Praying power

There is an apocryphal quote: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I can identify with this insanity more commonly known as being stubborn, or what the Bible calls hardness of heart. 

We can be like Pharoah, who simply refused to let Moses and the Israelites go despite wave after wave of plagues that devastated the land. Every time he bargained with Moses and the situation improved, he reneged on his promise. 

For years I refused to turn back to God going after my own idea of romantic love, chronically suffering from either deprivation or spiritual indigestion due to its improper nature. It was pure insanity to latch on to relationships that would never end well and resulted in addictive behaviour and low self-esteem. 

Snapping out of this endless cycle of bashing my head against the wall was pure grace. God never got tired of looking out for me and calling me to journey home to a truth, a beauty and a goodness that was found in Him, and was actually what I was looking for all that time. 

Having entrusted my life wholly to Him since 2003, I now spend my days doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting the different results He wills in my life. I pray; not just every morning or every evening, but many times in between. I have a running conversation with Him, constantly measuring my actions against the Jesus standard (a.k.a. What would Jesus do?).

I ask for the Holy Spirit to lead me after asking for the openness to hear His inspirations and then follow through with action. He is my action guru. 

I seek for the Father’s protection from my own foolish inclinations, knowing what I perceive or feel like doing is often not objective or intrinsically good. 

Yesterday N received the Primary One ballot results for C. She got in despite there being only 86 spots available versus 117 applications. As spots would first be given to applicants residing within a two-kilometre radius from the school, C’s chances of getting in were, as N put it, terrible. 

Throwback to a year ago when N made known her desire to have C attend her alma mater, P and I began praying for this. Along the way I also began to pray for E as her mother, J, had the same desire of seeing her daughter attend her old school. 

While P and I thought St Nick’s was the right school choice, and prayed for this outcome, we also prayed that this outcome was what God willed as the right one for both little girls, C and E. 

Praying (and fasting at times) this same intercessory prayer for a year might seem like insanity, if not merely futile, but we never got tired of offering up to the Lord our desires and plans. 

Certainly there were moments of doubt, but there were also moments of pure peace, knowing it would happen as God would provide. I even told C a year ago she was going to St Nick’s for this sat well within me (of course I was not 100 percent sure if this certainty came from me alone or was divine inspired). 

P received confirmation of a successful ballot on Pentecost while I received mine early yesterday morning when I saw C and E rocking the white top and blue pinafore as I prayed. 

In all this, I thank God. I cannot begin to describe how I felt when I received the news of the successful ballot from N. I was mega in awe, super grateful and I just wanted to hug everyone I met yesterday. 

An insight that came to me in all this is one connected to mission. P and I were talking about mission and while his exercised gifts are so widely acknowledged and far-reaching, I like that mine are more invisible, barely discernible, yet equally vital. 

Both P and I know exactly what and where are our mission fields even as our landscapes constantly shift. We both also know that our yeses will give rise to sacrifice (Herculean at times) and to doing the same thing over and over again without flagging in zeal and passion. 

Oftentimes the work, or should I say, our efforts, may not seem worthwhile, and self-doubt may creep in, we both know, saying yes to God with the same level of faith is an act of will, a daily process, a constant renewal of our baptismal office, and one which will yield different results in ways we never imagined possible. 

And I hold fast to 2 Thessalonians 3:13: Brothers and sisters, do not be weary in doing what is right.