I sometimes marvel at my own stupidity: despite knowing what is the wise thing to do but not doing it and paying the price for my sheer mulishness.
I am talking about sleep, or the lack thereof that I have been suffering from this past months.
Admittedly my body's hormonal changes leave me sometimes singularly unrested, but for most of the time, it is my own fault that I do not get sufficient sleep.
The caprices of youth are no longer mine to exercise for nowadays lack of sleep translates into eye bags and dark circles, alarming lymphatic blockages under my skin (that thanks to S. I can now detect), a dullness of mind, an apathetic lassitude and my worst enemy, a stiff body that no amount of muscle release work can cure.
It took the holiday of Labour Day to make me realize how much my debilitated physical state is tied directly to my sleep quotient.
I fell victim to a cold yesterday which worsened considerably in the evening and sought refuge in sleeping early.
After almost ten hours of sleep, I woke up feeling much better, no more sneezing fits and tap-runny nose. Best of all, my incredibly stiff spine feels a suppleness that has been absent for some weeks now and the fogginess of my brain has lifted a little. Duh!
We spoke about identity yesterday for knowledge of self is crucial in deciphering the meaning of life and knowing what one's vocation is, and hopefully finding happiness in the process.
In dealing with self-knowledge, it's important to identify what are the obstacles to self-awareness and the blockages that bring about distortions and blind spots to one's view of self and the world.
So it has been with fascinated incredulity that I have been sneaking peeks of True Beauty, a reality TV show that is now running on cable; a greater lack of self-awareness cannot be displayed elsewhere as the contestants duke it out to win what they think is a contest on looking good externally when they are actually judged on inner beauty.
"I am a good person, I deserve to be here!" A common statement that spews forth from the quivering, indignant lips of a selfish and self-absorbed individual who has just been booted. Get real!
Most of the contestants display an ugliness of spirit that reveals a misguided life goal of seeking to be happy first instead of seeking to be good, as opposed to the ancients' wisdom of goodness preceding authentic happiness.
I may be on the right path of seeking goodness but in many ways I am as clueless as these "beautiful people" for I have hit a massive road block in my journey that prevents me from progressing to the next level.
And this block has to do with sleep, or, to wit, my time management skills. I am using my physical exhaustion as an excuse for not living up to my fullest potential but to meander in the shallows of the meanness of the spirit and the smallness of the soul.
I have been wasting countless hours engaged in predominantly worthless enterprise rather than getting adequate sleep, being organized, studying for my Pilates exam and cultivating the discipline of writing.
This fear of achieving milestones that will propel me forward to face bigger mountains is making me dig my heels in and stay put, in comfortable and deadly inaction.
I am the Bible's "rich young man" who is good but unwilling to be my best. I am unable to let go of my possessions of fear, faint-heartedness, timidity, low self-esteem and lack of self-worth to take a step closer towards entering the Kingdom of Heaven.
Perhaps I exaggerate my situation for I have begun to do something constructive about my current state these last weeks. (It is Easter and I have been striving to live this liturgical season well.)
But today has been a day of affirmation for me, of startling realization that I have within me the power to break this inertia and regain health holistically. It need not be such a baffling struggle.
I am encouraged to take bigger and bolder steps forward; to fulfill the promises of the covenant God shared with me last year.
This year can still be a year of greatness, especially if I choose sleep and more affirmative action.
Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care.
The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath,
Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,
Chief nourisher in life's feast. - from Shakespeare's Macbeth
I am talking about sleep, or the lack thereof that I have been suffering from this past months.
Admittedly my body's hormonal changes leave me sometimes singularly unrested, but for most of the time, it is my own fault that I do not get sufficient sleep.
The caprices of youth are no longer mine to exercise for nowadays lack of sleep translates into eye bags and dark circles, alarming lymphatic blockages under my skin (that thanks to S. I can now detect), a dullness of mind, an apathetic lassitude and my worst enemy, a stiff body that no amount of muscle release work can cure.
It took the holiday of Labour Day to make me realize how much my debilitated physical state is tied directly to my sleep quotient.
I fell victim to a cold yesterday which worsened considerably in the evening and sought refuge in sleeping early.
After almost ten hours of sleep, I woke up feeling much better, no more sneezing fits and tap-runny nose. Best of all, my incredibly stiff spine feels a suppleness that has been absent for some weeks now and the fogginess of my brain has lifted a little. Duh!
We spoke about identity yesterday for knowledge of self is crucial in deciphering the meaning of life and knowing what one's vocation is, and hopefully finding happiness in the process.
In dealing with self-knowledge, it's important to identify what are the obstacles to self-awareness and the blockages that bring about distortions and blind spots to one's view of self and the world.
So it has been with fascinated incredulity that I have been sneaking peeks of True Beauty, a reality TV show that is now running on cable; a greater lack of self-awareness cannot be displayed elsewhere as the contestants duke it out to win what they think is a contest on looking good externally when they are actually judged on inner beauty.
"I am a good person, I deserve to be here!" A common statement that spews forth from the quivering, indignant lips of a selfish and self-absorbed individual who has just been booted. Get real!
Most of the contestants display an ugliness of spirit that reveals a misguided life goal of seeking to be happy first instead of seeking to be good, as opposed to the ancients' wisdom of goodness preceding authentic happiness.
I may be on the right path of seeking goodness but in many ways I am as clueless as these "beautiful people" for I have hit a massive road block in my journey that prevents me from progressing to the next level.
And this block has to do with sleep, or, to wit, my time management skills. I am using my physical exhaustion as an excuse for not living up to my fullest potential but to meander in the shallows of the meanness of the spirit and the smallness of the soul.
I have been wasting countless hours engaged in predominantly worthless enterprise rather than getting adequate sleep, being organized, studying for my Pilates exam and cultivating the discipline of writing.
This fear of achieving milestones that will propel me forward to face bigger mountains is making me dig my heels in and stay put, in comfortable and deadly inaction.
I am the Bible's "rich young man" who is good but unwilling to be my best. I am unable to let go of my possessions of fear, faint-heartedness, timidity, low self-esteem and lack of self-worth to take a step closer towards entering the Kingdom of Heaven.
Perhaps I exaggerate my situation for I have begun to do something constructive about my current state these last weeks. (It is Easter and I have been striving to live this liturgical season well.)
But today has been a day of affirmation for me, of startling realization that I have within me the power to break this inertia and regain health holistically. It need not be such a baffling struggle.
I am encouraged to take bigger and bolder steps forward; to fulfill the promises of the covenant God shared with me last year.
This year can still be a year of greatness, especially if I choose sleep and more affirmative action.
Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleave of care.
The death of each day's life, sore labour's bath,
Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course,
Chief nourisher in life's feast. - from Shakespeare's Macbeth
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