Bearing the cross fruitfully

I have been having a spate of bad nights, not enough sleep, leading to physical exhaustion, which makes me irritable and sensitive. It doesn’t take much to stress me out. Worse, my best efforts seem to fall short and I feel like I am drowning, failing at loving others. Now this really upsets me and makes me want to give up completely as waves of self-pity wash over me. 

So it was timely to hear Father Anthony’s homily last Saturday. He first mentioned why Saint John Paul II was a pope he admired so much. Not only did he accomplish much during his papacy, but the way he embraced the cross at the end of his life was something truly remarkable. His spirit was “undefeatable” as his body slowly gave in to the debilitating onslaught of Parkinson’s. 

Father Anthony reflected that as we age, we need to take a second look at the cross, to see how when we arrive at the age of physical decline, where we may be deemed useless by the world, we are still able to align this cross with the cross of Christ so that we can remain fruitful, like JP2 did. He carried the cross willingly and cheerfully despite suffering greatly, never losing hope, to death. 

JP2 showed the world how the intrinsic dignity of a human person remains untouched despite the humiliating effects of physical decay. I saw the same thing with my father when he was physically helpless due to lung cancer, and it was his faith during this terrible time that brought me back to Jesus not long after his death. So I couldn’t agree more when Father Anthony uttered this profound statement: the fruitfulness of life is really seen only after we die. 

I am not even close to the end of my life where I am physically reliant on others, but I am struggling with being  fruitful. How do I sustain such mental strength and force of character when I am worn down so easily? How do I keep running the good race when I am limping my way halfheartedly to the finish line? 

Saint Paul wrote to the Ephesians, chapter four, we have each been given a measure of Christ’s gifts for the work of ministry for building up the Body of Christ, and when we work to attain the unity of faith, knowledge of the Son of God, we will be mature enough not to be so easily swayed, rather we will live the truth in love, joined together as one body with Christ, the head. 

This all makes perfect sense to me. But the execution of said plan is not so easy. And so, the trick is not to go it alone. Saint Paul further writes that if we are joined and held together by every supporting ligament, with the proper functioning of each part, we can bring about the Body’s growth and builds everything up in love. 

So not only do I weep and wail to Jesus, I also share with P and other loved ones my struggles so that I do not feel so isolated and alone. They don’t have to do much to commiserate with me, no solutions needed most times, all they need do is make to some comforting clucking noises. They may not understand why I am so upset but even just holding me in empathetic silence makes the difference. As others support us, we support others in turn. This is what Saint Paul means by each of us being held together.

What is fruitfulness in the quotidian? Fruitfulness is giving God the space to act through me. I don't have to anything. I merely need to be obedient and comply, even when I don’t much feel like it. And, I should never give in to despair for God will always find a way out when I seek His will. Having journeyed for a while now, I have a fair idea of what Jesus would do in most situations, so my daily focus should be on listening attentively, giving with humility and receiving love with a child-like trust. 

Fruitfulness simply requires me to say yes to Jesus living in me. And although I may not see all the fruits of my labour in my lifetime, it is enough that I experience His love every day, and I put my heart into reciprocating in small, simple ways. The fruit will be sufficiently good.