Last Friday evening we talked about fertility and whether the Church's stance on contraception was practical. Surely methods of contraception that prevented unwanted pregnancy and the spread of sexual disease were indisputably brilliant and therefore should be adopted.
Rather than go into statistics that show that the number of unwanted pregnancies has gone up with the proliferation of birth control pill usage, with the same upward trend when it comes to STDs, not to mention the increasing incidence of divorce and single parent families, let's, as Father David would say, dive down into the waters and look at the iceberg from below.
Go back to the fundamentals and examine human design. What is human nature?
Humans are designed to be in monogamous relationships. When we fall in love, we want exclusivity in a relationship. We want to be unique and special in the eyes of the other. We want to be able to share with this person, be intimate in a way that no one else can and we want it to last forever. (Tell me who falls in love with a view to moving onto the next relationship? We do want exclusive and forever.)
Out of this mutuality of love, we want to create life in order to enlarge the love we have for each other. It is written in our DNA for the perpetuation of the species but more than just a biological premise, humans are created to be spiritual, to develop their potentialities to the fullest, to transcend who and what they are.
Thus procreation is much more than just a mere bid at immortality but offers parents the chance to enrich their own lives and develop as persons. For humans are social animals and need other humans in order to self-actualize, whether it's physically, psychologically, intellectually, emotionally or spiritually.
Cliched as it sounds, it is the circle of life. All life has natural rhythms and seasons but it would seem that it is only the human animal that does its best to ignore this. Unique to humans is the freedom to will, but this can be a huge blessing or a curse of epic proportions.
The cultural dogmas of self-interest first, happiness forged out of freedom and the separation of mind and body have resulted in a culture of using, grasping and instant gratification.
We often forget we are subjects, equal in dignity and we are likely to use others for our own means, treating them as objects, whether it is to assuage loneliness, to combat fears or to pursue our own self-interests and build our own little kingdoms where ego-centric, hedonistic pleasures flourish.
We have lost the art of waiting, not appreciative of the fact that hunger whets the appetite; instead we'd rather dull our appetite by stuffing our faces with junk food fillers than wait for the feast.
Where we have gone very wrong is how we think and act about sex. We use our own body and our partner's body for gratuitous carnal pleasure. We treat each other and ourselves as objects to get off.
We have silenced the language of the body where the sexual act is meant to communicate and deepen an already spousal love, a love that is self-donating, unconditional, pure and faithful. Instead we abuse our bodies for cheap thrills and become slaves to addictive lust.
We even mistake lust or carnality as the pinnacle of human pleasure for we have dismissed the fact that love can be infinitely richer, satisfying and more beautiful than an orgasm per se.
However, life-giving love that invokes real happiness requires work and discipline but most of us are sold on the easy way and instant pleasure, and so we compromise.
Coming back to contraception, again, by human design, women have infertile periods each month, thus by using natural family planning (NFP which is 99% reliable if practised correctly* and needs only the one-time purchase of a thermometer), couples can choose when and how they exercise their generosity and prudence in building their families. So why is there a need for contraception?
Statistically, couples who practise NFP have a lower rate of divorce. Sure, a woman's fertility cycle may cramp the spontaneity of passion for one week, but pro-NFP couples are forced to work on other facets of their love relationship and this enhances intimacy and mutual respect which can only be a good thing for any relationship.
Just think, if you cannot restrain your libido within marriage (and marriage does not legitimize lust), what makes you think you can resist temptation when you are attracted to someone other than your spouse?
And if couples are not married and having sex, they are misusing the language of their body. The usual argument is if I am not hurting anyone and in fact, making someone happy, why not?
Like drugs, when you are a user, you lose your clear-headedness and become enslaved. Being an addict may not kill you outright but you are dead in many other ways - to common sense and decency, freedom and self-love, and the opportunity to find a love that really satisfies.
Going against our human design we blight our souls whether we know it or not in a Dorian Gray-like way where the portrait of our humanity is marred by hideous pockmarks of infidelity, broken relationships, abortion, violent sex crimes and sexual perversions such as the unspeakable horrors of child prostitution and pornography.
We lose the sense of sanctity that is inherent in our minds, bodies and spirits. We desecrate the blessing of our fertility and close ourselves to love as it should be: life-giving.
So what can we do about the spread of sexual disease? Safe sex is only the new prudishness and fails to get to the root of the issue. Lest we forget, there is no question of sex being unsafe if one is in a committed, monogamous relationship.
And for those of us who are not in a relationship, abstinence is not an impossible and harsh reality but a way for us to live out our sexuality honestly and be fulfilled.
We all value honesty in life, why not sexual honesty? We won't explode by abstaining from sex and chastity is not the worst thing in the world even though Oprah thinks it is.
And babies won't get HIV if their parents choose to live out the design of their bodies.
It is true that most people don't think of chastity or fidelity as virtues and have lost touch with the inner workings of the heart, but that doesn't mean we give up, give in and join the crowd.
An indication to me that people around the world still retain a shadow of understanding of how we are made are the K-Dramas I so enjoy and Bollywood movies like Veer Zaara (which I just caught and loved).
These shows are hits with audiences the world over for they speak of a selfless, unconsummated love that sees the lovers go through hell and back, sacrificing much for love before they finally come together in marriage.
Lovers like Veer and Zaara bring a nobility to love that leaves the audience weeping for we all want a self-sacrificing love like that: rare and precious, that goes beyond the boundaries of sexual love, meets adversity with courage and fortitude, and transcends time and social divide.
So don't settle for less. Uphold and exceed the beauty of your designed humanity. Forget about the rules and love as you were created to love.
In this personal journey you will find the true meaning of life.
* Read about studies that show a 100% success rate: http://www.physiciansforlife.org/content/view/192/36/
Rather than go into statistics that show that the number of unwanted pregnancies has gone up with the proliferation of birth control pill usage, with the same upward trend when it comes to STDs, not to mention the increasing incidence of divorce and single parent families, let's, as Father David would say, dive down into the waters and look at the iceberg from below.
Go back to the fundamentals and examine human design. What is human nature?
Humans are designed to be in monogamous relationships. When we fall in love, we want exclusivity in a relationship. We want to be unique and special in the eyes of the other. We want to be able to share with this person, be intimate in a way that no one else can and we want it to last forever. (Tell me who falls in love with a view to moving onto the next relationship? We do want exclusive and forever.)
Out of this mutuality of love, we want to create life in order to enlarge the love we have for each other. It is written in our DNA for the perpetuation of the species but more than just a biological premise, humans are created to be spiritual, to develop their potentialities to the fullest, to transcend who and what they are.
Thus procreation is much more than just a mere bid at immortality but offers parents the chance to enrich their own lives and develop as persons. For humans are social animals and need other humans in order to self-actualize, whether it's physically, psychologically, intellectually, emotionally or spiritually.
Cliched as it sounds, it is the circle of life. All life has natural rhythms and seasons but it would seem that it is only the human animal that does its best to ignore this. Unique to humans is the freedom to will, but this can be a huge blessing or a curse of epic proportions.
The cultural dogmas of self-interest first, happiness forged out of freedom and the separation of mind and body have resulted in a culture of using, grasping and instant gratification.
We often forget we are subjects, equal in dignity and we are likely to use others for our own means, treating them as objects, whether it is to assuage loneliness, to combat fears or to pursue our own self-interests and build our own little kingdoms where ego-centric, hedonistic pleasures flourish.
We have lost the art of waiting, not appreciative of the fact that hunger whets the appetite; instead we'd rather dull our appetite by stuffing our faces with junk food fillers than wait for the feast.
Where we have gone very wrong is how we think and act about sex. We use our own body and our partner's body for gratuitous carnal pleasure. We treat each other and ourselves as objects to get off.
We have silenced the language of the body where the sexual act is meant to communicate and deepen an already spousal love, a love that is self-donating, unconditional, pure and faithful. Instead we abuse our bodies for cheap thrills and become slaves to addictive lust.
We even mistake lust or carnality as the pinnacle of human pleasure for we have dismissed the fact that love can be infinitely richer, satisfying and more beautiful than an orgasm per se.
However, life-giving love that invokes real happiness requires work and discipline but most of us are sold on the easy way and instant pleasure, and so we compromise.
Coming back to contraception, again, by human design, women have infertile periods each month, thus by using natural family planning (NFP which is 99% reliable if practised correctly* and needs only the one-time purchase of a thermometer), couples can choose when and how they exercise their generosity and prudence in building their families. So why is there a need for contraception?
Statistically, couples who practise NFP have a lower rate of divorce. Sure, a woman's fertility cycle may cramp the spontaneity of passion for one week, but pro-NFP couples are forced to work on other facets of their love relationship and this enhances intimacy and mutual respect which can only be a good thing for any relationship.
Just think, if you cannot restrain your libido within marriage (and marriage does not legitimize lust), what makes you think you can resist temptation when you are attracted to someone other than your spouse?
And if couples are not married and having sex, they are misusing the language of their body. The usual argument is if I am not hurting anyone and in fact, making someone happy, why not?
Like drugs, when you are a user, you lose your clear-headedness and become enslaved. Being an addict may not kill you outright but you are dead in many other ways - to common sense and decency, freedom and self-love, and the opportunity to find a love that really satisfies.
Going against our human design we blight our souls whether we know it or not in a Dorian Gray-like way where the portrait of our humanity is marred by hideous pockmarks of infidelity, broken relationships, abortion, violent sex crimes and sexual perversions such as the unspeakable horrors of child prostitution and pornography.
We lose the sense of sanctity that is inherent in our minds, bodies and spirits. We desecrate the blessing of our fertility and close ourselves to love as it should be: life-giving.
So what can we do about the spread of sexual disease? Safe sex is only the new prudishness and fails to get to the root of the issue. Lest we forget, there is no question of sex being unsafe if one is in a committed, monogamous relationship.
And for those of us who are not in a relationship, abstinence is not an impossible and harsh reality but a way for us to live out our sexuality honestly and be fulfilled.
We all value honesty in life, why not sexual honesty? We won't explode by abstaining from sex and chastity is not the worst thing in the world even though Oprah thinks it is.
And babies won't get HIV if their parents choose to live out the design of their bodies.
It is true that most people don't think of chastity or fidelity as virtues and have lost touch with the inner workings of the heart, but that doesn't mean we give up, give in and join the crowd.
An indication to me that people around the world still retain a shadow of understanding of how we are made are the K-Dramas I so enjoy and Bollywood movies like Veer Zaara (which I just caught and loved).
These shows are hits with audiences the world over for they speak of a selfless, unconsummated love that sees the lovers go through hell and back, sacrificing much for love before they finally come together in marriage.
Lovers like Veer and Zaara bring a nobility to love that leaves the audience weeping for we all want a self-sacrificing love like that: rare and precious, that goes beyond the boundaries of sexual love, meets adversity with courage and fortitude, and transcends time and social divide.
So don't settle for less. Uphold and exceed the beauty of your designed humanity. Forget about the rules and love as you were created to love.
In this personal journey you will find the true meaning of life.
* Read about studies that show a 100% success rate: http://www.physiciansforlife.org/content/view/192/36/
No comments:
Post a Comment