Ever feel like your life is spinning out of control and you just can't seem to get a handle on things? I constantly feel that way. More so now when I am rabidly auditing courses and preparing for an exam.
I don't seem to be able to accomplish all the things I want to in a day and I wonder is it only due to my poor time management or is it life interrupting as it will and there is nothing I can really do about it. It is probably a combination of both, I suspect.
There are days I feel that everyone wants a part of me and I cannot, and am not, willing to give it all away. And I should not. (Even if I wanted to, my body shrieks its protest much too loudly for me to ignore its warning.)
Talking to N convinced me if you expend all your energy towards giving everything to your loved ones, saving nothing for yourself, you will crash and burn, which she did last week. Physically she was not 100 per cent and emotionally she was depleted. She felt empty and achingly lonely. She, of course, plummeted into depression.
Then I spoke with J who out of loneliness is doing something which I feel is sailing too close to the wind. Worrying on many levels.
J, N and I share many things in common. We are all busy single women who strive to be available to the people around us and we all juggle too many balls consequently. Saying no to people is tough for us for we all want to help everyone we see in need of help.
Balance is not something any of us achieves with any measure of success unfortunately. This leaves us frequently drained and oftentimes wanting to be loved as we love others - wholeheartedly, unreservedly.
We are always taking care of others. It would be nice if someone took care of us, for a change; for it is hard to muster the energy to be good to our own bodies, much less pamper ourselves (and if we do something for ourselves, it is usually too self-indulgent to be considered healthy).
It is a dangerous state of being for it often leads to decisions that are dodgy and absent of true wisdom. Here is where prayer, or spending time with the man who loves me in the way I want is vital.
Jesus time is my protection against temptation, my own failings, blind spots, deep frustration, bitterness, unforgiveness and despair.
In May Gibbs' world of gumnut babies, there is a character named Little Obelia who is renowned for her wisdom. Whenever she needs clarity or insight, she retires to her thinking room and counts her pearls in solitude.
Like Little Obelia, prayer time is my time to count my pearls. To see where it was in the day that God's Spirit was present and to give thanks for those sacred moments.
And if there is something that caused me distress or of which I cannot make sense of, then, somehow, prayer alters my perception so that I can view it with more objectivity, kindness and patience. My outlook is transformed. As William Blake wrote, my cleansed doors of perception allow me to see infinity. Thus, I am not so sour, jaded or POed.
It is at times like this, when I am deadly tired and given to grouchiness and dark thoughts that counting my pearls is as necessary as breathing.
I become centred. I am given night vision. My heart is eased. All because I allow Him to show me how much He loves me.
He is my prayer pearl of great price.
I don't seem to be able to accomplish all the things I want to in a day and I wonder is it only due to my poor time management or is it life interrupting as it will and there is nothing I can really do about it. It is probably a combination of both, I suspect.
There are days I feel that everyone wants a part of me and I cannot, and am not, willing to give it all away. And I should not. (Even if I wanted to, my body shrieks its protest much too loudly for me to ignore its warning.)
Talking to N convinced me if you expend all your energy towards giving everything to your loved ones, saving nothing for yourself, you will crash and burn, which she did last week. Physically she was not 100 per cent and emotionally she was depleted. She felt empty and achingly lonely. She, of course, plummeted into depression.
Then I spoke with J who out of loneliness is doing something which I feel is sailing too close to the wind. Worrying on many levels.
J, N and I share many things in common. We are all busy single women who strive to be available to the people around us and we all juggle too many balls consequently. Saying no to people is tough for us for we all want to help everyone we see in need of help.
Balance is not something any of us achieves with any measure of success unfortunately. This leaves us frequently drained and oftentimes wanting to be loved as we love others - wholeheartedly, unreservedly.
We are always taking care of others. It would be nice if someone took care of us, for a change; for it is hard to muster the energy to be good to our own bodies, much less pamper ourselves (and if we do something for ourselves, it is usually too self-indulgent to be considered healthy).
It is a dangerous state of being for it often leads to decisions that are dodgy and absent of true wisdom. Here is where prayer, or spending time with the man who loves me in the way I want is vital.
Jesus time is my protection against temptation, my own failings, blind spots, deep frustration, bitterness, unforgiveness and despair.
In May Gibbs' world of gumnut babies, there is a character named Little Obelia who is renowned for her wisdom. Whenever she needs clarity or insight, she retires to her thinking room and counts her pearls in solitude.
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Like Little Obelia, prayer time is my time to count my pearls. To see where it was in the day that God's Spirit was present and to give thanks for those sacred moments.
And if there is something that caused me distress or of which I cannot make sense of, then, somehow, prayer alters my perception so that I can view it with more objectivity, kindness and patience. My outlook is transformed. As William Blake wrote, my cleansed doors of perception allow me to see infinity. Thus, I am not so sour, jaded or POed.
It is at times like this, when I am deadly tired and given to grouchiness and dark thoughts that counting my pearls is as necessary as breathing.
I become centred. I am given night vision. My heart is eased. All because I allow Him to show me how much He loves me.
He is my prayer pearl of great price.
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