Sunday, April 01, 2012

Following the leader

I realize that my last three entries are about prayer and at the risk of sounding boring, this one will follow suit.

Margaret Silf maintains that the more we pray, the more we realize how little we know - about prayer and how to pray.

She is right for I find praying, prayer, a real mystery and I write so much about it for I keep trying to make sense of it for myself.

I always feel that my efforts fall short for my mind wanders far too much for me to be able to say I actually sat in stillness successfully.

When I pray, I seem to have the attention span of a gnat and flit from one thought to another in a nano second. Why can't I get it right? And then there is the question what is the right way to pray?

Should I go devotional and pray the rosary? Or do lectio and reflect on the daily readings, maybe coupling it with an examen on the day's happenings? What should I record in my journal? And who do I pray for today and have I remembered everyone? Divine Office? Eucharistic adoration? Mass? Meditation?

Plus, most of the time, I never feel as if I had spent enough time in prayer for so many other things require my attention or prove too distracting.

I persist mainly because even in my imperfect prayer attempts, He is gracious enough to speak to me and impart words of wisdom. I am transformed by even the one minute I turn my heart inward and acknowledge His presence in my life.

My morning prayers help me set my focus right for the day: a Christ-centred mindfulness that steers my actions throughout the day. And prayer later in the evening assists me in connecting the dots of a day filled with seemingly random events in order give thanks for all that has transpired.

While watching TV last week, someone made this comment that the purpose of life is to live with purpose. Prayer is what guides and energizes my efforts to live true to my gifts and my calling. It is easy to be worn down by the daily grind or give in to despair when obstacles present themselves, so prayer is the necessary antidote.

Even though I will never be able to thank God appropriately or sufficiently in thought, word or deed, I will not stop trying, even as I grow increasingly lost.

As long as I follow His lead, I will, somehow, find my way.

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