Bid for freedom

I was busy attending seminars last week and it has been vastly rewarding intellectually, psychologically and spiritually, albeit physically tiring.

First up was the two-day Choices workshop run for teachers teaching RE (religious education) in Catholic schools where I was given the opportunity to absorb the concepts I summarized last year when I helped develop the resource material for this unit.

Followed by the three-day Set Free Retreat organized by SACCRE and led by Diana Mascarenhas of ICPE India and Fr. Elias Vella OFM from Malta.

Two events with different and varied content but with one similar goal - to enable an individual to make choices in life that would lead to personal freedom no matter the state of life one was in.

Free from fears, needs and dysfunctions to become and to be the person she or he is meant to be - a unique individual with a unique set of passions, goals, ideals, opinions, values, perspectives and life experiences.

The road to freedom involves an awareness of self, who I am, and an acceptance of the person I am, in order to move towards self-transcendence through the cultivation of values and spiritual maturity that brings inner peace and joy.

It is through knowing myself that I am free to build dynamic, vibrant, soul-satisfying relationships with others - and God.

If not, my distortions will forever colour the way I view myself, God, others and the world around me*; and I will live in bondage, bound by my emotional hijacks and self-imposed barriers.



Until I set off on the stony path of self-discovery, I will remain within the confines of the baby pool, unable to get out, scamper across the hot sand and wade into the cool, healing vastness of the living ocean, and into the warm arms of a loving, tender, very real Father.

Acknowledging the wounds that cause my distortions is not enough, although there is tremendous power in articulating past hurts.

For real healing to take place, there is one more crucial step: turn to Jesus as one turns to a much-loved and trusted friend.

Invoke the power of His name to do what no man can do - bring release and inner healing to the soul and spirit within.

To transform past experiences such that they no longer have a hold on the present or the future.

Can it be that simple?

Yes, as the blind man and the haemorrhaging woman in Mark's gospel and I have found out. Faith can heal.

And with the healing comes truth, which in turn liberates as Jesus had promised, "The truth will make you free."

So what is this great truth that liberates?

In a word, love.

His great love for humanity, for every single person on this earth.

Once you've experienced this love in a very personal manner, deep down in your heart, you will be set free, free to love as He loves you.


* Read John Powell's Fully Human, Fully Alive: A New Life Through a New Vision

Our best interests

At our last weekend W2W meeting, we were discussing questions that would help each of us in discerning our personal vocation in life. One of the questions asked was: "When (what situations) do you have the impression of giving the best of yourself?"

Usually, our passion or a strong interest in something will reveal a flair for that particular activity. While there is usually a distinction between career choice and personal vocation, sometimes, the twain will meet.

I am reminded of some of the stories I heard on the Big Island just a few months ago. One man was a driller and growing coffee was just a passion he would indulge during his free time.

When it got to a point where he realized he was having more fun with his coffee-growing, and that his hobby could generate income, he quit his job and focused all his energies on growing organic coffee beans. The farm is now a family-run business with mum, dad and kids fully involved in every aspect of farming and the sale of coffee beans.

So if you are not happy with your career choice, is it really possible to start over? Crazy you say? Impossible? I beg to differ.

Because I had only a vague idea of what my gifts were when I was young, I did not consciously map my career path. Even then, although I did not know it at the time, God was leading the way. For I found out where my talents lay and I learned many lessons that now stand me in good stead. I was being moulded and shaped, learning discipline, fortitude and industry.

While I did not enjoy what I did for a living for I did not function well in a corporate environment, I did it - for it was a way to earn money and gain familial approval.

When it came time to look for a job after being laid off in 2003, I explored all my options, but this time, the big difference was that I consulted my heavenly Father as I searched.

I had considered the question above, together with a number of other questions and discovered that my gifts were writing and teaching.

Coupled with the desire to find meaning in what I do and be able to spend time with my mother who was recently widowed then, there was only one option - turn my back on corporate life and freelance.

Jesus was holding out a beckoning hand as He encouraged me to leave the security of the boat and walk on water.

He sent people my way to aid me in making this choice. Writing jobs came my way inexplicably. "Angel" friends helped finance my Pilates certification in the form of loans, money gifts or job opportunities. I could even take Mum on vacation each year.

It was not an easy time or process for I had to radically change my lifestyle and forgo ALL luxuries.

I was greatly humbled for I was stripped of all my worldly trappings and had to make sense of myself as a person who no longer held a well-respected position and drew a huge salary nor flew business class and ate in swanky restaurants.

The blessings came however. I found I could be happy with very little in life. I came to see and appreciate the miracles of everyday life.

Most of all, He blessed me with so much love in the guise of caring friends and a supportive mother.

I came to understand what it means to live on God's providence and every single day, even now, I continue to be astounded at how lovingly He takes care of me.

The biggest difference in my life, over the last few years, has been the strength of my faith, which has grown by astronomical leaps.

Especially when things got murky or when I started to feel overwhelmed by my choices in life (there were dark, dispirited moments, periods of helplessness and near-despair), I would turn to Him and say, "Lord, You deal with it! You brought me here, so please take charge now," and I would give him carte blanche in resolving the matter at hand.

The instant I did that, I would be freed of my burden. Best of all, He would always come back with a singularly innovative solution.

As I endeavour to live out my personal vocation, naturally giving of my best when I exercise my God-given talents, I now strive for excellence in everything I do.

Modelling Brother Lawrence* I offer up especially the tasks I find most tedious and I carry out my "common business wholly for the love of Him".

Seeing as He has our best interests at heart, surely He deserves only the very best from us?

* Brother Lawrence was a lay brother in a Carmelite monastery, who lived in the 17^th century. He worked mainly in the kitchen, performing menial tasks, but his profound inner peace attracted many who sought spiritual guidance from him. His teachings can be found in The Practice of the Presence of God.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brother_Lawrence

Family ties

I just threw a little dinner party for my cousin A. whose birthday is up in a few days. As he hates fuss (about on par with the person who shares the same birthday as Dad but we won't mention initials here), it was kept simple and small (no other guests but my bro and SIL).

BTW I had to practically arm-twist him to allow me to cater for this little soirée in my home. What is it about the men in my family that know how to give but not how to receive love graciously?

As I chopped and julienned, I thought of how cooking was my dad's and my way of showing love. More than that, since his demise, it has become my way of remembering and honouring Dad, and evoking his spirit on a daily basis.

My father considered sitting down together as a family and sharing a meal as something sacred, a time-honoured tradition.

I used to find his insistence at eating dinner together irksome at times (especially when I had to work late and knew that my parents were waiting for me to return home before we all sat down together at the dinner table to eat - MAJOR STRESS) but have, today, come to appreciate and to perpetuate the tradition.

Earlier in the afternoon, Mum was sharing with me how someone she knew was abandoned by her children in a home and left to die. While I was trying hard not to be judgmental (What? How can he serve in church so actively and not care about his mother??!!!), I was made mindful of how I treated my remaining parent.

Do I show love, respect, care and concern for my mother (whom I live with) in a life-giving manner every single day? Do I bless her by being a good daughter?

"Honour thy father and mother" is the fourth* commandment and the first one that pertains to how we relate to others.

I believe the primacy of this commandment speaks to the fact that family is the most basic unit of society and if we can't even get it right at this level, whatever we do outside the family for the glory of God is dimmed, tarnished.

Charity, love, begins at home. Mutual respect and love between parents (husband and wife) and children (siblings), familial harmony is the weave of the fabric of human life on earth.

In his Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio, Pope John Paul II recognizes marriage and family as the most precious of human values:

"Willed by God in the very act of creation, marriage and the family are interiorly ordained to fulfillment in Christ and have need of His graces in order to be healed from the wounds of sin and restored to their "beginning", that is, to full understanding and the full realization of God's plan."

Parents are called to be "the visible sign of the very love of God" while family is called to mission by becoming "more and more what it is", which it does by revealing and communicating love, and thus reflecting and sharing in God's love for humanity.

If we grow that little family tree in the soil of love, giving it the necessary nutrients such as daily waterings of forgiveness, warm rays of acceptance and sprinkles of tolerance, then it will grow deep roots and spread its branches into a community of love that crosses geographical, social and cultural boundaries to ultimately foster “the good of each and every human being”.

Want to effect world peace? Simple.

Start by loving (through active, concrete actions and words) and forgiving members of your immediate and extended family and seek to live with them harmoniously minute by minute, day by day, year in, year out.

*What for Roman Catholics is the fourth commandment, is for Judaism and some of the other Christian denominations the fifth. Did you know that? I just found out on Wikipedia today. Fascinating.

Heart at rest

For my birthday this year, E. gave me The Restless Heart by Ronald Rolheiser. My go-to person for books, she made yet another uncannily perfect choice.

It speaks to me right at the place I am now - trying to figure out how to live out my singlehood in a manner befitting a woman of active, lively faith. (BTW, it’s a fantastic book and definitely worth a read. Or two.)

Rolheiser talks about loneliness - why we feel lonely, why it's OK to feel lonely, and what are the consequences, pitfalls and benefits of loneliness. He offers the wisdom of some of the Church's greatest theologians as well as his own practical tips on how we can channel loneliness.

While loneliness is something each of us will experience at different points in our life (no one is exempt), if we acknowledge its presence and deal with in a constructive manner, loneliness can yield very rich and positive results.

Creating works of art that bring pleasure to the masses. Going outside of self and ministering to others like Mother Teresa did. Helping others get through life’s dry spells with a shower of empathy and compassion sourced from the depths of loneliness.

So what causes the L word? I love this definition found in the book:

"Perhaps the old myths and legends capture it best when they say that, before being born, each soul is kissed by God and then goes through life always, in some dark way, remembering that kiss and measuring everything it experiences in relation to that original sweetness." (p.54)

St. Augustine describes this primordial kiss as a God-shaped space within the heart that can only be filled by God. And this space is what keeps us always seeking, thirsting for God.

“…for you have made us for yourself and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”

Having travelled the pleasure route indulging and satiating the senses, having participated in an alphabet of activities before I stood still and went within to seek Him, I have to agree with St. Augustine – the dude was spot on.

Looking for love in all the wrong places left me feeling more alienated, needy and seriously out of whack emotionally - until I turned to Him to fill the God-shaped space within my heart. And I continue to do so, time and again.

By inviting God to enter the space within my heart, I allow His presence in my life to bring healing and so much love that in my aloneness, I am in communion with Him and more connected than in a roomful of people “talking without speaking”.

Rolheiser invites us into a spirituality of loneliness; to constantly move towards a creative rather than destructive force within our lives.

Simple actions are called for such as (overcoming our fears) and taking emotional risks in relationships, being vulnerable and honest without forgetting to be playful and creative in loving others, and giving enough space for relationships to breathe and grow.

While this also involves commitment and self-sacrifice, the ability to find peace and an oft times blissful solitude is worthwhile.

So instead of trying to fill the emptiness with booze, drugs, sex or some other man-ufactured diversion, try a little God-filled solitude next time you’re lonely.

It’s free, safe and oh so soul-satisfying. With no morning-after regrets.

Perfecting hope

What is it about women that makes us so compulsive, so doggedly stubborn at times?

We persist in reading a book to the very last page even when we know by page 10 it's REALLY bad. Likewise we watch excruciatingly bad movies to the last frame, while a man would have flipped the channel a long time ago and watched at least a dozen other programmes.

In discussing the charism of woman, Fr. A. declared that woman's charism was to be life-giving and part of this charism was the facility and capacity for hope, something that men lack.

To illustrate his point, he brought up the weddding at Cana. It was Mary's hope in her son Jesus (despite His initial hesitance, she tells the men to do whatever He tells them) that led to the miracle of the transformation of water into wine.

While reflecting on Fr. A.'s words, I concurred with his opinion for it was Zechariah's inability to hope that led to his disbelief in the news the angel brought to him of Elizabeth's imminent conception of his son John.

It was hope that gave my grandmother the necessary daring to find the means to feed the family while my grandfather was at a complete loss on how to survive during the Japanese Occupation.

Hope was what enabled St. Monica to pray for many long years for the conversion of her sinful son into St. Augustine, one of the greatest theologians of the Church.

Hope is what makes women illogical creatures who depend on intuition more than fact.

There is a downside, however, to this facility. Especially when it is coupled with low self-worth, for hope is what keeps a woman in an abusive relationship for years. Even to death, at times.

"He's a good man and he's always very sorry after." "He loves me and he loves the children very much." "He promised me he would not do it again."

I am also reminded of the episode of Oprah "He's just not into you". Women just refused to believe that a particular man was not vested in their relationship for he would occasionally make the effort to be attentive or charming.

It was scary to watch attractive women in the audience rationalize and defend their decision to hang on to a relationship when it was clear as day to everyone else that he was just stringing her along and was a complete jerk.

Hope should not make us wait in vain for a hopeless cause.

More than just an emotion, hope is a spiritual grace and one of the three theological virtues of the Roman Catholic Church.

Karl Rahner understands hope to be the medium between faith and love, the other two virtues and that faith and love are "formed by hope".

It is because of hope that we dare to love on and on, again and again, despite being hurt.

It is hope that brings us faith, a faith that believes all things are possible with God.

As St. Paul said in his letter to the Romans, "In hope we are saved," for it is this Spirit-endowed grace that enables the surrender of self to the self-giving God, the human capacity for God to be our salvation that is a person's fundamental self-interpretation in relation to God (The New Dictionary of Theology).

Hope is what gives us the will to live, to conquer fears, to reach the summits of the Everests in our lives, to dream the impossible dream and effect miracles.

It is also what brings forth life, supports and sustains it.

Viktor Frankl, Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor concluded that life has meaning under any circumstance and thus even suffering was meaningful. And because we have the freedom to find meaning in what we do and all that we experience, the human spirit could survive even the most horrific atrocities.

St. Paul give us the Christian perspective when he talks about how faith, hope and love work together to help us grow in a life of grace:

Suffering (trials) produces endurance (patience), and endurance (patience) produces character (merit), and character (merit) produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us. Romans 5:3 – 5

It is by faith that we can hope to experience the kingdom of God not only in the future but in the here and now, and we achieve this by serving Him in love. Thus suffering is no longer something meaningless but a means to attain perfection.

Don’t stop seeking perfection in hope.

In the beginning it was not so...

A tribute to Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body, retold by Christopher West

In the beginning when God created the heavens and the earth
He made all things good.
Form followed function.
Everything worked the way it should.
Perfect and precise, like clockwork.
He is God after all
The master craftsman, the Creator.

Let there be light
So the sun rose in the east and set in the west, as the earth rotated on her axis.
When darkness fell, the moon
Palely reflected the brightness of the sun.
The beauty of the night sky was revealed
In the luminous stars that stretched across its infinite expanse.
The oceans surged in a rhythm dictated by gravitational forces.

Let the waters bring forth swarms of living creatures
Of such colour, shape, texture
Mass, complexity and variety
It made the beholder gasp in awe and wonder.
On land, he lavished the same attention to detail
To all living things that crawled, slithered, galloped, swooped,
Lumbered, raced, scurried, flitted and crept.

Then God created humans
Made in his image and likeness
A man formed from the dust
A woman formed from the rib of the man
For it is not good that the man should be alone.
This at last is bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh.

Into them the Lord God breathed
A spirit that gave the spark of life
And the capacity to choose between good and evil.
Freedom of choice. Free will.
His work done,
God blessed the seventh day and hallowed it
Rested from all the work that he had done in creation.

Fashioned to live in unity with God and each other,
Man and woman, Adam and Eve,
Lived in harmonious bliss
They were both naked, and were not ashamed.
Receiving the love of their Maker
Living out the meaning and being of their existence
And God saw that it was good.

As one flesh their bodies were a gift of self-donating love to the other
Joined, two halves of a complete whole.
Manifesting the sacrament of the Spirit
The Trinitarian mystery
Making visible what was invisible
With the ability to give birth to the miracle of new life
Be fruitful and multiply.

One day a seed of doubt was sowed by the serpent
In the minds and hearts of Adam and Eve
Distrust and desire led to the denial of the gift.
The fracturing of the unitive relationship between God and humans
The eyes of both were opened
With it came enmity, pain, toil, thorns and sweat
Until dust you shall return.

Thus sin entered the world
Solitude turned into loneliness.
Unity transformed into alienation
Nakedness now required the protection of fig leaves.
Although paradise was lost, before he sent them forth from the garden,
The Lord God made garments of skins for the man and for his wife
He clothed them out of love, mercy and compassion.

Fickle and forgetful, humans kept breaking the everlasting covenant
Promises made to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob
To Moses who led the people out of Egypt into the land of milk and honey.
A history of salvation endured
Marked by Yahweh’s faithfulness to his chosen people
As generation gave way to generation
Until the Word became flesh and lived among us.

It took one man, the second Adam, to redeem what was lost by the first
Out of the womb of Mary, the Immaculate Conception, the second Eve
Jesus Christ was born; to live, to love and to die on the cross.
As the human face of God, the Divine face of man.
Jesus walked the earth and changed the world
Made a difference by performing miracles
Out of his boundless love for humanity.

Follow me, and I will make you fish for people
And so his disciples journeyed with him as he taught -
Proclaiming the good news of the kingdom,
Curing every disease and every sickness among the people.
By fulfilling the law through his radical brand of love
The Son of God made us all sons and daughters of God
A relationship restored, paradise found.

Love one another as I have loved you.
Was his only commandment to all humankind.
And on the night before he died:
This is my body, which is given for you
The cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood.
So that, in remembrance, we celebrate the gift of his life daily
Forgiving to the end (they do not know what they are doing), he breathed his last.

On Easter morn, he revealed himself to Mary M,
Who stood weeping outside the tomb. And later on, to his disciples.
Thus Scripture fulfilled, he ascended to heaven,
With a promise of power to them. So it was
When all of them were filled with the Holy Spirit.
On fire to become witnesses of His love
Builders of His kingdom until he comes again.

Created and redeemed, we become priest, prophet and king
Called and chosen to love in the Spirit of abundance and joy

Amen.

Moments

Certain moments bring back memories
Reviving a sense of loss, a special kind of pain
Although I've said my goodbyes long ago
Wistfulness invade my consciousness from time to time

Just like that cool autumn evening where the august moon
Hung luminous and low in the midnight velvet sky
We sit sipping tea - sharing laughter and lives
Our faces aglow in the warm candlelight

Your laughter rings out on the crisp, wintry air
As I fall cushioned by the sugar soft snow
The child in you delights and entrances mine
We play together in the afternoon sun

As we walk along the river hand in hand
The ducks glissade gracefully in the water beside us
Breathing in the colours of new life
You turn to me and smile, sunlight in your eyes

Peeping from the horizon, the sun casts a golden glow around
Bathing us in a tropical, balmy warmth
With my head resting on your shoulder
We drink in the beauty of the morning as one

While I will always love you in these snapshots past
They are but souvenirs from another lifetime
My heart now belongs to my very present lover
Who strolls with me in the garden of life



I am his beloved and his desire is for me
In his eyes I am beautiful, a constant delight
How could I not love him for his faithfulness
For cherished I will always be in his loving arms

Possibilities

There are times I wish we never met.
Then I wouldn't have known the pain of loving you
and been forced to walk away from
what wasn't meant to be, what wasn't right.
Even now, years past, my heart still sighs
At the echoes of a memory sweet
that hold me captive to its beguiling call,
While the bad times evaporate like mist on the wind
Inconsequential and overlooked.
I stilll thirst for what was, in my solitude.





Most times though I am glad that we met.
For through loving you I came to know myself,
by plumbing unknown depths and reclaiming the lost.
In giving, I received the greatest treasure
Understanding my desires, I found my way to Him.
While the past makes me who I am today,
it does not define the woman within.
His everlasting love restores my spirit
His fidelity makes me believe again
Most of all, His delight in me conjures possibilities.

Dying unto self

A. was sharing that someone asked her if it was OK to show a not-so-sunny disposition to those we met. After all, isn’t that being honest, truthful, to show off one’s true colours?

She of course replied in the negative but was scratching her head on how to substantiate her response.

While we are called to be child-like in how we entrust our lives to God, it is not an out for childish or immature behaviour.

To walk around like an emotional weather-vane, broadcasting feelings to all and sundry shows a lack of consideration for others and considerable self-absorption.

Neither is it right to take out one’s frustrations on those who are nearest and dearest to us. No shaking the crying baby or kicking the dog just because you had a bad day.

So when A. read about Mother Teresa’s inner suffering throughout her life and how MT did not let on to the world how she felt such a great sense of loss inside of her, but instead put on a face of loving and caring to all she met, she found the answer to the question asked of her.

To be able to live out one’s vocation, loving others as Jesus loves us despite our own shortcomings and personal suffering, that is to die to self. MT brings new and very rich meaning to that phrase.

Despite her personal suffering, she continued to be the little pencil in God’s hand, doing small things (that grew into huge things) with great love.

And she continued to be a woman of faith who prayed constantly – finding time to be with God even though He seemed to have abandoned her.

What St Josemaria Escriva said of Mother Mary’s fiat is true of MT's as well:

“She lived it sincerely, unstintingly, fulfilling its every consequence, but never amid fanfare, rather in the hidden and silent sacrifice of each day."

Mastering pain

Last night's episode of Grey's Anatomy featured a little girl who thought she was super-human for she could take a beating and not feel any pain.

"Punch me in the stomach," she would encourage people to whom she wanted to prove her powers.

It turned out that she had a disorder where she couldn't feel pain and had been punched in the stomach once too often for she was suffering from internal bleeding and needed an operation urgently to save her life.

From the plethora of pain killers on the market, the huge numbers of people on emotion-numbing drugs like Prozac to the culture of drugs and alcohol that have bred rampant addiction, pain is something we avoid at all costs, it would seem.

Most times, pain is the body's way of signalling something is wrong. That inner voice that tells us to “Stop. Slow down. Figure out what’s wrong and make a change,” is a form of self-protection.

Unfortunately the usual reaction today is “Make it go away now!” and the quick fix solution is usually one that treats the symptoms while ignoring the source.

Fixing the source of pain sometimes requires more pain and is usually a lengthy process that requires much effort. It’s just too much bother so most people opt for the quick fix and ignore the warning.

C.S. Lewis said: "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

Pain has a purpose, a good one at that.

Christ Himself was not impervious to pain. When He prayed alone in the garden of Gethsemane, in His anguish, His sweat became “great drops of blood”.

He even asked His Father to remove the cup of suffering if it were the Father’s will. It was not to be removed.

However, God never leaves us to deal with pain alone. He responded to the fidelity of His son: “Then an angel from heaven appeared to him and gave him strength.” (Luke 22:43)

So if we embrace what the Lord wills in our lives, even the pain, He will supply the necessary resources to endure and to persevere, facilitating the healing and growth process.

Remaining faithful beyond reason or worldly wisdom will eventually bring us to a place of peace and inner strength.

When I experienced the loss of a relationship that meant the world to me at the time, I joked with close friends that the worst part of the pain was that I couldn’t even misbehave to seek solace or relief from the pain for I had chosen to follow Christ.

Underneath the knee-jerk reaction to embark on a destructive search for a palliative - go out and find a man, any man to validate my womanhood - I appreciated the strength I was given to work through the pain of rejection and loss in a healthy manner.

He answered my prayers by sending me angels in the form of various people who made me feel loved and I was protected from the impulses of a pain-crazed mind that would have led me to give in to neon-bright temptations and caused irreparable collateral damage.

In the time needed to walk through the fire, I gained many blessings: wisdom, resilience of spirit, great reserves of inner strength, my self-respect and a buoyant self-worth, a quiet confidence and a greater depth of compassion and empathy.

I slayed my personal demons and emerged liberated, to go forth into the sunshine again.

While I do not wish to experience such depths of pain again, I do not run away from relationships that may trigger pain of such gargantuan proportions. I continue to love life.

And I continue to be awed by His boundless love for me, a love that soothes all pain.

Essential for Christian living

“Mad-eye” Moody, the paranoid ex-auror in J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series has a motto: “Constant vigilance”.

He is ever-ready to do battle with the supporters of the Dark Lord, and further the cause of good in the world.

We would do well to adopt his motto for it is only too easy to be distracted and wander off the narrow path.

Following Christ is no walk in the park. First He challenges us to sell all our possessions before we follow him, as He advised the rich man in Mark’s gospel.

Then, not doing evil, keeping the commandments is not enough, no. In Matthew’s gospel, we will be judged for the omission of doing good: not helping our fellow beings in need is tantamount to rejecting Christ.

Neither can we be fearful and lazy like the servant who buried his one talent instead of making it work hard for him and multiplying it. Christianity is definitely not for the faint-hearted, those afraid of being losers.

In fact, we must be bold. Live out our faith daily. Be prepared to lay down our lives for the truth.

If you’re wondering at this point is all this worthwhile, the answer is yes. When Christ calls you by name, you will understand why saying yes is the only logical answer to issue forth from your lips.

Erh, now that I’ve gone off-tangent, let me get back to the point.

We cannot afford to be foolish like the five bridesmaids who due to their lack of planning and preparation were unable to greet the bridegroom as their lamps had extinguished.

Constant vigilance is required.

The following extract that comes from a reflection written by Fr. Steve Tynan, published in Sabbath 2007 says it all so beautifully:

“Vigilance is an essential and often forgotten aspect of our walk of faith. If we fail to be vigilant, Satan will find it very easy to infect our lives with his lies and lead us astray from the truth ...being fully grounded in the truths of our faith is the best defense against the lies of Satan.”

“It takes a lot of effort to develop a truly vigilant lifestyle that will protect us against the lies of sin. The best place is to begin with a committed prayer life. If we pray daily and truly allow God to form our hearts in His ways, we will have begun to develop a protection against temptation.

"If we further this with meditating on the Word of God in the Scriptures, we will reinforce all that the Spirit of God is teaching us in prayer.

"If we then add the Teachings of the Church to this, we will soon develop an impenetrable armor to the fiery darts and lies of Satan. The only way that the armor will be pierced is if we choose to let down our guard and allow him in.”

So stay awake. Be vigilant.

Mother saintly

I was amazed at the media brouhaha over recently published letters of Mother Teresa revealing her spiritual loneliness.

Especially the questions raised about the suitability of her sainthood in light of her inner struggles. Huh? Singlish says it best: “I catch no ball”.

How does her display of “weakness” detract from her goodness and a lifetime dedicated to bringing comfort to the poor and the dying?

Just because she experienced doubt and struggled in her faith like an ordinary person?

Conversely, I was greatly encouraged and inspired by her continued dedication, her joy and her boundless love for people despite her “dark night”.

Her crosses mark her as human, making her more endearing.

For who among us has not felt the weight of the absence of God in our lives? Or experienced the aridity of the desert?

In Matthew’s Gospel chapter 7 verse 17, he says “every good tree bears good fruit”.

The mountain of good fruit Mother Teresa produced in her lifetime proves to me that she ultimately believed in God and was graced with an inner, imperceptible core of faith.

Else she would have walked away from the abyssal darkness that surrounded her. Given into despair and quit.

Yet, what did this little Albanian nun do? Merely worked selflessly, loved generously and lived simply to the end, eschewing the trappings of wealth, power and glory.

Even if she were not a saint, she was a woman of great stature and extraordinary grace.


There is an excellent article by Elizabeth Lev commenting on the recent media storm around the published book Mother Teresa. Come Be My Light.: http://www.zenit.org/article-20371?l=english

Spiritual skinny dipping

In author Terry Brooks’s Shannara series, talismans of power are sought and used in the battle of good against evil. One such talisman is a sword.

In order for the wielder of the sword to tap into the power needed to defeat evil, he must first come face to face with the truth about the less desirable qualities of his character and have the courage to accept it. If he is unable to do so, he will perish in the battle.

Ultimately it is the unique ability of the sword of Shannara to present truth, stripped bare of all pretense, that defeats evil and restores order in the world.

To be human is to be flawed. Within each of us lies such a complexity of contradictions, an ever-swirling, changing pot of traits, quirks, dysfunctions, emotions and conscious thought that it’s hard to divorce fact from fiction, good from bad and to accept the unique blend of humanity we each are.

While we strive for perfection, we will always fall short for to be human is to be flawed.

At times I find that the more I try to be like Jesus, who is without sin, the harder it is for me to admit to the evil twin within me who is petty, resentful, covetous, dishonest, arrogant, proud, vain, bitter, greedy, angry, lazy, selfish, weak, craven…

…and yet, she is very much a part of me, alive and healthy.

Oftentimes my first instinct is to deny her existence, or to condemn and suppress her existence. Interestingly, that’s when her hold over my life becomes stronger as I am filled with either blistering anger or self-loathing.

Until I remove the fig leaf of guilt and shame and accept the truth about myself in all its unvarnished, naked glory, I tend to build walls between myself and the Father’s love and remove myself from His presence.

I take to dwelling in darkness, conquered by its blinding distortions. Like Niki Sanders in Heroes, I am imprisoned by my evil alter ego.

It takes the very humbling act of accepting my flaws, and the fractured world around me, to bring me out of the shadowy depths.

And a soupçon of courage to dive, au naturel, into the ocean of the Father’s loving compassion and mercy. To emerge cleansed and refreshed, ready to set off in a new direction.

In 2 Corinthians 12:9, “he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’"

So if you seek to be made perfect, indulge in some spiritual skinny dipping from time to time in His sea of love.

Magnificat woman

I was sharing with my SD today the many blessings I received when I was on vacation.

How things I desired years ago and never thought possible came to fruition, in ways I never expected. Now when I look back at things in totality, I marvel even more.

Fr. A. reminded me that “the Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is His name” as he encouraged me to be a Magnificat* woman.

While much of the Magnificat is a paraphrasing of prayers found in the Old Testament, it is extremely significant contextually.

At a very dark moment in her life, the young Mary is affirmed by her loving cousin and she is able to utter such a beautiful song of her deep and constant faith – truly she was full of grace, as the angel Gabriel proclaimed.

The joy of these two women of faith sharing and bonding through the miracles God has wrought in their lives is moving and certainly worth emulating.

I can only pray that “my soul magnifies the Lord” to all I meet every day.

* Luke 1:46-56 Mary’s song (canticle) of praise in response to her cousin Elizabeth’s greeting when they meet.

Love songs

Last night Mum and I attended Engelbert Humperdinck’s 40th anniversary concert. When she first mooted the idea, I balked.

Engelbert Humperdinck? No!!! Watch a geriatric who has probably lost his voice singing songs that are so passé was not my idea of fun. But it was what she wanted so… we went.

I enjoyed myself. He was the consummate entertainer who made the audience laugh at his jokes and sing along as he sang. And yes, he could still sing, sounding very much like the cassettes we used to listen to in the car.

Listening to him croon his love songs transported me into the past. I was once again that nine-year-old, sitting in the car with my brothers and my mother, as my father sat in the driver’s seat.

I could see us on a road trip in Malaysia, heading towards the ocean and loads of fun in the sun. As Dad drove along the narrow roads, we were all bubbling with excitement and the joy of being on vacation. We sang along with each familiar, loved song as the miles sped by. What a joyous time.

In that instant, I really missed my Dad, who was our rock, our provider, our fun-loving father who introduced us to the simple pleasures and the finer points of life.

Music is such a powerful evocator of childhood memories, nostalgia’s second cousin. As Engelbert closed the show with his rendition of My way, I was reminded of Dad, who was a maverick, a man who marched to the beat of his own drum, and therefore not easily understood. That song was one of his personal favourites.

Although my father always regretted that he did not leave us much when he passed on, I beg to differ. He left behind a treasure trove of memories of his love for his family. What could be more priceless?

Rainy days

Honolulu, August 15th -- It’s a rainy day in paradise today. We have been on hurricane watch the last couple of days. Hurricane Flossie went by the Big Island yesterday bringing wind and rain, thankfully in manageable amounts with minimal damage.

Besides the hurricane, there was a brief standby for a possible tsunami due to the earthquake in Peru. It was soon downgraded when it became apparent that there was no impending danger.

All it takes is the earth’s rumbles and nature’s volatility to remind us of the fragility of life and that the elements are not a controllable force. Humans are not in charge, no matter how much we may think we are.

Despite the rain robbing me of one last idyllic day at the beach, I am very appreciative of the fine weather I’ve experienced the last 12 days and boy, am I glad we visited the Big I. last week and not this week for Flossie would have certainly put a damper on things.

I am also thankful for certain things the rain brings like the excuse to stay home, laze around and do nothing; the gorgeous rainbows one can spot arcing across the sky; the cool breezes that erase the hot mugginess of August; the pristine landscape gleaming through the patina of dust misted away; and the opportunity to go mall walking (the only place to go exercise after dinner).

While the weather was "less than perfect" today, it turned out to be a good day, even if it necessitated a change in plans. It even matched the wistfulness I felt due to my vacation drawing to a close.

And so it was ultimately another perfect day in paradise. Something to give thanks for.

Decompression time

Honolulu, August 14th -- I live for vacations! Not only is it an opportunity to get out of my current headspace, go on adventures and gain fresh perspectives in life, it’s also time to relax and re-charge.

Best of all, I get the chance to go into myself and figure out who I am and where I’m going. Am I headed in the right direction?

There’s something about Hawaii that allows me to decompress and find the necessary space for all the above to happen. I suppose it has to do with the fact that I found my independence, my strengths, my self here so many years ago.

That it’s so beautiful, so elemental and elementary to connect with nature and God gives it special meaning for me.

He speaks to me in the majesty of the volcanic ridges, the playful trade winds that swish through the trees bringing relief from the sun, the heady scents of ginger, plumeria and tuberose that perfume the air, the soothing surge of the ocean against the shore, and the mosaic of crystalline blues and vivid greens as the ocean merges with the sky.

I feel alive, at peace, at one with the beauty that surrounds me. I am given clarity of thought. A sense of profound gratitude overwhelms me as I respond to the music of the land and its people.

This time around, I got to do the things I love best: walk, hang out at the beach, sleep, share the experience of phenomenally good food with old friends, laugh and have fun, fun, fun.

I also got to go to the movies where I caught a wonderfully creative animated film Ratatouille (a definite must-see) which reminded me of the importance of being true to one’s self.

It’s the story of how a rat finally succeeds in doing what he loved best against all odds – cook. It’s about the realization of dreams (sounds familiar?), friendships that transcend boundaries, acceptance of things and situations one would normally reject, and of course, there is romance, intrigue and many funny moments.

My take away this vacation before I head back to reality is this: things are never quite what I perceive for all things are possible with God - I must just continue to be open to His gentle promptings. (Taking Jesus on vacation is a sure-fire way to be wowed and blown away. Highly recommended.)

... and to live the dream.

Hawaii dreamin'

The vanilla flower from a Hawaiian Vanilla Company poster

Honolulu, August 13th -- It has been a real food fest. (check out some of the places we ate at below) this last week we spent mainly on the Big Island of Hawaii. C., M. and myself are all such foodies it’s not funny. Even the absence of P. (another foodie) didn’t stop us from pigging out.

Apart from eating, we had a great time sightseeing, visiting (coffee, vanilla bean and mac. nut) farms, breweries and the Parker Ranch historic homes. And we stayed in the lovely Jacaranda Inn nestled in the coolness of the Kamuela hills. We had an absolutely gorgeous time.

What this reunion (we all went to the same college and try our best to meet up every three years or so) renewed was our dream to buy a place together in Hawaii.

This time though, inspired by our Big Island jaunt, we want to buy a plot of land to cultivate coffee, vanilla, cacao or some other crop no one else has thought of that will grow well in the lushness of Hilo or the cools slopes of Kona and retire as farmers (and master brewers).

Amid the laughter, fun and massive eating, we exercised the very human need to dream. While they may be castles in the air at this point, we are united in our love for Hawaii. So that farm could become reality – who knows?

C.’s favourite island is the Big I. for the mana (spirit) of the land is special. “Hilo people are the friendliest in the world.” People were indeed super-friendly and everywhere we went, we would talk story with the locals.

I was inspired by the family-operated farms we visited, for each began with a dream. Within each story of realized dreams were the passion, love and commitment of the owners and their families. Despite the sweat and tears, it’s obvious that each had found their bliss.

This set me thinking about my life and I found that, similarly, I am in the process of realizing my dreams. More importantly, the dreams He has placed inside of me.

I am where I should be right now: teaching Pilates and writing, with the occasional footsie thrown in. I find meaning and great satisfaction in what I do and it allows me to express myself fully.

There have been times I’ve wanted to give up, when the going gets incredibly tough, but I persevered for nothing worth having in life comes easy.

The pollinated vanilla flower takes nine months to mature into a harvest-ready bean pod. Coffee trees take four years before they start flowering and bearing fruit while macadamia nut trees take seven years.

All things have a natural rhythm, a season, a time and place for being.

As I continue to dream the dreams of our reunion, I do not overlook the baby dreams still brewing within me and I continue to live out my current dreams day by day.

Ono Grinds (delicious eats)
* In Hilo we had incredibly cheap and delicious loco moco at Café 100 (great chili too), yummy shortbread cookies from Big Island Candies and this amazingly soft mochi and azuki bean-wrapped fresh strawberries from Two Ladies’ Kitchen.
* Rootbeer floats with creamy, yummy vanilla ice-cream at Hawaiian Vanilla Company in Hamakua.
* In Kona, the beers at Kona Brewing Co. went down really well, especially the Lilikoi Wheat Ale (aka Waialua Wheat Ale) as did the Kona coffee from Mountain Thunder and Kona Joe.
* Kona’s Island Grill’s beef teriyaki was seriously good.
* Daniel Thiebaut’s in Kamuela served flavour-rich and cooked-to-perfection fish.
* Back in Honolulu, munchies included crispy, chewy Champion malasadas on Beretania and McCully. And shaved ice from Island Snow in Lanikai.
* Nothing beats Ono’s Hawaiian food – the lau lau, kalua pig and lomi lomi salmon are da best!
* For plate lunch, it has to be Rainbow’s on Kapahulu, and of course, there is Zippy’s for its fried chicken (Zip Pac) and chili.
* It’s Hawaii Kai for good dim sum, delectable Italian at Assaggio’s and super-rich ice-cream at Bubbie’s.