Sunday, February 20, 2011

Choice vacation

Every choice we make changes us. Every single one. This was for me such an obvious yet most profound statement when Father David uttered it in class some weeks ago.

I took it with me as I went on holiday and it was most fruitful reflecting on it as I went about the days of having fun and spending time with people whom I loved.

There are many reasons why I love Hawaii: the climate, people, food and the mana or spirit of the land; and how it was a place of strength and independence for me as a teen poised on the brink of adulthood.

It was also here where I fell in love – with life and all its fascinating possibilities.

Unfortunately, I also bought into the liberal, relativistic lifestyle here and made choices that were neither judicious nor salubrious.

During my college reunion on Kauai, C. asked M. and I what were our goals this year. We have been goal-setting since our first meeting and on reading my first set of goals set some 20 years back I can see how my aspirations have changed and how little I knew of what I wanted out of life back then.

I was unsure, confused and angst-filled, a young woman who had no idea who she was or what she wanted or needed.

In seeking to find meaning in my life, I wandered downs roads that brought me nowhere but heartache, until I chose the road that led to what C.S. Lewis calls the "Beatific or the Miserific Vision".

While it has been difficult to eschew old ways and embrace new ones, I am able to see that each time the choice for "good" becomes easier, less onerous, less costly, for every time I make that choice, it orientates and changes me.

As Hawaii was where I found "freedom", the temptation is always there to submit to old ways of expressing freedom. It was therefore liberating to realize that these past inclinations no longer held any attraction for me this trip.

This vacation was a college cum family reunion, and a departure from my usual R&R ones, but in all its busyness and crowdedness (sharing an apartment with five, six people versus time alone), it was a wonderful and enriching time.

I return, a changed woman, one who is stronger and more certain of who she is, and one who is wealthier from the new bonds she has made with family members overseas.

So glad I chose, and choose, to delight in the law of the Lord.

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