Today I was paid an indirect compliment by my Third Aunt which is a rare occurrence for affirmation is not common practice among old school Asian families.
I have been spending time with her lately, helping her recuperate from a tumble down the stairs she took a month ago that has left her with two fractured vertebrae and a couple of cracked ribs.
Apart from the fact I genuinely want to see her get better, I am also motivated by something else, that through my visits to my aunt, I can still actively love and honour my father who always placed his family above his own comfort.
Every time I visit his sister, he continues to be alive and well in my heart for I know visiting Third Aunt would have made him happy, if he were still here. This, for me, is a great consolation.
Although we did not have the most equable father-daughter relationship, I am grateful for all he has done for me, something that only now in his absence do I truly appreciate, and therefore try to honour.
Martin Seligman, a proponent of positive psychology, believes people can learn how to increase their happiness quotient. In his book Authentic Happiness, he identifies in chapter five two ways of bringing "feelings of the past" into the "region of contentment and satisfaction".
"Gratitude amplifies the savoring and appreciation of the good events gone by, and rewriting history by forgiveness loosens the power of the bad events to embitter (and actually can transform bad memories into good one)."
My father was wonderful in many ways, but was, at the same time, an ogre to live with frequently. Making the conscious choice to forgive him when I was in my late twenties was possibly one of the best decisions I made in life for it enabled me to empathize with him and thereby judge him through different and kinder eyes.
Forgiveness allowed me to have a better relationship with Dad until his death: I was thankful for the good days as and when they presented themselves, and I was able to draw out lessons from the bad ones once I let go of my anger and bitterness.
As Seligman proposed, forgiveness and gratitude do point the way toward happiness. For Christians, the concepts of forgiveness and gratitude are far from revolutionary. Jesus espoused both in His time and encouraged us to do likewise. Not just because it is the better choice that will lead us to heaven, but rather it was part of His plan to give us life to the full. So that we may experience contentment, peace and happiness.
Give thanks to the Lord for He is good.
I have been spending time with her lately, helping her recuperate from a tumble down the stairs she took a month ago that has left her with two fractured vertebrae and a couple of cracked ribs.
Apart from the fact I genuinely want to see her get better, I am also motivated by something else, that through my visits to my aunt, I can still actively love and honour my father who always placed his family above his own comfort.
Every time I visit his sister, he continues to be alive and well in my heart for I know visiting Third Aunt would have made him happy, if he were still here. This, for me, is a great consolation.
Although we did not have the most equable father-daughter relationship, I am grateful for all he has done for me, something that only now in his absence do I truly appreciate, and therefore try to honour.
Martin Seligman, a proponent of positive psychology, believes people can learn how to increase their happiness quotient. In his book Authentic Happiness, he identifies in chapter five two ways of bringing "feelings of the past" into the "region of contentment and satisfaction".
"Gratitude amplifies the savoring and appreciation of the good events gone by, and rewriting history by forgiveness loosens the power of the bad events to embitter (and actually can transform bad memories into good one)."
My father was wonderful in many ways, but was, at the same time, an ogre to live with frequently. Making the conscious choice to forgive him when I was in my late twenties was possibly one of the best decisions I made in life for it enabled me to empathize with him and thereby judge him through different and kinder eyes.
Forgiveness allowed me to have a better relationship with Dad until his death: I was thankful for the good days as and when they presented themselves, and I was able to draw out lessons from the bad ones once I let go of my anger and bitterness.
As Seligman proposed, forgiveness and gratitude do point the way toward happiness. For Christians, the concepts of forgiveness and gratitude are far from revolutionary. Jesus espoused both in His time and encouraged us to do likewise. Not just because it is the better choice that will lead us to heaven, but rather it was part of His plan to give us life to the full. So that we may experience contentment, peace and happiness.
Give thanks to the Lord for He is good.
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