Three weeks ago, I met up with a good friend whom I have not seen in a while and we discovered we were on parallel paths. We had both recently gone on blind dates for we were both actively seeking life partners. Instead of moaning about not being able to meet men, we have, in our own ways, opened ourselves to the possibilities out there, and doing the pro-active thing.
An advantage to age is that we are no longer coy about what we want and we know how to establish healthy boundaries. How far to take a relationship before we drop it for a lost cause no matter how attractive the man may be. Our egos are also resilient enough that we know if something doesn’t work out, it has nothing to do with who we are - two lovely, vibrant women, incidentally - and onward we venture.
A disadvantage, however, is that most decent men our age (I better qualify that L. is younger than I am, lest she gets miffed when she reads this) are married. If single, they are either commitment-phobic or simply too comfortable where they are to even contemplate marriage. Then you have the battle-scarred, divorced men who come with their own baggage of issues. Mmm, not an easy task we have undertaken.
Given the number of broken marriages that surround me, one might think it more judicious to steer clear. However, I still believe I was meant to embrace marriage and I say this not with cock-eyed optimism or romance novel-like delusions, but knowing full well that marriage is a sacrifice (if you are expecting a happy-ever-after state of life, don’t get married, as I often tell my single women friends), a commitment that requires maturity, perseverance and an ongoing ability to forgive, to continue to love unconditionally even at the lowest ebb of a relationship’s flow.
Don’t get me wrong, I have seen how marriage can be fulfilling and fruitful if the two parties that come together arrived at the decision to share their lives after careful consideration (love, per se, is not enough, despite what fairy tales and daytime soaps tell you), and they cherish and honour the bond of marriage with respect and fidelity. More importantly, they centre their marriage around God, for sometimes, faith will be the glue that keeps the marriage together. Jesus is the only one who can make our crooked lines straight.
Whether or not L. and I find husbands (you’ll just have to keep on reading my blog if you want to know…), I am thankful for where and who I am. Although I do get disheartened at the thought of having to put it out there, and at times, a sense of ennui comes over me when I think of the effort required to get to know someone who may be the wrong someone, I know I will not sit by my window and pine away for my prince to come. Instead, I am out there now, having a ball on my own.
NEWSFLASH: You don’t need a man to be happy or to “complete” your life. If you think that, sister, you are in BIG trouble.
I still grumble and challenge Him occasionally, “Where is he? I want to meet him nownownow!!! You were the one who told me marriage, so YOU produce the man.” Then I am reminded not to be like an ungrateful Israelite wandering in the desert, for He feeds me with honey every day. My life is rich and full of flavour. He seasons my days in highly inventive and multiple ways. I am surrounded by many generous and wonderful people. I am doing what I love best to do, making a positive impact on people’s lives. There is a sense of divine purpose in everything I do for I am guided by a loving Father who has taught me how to write my own happy endings.
He so totally rocks!
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