E who is hugely independent was sharing how loneliness can be a hard pill to swallow; like how she recently found dining alone in a restaurant awkward and dreary. I can empathize for I agree that dining should be a social event where both the body and soul are fed.
My response to E's woes was community for she had identified that relationships were integral to a fulfilled life and a frequent anodyne to loneliness. It is not enough that we have friends but we all need a community (or two) to help anchor us and see us through the thick and thin of life.
Friendships are formed when people find common ground, similar tastes or interests that bind them in relationships. However, friendships can be loosely or tightly bound, depending on the dispositions of the parties involved and can dissolve quite easily. There is no formal commitment, only an understanding that is left to the emotional whims of individuals and the vagaries of circumstance.
Spiritual communities, however, are a little like families. There is implicit (and explicit, in the case of covenanted communities) commitment and each member has a responsibility to love and care for the rest of the community, contributing life.
Jean Vanier in Becoming Human defines communion (so necessary in community), as mutual trust and mutual belonging, as mutual vulnerability and openness one to the other. He goes on to describe the experience of communion as liberation for both, as both parties are "allowed to be themselves, where both are called to grow in greater freedom and openness to others and to the universe".
Mutual acceptance is what binds a community and when the group's common denominator is their love for Christ, this desire to glorify Him will (hopefully) subsume individual differences and be a unifying force that drives and grows a community. Along the way, real friendships are formed among members of the community.
While it would be naive to expect every member of a community or family to get on like a house on fire, we can choose to love unconditionally as Christ loves us. To consider each other as a child of Christ and accord the necessary respect and courtesies: to be patient, kind and loving with one another, and to forgive when forgiveness is called for.
The community that has sustained and helped me grow most these last eight years is the Woman to Woman Ministry. We are women from all walks and states of life who come together weekly to grow in our knowledge of self and Christ so as to be empowered and to live in freedom; and in turn, we can then empower others, building a civilization of love whatever we do, wherever we are.
Every week, I look forward to seeing my sisters, to celebrate our mutual love and joy for Jesus. I am always awed by their testimonies of how much God loves each one of us in different ways. Their collective goodness feeds me spiritually and I am given the necessary encouragement to keep Jesus by my side the next seven days until we next meet.
I am also less alone in the world knowing that I matter to people, good people who love me and bless me every day through prayer. And should I need spiritual support, it is there in abundance.
Another community that is close to my heart is the ICPE Philippines' community whom I encouraged E to visit for here is a lay community that has got it right. Placing Christ at the centre of everything they do, they are able to be powerful hands and feet of Christ in reaching out to the disadvantaged and marginalized in Tagaytay and Montalban.
Peter Kreeft describes joy, which we all seek in the depths of our heart, as more than happiness for it is not merely found in the body as pleasure is, nor is it merely found in the mind and feelings as happiness is, but joy is deep in the heart, the spirit, the centre of the self and the way to it is sanctity, loving God with your whole heart and your neighbour as yourself.
Whenever I visit the ICPE Philippines community, I am struck by how tangible God's love is and how palpable a presence the Holy Spirit has. Most of all, I am struck by the joy each one of these missionaries expresses not just when they are ministering to others but also in the way they live together as community. I am always inspired to be a better person when I am able to live in community with them.
Of course one can still experience loneliness within community, within family and even within marriage, for loneliness is a condition that escapes no human on earth. As Jean Vanier puts it, "Loneliness is part of being human, because there is nothing in existence that can completely fulfil the needs of the human heart."
Expect to feel lonely in life, but also expect that it can be a force for good for loneliness, as Vanier finds, "can become a source for creative energy, the energy that drives us down new paths to create new things or to seek more truth and justice in the world."
E, aside from all the great things you are doing to bless others with your gifts, I hope you find a new path that is lit with the joys of communion, with Christ and with others. In community.
My response to E's woes was community for she had identified that relationships were integral to a fulfilled life and a frequent anodyne to loneliness. It is not enough that we have friends but we all need a community (or two) to help anchor us and see us through the thick and thin of life.
Friendships are formed when people find common ground, similar tastes or interests that bind them in relationships. However, friendships can be loosely or tightly bound, depending on the dispositions of the parties involved and can dissolve quite easily. There is no formal commitment, only an understanding that is left to the emotional whims of individuals and the vagaries of circumstance.
Spiritual communities, however, are a little like families. There is implicit (and explicit, in the case of covenanted communities) commitment and each member has a responsibility to love and care for the rest of the community, contributing life.
Jean Vanier in Becoming Human defines communion (so necessary in community), as mutual trust and mutual belonging, as mutual vulnerability and openness one to the other. He goes on to describe the experience of communion as liberation for both, as both parties are "allowed to be themselves, where both are called to grow in greater freedom and openness to others and to the universe".
Mutual acceptance is what binds a community and when the group's common denominator is their love for Christ, this desire to glorify Him will (hopefully) subsume individual differences and be a unifying force that drives and grows a community. Along the way, real friendships are formed among members of the community.
While it would be naive to expect every member of a community or family to get on like a house on fire, we can choose to love unconditionally as Christ loves us. To consider each other as a child of Christ and accord the necessary respect and courtesies: to be patient, kind and loving with one another, and to forgive when forgiveness is called for.
The community that has sustained and helped me grow most these last eight years is the Woman to Woman Ministry. We are women from all walks and states of life who come together weekly to grow in our knowledge of self and Christ so as to be empowered and to live in freedom; and in turn, we can then empower others, building a civilization of love whatever we do, wherever we are.
Every week, I look forward to seeing my sisters, to celebrate our mutual love and joy for Jesus. I am always awed by their testimonies of how much God loves each one of us in different ways. Their collective goodness feeds me spiritually and I am given the necessary encouragement to keep Jesus by my side the next seven days until we next meet.
I am also less alone in the world knowing that I matter to people, good people who love me and bless me every day through prayer. And should I need spiritual support, it is there in abundance.
Another community that is close to my heart is the ICPE Philippines' community whom I encouraged E to visit for here is a lay community that has got it right. Placing Christ at the centre of everything they do, they are able to be powerful hands and feet of Christ in reaching out to the disadvantaged and marginalized in Tagaytay and Montalban.
Peter Kreeft describes joy, which we all seek in the depths of our heart, as more than happiness for it is not merely found in the body as pleasure is, nor is it merely found in the mind and feelings as happiness is, but joy is deep in the heart, the spirit, the centre of the self and the way to it is sanctity, loving God with your whole heart and your neighbour as yourself.
Whenever I visit the ICPE Philippines community, I am struck by how tangible God's love is and how palpable a presence the Holy Spirit has. Most of all, I am struck by the joy each one of these missionaries expresses not just when they are ministering to others but also in the way they live together as community. I am always inspired to be a better person when I am able to live in community with them.
Of course one can still experience loneliness within community, within family and even within marriage, for loneliness is a condition that escapes no human on earth. As Jean Vanier puts it, "Loneliness is part of being human, because there is nothing in existence that can completely fulfil the needs of the human heart."
Expect to feel lonely in life, but also expect that it can be a force for good for loneliness, as Vanier finds, "can become a source for creative energy, the energy that drives us down new paths to create new things or to seek more truth and justice in the world."
E, aside from all the great things you are doing to bless others with your gifts, I hope you find a new path that is lit with the joys of communion, with Christ and with others. In community.
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