In praise of mountain men

I have married a mountain man, not a cave man, even though he sometimes grunts and gestures instead of using speech (okay, I get it, it’s a man thing, and it reveals how comfortable he is with me so I am grateful even if I find it slightly annoying when I am not sure what he wants). Anyways, I cannot effuse enough about how wonderful it is to be loved by a mountain man, henceforth known as MM for both the singular and plural forms.

During my last community meeting, I thanked my spiritual brothers for their MMness - I have learned and grown much these past years. That I am happily married today is a testament to them for my community brothers have given me the necessary courage and hope to take the plunge. I shared with them again the main reservation I had on joining the community formation six years ago was that there were men in the community. I have always felt ill at ease and guarded around men, and it was a huge challenge to be transparent and vulnerable with men for fear of being hurt, oppressed or used. It is these godly men I call brothers who have shown me what good men are truly like, and they have showered me with gentle, fraternal affection and affirmed my femininity such that I now know how to communicate with other men in a healthier fashion.

Then along came P when I was much better able to relate to a spouse in a more positive and an enriching manner. He was, is, my main MM, the man Scripture speaks about in Psalm 24, worthy of climbing the mountain of the Lord and standing before Him; whose clean hands and pure heart honour God every day in thought, word and deed. We are close to 22 months of marriage and I still wonder at how the Lord could make so wonderfully straight the crooked lines of our past decisions and previous lives.

Sure, we can rub each other the wrong way at times, and we can mulishly hold onto our own opinions, but when I look at him, I see this delightful man God has created, who turns my insides into mush with his tender, generous lovingness and sweet, quiet respect. He is so what I need to be the woman God has created me to be; with him, I aspire to be, and I am a better person because of him. He challenges my views, preferences and prejudices gently, building me up at the same time. 

Central to our marriage is the divine grace we receive daily through our faithfulness to God. In daily mass and personal prayer, we seek the heart of Jesus constantly in all our choices. The spillover effect is the ability to somehow cut through any couple paranoia or friction, obvious and invisible, and eventually arrive at wanting the good of the other in relevant and efficacious ways. Where forgiveness is required, it is given unstintingly, without reservation. 

MM are men who have real and living relationships with Jesus which translates into loving and caring relationships with those around them. They are spouses and fathers who look after the home, keeping it in order, protecting their families against evil.They assert their moral authority, guided by the Holy Spirit and they emulate the preeminent MM, Jesus Christ, as best they can, in the workplace and at home. They are Good Samaritans offering help where needed. They are the doers and fixers of society, bringing light into the darkness. They bring diversity and colour to the world with their many talents. 

I thank all the mountain men in my life, and to all the MM of the world, keep ascending the mountain of God, His holy place.

Of perseverance and delicious success

I have been watching Zumbo's Just Desserts, Season One, and impatient to find out who wins, I googled the winner and was pleasantly surprised. The winner, Kate, was the dark horse for she was the contestant who had to undergo the Zumbo test the most number of times. The Zumbo test is the knockout round for the two contestants with the lowest scores in each qualifying round.

That this no-nonsense mum of two won became my model for sheer grit. Her desserts usually tasted good, but she lacked sophistication and finesse in comparison to her fellow contestants' stunning creations. Plus, during the dreaded Zumbo tests, it seemed as if she would not be able to accomplish the fiendishly difficult sweet creations each time but she would just plug on, unflappable and calm, pulling it out of her pocket. No meltdowns, no second guessing but inexorable perseverance in the face of failure to put whatever she had created on a plate. She demonstrated that talent alone is not enough to make you a winner. Slow and steady does it and as Luke 8:15 says: 

But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop of. 

We must keep on believing, and keep on moving forward even when it seems as if we have lost. That was how Kate who had to go through five Zumbo tests did it. 

No contestant wanted to do the Zumbo test for Adriano Zumbo is known for incredibly delicious and complex desserts comprising many components where he marries diverse flavours and textures divinely. Ironically Kate learned so much from these tests she needed to undergo, many new skills, plus the ability to multitask with Zen-like focus, that she beat more accomplished dessert makers who did not have the benefit of multiple Zumbo tests. 

So sometimes when we think we have been cursed with failure, it can be the very thing that comes to our aid in the near future. I am reminded to grin and bear it, rather than moan about my bête noires in life for they do build character, self- confidence, and they help me develop my gifts and talents.

Kate had dreams and aspirations. She also wanted to teach her children resilience. She joined the competition to realize her dreams and be a great role model to her children. By winning, she managed to take a giant step towards making her dreams come true. The road ahead is still not easy but with her attitude, I am sure she will succeed. So when life hands you lemons, make delicious lemon curd donuts, like Kate did. Aside from making you a winner, you also have the ability to make many happy. And that is the crop Luke encourages us to produce through persevering in our efforts to embody the Word. 

Choosing covenants and their benefits

I recently came out of a weekend retreat spent with my community which was held in Majodi Retreat Centre in Plentong. As a second batch of Companions in formation come to the end of their exploratory year, they need to make a decision on whether to take their covenant commitment to become ICPE Companions. For others like me who have chosen, it was a time of discerning the finer points of God’s call within the context of the community covenant as well as the “bigger picture” of our own individual baptismal covenant. As E put it, it is God’s call for me to grow in my journey with Him; allowing him to invite me to deeper intimacy with Him, and to love Him more fully.

When we make time to listen to God, He speaks very clearly and profoundly in our lives. Coming into the retreat with an open heart and mind, I was rewarded with many gifts apart from clarity on my personal walk of faith. 

The process of any discernment always culminates in a response - what is my response to what has been revealed? There are always choices. Do I choose to say yes despite my fears and limitations, or do I say no, choosing not to rely on God’s strength and providence. So what is this point of indifference Saint Ignatius talks about that enables my yes in ways that can bring God unimagined glory, glory that goes beyond my limited human vision to foresee? 

How do I arrive at a state of indifference so that I choose what is God’s will in my decision? I loved this version of Saint Ignatius of Loyola’s First Principal as interpreted by Joseph Tetlow in his book Choosing Christ in the World

Father Tetlow first writes that: the goal of our life is to live with God forever. God, who loves us, gave us life. Our own response of love allows God's life to flow into us without limit.

He encourage us to find God in all things by acknowledging that all the things in this world are gifts of God, presented to us so that we can know God more easily and make a return of love more readily.

Therefore we use the gifts given to us with maturity such that they can help us develop as loving persons. But if any of these gifts become the center of our lives, they displace God and so hinder our growth toward our goal.

I loved this next paragraph when I read it for it really pay resonates with me: In everyday life, then, we must hold ourselves in balance before all of these created gifts insofar as we have a choice and are not bound by some obligation. We should not fix our desires on health or sickness, wealth or poverty, success or failure, a long life or short one. For everything has the potential of calling forth in us a deeper response to our life in God.

Considering all things, I need to make a decision that is free from the bias of my own personal fears and selfish motives and to only choose “what better leads to God's deepening his life in me. The choice falls back on a self-giving, self-sacrificing love, a love that seeks the better of the other unceasingly.

It can be exhausting to endeavour following His will and His plan to the T every day. Thus, it is so important to have a full appreciation of all our gifts, our blessings all the time, through prayer and contemplation. It is also here that the beauty of being part of a covenanted community plays out. 

If I desire to live out the first commandment to the fullest, I need my community to urge and cheer me on; to inspire and encourage me with their gifts and stories; to call me out and correct me lovingly when necessary; to lift me up in prayer when I most need it; to be safe harbour where I feel loved and comforted when I am weary and dispirited; and to hold the space for me so I can grow from my losses and grow. 

God has always been the initiator of covenants for He wants to walk with us ever more intimately, bestowing on us  a love that nourishes our self-worth and purpose in such a way we can self-actualize and connect to those around us most meaningfully. We can change the world as He sees it.

So when we decide to say yes to Him in every covenant we undertake, from the baptismal, to the community, to the marriage covenant, we say yes to allowing Him to mould and enlarge our hearts and perfect us in our humanity. 

Thank you Father for choosing me and making me whole in the bonds of covenantal love,. May I always be able to bless my husband and family as well as my ICPE Companions community, and the community at large.