I had an awesome weekend. I am exhausted and falling sick, but I am also uplifted, and excited about all the insights I have gained over the one and a half day retreat I went on with a few of my W2W Ministry sisters (thank you, sisters, for being part of my journey all these years). Although it was short, and we did a little bit of everything (we even went for a prayer walk on the Southern Ridges and got the heart pumping), it was what I needed for I am been having the spiritual blahs. I am especially amazed at the faithfulness of God who repaid my little effort to spend more time with Him by giving me fresh heart.
Being good, being faithful all the time can be wearing. It can weigh heavy on the soul for there are so many hearts crying out for healing, so many wrongs in the world to set right, and even though I know I am not the Messiah - only He can save - I am sent by Him to go out into the world to spread the Good News.
However, my world can be trying, for no matter how much I encourage those around me, speaking life-giving truths, it would seem ad nauseam, some choose to stay in darkness, for years, preferring its rank, subzero climate. I get frustrated and disheartened when I see no discernible difference over long periods of time. At the same time, I know being a missionary disciple requires stamina for much as I would like instant results, I am called, as Father Arro put it, to be a farmer who plants the seeds and tends painstakingly to them, but leaves it up to God's timing as to when they will bloom and fruit.
It was refreshing going back to basics again, to acknowledge who I am, the beloved daughter; and revisiting my gifts, reviewing if I do indeed put them to good use.
Side bar: Even if one is clueless about one's gifts, one can still be an effective disciple for as Pope Francis said in Evangelii Gaudium 121: Our falling short of perfection should be no excuse; on the contrary, mission is a constant stimulus not to remain mired in mediocrity but to continue growing. I say Amen to that.
One of the passages we reflected on was the paralytic man in Mark's Gospel, chapter two. My take away from that was although I am a sinner, I can be healed, especially if I rely on others. I realize that while I am always looking after others, I do not let others administer to me as readily. My reticence is due to a lack of confidence that others would want to help me, a sort of reverse pride, and also to my own introverted and stoic nature. This weekend was a reminder that I need others as much as they need me, all the more if I want to be healed and forgiven of my sins.
Today Father Arro (thank you, Father, for facilitating an insightful weekend) spoke about the power of the resurrection and I was personally encouraged that the resurrected Christ comes to look for me to let me know that even though I may have many failures and shortcomings, He still believes in me and wants me to be His messenger to others. So even when things seem most hopeless, the Resurrection always conquers death, bringing new life with it. The question then is do I live the power of the Resurrection with enthusiasm and vitality?
I finished the retreat knowing I need to rest more for being physically tired will not help me go the distance I need to travel. Exhaustion makes for grouchiness, poor health, errors in judgement, carelessness, indifference and pessimism, all things I can stand to lose. I also need to pray more, to intercede more for others as well as allowing Christ to speak to me in the quiet, contemplative moments. His input is vital for without Him, I can do nothing. I know this, and yet, I straddle between being like a fragmented whirlwind of activity and a distracted and brain-dead zombie feeding on my addictions.
The Scripture that spoke most to me comes from John 4:24: God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth. If I wish to continue moving and living in the Spirit, I must worship in spirit and truth. To me this means being open and attentive to His promptings, and to not place strictures on the mystery and awesomeness of God. It means to let go and let God reveal His truth to me and through me by letting go of my own judgements, prejudices and perceptions, renewing them constantly. It will not be easy, but it's definitely something for me to work on. Retreats rock!
Being good, being faithful all the time can be wearing. It can weigh heavy on the soul for there are so many hearts crying out for healing, so many wrongs in the world to set right, and even though I know I am not the Messiah - only He can save - I am sent by Him to go out into the world to spread the Good News.
However, my world can be trying, for no matter how much I encourage those around me, speaking life-giving truths, it would seem ad nauseam, some choose to stay in darkness, for years, preferring its rank, subzero climate. I get frustrated and disheartened when I see no discernible difference over long periods of time. At the same time, I know being a missionary disciple requires stamina for much as I would like instant results, I am called, as Father Arro put it, to be a farmer who plants the seeds and tends painstakingly to them, but leaves it up to God's timing as to when they will bloom and fruit.
It was refreshing going back to basics again, to acknowledge who I am, the beloved daughter; and revisiting my gifts, reviewing if I do indeed put them to good use.
Side bar: Even if one is clueless about one's gifts, one can still be an effective disciple for as Pope Francis said in Evangelii Gaudium 121: Our falling short of perfection should be no excuse; on the contrary, mission is a constant stimulus not to remain mired in mediocrity but to continue growing. I say Amen to that.
One of the passages we reflected on was the paralytic man in Mark's Gospel, chapter two. My take away from that was although I am a sinner, I can be healed, especially if I rely on others. I realize that while I am always looking after others, I do not let others administer to me as readily. My reticence is due to a lack of confidence that others would want to help me, a sort of reverse pride, and also to my own introverted and stoic nature. This weekend was a reminder that I need others as much as they need me, all the more if I want to be healed and forgiven of my sins.
Today Father Arro (thank you, Father, for facilitating an insightful weekend) spoke about the power of the resurrection and I was personally encouraged that the resurrected Christ comes to look for me to let me know that even though I may have many failures and shortcomings, He still believes in me and wants me to be His messenger to others. So even when things seem most hopeless, the Resurrection always conquers death, bringing new life with it. The question then is do I live the power of the Resurrection with enthusiasm and vitality?
I finished the retreat knowing I need to rest more for being physically tired will not help me go the distance I need to travel. Exhaustion makes for grouchiness, poor health, errors in judgement, carelessness, indifference and pessimism, all things I can stand to lose. I also need to pray more, to intercede more for others as well as allowing Christ to speak to me in the quiet, contemplative moments. His input is vital for without Him, I can do nothing. I know this, and yet, I straddle between being like a fragmented whirlwind of activity and a distracted and brain-dead zombie feeding on my addictions.
The Scripture that spoke most to me comes from John 4:24: God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth. If I wish to continue moving and living in the Spirit, I must worship in spirit and truth. To me this means being open and attentive to His promptings, and to not place strictures on the mystery and awesomeness of God. It means to let go and let God reveal His truth to me and through me by letting go of my own judgements, prejudices and perceptions, renewing them constantly. It will not be easy, but it's definitely something for me to work on. Retreats rock!
No comments:
Post a Comment