for the 30th anniversary celebration of the Glory of God International Covenant Community (GOGICC) of which the Companions of ICPE Mission is a member community. It was an awesome, inspiring, healing, heartwarming time. There is much to share and I will need to intenrnalize it all before I can write about it well, so, watch this space. In the 

meantime, thank you Father Slawak from Poland, for giving me such food in your homily on the parable of the wheat among the weeds.

What happens when people and situations conspire

To spoil my best, most precious efforts 

Plant weeds that may make my crop look good 

But are of zero nutritional value, toxic even.

Why don’t I get rid of it now, it’s pure rubbish?

The Master says to sit and wait: bide your time

He has an infinitely greater plan

Do I believe and follow Him?

Be patient? Wait it out_ 

Giving Him the appropriate time and space 

While working actively to bring in a good harvest

Pruning, watering with justice, mercy and integrity.

Parresia!

Listen and obey. Walk the narrow path

With joyful confidence, humble boldness 

Knowing full well we are citizens of heaven

Sons and daughters of the Father

We trust in His goodness and might

For things will always work out for the good.

Keep sowing the seeds of faith without fear

Never mind the bad seed, leave it to Him

Go, risk all for the love of Christ

Spread His name, near and far 

Be part of a bruised, hurting and dirty Church*

Get sweaty from being in the crowded streets

Rubbing shoulders with sinners, we are one.

Life is never postcard perfect, trouble-free

Nor should it be, don’t expect it.

Expect instead that bringing glory to God 

Requires a sturdy gaze and stout heart.

Putting trust into each arduous step I take

Light spills out from my heels 

Illuminating the darkness for others

The wheat ripens in its ambient warmth

It will be a good harvest regardless.

* Quoting Evangelii Gaudium 49

Fifteen years on

I still remember the look in your eyes

The incipient sadness, hinting of defeat

So unlike your usual cocky self

Full of fight and steely determination

Your will, slowly eaten away by the cancer

That wielded a catastrophic toll 

A shell of a body, loose skin and bone

With petrified lungs, voice silenced 

You sat, waiting for death to intervene

We stood, and watched the futile battle

Drowning in helpless rage and sorrow.

I am bereft once again today

What would I have done differently? 

Would I have dared to say I love you?

Told you how much I would miss you...pining for you

Time heals all wounds, they say - what a crock! 

We merely paint on masks to hide the
Unseemly cracks of a bleeding, broken heart
Bottling up acrid regrets and searing grief.

You would be happy today if you were here

Your deepest wish for me has been fulfilled

God heard your fervent prayer (He truly did)

I am sure you would have liked him immensely

Loved him, even, for making me incredibly happy

My only consolation for now is this:

We will meet, once again, in eternal life

Join together never to part again.

Till then, I thank you, for giving me life,

Your high cheekbones and righteous, generous heart

Happy birthday Daddy.

And he loves me

I don’t know if he loves me, she said of her husband who obviously loved her enough to marry her and have three  beautiful children with her. They are still together and he’s an engaged husband and father so yes, of course, he still loves her. Maybe he doesn’t verbalize it, like most men, but his actions show he is fully into the marriage, into her.

What she shared is a question that does go through my mind off and on, and I am sure the minds of women the world over who are in relationships. It can be a real relationship killer for when I asked the same question some months back I was feeling unsure and insecure, a little fearful even. It tends to breed other unhealthy questions such as so why am I working so hard at the relationship when he doesn’t seem to notice or care, should I continue to bother for he clearly doesn’t, how can I make him love me? The hamster wheel spins a little faster.

If I allowed the question to fester, it would change the way I now function and that would not bode well for the relationship. I would descend into a needy and whiny child, constantly demanding proofs of love, and yet, unable to attain satisfaction for very long. I would seek to change him and do things that I swore I would not do in a relationship, that is, to be calculative, transactional, and psycho controlling.

My SD who has counselled many married Asian couples in his time had these words of wisdom to share with me some months  back: he will never say those words you want to hear in the way you want to hear them (so stop hankering after the man of the romcoms and K-dramas). SD recommended that I listen with all my senses, my heart, to hear the “words” of love my husband speaks to me. He is right. I am invited to look beyond the superficial, to discount the little things that irritate me or make me unhappy, and to discern the depth of my husband’s love by the things that he does and I simply take for granted. I am reminded to cherish  and love the whole package - of who he is and the peculiar circumstances of our lives - to love him for his faults, and not just in spite of his faults.

So he doesn’t switch the lights off... so he’s messy... the bathroom smells because he’s never very accurate... he doesn't talk to me... he doesn't listen to me and he doesn't even know what I like...  these are some complaints I have heard through the years of real situations that need to be taken within context and dealt with accordingly. We can begin with ourselves first, to see if the complaints are valid.

Besides letting go of my preconceived notions of what marriage should be like, I know I need to work on my own insecurity that links directly to my own sense of self-worth. Marriage requires great confidence. What stopped me from spiralling down into insecurity was recalling my own identity.

How could I forget that I was an awesome child of God, that I am a beautiful and beloved bride? Jesus loves me and all those words of affirmation I seek, He gives to me freely. Did I listen carefully? If I did, I would know that I am good and that I am a great wife to my husband for I always try to love him in a self-giving manner.

I may fail to love him in the way he needs to be loved at times, and I can be a thorn in his side occasionally and behave in ways that I am not proud of, but I am lovable and P loves me dearly (I say this with complete faith because I know him enough now to recognize the signs and the unspoken words of affirmation he does drop daily). Likewise, I love him deeply, and I try to honour that love by speaking the unspoken language of love in different ways. Jesus is our conduit, the One whom we view each other through so that we are more loving, forgiving and compassionate to each other.

The truth of the matter is marriage takes work. It can be a grind that zaps our energy and dampens our enthusiasm. And there are many things that distract us from what’s really important. On our own, P and I would descend into mediocrity, and, perhaps, even apathy, but with Jesus and Mother Mary as our unifying forces, we can flow from strength to strength despite differences and hurdles.

So when I do feel low and a little unloved, I run to my perfect Bridegroom and let Him minister to me. His unconditional love heals my wounded soul and brings a wholeness to my being. He restores balance into my inner universe and gives me the necessary wisdom and moral strength to keep on fighting for a good and healthy marriage and family life.

Love in a marriage is often a committed decision rather than an affective state of being so I thank God that thinking on P still makes me grin like the Chesire cat. Does he love me? Yes, he does. I know so.

Finding Mother Mary in Vietnam

In June, P and I went to Vietnam on a mini pilgrimage. In central Vietnam there are three Marian shrines, all with stories of miracles attached to them which is why people flock to these places, but more importantly, these places represent hope, that God is our loving Father who not only gives us eternal life through Jesus, His Son, but He also takes care of us while we sojourn on earth and He has given us a mother to run to when we need a woman’s gentle assurances and feminine embrace. 

Mary is theotokos, which in Greek means Mother of God. She is the only human being born without sin, the Immaculate Conception, who is worthy enough to carry Jesus in her womb and bring Him into our world to be our saviour. She is the second Eve, who says yes to God where the original Eve said no, choosing, instead, to believe the serpent’s words. But beyond Catholic dogma, the reason why people love and revere her as Jesus’ mama is because she is our best model for faith-filled obedience. As Saint Alphonsus de Liguori said Mary was the most perfect among the saints because she was always perfectly united to the will of God. She was sensitive to what others needed (and still is) and she quietly acted with powerful results. 

Through various times in history and in many places all over the world, Mother Mary has appeared to mostly children or simple folk to bring a message much needed. It is usually a message of encouragement and conversion, to turn back to God and His ways. 

At La Vang, Mary appeared during a time of persecution of Catholics in the late 1700s. She apparently comforted the people who were hiding in the forest and asked them to boil the leaves from the trees in order to cure a prevailing illness among the refugees, and she promised to receive their prayers. Despite efforts through the preceding years to curb Catholicism, the killing of people (more than one hundred thousand Vietnamese Christians died as martyrs) and the destruction of a chapel honouring Our Lady, the faith persisted and today La Vang has become a Marian shrine where tens of thousands flock to every year, seeking answers to their prayers and miracles of physical healing. 

When we were at La Vang, P and I were privileged to count as fellow pilgrims a newly ordained priest and his family, a recently married couple and their families offering thanksgiving, and a group of nuns visiting from north Vietnam. Everywhere we turned we saw people offering up touching prayer tributes of dance and song which made our visit so special. The Spirit of God was amongst the pilgrims and we were blessed to be able to soak in His blessings.

The peace we felt as we sat and prayed in front of the beautiful statue of Our Lady of

Tra Kieu was inestimable. This time it was 1885 and the anti-French sentiment took the form of an attack on a small Catholic parish in south central Vietnam. Praying before the statue of Mother Mary was the villagers’ first line of defence. It worked. Even when cannons were brought in, the cannonballs would veer inexplicably off-course. The soldiers saw a lady dressed in white and even though they aimed for her they could not touch her. Eventually the attacks ceased as nothing seemed to work. The protection of Our Mother was sufficient. 

In Da Nang, we visited Our Lady of Sao Bien or Stella Maris, Star of the Sea. Situated in a public park next to the convent of Saint Paul de Chartres, the statue stands on what was once part of the convent compound. When the government confiscated the land, the sisters refused to move the statue from its original spot despite official efforts. The authorities finally desisted when a deadly typhoon hit, claiming lives and causing great damage to the area except for the temporary roof over the statue and the statue itself.

I was amazed and delighted that there is a religious park where Our Mother is so accessible to the public. It is a serene oasis where people trickle by during the day regularly to pray. Surrounding the statue are little plaques set in concrete, each commemorating an answered prayer. 

The heart of a mother is deeply intuitive. A mother never ceases to love and care for her children. She puts their needs above her own comfort, gathering the desires of their hearts, only to enable the granting of those desires through her Son. She believes in their goodness and hopes beyond their flaws and failures, forgiving them time and time again. She advises them gently, reminding them to do the right thing always. She, herself, is a model of virtue, a guiding light.

I thank God for the gift of Mother Mary, without whom I could not be a good wife and mother. I returned home from Vietnam, inspired and resolved to give my fiat to God more wholeheartedly, today, and every day.

Levelling up

I am still reflecting on words that E gave me when she prayed with me this birthday, new wine skins and deep calling unto deep. It certainly ties in with what spoke to me at the mass I attended on my birthday. During that mass, all I could experience was a deep sense of gratitude for what has been given to me, and how, despite the radical transformation my life had taken, I was still able to hold my head above the water and swim, which, to me, is a great achievement. All kudos to Jesus and Mother Mary whom I lean on every day to know the way I should walk, and to do it with wisdom and grace.

Marriage has been my great spiritual adventure, my new mission fields, and these last 12 months have called forth from me a greater capacity for love, patience, forgiveness, wisdom and compassion through a carefully cultivated intimate relationship with the Lord. I am grateful I have not bombed too disastrously and I have had such tremendous fun living wholeheartedly, purposefully.

Life is all about living out the promises God has made with me, and working hard at carrying out the plans He has to prosper me to hopefully, eventually, reap good fruit. It is about transforming belief into faith (thank you, Archie, for today’s homily* and how we should be putting our faith into practice in all areas of our lives). How do I, in my waking hours, make the life-giving, selfless and oft difficult choices that speak of Jesus consistently and tellingly to everyone around me? How do I exude the joy of the Gospel like the seductive scent of jasmine wafting on a cool evening breeze?

Where is my heart, my honour, my priorities in life? They all rest in the generous heart of Father God. If I believe in the Father who loved the world so much that He gave us His only Son to die on the cross so that we may be redeemed, then I must be able to give up my own life, nailing it to the cross in order to live the resurrected life of Easter. I must be the haemorrhagic woman who claimed healing by boldly touching the cloak of Jesus, and then courageously admitting her act in order to receive unimagined new life. I must be the little girl who gets up and walks about when I hear the voice of Jesus calling me from my sleep of death.

Talitha kum! Awake to wine skins, new depths. Frankly, this scares me. I am physically quite run down, tired and aching all the time. Where do I have the energy to do more, Lord? Can’t I just keep on doing what I am doing now that I have attained a new level of competence and reached a comfort level of sorts? And yet, His Spirit moves me, like Philip who was whisked away to places where he was needed, again and again. I must still go where He wants to lead me. I need to level up. Now that the new wine is in, it needs to be stored in new wine skins. I need to dig deeper, and challenge myself further. Refine my self and find a new attitude of humble and irrepressible  hope. This is the Christian ethos - as disciples we move constantly to align our wills with the Father’s will in order to spread the Good News that love, self-sacrificing love, conquers all.

So what do I want in this new year, a question E posed me. I think I would like to ask for the gift of joy, to be able to laugh at myself and to make light of my own load first, then to be able to make the people around me smile and laugh, to refresh weary hearts, to soothe the fearful, calm the angry, ease lonely souls, liberate the burdened, and simply enable God’s healing of the brokenness that lies within the hearts of others. Yes, joy will definitely be handy in these coming days, weeks and months.

* https://www.catholic.sg/04-july-2018-wednesday-13th-week-ordinary-time/ 

The miracle of new life

Nuzzling quietly in loving arms

Not long after J was born, when I gazed upon his face - the little button of a nose, the delicate curved lines of closed eyes, spiked with prickles of eyelashes, the determined chin so reminiscent of P's adult chin, and those exquisitely shaped tiny ears - I was overcome by the miracle of his little being.

Every baby is a living miracle, proof of all that's good and holy in the world. It's no wonder that all the adults around him go goo goo ga ga and we all dance to his rhythms, syncopated by his cries of hunger, poopy discomfort and cranky exhaustion. We stand and look in loving awe at his sleeping form, marvelling at how his little chest rises and falls with each breath he takes. We inhale his impossibly sweet baby scent and caress his tender soft skin with wonder.

It has been over a month since his arrival and his personality has emerged even at this tender age, while his cuteness quotient rises exponentially over time. Currently he responds to conversation with coos, gurgles and smiles.

This precious baby will one day grow up to be a man, a good man, I hope, one close to God's heart and who walks in His ways (I can only pray). It is with the greatest pleasure that I will witness his development through the years.

It dismays and saddens me that abortion has become acceptable, even legalized (dear Ireland, what were you thinking) which means new generations of women will grow up thinking of abortion as a right, an entitlement, instead of what it really is, murder, pure and simple.

We live in a culture of death where the rights of defenceless children (every foetus carried to full term is a child who will grow up into an adult) are superseded by the desires of their parents.

Certainly I agree each woman or man should have their sense of dignity respected, and we should each defend our personal freedom and space. However, every pregnant woman automatically becomes a guardian, an advocate for the one who has no voice (yet), and who relies on her to bring him or her to the next threshold of life at childbirth. Unseen and unheard does not equal to a relinquishment of human rights.

In a perfect world, there is no violence, there is no rape. Lust does not muddy the waters and we understand that love means wanting the better of the other. Hence there is a right understanding of procreation and how it is so deeply connected to marriage, a lifetime commitment.

Despite the fact that people fixate only on the physical pleasure sexual intercourse can bring, sexual intercourse has an intrinsic sanctity and mystery. It is, first and foremost, an act of love, unitive in nature, sometimes procreative. It is an act that is designed to bring us closer to God, strange as it may seem. Much as the world engages in it to satisfy lustful appetites solely, sex goes beyond just sex, and pregnancies go beyond unwanted and mourned over accidents.

Every pregnancy is inherently a celebration of life, the heralding of new life. Every foetus is a child who relies on his or her mother to care for him or her in the womb till he or she is ready to go it alone (albeit still requiring much love and care as babies cannot look after themselves).

We can rationalize away all we want but abortion is never a viable option and this includes the use of any form of contraception which are all abortifacient in nature. If we say we believe in Jesus Christ, then we must act accordingly, and that means to walk through the narrow gate and eschew abortion and all contraceptives apart from Natural Family Planning. Promote and celebrate life in all its stages, especially life in the foetal stage. 

Minding your Ps and Is

During a lunch with I some time back, we discovered that what she learned in Christian faith formation was not unlike my own experience with my community, Institute for World Evangelisation ICPE Mission.

She had learned a great way to remember it: Identity, Intimacy and Inheritance.

Identity. If we know who we are and where we come from, then we will most probably know where we want to go. I know I am a beloved child of God and I am a wonderful creation, an awesome woman who can undertake the impossible, much like Mother Mary.

Even if the way forward is as clear as mud, I am still able to trust in the goodness of God's plan and let Jesus lead me step by step down obscure byways and unknown highways. Even though I may feel completely lost at times, there is also a sense of freedom when I let Him guide me, especially in those moments.

Self-knowledge and self-awareness also help me. Because I know my weaknesses, I can avoid temptation and my very own personality pitfalls. I can play to my strengths more powerfully. I struggle less with self-hate and my own perceived failures with the humbling self-acceptance that comes from knowing myself and acknowledging my limitations.

Intimacy. If I were to wake up to a world that does not recognise the existence of God, I could not and would not concur. I was the hated, wounded woman at the well whom Jesus spoke to and in that encounter, I received not only His precious validation and affirmation, but an invitation to a new way of life. I accepted and our relationship has grown through the years into the most significant and vital one in my life. It is in Him that my restless heart can rest, that my deepest hurts are erased, and my joy knows no bounds.

In embracing the Christian life as prescribed by the Bible, Tradition and the Magisterium of the Roman Catholic Church, I have come to know, love and serve God which brings incredible meaning to my life. Jesus is my all in all for He spurs me on to greater goodness, to deeper purpose, and walking side by side with the Risen Lord, I am spiritually and emotionally fulfilled. The Holy Spirit, my Advocate, is my closest companion and I cannot envision life without Him, or His love and gentle wisdom.

Sure, intimacy with someone who is not tangible may prove challenging, but seek and you will find. Seek Him by being faithful, prayerful, obedient and amiable. That doesn't mean you don't wrestle with Him at times, or question Him. It's important to dialogue with Jesus even as you follow in His footsteps closely, serving others, anointed only with the oil of gladness and clothed in a garment of praise (Isaiah 61:3). You will experience ineffable peace and a mystical lightness of being - it is priceless and beyond all human comprehension.

Inheritance. If we only knew what the Father had in store for us, plans to prosper us*, we would claim our inheritance straightaway, without hesitation. I see my belovedness and my giftedness as my inheritance. These were etched indelibly in the very core of my being when He knit me in my mother's womb. I was loved into existence by the Father, and out of that love, He created me, a talented individual, to bring something to this world that only I can. When I just am, and when I serve Him to the best of my abilities, I am using my inheritance to bless others. Being exactly where God placed me, and fulfilling the mission entrusted to me situates me right in the Kingdom of Heaven. There is much grace in that even if it can get to be an unrelenting slog at times.

When the going gets tough I remind myself that I am, we are all destined for bigger things. As 1 Peter 2:9 declares: But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

This is my inheritance: to be a light-bearer, leading others in this world into eternal life where we will all reside together in His Kingdom in perfect harmony.

Along with the three Is, there should be three Ps: Perspective, Priorities and Passion.

Perspective. Glass half-full or half-empty? A true believer will always be able to see an overflowing glass even in the darkness because being Christian means taking the very long view of eternal life. Time is measured not so much as chronos, in a linear fashion, but as kairos, relying on God's timing. Thus, mortality takes on a different complexion when the reality of Christ's salvific grace points us towards heaven. We can be big picture people, able to sift out what's unimportant, and be grateful for what is. Even hardship, loss and betrayal will not defeat us for hope based on the love of God springs eternal.

I would say that keeping my eyes trained on Jesus helps me  stay grounded, have a secure handle on my life and let go of what impedes my own growth. No matter what situations I find myself in, I do not have to lose my cool or my sense of dignity, and I can still choose to act as Jesus would, rather than react in primal fear. So when things get too overwhelming or I get very negative, I submit to His vision and more often than not, I stop sweating the small stuff and quickly regain much-needed perspective. We are all born to be God-eyed optimists so strive hard to be one.

Priorities. Among the many choices and paths we can take, what drives our decisions are our priorities. Before embarking on something new, counting the cost within the parameters set by our priorities is necessary. We cannot have everything. Something's gotta give. Sacrifices have to be made. It can get complicated. A great way to simplify life when things get a little muddled is to simply make Christ my priority. What follows is I then orientate my life towards Him and I live by His principles, and voila, clarity. All life's knotty issues can be solved, or at least resolved.

By no means is it easy to live out our priorities for it takes courage and constancy. Often, I have to subsume personal comfort and preferences, and be led as Saint Peter was, to go where I do not want to go, but when I act selflessly, I find I  receive much more than I could ever have imagined in return. It is like the multiplication of loaves. When I share my five loaves and two fish, Jesus multiplies it such that I get to partake of much more while having the pleasure of sharing such abundance with others as well. It is a win-win situation.

Passion. My SD recently said to me you have to be a passionate lover. We were, of course, talking about marriage, but I feel, it applies to life in general. By passionate he means not only scads of enthusiasm and interest in someone, getting to know everything one can about the other's life, just as Jesus was passionate about getting to know every individual He met intimately, but it is also about making an informed decision to give of myself unstintingly and fearlessly, wisdom and love poured into every gesture of love. To die to self and be bread broken for others, just as Christ was. That is passion in its extreme best.

Here, Saint Ignatius's prayer of generosity resonates with me every day, especially the following lines:

to give and not count the cost; 
to fight and not to heed the wounds;
to toil and not to seek for rest;
to labour and not to ask for reward,

Besides having a heart that gives, a listening, pondering heart (praying the rosary every day helps me get there) that oils the wheels of understanding and empathy is also necessary. SD counselled me to listen with all my senses. And when I fail to understand something or someone, here is where I need to go beyond my limited human understanding, and rely on the supernatural to guide me.

So here we are on the Feast Day of Corpus Christi, a feast that celebrates the real presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. I am ever grateful for the gift of Christ's Passion, plus His Holy Body and Blood which I can partake of and draw strength from. He is the one who always helps me regain perspective, right my priorities, and sustain my passion through every season in life. May I always get intimate with Him to know who I am and how I should spend my inheritance with wise profligacy.

* Jeremiah 29:11 says For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

A Pentecostal song

We have finally arrived at Pentecost, the birthday of the Church. The daily readings during these last weeks of the Easter season tell us how we can live as the apostles did, full of zeal once they caught the fire of the Resurrected Christ.

It was a time of impressive miracles for it was time where the disciples grew up and walked closely in the Master's footsteps. They were able to love as passionately and generously as Jesus did. Their joy was contagious, their faith prodigious, and Christianity spread despite efforts to suppress and eradicate it. All thanks to the Advocate, the Holy Spirit.

It is not any different today, we still face the same persecutions as Christians of old did, even though the persecutions take on sometimes novel and more cunningly disguised faces.

Alongside the bombing of Churches (praying for the Christians of Surabaya) and killing of people due to racial or religious differences, we see the changing of laws that threaten the lives of unborn children (praying for Ireland this coming week as they vote that abortion will not be legalized) and the inviolable nature of marriage. Advances in technology and medicine have unfortunately spawned new evils that cheapen the value of human life and expose especially women and children to more forms of subtle abuse and subjugation.

What do we do? We need an Easter spirituality, a Pentecostal grounding in order to live in our world as successfully as they did. It's not about a self-righteous, strident or martial reaction, much as it seems justified to pay back in the same coin. It's about going forth with forgiving compassion, courage and constancy. We must be unflagging in passion, full of hope and love. We cannot bow to evil and we must right the wrongs we see with wisdom, bringing light and life into darkness. The impetus for such enthusiastic fortitude can only come from a faith that relies wholly on the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

During my recent ICPE Companions cell meeting we discussed two points of the ICPE Mission's Norms and Orientations: appropriating the gift of salvation in order to live in the freedom of being children of God as well as how we can live out our evangelistic or missionary vocation daily.

Paragraph 8.1.13 states that a certain spirituality is needed in living out our vocation:

It requires that the community as well as its members are being led by the Holy Spirit (R.M. 87). This vocation also demands an intimate communion with Christ, a self emptying (Ph 2:7) together with an attitude of thanksgiving (Ph 4: 4-9).  It also demands loving the Church and humanity as Jesus Christ did, having a ‘zeal for souls’ implied by Christ’s own charity, which takes the form of concern, tenderness, compassion, openness, availability, and interest in peoples lives (Jn 2:25). The community emphasises that only profound love for the Church can sustain the missionary zeal of the members (R.M. 89).  Above all, this missionary vocation requires a life committed to the way of holiness (R.M. 90).  

This is the Way of the Cross, of living in the Spirit. Be holy, as our Father in heaven is, as our Lord Jesus was and is holy, as Mother Mary was holy, as the saints before us were holy.

The invitation is 
to be 
to be 

fully me

consciously

mindfully

in touch with Christ 

the Holy Spirit 

attuned 

to His heart's desire

for me 

for my neighbours 

especially those 

I find hard to love

(including myself)

every moment 

of every day

breathing in 

His goodness

exhaling 

alluring peace

Zeal for God 

this love for Christ

comes when 

we steep ourselves 

in prayer

entering the heart 

of the Father

resting

basking

playing at

the Shepherd's feet

growing 

fruitful branches 

of the Vine

making 

narrow gate choices

scorned by the world 

but so pleasing 

to the Creator

Opt for 

the better part 

always

Seek the good 

of the other

Find a way 

of life sublime
intense in purity

umami rich  

With eye on 

eternal life

I submit

Come Holy Spirit

Creator blest

Renew

the face 

of the earth

Veni 

Creator

Spiritus

Grandparents' prayer

Easter baby, you are a springtime special,

Bringing new life to our home.

We smile when we gaze at your tiny face,

Our hearts fill with gladness

As we inhale your delicious scent.

We stand in awe at the miracle of you

The perfection of your tiny being

You are precious, so wonderfully made.

God's favour is truly upon you!

What will you be when you grow up?

We can, but pray, and bless you daily

Angels and saints protect you and keep you safe

Guard your heart from all things bad

May you grow up strong and healthy

Humble of heart, a righteous man

Full of joy and hope; light and salt to all you meet

The world is a better place, we are better people

Just because you inhabit our world today.