Family ties

I just threw a little dinner party for my cousin A. whose birthday is up in a few days. As he hates fuss (about on par with the person who shares the same birthday as Dad but we won't mention initials here), it was kept simple and small (no other guests but my bro and SIL).

BTW I had to practically arm-twist him to allow me to cater for this little soirée in my home. What is it about the men in my family that know how to give but not how to receive love graciously?

As I chopped and julienned, I thought of how cooking was my dad's and my way of showing love. More than that, since his demise, it has become my way of remembering and honouring Dad, and evoking his spirit on a daily basis.

My father considered sitting down together as a family and sharing a meal as something sacred, a time-honoured tradition.

I used to find his insistence at eating dinner together irksome at times (especially when I had to work late and knew that my parents were waiting for me to return home before we all sat down together at the dinner table to eat - MAJOR STRESS) but have, today, come to appreciate and to perpetuate the tradition.

Earlier in the afternoon, Mum was sharing with me how someone she knew was abandoned by her children in a home and left to die. While I was trying hard not to be judgmental (What? How can he serve in church so actively and not care about his mother??!!!), I was made mindful of how I treated my remaining parent.

Do I show love, respect, care and concern for my mother (whom I live with) in a life-giving manner every single day? Do I bless her by being a good daughter?

"Honour thy father and mother" is the fourth* commandment and the first one that pertains to how we relate to others.

I believe the primacy of this commandment speaks to the fact that family is the most basic unit of society and if we can't even get it right at this level, whatever we do outside the family for the glory of God is dimmed, tarnished.

Charity, love, begins at home. Mutual respect and love between parents (husband and wife) and children (siblings), familial harmony is the weave of the fabric of human life on earth.

In his Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio, Pope John Paul II recognizes marriage and family as the most precious of human values:

"Willed by God in the very act of creation, marriage and the family are interiorly ordained to fulfillment in Christ and have need of His graces in order to be healed from the wounds of sin and restored to their "beginning", that is, to full understanding and the full realization of God's plan."

Parents are called to be "the visible sign of the very love of God" while family is called to mission by becoming "more and more what it is", which it does by revealing and communicating love, and thus reflecting and sharing in God's love for humanity.

If we grow that little family tree in the soil of love, giving it the necessary nutrients such as daily waterings of forgiveness, warm rays of acceptance and sprinkles of tolerance, then it will grow deep roots and spread its branches into a community of love that crosses geographical, social and cultural boundaries to ultimately foster “the good of each and every human being”.

Want to effect world peace? Simple.

Start by loving (through active, concrete actions and words) and forgiving members of your immediate and extended family and seek to live with them harmoniously minute by minute, day by day, year in, year out.

*What for Roman Catholics is the fourth commandment, is for Judaism and some of the other Christian denominations the fifth. Did you know that? I just found out on Wikipedia today. Fascinating.