Sunday, February 19, 2012

Alien door

We have begun a new year of formation in the Woman to Woman Ministry and we are doing Joyce Rupp's Open the Door.

In this book we are invited to reflect on the symbolism of doors and what doors mean in our lives. This six-week prayer guide is designed to identify where we are on our individual spiritual walk, what are possible blocks to growth, possible truths we have been ignoring or rationalizing, and how we can be open to change.

Change is never easy for it calls for us to be receptive, flexible, honest with ourselves, humble, and most of all, courageous.

The alien door is the door which represents the unwanted pieces of our life. As each woman shared their "homework" last night, it is clear that facing the less than desirable truths of our lives can be painful, confusing and difficult to acknowledge.

Identifying what my alien door was threw me for a loop and evoked in me a mixture of shame and sadness, that I can still be so dysfunctional. And yet, I know, with the Almighty by my side, I may be down but not out, not by a long shot.

If I choose to befriend my shadows, then in time, and after much application, I will be empowered to grow beyond my current limiting behaviour. And I will be free.

Alien door
Its appearance fills me with foreboding.
Unspeakable horrors could lurk beyond
And yet, I am strangely attracted
To its stern but inviting exterior,
Its comforting mahogany strength that gleams
Wickedly in the shadows as shards of light
Pierce through the spaces between width and frame;
Divine beams that could shrivel my soul with truth.
The question is: should I venture forward or not?
Nothing gained if I don't, as the saying goes,
I pause, say a prayer, push open wide and enter_
A world searingly raw,
Awkward and most uncomfortable.
Out of kilter I feel vulnerable as a newborn baby
Scared and bereft
Without the swaddling of my comfort zone.
Why am I doing this? I ask for the gadzillionth time.
Do I really need to stretch and to grow?
Especially since I've ignored this alien door
For so long. What's another day?
Another year? Another lifetime?
Let me come back when I feel up to it...
Despite my weak, totally lame, excuses,
I know in my heart of hearts that
I don't want to live in darkness anymore,
Staring at the door with its promise
Of light and life from the outside,
Paralyzed by fear, leery of pain
Even though I know it is part and parcel
Of change, that will transform my world
Into a place of blessing - if I so choose.
So what will it be? To stay or to retreat?
I think, this time, I will tarry.
Thankful to the One who brought me here.
Into the inner courts of His temple
Where freedom roams and love abounds.
How lovely is your dwelling place, 
O Lord of hosts!
I think that I will stay.

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