Guiding Light

Today's psalm, Psalm 27, is an especially rousing one and one which gives me heart in times of struggle.

Entitled Triumphant Song of Confidence of David, it is one of bold testimony of the Lord's protection and fidelity.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?"

It is a psalm that I can see St. Paul praying often for the triumph of light over darkness is one he experienced most literally in his body on the road to Damascus.

As I reflected on the feast day of St. Paul's conversion last Friday, I gave thanks for his enthusiasm and untiring effort to bring Christ to the rest of the world - something that he continues to do today through his letters.

St. Paul's letters, which pre-dated the writing of the four gospels, are a source of inspiration and a testament to the ingenuity and dedication of one man.

Variations on the same theme, his letters to diverse communities answered the questions each struggled with, and addressed specific needs in very practical terms, becoming a how-to guide on living in the Spirit.

While I do not pretend to offer such profound wisdom in my blog writing, I do aspire to bring Christ to those who read it.

To get people to give pause and ponder a little.

Get curious about this amazing man, Jesus Christ, who lived over 2,000 years ago and why He still continues to impact so many lives today.

Like St. Paul, the presence of Jesus is real in my life, and this living relationship I have with Christ brings me such joy that I want very much to spread this joy to everyone I meet.

To say to those who live in darkness that life doesn't have to be that way. There is a much better alternative.

As Psalm 27 proclaims "I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."

This has become a truth I live out every single day.

While there are passages of dark I have to navigate through in life - it's never all hunky dory all the time - I know that if I focus on the light ahead that is Christ, then He will guide me through tough times. He will never forsake me.

I am content to "live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life" and I can no longer envisage my life any other way.

All it takes, as Fr. Arro advised today in his homily, is for us to make time for prayer and reading Scripture on a regular basis.

So seek His face and you will not lose your way.

Where are you?

Where are you?
I cannot see your face.
I cannot hear your voice.
I cannot touch your hand.

In every heartbeat,
Every breath you take,
I am there.
Within you
All around you
Deep calling on deep
Enfolded in your desires
Your will and mine are one.

You see me in the old woman you helped across the street.
You hear me in the cool breeze rippling through the trees.
You feel me in the fond embrace of a beloved friend.

How do I know you are real?

I am real because you are.
Made in my image and likeness,
You are my hands and feet
You are my eyes and ears
You are my heart.
My spirit lives in you.

Ask and my love will always be given to you abundantly.
Seek and you will always find me.
Knock and my door will always open wide in welcome.

I get it. I do.
I see you clearly in the open plains of my heart.
I hear your voice in the silence of your Word proclaimed.
I feel your warmth in the glow of the setting sun
Or a child’s shy smile.

Most of all, I truly experience your boundless love for me and
I am transformed forever.

Inspired by Mark 5:25-34

The real thing

I just watched an episode of CSI which featured a host club, where women visited and chose a host from the meat book, who would then spend time with the paying female client.

During their time together, the host would cultivate a "relationship" with his client by listening to her, making her laugh and "making her feel like a queen", loved and respected.

Sex actually marked the end of the "relationship" so the meetings were mainly platonic.

What was horrifyingly tragic was that a stripper, Cotton Candy, who bared her body for money, had deluded herself into believing that Jesse, her paid host, who had another 24 other "relationships" at any one time, was "her fiancee".

While this is pure TV fiction, we cannot deny the very human need for love and acceptance in life.

We all crave for love, to be loved for who we are, unconditionally, totally.

Unfortunately, by today's standards, this most commonly translates into the physical level, sex.

You just have to tune into MTV to see scantily clad women who gyrate desperately to gain the attention of men.

Sexy has become the ultimate "testament" of womanhood.

The need for Cotton Candy to believe in something more than just sex harks back to the real meaning of relationships, intimacy that transcends the physical.

Emotional ties that are the backbone of all relationships.

However, because eros, carnality, is the most gratuitous and easiest adaptation of agape, a more selfless, sacrificial love, it is the most widely embraced.

After all, it calls for one to luxuriate in the sensate and hang the Puritanical, fiddly definition of love which demands way too much from a person.

Instant gratification beats happily-ever-after which only happens in fairy tales, going by today's divorce rates.

Why are absolutes so difficult to live by? Is relativism the season that is here to stay?

I hope not. I am, by nature, an idealist.

I believe that the sacrifice that God made, to be born as man and to consequently give his life to prove His love for ALL mankind is the ultimate form of love, and to honour the highest degree of love, I choose to live by a code that is increasingly seen as archaic and out-moded.

Never mind that at heart, it is the most practical and logical choice.

Reality has never been a very comfortable bed-fellow. Rationalism is infinitely more attractive.

While I know it's unlikely that I will find a life partner who has "clean hands and pure heart" despite my desire for marriage, I know I will not settle for less.

I have tried carnality and I can tell you that it is a pale second to the love that Jesus offers.

He is the embodiment of the perfect ""host", who delights in my imperfections and really loves me for who I am.

Best of all, His love is gift, with no price tag or strings attached.

If I never find a human spouse, then I am most happy to live with my heavenly one.

Sure, I sometimes yearn for a real human body to hug and who hugs me back in love, but if I have to settle for what Christopher West terms "counterfeit love" in his interpretation of JP2's Theology of the Body, I would rather wait for the real thing.

If not in this lifetime, then in the next.

Reality rules.

Magi gifts

The wise men or magi gave gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh to honour a baby whom they had read the skies to find. A journey which took them to a humble stable in Bethlehem.

One they undertook, not because they were grounded in the faith of Abraham, but because they had studied the stars and could discern something unusual and wondrous was happening that gave them the impetus to set out on a journey.

While on vacation in Phuket over Christmas, I chanced upon this great Marcel Proust quotation on a T-shirt of a fellow hotel guest:

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes."

This became the theme of my brief holiday with Mum. Every morning on our walk on the beach, we found new things to delight in as we scanned the soon-familiar shoreline.

Every new sand dollar I spotted brought back the excitement I felt as a child when I discovered a treasure for my shell collection.

Every new step we took on the powder-soft sand was a shared affirmation of life.

There is such visceral pleasure in being an active participant in the act of giving and in watching someone you love experience the same joy you feel in simple things like watching the sun set or supping on a chewy banana roti.

My gift this Epiphany is one I hope I give every day, whether on vacation or not, and that is to give myself in love to those around me.

And like the magi, may I always ponder on and follow the star that leads me to Christ- as I gaze on it with new eyes at every juncture of the journey.

Excising the past

The new year is an appropriate time to get rid of the old and start life anew.

I've lived with a lump in my right breast I detected through BSE (breast self-examination which every woman should practise every month) over three years ago and have done nothing about except monitor diligently.

As I went for my annual mammogram and ultrasound last December, I decided that I had enough of the alarmed looks and stony silences I received as the tumour showed up on the X-ray looking decidedly cancerous (jagged edges instead of smooth).

Never mind that it hasn't changed shape or size in three years. With cancer, who knows when a benign growth transforms ominously into one loaded with abnormal cells that will spread and kill the host body?

Given rising medical costs, I thought to myself it's time for action.

I opted for local anaesthesia as the quicker and less disruptive option as my doctor and surgeon, Dr. Hoe, presented this alternative to me.

A visit to his clinic and within the hour, I would walk out the door about a gramme lighter.

It took an hour and a half (with another half hour spent prior the procedure to mark the location with ultrasound) as it was deeper than expected.

I was mostly calm and relaxed before and through the entire procedure, although the last bit where he stitched me up was decidedly uncomfortable as the anaesthesia was wearing off.

It was novel and strange to have someone cut a hole into you, stretch open the hole, stick a finger inside to determine the location of the tumour and subsequently excise a part of you.

To hear and smell the cauterizing of blood vessels to stop the bleeding, know what size needles were used to finally stitch you up...

I am glad I was conscious through the entire operation, so that I could continually pray that the Spirit guide my surgeon's hands.

There was even room for levity when Dr. Hoe tried to apply more anaesthesia and it accidentally spurted skyward, landing on my eyebrow. I enquired quizzically, "Botox too?" and he and his nurse both burst out laughing.

Best of all was the call from his nurse the day after informing me that it was benign.

B. said she knew that would be the result. Tongue in cheek, I said so did I.

Given the Scripture verse I picked at the W2W's new year's thanksgiving dinner, I was unafraid:

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me." - Psalm 23:4

What I took away from the whole experience is that medicine can indeed be a noble profession and not just an extremely lucrative one.

The impression one gets mostly is that specialists specialize only in lightening your pocketbook.

Dr. Hoe has been great from day one, always cheerful and ever-ready to answer silly questions of mine with patience and clarity. He has always taken the time to allay my fears. And his nurse and receptionist are equally friendly and warm.

What impressed me most during the operation was the way he spoke to Christine, his nurse, politely and with respect.

Notwithstanding that he was thorough and precise, and took the time to explain to me what was happening throughout.

I feel blessed to have so much to be thankful for just into the new year and I am grateful not just for the skill of my surgeon, but the concern and care of all the people He has placed in my life.

And I see that life is blessing and blessing is life.

New year bright

Start the year right by acknowledging all that we have comes from a higher power, who has chosen us.

In Life of the Beloved, Henri Nouwen encourages us to reclaim an awareness of God's love and the fact that we are each chosen by Him, rather than allow others to "determine whether we are chosen or not" and find ourselves "caught in the net of a suffocating world that accepts or rejects us according to its own agenda of efficiency and control".

As we gathered together this new year's evening at the ICPE Singapore HQ to give thanks for the graces experienced in 2007 and to offer up a new year resolution, we did just that.

A community of women, we prayed for each other as each woman came before the Holy Family to offer up her unique gift of resolve and her gratitude.

No celebration is complete without eating so we dipped and munched our way through an incredible spread of food laid out around the steamboat. Finishing the feast with a dessert of orange cake and ice cream. Yum!

Conventionally we mark time in seconds, hours and days, weeks, months and years, but we'd do well to remember what Nouwen goes on to say:

"Our preciousness, uniqueness and individuality are not given to us by those who meet us in clock-time - our brief existence - but by the One who has chosen us with an everlasting love, a love that existed from all eternity and will last through all eternity. "

So let us live 2008 in His time. Walking in His light.

Dream speak

In today's gospel, it was a dream that restored one man's faith and led him to make a life-changing and faith-filled decision. A dream where an angel of God delivered a message of hope.

In what must've been a bewildering and dark time for Joseph - Mary, his betrothed was with child, a sure sign of her unfaithfulness - he remained ever faithful to God and thus was able to hear Him speak.

Incredible, unimaginable news brought via a special mode of communication.

That a child, Immanuel, God-with-us, was to be born as a gift to the world. And he, Joseph, to be father, protector and guardian to this akan datang* baby, to tend to this child who would grow up to be the salvation of the world.

The infancy narrative is a story re-told every year for over the last 2000 years that it's easy to take its beauty and significance for granted.

So easy to let the commercialism of the season take centrestage and lose the sense of wonder at the miracle of love being birthed right in front of our eyes.

With all the running around I've been doing these last few weeks, I haven't had much time to reflect this Advent. To give proper homage to the ultimate gift that God is bestowing.

So it's nice to have a lazy Sunday to rest and ruminate. (Am done with all my usual Christmas festivities and just looking forward to taking off on Christmas afternoon for Phuket with Mum.)

What's reflection-worthy to me today is how even as we sleep, the Spirit of God is at work within us. That through our dreams, in those unconscious moments, He can speak to us.

I recently watched the movie Stepmom again and the dying mother was assuring her son that she would live on inside his heart and while this was not as good as her being there, there was a special place where they could meet - in his dreams.

Likewise, we are sometimes given the opportunity to meet Jesus and listen to Him in our dreams.

So don't be too quick to dismiss dreams as flights of fancy or unconscious yearnings/unfulfilled desires within us.

Sometimes, they can be messages of hope that transcribe into concrete events that change lives radically.



* coming soon

Rosebuds

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying:
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.

I couldn't agree more with Robert Herrick for Old Time just flew by this year and I can't quite believe 2007 is almost at a close.

There have been so many rosebuds that came into full flower this year that my life has been one fragrance fest. after another. I have been enveloped in bouquets of velvety soft petals of the sweetest perfume.

Gifts from the Father that I hope have benefitted those around me as well.

Of course there have been times I've been bogged down by petty worries and just swept along the frenzied pace of life in Singapore, but this has also been a year where I have learnt to create sacred spaces to get to know the most important man in life, someone I have grown to depend on for strength, comfort, advice, affirmation and just your basic but essential TLC.

The year 2007 is most significant for He revealed a promise He made to me two years ago and this revelation was the mother of all a-ha moments.

I give thanks for it every day and I hope I never lose the awe I feel over this simple gift.

The Japanese celebrate each spring with hanami, flower viewing, for they pretty much have the same idea as Herrick.

The brief lives of the beautiful cheery blossoms reflect the transience of life which in itself has a beauty that is ephemeral and thus must be celebrated as it is experienced.

Just as all the good things in life are celebrated, so must the not-so-good things like loss and suffering, unalterable facts of life.

For without the bitter, how can we experience the sweet?

Therefore the trick is not to be soured by bad experiences, but to allow each new day to bring fresh possibilities of healing and pain-wrought wisdom, untried opportunities to live and love.

Through thick and thin, good and bad, luxuriate in each and every experience.

So don't forget to smell the rosebuds as you gather them. In deep appreciation and gratitude.

Immortality

S. recently lent me her copy of Khaled Hosseini's latest novel, A Thousand Splendid Suns. I looked forward to reading it for I love his earlier work, The Kite Runner, which is soon to be released as a movie.

I didn't get down to reading it until last week but the moment I started reading it, I couldn't put it down. Hosseini is a story-teller of the first water. Go. Buy. Read.

It is a heartrending tale of friendship and the ultimate sacrifice of love between two women.

Mariam is a harami (bastard) child of a rich but weak father and an unstable mother and has experienced nothing but rejection and abuse her entire life until her husband Rasheed takes a second wife, Laila.

Initially adversaries, the women bond when Laila defends Mariam against Rasheed's cruelty.

From this sprouts a kinship between the two women until Mariam saves Laila from death by killing Rasheed and thereby signs her own death warrant.

Mariam goes to her execution with" abundant peace" for despite her unpropitious start in life and its consequent hardships, she became a woman "who had loved and been loved back" and a "person of consequence at last".

"This was a legitimate end to a life of illegitimate beginnings."

Many of us yearn for immortality, to leave our mark on this world. Such ambition is ill-placed if we seek to build an edifice to the personage of I, me and myself.

That we are born into this world is already a sign that we are loved and matter very much to Someone.

If we realize the import of this and reciprocate by seeking to be made in His image and likeness; by loving all around us, giving in little ways every day, acting from a grateful heart, being the person each of us is called to be, then we will have succeeded in making a difference in the world.

Just as Mariam lives on in the heart of Laila, shining "with the bursting radiance of a thousand suns", we will live on in the hearts of those who love us.

Given the season of Advent we are in, it is worthwhile meditating on the words of Blessed Teresa and endeavouring to put them into practice:

"At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done. We will be judged by 'I was hungry and you gave me to eat, I was naked and you clothed me, I was homeless and you took me in.' Hungry not only for bread - but hungry for love. Naked not only for clothing - but naked for human dignity and respect. Homeless not only for want of a room of bricks - but homeless because of rejection."

Staying connected

I attended the Praise@Work Conference yesterday at the CJC auditorium together with over 500 people.

To be able to meet and listen to so many people from different walks of life who have a close connection to Jesus, a living relationship, and who actively practise following in His footsteps was awesome and amazing.

Bo Sanchez who opened the conference invigorated with his rousing speech and gave new heart to fusing spirituality into work and keeping the connection strong.

He elaborated on five points which he practises daily:

1) My work is my praise.
2) My work is my pulpit.
3) My work is part of my purpose.
4) My work is my passion.
5) My work is my provision.



What I found most valuable was the last point where he challenged everyone to live simply in order to "be as rich as we can for others".

Everything we have comes from the Almighty and we are all called to share what we have with others. Only by being good stewards and exercising thrift can we give and share more.

Love for our neighbour translates not just into money, but time, which in today's world has become an extremely precious commodity.

Despite the busy lives we all lead and the expensive baubles that speak to us, if we make the decision that we are builders of the kingdom, Christ's disciples, then a life of simplicity is key.

Quite difficult, living in material-conscious Singapore, but not impossible as I have discovered these last few years.

Bo also challenged each of us to look at work in the broader sense and recognize that we can continue to do God's work no matter how old we are or what state of life we are in.

There's no such thing as "too old" or "I am not capable enough". There's only "if You say I should do this, then show me how and I will".

So how do I stay connected in everything I do (and not just what I do for a living)?

A question my SD once told me to start the day with is a great one: "Lord, show me how to love."

Life stories

Over last weekend, the W2W ministry met up at the Botanic Gardens for our last meeting of the year.

It was a beautiful, sunny morning and we spread ourselves out on the grass to have breakfast (thanks to A. baby who brought yummy tuna sandwiches and cheesecake) and to share our life stories with each other.

What a celebration of life as each woman shared her unique story and of how she saw Jesus in the dark and light moments of her journey.

The twists and turns in the roads_
the torturous travails,
the thrilling triumphs...
...everything
- the detours, veering off the path, getting lost -
that takes her
face to face with the Father.

Nothing like looking back on life to see His presence in it.

Recognize now that even in the midst of smiles and tears back then, He was there.

Give thanks that we have been given the grace to weather the storms of life and acknowledge the gifts of joy and love.

Know that no matter how lost we are, He will always find us and carry us home.

One common thread through the stories is that each woman has experienced sorrow and suffering in some form or another, either shaped by circumstance or will.

What inspires is that each has made walking through the fire a refining process that burns away the impurities to reveal a heart on fire, lit by the spirit of God's love.

Just as St. Paul said to the Romans:

"...we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

While I look to saints like Therese of Lisieux, Edith Stein, Augustine of Hippo and Paul to encourage and inspire, I also look to my sisters (and brothers) around me to do the same.

Together, arm in arm, we walk our unique paths toward one common destination.

Bid for freedom

I was busy attending seminars last week and it has been vastly rewarding intellectually, psychologically and spiritually, albeit physically tiring.

First up was the two-day Choices workshop run for teachers teaching RE (religious education) in Catholic schools where I was given the opportunity to absorb the concepts I summarized last year when I helped develop the resource material for this unit.

Followed by the three-day Set Free Retreat organized by SACCRE and led by Diana Mascarenhas of ICPE India and Fr. Elias Vella OFM from Malta.

Two events with different and varied content but with one similar goal - to enable an individual to make choices in life that would lead to personal freedom no matter the state of life one was in.

Free from fears, needs and dysfunctions to become and to be the person she or he is meant to be - a unique individual with a unique set of passions, goals, ideals, opinions, values, perspectives and life experiences.

The road to freedom involves an awareness of self, who I am, and an acceptance of the person I am, in order to move towards self-transcendence through the cultivation of values and spiritual maturity that brings inner peace and joy.

It is through knowing myself that I am free to build dynamic, vibrant, soul-satisfying relationships with others - and God.

If not, my distortions will forever colour the way I view myself, God, others and the world around me*; and I will live in bondage, bound by my emotional hijacks and self-imposed barriers.



Until I set off on the stony path of self-discovery, I will remain within the confines of the baby pool, unable to get out, scamper across the hot sand and wade into the cool, healing vastness of the living ocean, and into the warm arms of a loving, tender, very real Father.

Acknowledging the wounds that cause my distortions is not enough, although there is tremendous power in articulating past hurts.

For real healing to take place, there is one more crucial step: turn to Jesus as one turns to a much-loved and trusted friend.

Invoke the power of His name to do what no man can do - bring release and inner healing to the soul and spirit within.

To transform past experiences such that they no longer have a hold on the present or the future.

Can it be that simple?

Yes, as the blind man and the haemorrhaging woman in Mark's gospel and I have found out. Faith can heal.

And with the healing comes truth, which in turn liberates as Jesus had promised, "The truth will make you free."

So what is this great truth that liberates?

In a word, love.

His great love for humanity, for every single person on this earth.

Once you've experienced this love in a very personal manner, deep down in your heart, you will be set free, free to love as He loves you.


* Read John Powell's Fully Human, Fully Alive: A New Life Through a New Vision

Our best interests

At our last weekend W2W meeting, we were discussing questions that would help each of us in discerning our personal vocation in life. One of the questions asked was: "When (what situations) do you have the impression of giving the best of yourself?"

Usually, our passion or a strong interest in something will reveal a flair for that particular activity. While there is usually a distinction between career choice and personal vocation, sometimes, the twain will meet.

I am reminded of some of the stories I heard on the Big Island just a few months ago. One man was a driller and growing coffee was just a passion he would indulge during his free time.

When it got to a point where he realized he was having more fun with his coffee-growing, and that his hobby could generate income, he quit his job and focused all his energies on growing organic coffee beans. The farm is now a family-run business with mum, dad and kids fully involved in every aspect of farming and the sale of coffee beans.

So if you are not happy with your career choice, is it really possible to start over? Crazy you say? Impossible? I beg to differ.

Because I had only a vague idea of what my gifts were when I was young, I did not consciously map my career path. Even then, although I did not know it at the time, God was leading the way. For I found out where my talents lay and I learned many lessons that now stand me in good stead. I was being moulded and shaped, learning discipline, fortitude and industry.

While I did not enjoy what I did for a living for I did not function well in a corporate environment, I did it - for it was a way to earn money and gain familial approval.

When it came time to look for a job after being laid off in 2003, I explored all my options, but this time, the big difference was that I consulted my heavenly Father as I searched.

I had considered the question above, together with a number of other questions and discovered that my gifts were writing and teaching.

Coupled with the desire to find meaning in what I do and be able to spend time with my mother who was recently widowed then, there was only one option - turn my back on corporate life and freelance.

Jesus was holding out a beckoning hand as He encouraged me to leave the security of the boat and walk on water.

He sent people my way to aid me in making this choice. Writing jobs came my way inexplicably. "Angel" friends helped finance my Pilates certification in the form of loans, money gifts or job opportunities. I could even take Mum on vacation each year.

It was not an easy time or process for I had to radically change my lifestyle and forgo ALL luxuries.

I was greatly humbled for I was stripped of all my worldly trappings and had to make sense of myself as a person who no longer held a well-respected position and drew a huge salary nor flew business class and ate in swanky restaurants.

The blessings came however. I found I could be happy with very little in life. I came to see and appreciate the miracles of everyday life.

Most of all, He blessed me with so much love in the guise of caring friends and a supportive mother.

I came to understand what it means to live on God's providence and every single day, even now, I continue to be astounded at how lovingly He takes care of me.

The biggest difference in my life, over the last few years, has been the strength of my faith, which has grown by astronomical leaps.

Especially when things got murky or when I started to feel overwhelmed by my choices in life (there were dark, dispirited moments, periods of helplessness and near-despair), I would turn to Him and say, "Lord, You deal with it! You brought me here, so please take charge now," and I would give him carte blanche in resolving the matter at hand.

The instant I did that, I would be freed of my burden. Best of all, He would always come back with a singularly innovative solution.

As I endeavour to live out my personal vocation, naturally giving of my best when I exercise my God-given talents, I now strive for excellence in everything I do.

Modelling Brother Lawrence* I offer up especially the tasks I find most tedious and I carry out my "common business wholly for the love of Him".

Seeing as He has our best interests at heart, surely He deserves only the very best from us?

* Brother Lawrence was a lay brother in a Carmelite monastery, who lived in the 17^th century. He worked mainly in the kitchen, performing menial tasks, but his profound inner peace attracted many who sought spiritual guidance from him. His teachings can be found in The Practice of the Presence of God.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brother_Lawrence

Family ties

I just threw a little dinner party for my cousin A. whose birthday is up in a few days. As he hates fuss (about on par with the person who shares the same birthday as Dad but we won't mention initials here), it was kept simple and small (no other guests but my bro and SIL).

BTW I had to practically arm-twist him to allow me to cater for this little soirée in my home. What is it about the men in my family that know how to give but not how to receive love graciously?

As I chopped and julienned, I thought of how cooking was my dad's and my way of showing love. More than that, since his demise, it has become my way of remembering and honouring Dad, and evoking his spirit on a daily basis.

My father considered sitting down together as a family and sharing a meal as something sacred, a time-honoured tradition.

I used to find his insistence at eating dinner together irksome at times (especially when I had to work late and knew that my parents were waiting for me to return home before we all sat down together at the dinner table to eat - MAJOR STRESS) but have, today, come to appreciate and to perpetuate the tradition.

Earlier in the afternoon, Mum was sharing with me how someone she knew was abandoned by her children in a home and left to die. While I was trying hard not to be judgmental (What? How can he serve in church so actively and not care about his mother??!!!), I was made mindful of how I treated my remaining parent.

Do I show love, respect, care and concern for my mother (whom I live with) in a life-giving manner every single day? Do I bless her by being a good daughter?

"Honour thy father and mother" is the fourth* commandment and the first one that pertains to how we relate to others.

I believe the primacy of this commandment speaks to the fact that family is the most basic unit of society and if we can't even get it right at this level, whatever we do outside the family for the glory of God is dimmed, tarnished.

Charity, love, begins at home. Mutual respect and love between parents (husband and wife) and children (siblings), familial harmony is the weave of the fabric of human life on earth.

In his Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio, Pope John Paul II recognizes marriage and family as the most precious of human values:

"Willed by God in the very act of creation, marriage and the family are interiorly ordained to fulfillment in Christ and have need of His graces in order to be healed from the wounds of sin and restored to their "beginning", that is, to full understanding and the full realization of God's plan."

Parents are called to be "the visible sign of the very love of God" while family is called to mission by becoming "more and more what it is", which it does by revealing and communicating love, and thus reflecting and sharing in God's love for humanity.

If we grow that little family tree in the soil of love, giving it the necessary nutrients such as daily waterings of forgiveness, warm rays of acceptance and sprinkles of tolerance, then it will grow deep roots and spread its branches into a community of love that crosses geographical, social and cultural boundaries to ultimately foster “the good of each and every human being”.

Want to effect world peace? Simple.

Start by loving (through active, concrete actions and words) and forgiving members of your immediate and extended family and seek to live with them harmoniously minute by minute, day by day, year in, year out.

*What for Roman Catholics is the fourth commandment, is for Judaism and some of the other Christian denominations the fifth. Did you know that? I just found out on Wikipedia today. Fascinating.

Heart at rest

For my birthday this year, E. gave me The Restless Heart by Ronald Rolheiser. My go-to person for books, she made yet another uncannily perfect choice.

It speaks to me right at the place I am now - trying to figure out how to live out my singlehood in a manner befitting a woman of active, lively faith. (BTW, it’s a fantastic book and definitely worth a read. Or two.)

Rolheiser talks about loneliness - why we feel lonely, why it's OK to feel lonely, and what are the consequences, pitfalls and benefits of loneliness. He offers the wisdom of some of the Church's greatest theologians as well as his own practical tips on how we can channel loneliness.

While loneliness is something each of us will experience at different points in our life (no one is exempt), if we acknowledge its presence and deal with in a constructive manner, loneliness can yield very rich and positive results.

Creating works of art that bring pleasure to the masses. Going outside of self and ministering to others like Mother Teresa did. Helping others get through life’s dry spells with a shower of empathy and compassion sourced from the depths of loneliness.

So what causes the L word? I love this definition found in the book:

"Perhaps the old myths and legends capture it best when they say that, before being born, each soul is kissed by God and then goes through life always, in some dark way, remembering that kiss and measuring everything it experiences in relation to that original sweetness." (p.54)

St. Augustine describes this primordial kiss as a God-shaped space within the heart that can only be filled by God. And this space is what keeps us always seeking, thirsting for God.

“…for you have made us for yourself and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”

Having travelled the pleasure route indulging and satiating the senses, having participated in an alphabet of activities before I stood still and went within to seek Him, I have to agree with St. Augustine – the dude was spot on.

Looking for love in all the wrong places left me feeling more alienated, needy and seriously out of whack emotionally - until I turned to Him to fill the God-shaped space within my heart. And I continue to do so, time and again.

By inviting God to enter the space within my heart, I allow His presence in my life to bring healing and so much love that in my aloneness, I am in communion with Him and more connected than in a roomful of people “talking without speaking”.

Rolheiser invites us into a spirituality of loneliness; to constantly move towards a creative rather than destructive force within our lives.

Simple actions are called for such as (overcoming our fears) and taking emotional risks in relationships, being vulnerable and honest without forgetting to be playful and creative in loving others, and giving enough space for relationships to breathe and grow.

While this also involves commitment and self-sacrifice, the ability to find peace and an oft times blissful solitude is worthwhile.

So instead of trying to fill the emptiness with booze, drugs, sex or some other man-ufactured diversion, try a little God-filled solitude next time you’re lonely.

It’s free, safe and oh so soul-satisfying. With no morning-after regrets.

Perfecting hope

What is it about women that makes us so compulsive, so doggedly stubborn at times?

We persist in reading a book to the very last page even when we know by page 10 it's REALLY bad. Likewise we watch excruciatingly bad movies to the last frame, while a man would have flipped the channel a long time ago and watched at least a dozen other programmes.

In discussing the charism of woman, Fr. A. declared that woman's charism was to be life-giving and part of this charism was the facility and capacity for hope, something that men lack.

To illustrate his point, he brought up the weddding at Cana. It was Mary's hope in her son Jesus (despite His initial hesitance, she tells the men to do whatever He tells them) that led to the miracle of the transformation of water into wine.

While reflecting on Fr. A.'s words, I concurred with his opinion for it was Zechariah's inability to hope that led to his disbelief in the news the angel brought to him of Elizabeth's imminent conception of his son John.

It was hope that gave my grandmother the necessary daring to find the means to feed the family while my grandfather was at a complete loss on how to survive during the Japanese Occupation.

Hope was what enabled St. Monica to pray for many long years for the conversion of her sinful son into St. Augustine, one of the greatest theologians of the Church.

Hope is what makes women illogical creatures who depend on intuition more than fact.

There is a downside, however, to this facility. Especially when it is coupled with low self-worth, for hope is what keeps a woman in an abusive relationship for years. Even to death, at times.

"He's a good man and he's always very sorry after." "He loves me and he loves the children very much." "He promised me he would not do it again."

I am also reminded of the episode of Oprah "He's just not into you". Women just refused to believe that a particular man was not vested in their relationship for he would occasionally make the effort to be attentive or charming.

It was scary to watch attractive women in the audience rationalize and defend their decision to hang on to a relationship when it was clear as day to everyone else that he was just stringing her along and was a complete jerk.

Hope should not make us wait in vain for a hopeless cause.

More than just an emotion, hope is a spiritual grace and one of the three theological virtues of the Roman Catholic Church.

Karl Rahner understands hope to be the medium between faith and love, the other two virtues and that faith and love are "formed by hope".

It is because of hope that we dare to love on and on, again and again, despite being hurt.

It is hope that brings us faith, a faith that believes all things are possible with God.

As St. Paul said in his letter to the Romans, "In hope we are saved," for it is this Spirit-endowed grace that enables the surrender of self to the self-giving God, the human capacity for God to be our salvation that is a person's fundamental self-interpretation in relation to God (The New Dictionary of Theology).

Hope is what gives us the will to live, to conquer fears, to reach the summits of the Everests in our lives, to dream the impossible dream and effect miracles.

It is also what brings forth life, supports and sustains it.

Viktor Frankl, Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor concluded that life has meaning under any circumstance and thus even suffering was meaningful. And because we have the freedom to find meaning in what we do and all that we experience, the human spirit could survive even the most horrific atrocities.

St. Paul give us the Christian perspective when he talks about how faith, hope and love work together to help us grow in a life of grace:

Suffering (trials) produces endurance (patience), and endurance (patience) produces character (merit), and character (merit) produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us. Romans 5:3 – 5

It is by faith that we can hope to experience the kingdom of God not only in the future but in the here and now, and we achieve this by serving Him in love. Thus suffering is no longer something meaningless but a means to attain perfection.

Don’t stop seeking perfection in hope.

In the beginning it was not so...

A tribute to Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body, retold by Christopher West

In the beginning when God created the heavens and the earth
He made all things good.
Form followed function.
Everything worked the way it should.
Perfect and precise, like clockwork.
He is God after all
The master craftsman, the Creator.

Let there be light
So the sun rose in the east and set in the west, as the earth rotated on her axis.
When darkness fell, the moon
Palely reflected the brightness of the sun.
The beauty of the night sky was revealed
In the luminous stars that stretched across its infinite expanse.
The oceans surged in a rhythm dictated by gravitational forces.

Let the waters bring forth swarms of living creatures
Of such colour, shape, texture
Mass, complexity and variety
It made the beholder gasp in awe and wonder.
On land, he lavished the same attention to detail
To all living things that crawled, slithered, galloped, swooped,
Lumbered, raced, scurried, flitted and crept.

Then God created humans
Made in his image and likeness
A man formed from the dust
A woman formed from the rib of the man
For it is not good that the man should be alone.
This at last is bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh.

Into them the Lord God breathed
A spirit that gave the spark of life
And the capacity to choose between good and evil.
Freedom of choice. Free will.
His work done,
God blessed the seventh day and hallowed it
Rested from all the work that he had done in creation.

Fashioned to live in unity with God and each other,
Man and woman, Adam and Eve,
Lived in harmonious bliss
They were both naked, and were not ashamed.
Receiving the love of their Maker
Living out the meaning and being of their existence
And God saw that it was good.

As one flesh their bodies were a gift of self-donating love to the other
Joined, two halves of a complete whole.
Manifesting the sacrament of the Spirit
The Trinitarian mystery
Making visible what was invisible
With the ability to give birth to the miracle of new life
Be fruitful and multiply.

One day a seed of doubt was sowed by the serpent
In the minds and hearts of Adam and Eve
Distrust and desire led to the denial of the gift.
The fracturing of the unitive relationship between God and humans
The eyes of both were opened
With it came enmity, pain, toil, thorns and sweat
Until dust you shall return.

Thus sin entered the world
Solitude turned into loneliness.
Unity transformed into alienation
Nakedness now required the protection of fig leaves.
Although paradise was lost, before he sent them forth from the garden,
The Lord God made garments of skins for the man and for his wife
He clothed them out of love, mercy and compassion.

Fickle and forgetful, humans kept breaking the everlasting covenant
Promises made to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob
To Moses who led the people out of Egypt into the land of milk and honey.
A history of salvation endured
Marked by Yahweh’s faithfulness to his chosen people
As generation gave way to generation
Until the Word became flesh and lived among us.

It took one man, the second Adam, to redeem what was lost by the first
Out of the womb of Mary, the Immaculate Conception, the second Eve
Jesus Christ was born; to live, to love and to die on the cross.
As the human face of God, the Divine face of man.
Jesus walked the earth and changed the world
Made a difference by performing miracles
Out of his boundless love for humanity.

Follow me, and I will make you fish for people
And so his disciples journeyed with him as he taught -
Proclaiming the good news of the kingdom,
Curing every disease and every sickness among the people.
By fulfilling the law through his radical brand of love
The Son of God made us all sons and daughters of God
A relationship restored, paradise found.

Love one another as I have loved you.
Was his only commandment to all humankind.
And on the night before he died:
This is my body, which is given for you
The cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood.
So that, in remembrance, we celebrate the gift of his life daily
Forgiving to the end (they do not know what they are doing), he breathed his last.

On Easter morn, he revealed himself to Mary M,
Who stood weeping outside the tomb. And later on, to his disciples.
Thus Scripture fulfilled, he ascended to heaven,
With a promise of power to them. So it was
When all of them were filled with the Holy Spirit.
On fire to become witnesses of His love
Builders of His kingdom until he comes again.

Created and redeemed, we become priest, prophet and king
Called and chosen to love in the Spirit of abundance and joy

Amen.

Moments

Certain moments bring back memories
Reviving a sense of loss, a special kind of pain
Although I've said my goodbyes long ago
Wistfulness invade my consciousness from time to time

Just like that cool autumn evening where the august moon
Hung luminous and low in the midnight velvet sky
We sit sipping tea - sharing laughter and lives
Our faces aglow in the warm candlelight

Your laughter rings out on the crisp, wintry air
As I fall cushioned by the sugar soft snow
The child in you delights and entrances mine
We play together in the afternoon sun

As we walk along the river hand in hand
The ducks glissade gracefully in the water beside us
Breathing in the colours of new life
You turn to me and smile, sunlight in your eyes

Peeping from the horizon, the sun casts a golden glow around
Bathing us in a tropical, balmy warmth
With my head resting on your shoulder
We drink in the beauty of the morning as one

While I will always love you in these snapshots past
They are but souvenirs from another lifetime
My heart now belongs to my very present lover
Who strolls with me in the garden of life



I am his beloved and his desire is for me
In his eyes I am beautiful, a constant delight
How could I not love him for his faithfulness
For cherished I will always be in his loving arms