It's been a while since I have posted a blog entry, not from want of trying for I have half-written pieces of writing waiting to be finished on my iPad. It's just been a really busy period with P and I doing couple-y things such as preparing his home for me to move into after the wedding, attending social functions as a couple, getting to know each other's families better, and just us getting to know each other more and more (and loving every minute of it, even the speed bumps and detours).
Courtship is tiring, delightful as it is. It does not help that, separately, we have our own commitments, work and social, but one thing is clear, we are both focused on making time for Jesus, in spite of, or should I say, because of our relationship and all it entails.
Given my OCD tendencies, I fear that I may neglect Jesus, seeing as P does occupy a lot of my head space, taking up both my psychic and affective energy. I therefore try hard to strike the balance, going for daily mass, praying not just my devotional and intercessory prayers, but also finding the time to frequent the adoration room, and sit in silence with Jesus.
During the New Wineskins Conference last month, Father Terence spoke of the importance of setting aside one full hour to pray, especially if we are in ministry. It's not enough to pray in short bursts through the day, intoning intentionally my chosen set of daily prayer. It is imperative to reserve an hour for the Lord, to soak in His love, and know who I am in His eyes. Otherwise, I cannot engage effectively in mission. I will get exhausted under the constant barrage of bad news, things to do, and the needs of those around me. It was a good reminder.
My mission has not changed, even though I am entering into a new vocation of marriage soon. I am still called to be salt and light in the world in a particular way, to bring the joy of the Lord, the singularity of the Good News, which I, myself, experience every day, to others. Of course, given our imminent union, P and I are often the recipients of said salt and light as we spend time together, and care for each other with burgeoning affection.
When I last met my SD, he asked me what I would like to ask for before I received absolution from the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and I replied I desired a purity of heart and mind.
Being able to love P as Jesus loves Him, is of utmost importance to me. This purity I ask for is the purity of unconditional and total self-giving love.
It is the ability to love P without fear of being hurt, with naked honesty and vulnerability.
It is the courage to love P despite the despair I sometimes feel at what I perceive as obstacles or great challenges.
It is the confidence to go ahead as if I were Daniel in the lion's den, knowing full well that the Lord will protect and bless me , especially in my helplessness.
It is the simplicity of knowing that love, God's brand of love, is enough; for perfect love casts out all fears.
Purity of heart gives me the wisdom to know how to love P, but at the same time, how to safeguard the relationship against our using each other in a selfish manner.
As the relationship develops and unfolds, I am grateful P and I are united in nourishing our faith daily and in cultivating attentive and open hearts. May Mother Mary, who brought us together, continue to inspire us with her humility and her fiat, and may we heed her advice to do whatever He tells us.
Courtship is tiring, delightful as it is. It does not help that, separately, we have our own commitments, work and social, but one thing is clear, we are both focused on making time for Jesus, in spite of, or should I say, because of our relationship and all it entails.
Given my OCD tendencies, I fear that I may neglect Jesus, seeing as P does occupy a lot of my head space, taking up both my psychic and affective energy. I therefore try hard to strike the balance, going for daily mass, praying not just my devotional and intercessory prayers, but also finding the time to frequent the adoration room, and sit in silence with Jesus.
During the New Wineskins Conference last month, Father Terence spoke of the importance of setting aside one full hour to pray, especially if we are in ministry. It's not enough to pray in short bursts through the day, intoning intentionally my chosen set of daily prayer. It is imperative to reserve an hour for the Lord, to soak in His love, and know who I am in His eyes. Otherwise, I cannot engage effectively in mission. I will get exhausted under the constant barrage of bad news, things to do, and the needs of those around me. It was a good reminder.
My mission has not changed, even though I am entering into a new vocation of marriage soon. I am still called to be salt and light in the world in a particular way, to bring the joy of the Lord, the singularity of the Good News, which I, myself, experience every day, to others. Of course, given our imminent union, P and I are often the recipients of said salt and light as we spend time together, and care for each other with burgeoning affection.
When I last met my SD, he asked me what I would like to ask for before I received absolution from the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and I replied I desired a purity of heart and mind.
Being able to love P as Jesus loves Him, is of utmost importance to me. This purity I ask for is the purity of unconditional and total self-giving love.
It is the ability to love P without fear of being hurt, with naked honesty and vulnerability.
It is the courage to love P despite the despair I sometimes feel at what I perceive as obstacles or great challenges.
It is the confidence to go ahead as if I were Daniel in the lion's den, knowing full well that the Lord will protect and bless me , especially in my helplessness.
It is the simplicity of knowing that love, God's brand of love, is enough; for perfect love casts out all fears.
Purity of heart gives me the wisdom to know how to love P, but at the same time, how to safeguard the relationship against our using each other in a selfish manner.
As the relationship develops and unfolds, I am grateful P and I are united in nourishing our faith daily and in cultivating attentive and open hearts. May Mother Mary, who brought us together, continue to inspire us with her humility and her fiat, and may we heed her advice to do whatever He tells us.
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