I have encountered death in multiple ways:
1) In January, I was present in the same room as two women (I did not know) as they expelled their last breath and witnessed the anguish of their families, all within a space of two weeks (very, very surreal experience);
2) I journeyed with A. who was part of my Woman to Woman Ministry very closely and was present during her last hours on this earth on February 8th (see Friday Graces and earlier entries in January);
3) I attended the wake of my good friend A.'s grandmother who passed away just before the Lunar New Year;
4) I visited my Aunt L. last September when I heard she had cancer and have journeyed with her in spirit since then as she lived in Melbourne. I grew to know and love her as recently as two years back and I was very upset when I heard that cancer had re-entered her life. Auntie L. passed away just this Tuesday past and I really mourn her leaving but I am glad I saw her last year and got the chance to say my goodbye via email, thanks to my cousin R.; and
5) Today, I found out that my ex-client and a woman I have tremendous respect and love for, Sue Huxley, is dying. Sue has been in a coma these last eight - nine days past. I visited her today regretting I did not call her sooner although I did feel the urge to contact her several times over these last five months, I only found out today about her condition, thanks Lisa, and hightailed to say goodbye to her.
Sue was the reason I went to Cambodia on the house-building project for the Tabitha Foundation*. I have known Sue since 2002, 2003 and every year when she went to Cambodia, I have been fascinated by what she did.
I finally got the opportunity to go with her last year (although I had been saying I wanted to go for the few years prior to 2009) and I had an unbelievably enriching experience.
On hindsight, I realize how privileged I was to go on that fateful house-building trip. I got a chance to see how big Sue's heart was and how she was such an integral part of this particular effort.
During last night's W2W meeting, I reflected on how sacred dying, death was. That it was not something to be feared.
However, mostly we are distracted by pain, suffering, disease and its contingent treatment, and the fear of uncertainty and death.
It's funny for as Christians, we believe in the promise of eternal life, so isn't dying a great thing? Why do we fear it so much when it reunites us with God and those we have lost through the years?
Isn't heaven supposed to be this great place of joy and pleasure that is beyond all human understanding? So why don't we all want to go to heaven pronto?
Perhaps we need to reflect on death more often to internalize the truths we learned as children.
I recall Fr. Martin's words that the dying are God's word to us and we would do well to listen carefully and act accordingly.
Joy and sorrow, life and death, these two pairs come as a package deal, and cannot exist, one without the other.
We would not be able to experience true joy if we have never had an experience of real sorrow.
Likewise, unless we feel "Time's winged chariot hurrying near" and the capricious brittleness of our mortality, we cannot make the decision to live fully. True to who we are.
Therefore, to honour our loved ones who have gone before us, we must live well and live true. To respond to those we love, present and departed, by living with integrity and openness of heart.
What's more, we never truly lose our loved ones to death.
As my SD commented when I told him about Auntie L.'s death, now she knows how I truly feel, for in death, she and I are now in communion without earthly barriers (Aunt L. is now part of the communion of saints) and our love is more perfect than it previously was.
I take great comfort in that thought.
As for death, I recognize its potency without fear, and I look forward to eternally resting in its light.
I celebrate the lives of those who are soon or recently departed, and I thank them all for being a part of my life. They have made it so much richer and they have all helped me become a better person.
My last wish this day is that I do not trivialize the significance and sanctity of death.
* In honour of Sue, a school is being built for children in Cambodia. To contribute to the Sue Huxley School in Cambodia, go to: http://suehuxley.blogspot.com/2010/02/sue-huxley-school-cambodia.html
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