Celebrating birthdays can be hazardous as I found out over the weekend when we got together to celebrate B.’s birthday. She maintained she disliked fuss and woe and betide those who tried to celebrate it for her and with her.
We still did it anyway, albeit in a very private manner, just five chicks with champagne and cake in C.’s condo. It helped that the cake appealed to the child in her. Her “play-cake” as she called it. Seriously, it was a work of art, thanks to Susan from Smiling Orchid.
What is it about birthdays that B. was so violently opposed to? Definitely not the age thing for she still looks youthful. It was the fuss - which encompasses PDAs (that’s public displays of affection) in the non-couply way.
Admittedly, like B., I feel more embarrassed than appreciative when I am at the receiving end as well.
What is it that makes receiving love so difficult? Why is giving so much easier than receiving?
B. and I suffer from the same problem and I think it stems from when we were young. Somehow, we were not affirmed in our love languages* and grew up feeling unloved and even unlovable.
Sure I knew my parents loved me, intellectually, but, somehow, a part of me clamoured for love which I was not getting from them, and that made me feel inadequate as a person, and subsequently, unworthy of love.
It took me a long time before I felt comfortable in my own skin and it was only recently that I could accept that no matter how ugly I felt inside out, there will always be Someone who loves me deeply.
More importantly, that I deserved to be loved in such a life-giving manner.
He has loved me from the point of my conception and has never stopped loving me through all my topsy turvy years.
No other man has made me feel so precious, or so completely cherished. With such a love, I am healed, I am strong - I can be the person I was meant to be.
My birthday wish for B. is that she will continue to experience His healing love and one day enjoy her birthday the way a child enjoys the whole schmaltzy affair – with great relish, revelling in every moment of love and attention. Happy birthday B. XXX
* From Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages which enumerates the ways we give and receive love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and touch. A must-read, especially for couples and parents.
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