Passion-driven life

I watched three great movies recently and what made the three stories so compelling is the common thread that runs through the three. They tell stories of life and the passions that drive people. Billy Elliot is about how a young boy who finds his passion for dance accidentally rises above his impossible circumstances to realize his dream while The Concert is about how passions do not die even though outside forces dictate their demise. They lay dormant until an opportunity arises for dreams to come alive once more. And finally Sixty Six is about the determination of a young boy to throw a lavish bar mitzvah party to mark his coming of age but his plans are thwarted at every turn. Although he does not attain his goal, along the way he finds new passions and also the love and affirmation he longs for in an unexpected way. To be fully alive, we need to be driven by passion. I am not talking about passion for things material or physical which I think is passion at its most superficial and unimaginative but about passion that drives us to create, to be who we truly are, and to impact the lives of others in bold, affirmative strokes or subtly indefinable whispers. Growing up I had no idea what I wanted to do. Even though I was steered in the right direction by "chance" and given many clues along the way, I lacked the confidence to keep at it and so I drifted into mind-numbing paper pushing in order to do the so-called right thing. Like Bernie in Sixty Six, I felt like a loser. I was miserable but balanced out my dissatisfaction by pursuing passions that offered momentary and pretty meaningless pleasure. Hence I merely existed because I lacked the courage to live, until I experienced great loss, the death of my father. Two light bulbs went off with this loss of life. First, I discovered that Jesus truly loves me not because anyone or anything told me so but it came as a real, felt, personal experience. In this true epiphany, I found my first and most significant passion: to love God with all my heart, soul and mind. The God-shaped space in my heart which I was created with was finally being filled when I gave my fiat to God. And it has been awesome ever since. Second, I finally cottoned on that in life there are no dress rehearsals. I only get this one chance to find my bliss. Everything on earth is created with a purpose, what was mine? I knew that I must live true to who I am in order to live meaningfully, joyfully. Only a passion-driven life would enable me to do that.  Saint Augustine said "Love God and (then) do as you will". As Peter Kreeft* explained this: If you truly love God and his will, then doing what you will, will, in fact, be doing what God wills. In loving God and His will, I have indeed been able to discern what are my deepest desires and passions. He created me so He must know what on earth I am to do on this earth. And so I have been following His lead ever since. Kreeft identified seven signs that tell us we are on the right path in knowing the will of God: (1) Scripture, (2) church teaching, (3) human reason (which God created), (4) the appropriate situation, or circumstances (which he controls by his providence), (5) conscience, our innate sense of right and wrong, (6) our individual personal bent or desire or instincts, and (7) prayer. He goes onto to advise: Test your choice by holding it up before God's face. If one of the seven voices says no, don't do it. If none say no, do it. Knowing is oftentimes the easy part, walking the path of passion is the killer, as Jesus himself found out. And yet, the only way to resurrection is death.  Following your heart's passion will present mountains to traverse; involve tears, sacrifice and hard work; and require truckloads of dedication, humility and courage. Plus people look askance at you, especially loved ones, who might even think you downright loony. There will be times when it feels like the whole world is against you. You may even give up for a while, but dreams never completely die as Filipov in The Concert found out. They can come alive again with a little ingenuity and the ability to face your fears. When young Billy in Billy Elliot is asked at his audition for the Royal Ballet School why he likes to dance, he describes his passion for dance as transformative, where he disappears into another world. He finally sums it up in one word: electricity. My good friend B describes her initial conversion experience as being zapped by God and I think this image of electricity and being zapped best describes how I feel when I am living out my passions, especially when I show God how much I love Him and thank Him for giving me my life.   * Peter Kreeft's excellent essay on discernment:  http://www.peterkreeft.com/topics/discernment.htm