We all wear a mask of civility to self-censor inappropriate behaviour and exercise impulse control. It is good and necessary, enabling us to be more socially adapted and competent as individuals. For example, much as we would like to throttle someone who is full on obnoxious or impossibly obtuse, we do our best to maintain a calm and polite exterior to get through an encounter without initiating a brawl.
The only danger is when the mask goes beyond civility and becomes a prison inside which we are miserable. When we cannot express our true feelings and we suppress them; when we hide especially the self-perceived ugly bits of who we are, always wearing a game face, there are consequences.
We have no freedom to be who we are, always trying hard to be someone, something else. We do not give ourselves permission to experience certain emotions, and when we do experience them, we get depressed, unable to handle the inner conflict. We get aggressive or we run away (the classic fight or flight). We get trapped within negative patterns of behaviours. We measure our self-worth by our accomplishments, thinking we will only be worthy of love if we perform well.
I suffer from the need to be perfect or the need to engineer a perfect world and this need is at odds with my emotional and spiritual growth. The "perfect" mask stifles me most when it comes to managing conflict for fear born of my legion of insecurities and the agonies of my puny self-esteem often invokes immature reactions from me. I find it extremely frustrating.
For this reason I am grateful for the gift of the people in my life with whom I can be myself. These are a small group of people who love me for who I am. With them I can be my unexpurgated, unsanitized self, knowing they will still care for me even when I am my ugliest. They give me the confidence and impetus to expand beyond myself. Chief among them is this man called Jesus Christ.
He is my go-to guy when I am bleeding heavily from the gaping wounds of my hurts, failures and losses, inconsolable from grief and regret. He knows exactly what to do to mend my fractured heart, restore my soul and bring me back to life. And to smile with me when I get it right.
Jesus is also my model for living with unmasked integrity. He could see, accept and love people for who they were, without judging them. Because of that, He could deliver truths in such a way that He transformed lives for the better. And He did it without fear of being rejected or reviled. Without pretence. His genuine love and respect for human dignity beats the plastic hypocrisy of political correctness hands down.
When we live as Jesus did, inspired only by love to reach out to others and bring the light and goodness of truth, then we will not be crippled by fears or masks that distort the beauty of our beings. We will be able to rise above our own inadequacies and sensitivities to become people who walk in freedom, unhampered by our lesser inclinations. We become less ego-centric and more Christ-centric, even in the face of difficulties.
Living with integrity may not necessarily be a cinch, or win prizes, demonstrated so aptly by the impending Passion of Christ, but the unity of thinking, feeling and acting with one accord makes for peace of mind and soul. Jesus made it through the worst night of His life with the help of His Father and faced death with grace.
I may not always like the people around me or the situations I find myself in, but I can display a similar strength of character. So rather than get discouraged, depressed or react childishly, there is a better way. I can pray to see the world through the eyes of Jesus and go beyond my own myopic fears and defensive masks.
The only danger is when the mask goes beyond civility and becomes a prison inside which we are miserable. When we cannot express our true feelings and we suppress them; when we hide especially the self-perceived ugly bits of who we are, always wearing a game face, there are consequences.
We have no freedom to be who we are, always trying hard to be someone, something else. We do not give ourselves permission to experience certain emotions, and when we do experience them, we get depressed, unable to handle the inner conflict. We get aggressive or we run away (the classic fight or flight). We get trapped within negative patterns of behaviours. We measure our self-worth by our accomplishments, thinking we will only be worthy of love if we perform well.
I suffer from the need to be perfect or the need to engineer a perfect world and this need is at odds with my emotional and spiritual growth. The "perfect" mask stifles me most when it comes to managing conflict for fear born of my legion of insecurities and the agonies of my puny self-esteem often invokes immature reactions from me. I find it extremely frustrating.
For this reason I am grateful for the gift of the people in my life with whom I can be myself. These are a small group of people who love me for who I am. With them I can be my unexpurgated, unsanitized self, knowing they will still care for me even when I am my ugliest. They give me the confidence and impetus to expand beyond myself. Chief among them is this man called Jesus Christ.
He is my go-to guy when I am bleeding heavily from the gaping wounds of my hurts, failures and losses, inconsolable from grief and regret. He knows exactly what to do to mend my fractured heart, restore my soul and bring me back to life. And to smile with me when I get it right.
Jesus is also my model for living with unmasked integrity. He could see, accept and love people for who they were, without judging them. Because of that, He could deliver truths in such a way that He transformed lives for the better. And He did it without fear of being rejected or reviled. Without pretence. His genuine love and respect for human dignity beats the plastic hypocrisy of political correctness hands down.
When we live as Jesus did, inspired only by love to reach out to others and bring the light and goodness of truth, then we will not be crippled by fears or masks that distort the beauty of our beings. We will be able to rise above our own inadequacies and sensitivities to become people who walk in freedom, unhampered by our lesser inclinations. We become less ego-centric and more Christ-centric, even in the face of difficulties.
Living with integrity may not necessarily be a cinch, or win prizes, demonstrated so aptly by the impending Passion of Christ, but the unity of thinking, feeling and acting with one accord makes for peace of mind and soul. Jesus made it through the worst night of His life with the help of His Father and faced death with grace.
I may not always like the people around me or the situations I find myself in, but I can display a similar strength of character. So rather than get discouraged, depressed or react childishly, there is a better way. I can pray to see the world through the eyes of Jesus and go beyond my own myopic fears and defensive masks.
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