I recently came out of a weekend retreat spent with my community which was held in Majodi Retreat Centre in Plentong. As a second batch of Companions in formation come to the end of their exploratory year, they need to make a decision on whether to take their covenant commitment to become ICPE Companions. For others like me who have chosen, it was a time of discerning the finer points of God’s call within the context of the community covenant as well as the “bigger picture” of our own individual baptismal covenant. As E put it, it is God’s call for me to grow in my journey with Him; allowing him to invite me to deeper intimacy with Him, and to love Him more fully.
When we make time to listen to God, He speaks very clearly and profoundly in our lives. Coming into the retreat with an open heart and mind, I was rewarded with many gifts apart from clarity on my personal walk of faith.
The process of any discernment always culminates in a response - what is my response to what has been revealed? There are always choices. Do I choose to say yes despite my fears and limitations, or do I say no, choosing not to rely on God’s strength and providence. So what is this point of indifference Saint Ignatius talks about that enables my yes in ways that can bring God unimagined glory, glory that goes beyond my limited human vision to foresee?
How do I arrive at a state of indifference so that I choose what is God’s will in my decision? I loved this version of Saint Ignatius of Loyola’s First Principal as interpreted by Joseph Tetlow in his book Choosing Christ in the World
Father Tetlow first writes that: the goal of our life is to live with God forever. God, who loves us, gave us life. Our own response of love allows God's life to flow into us without limit.
He encourage us to find God in all things by acknowledging that all the things in this world are gifts of God, presented to us so that we can know God more easily and make a return of love more readily.
Therefore we use the gifts given to us with maturity such that they can help us develop as loving persons. But if any of these gifts become the center of our lives, they displace God and so hinder our growth toward our goal.
I loved this next paragraph when I read it for it really pay resonates with me: In everyday life, then, we must hold ourselves in balance before all of these created gifts insofar as we have a choice and are not bound by some obligation. We should not fix our desires on health or sickness, wealth or poverty, success or failure, a long life or short one. For everything has the potential of calling forth in us a deeper response to our life in God.
Considering all things, I need to make a decision that is free from the bias of my own personal fears and selfish motives and to only choose “what better leads to God's deepening his life in me. The choice falls back on a self-giving, self-sacrificing love, a love that seeks the better of the other unceasingly.
It can be exhausting to endeavour following His will and His plan to the T every day. Thus, it is so important to have a full appreciation of all our gifts, our blessings all the time, through prayer and contemplation. It is also here that the beauty of being part of a covenanted community plays out.
If I desire to live out the first commandment to the fullest, I need my community to urge and cheer me on; to inspire and encourage me with their gifts and stories; to call me out and correct me lovingly when necessary; to lift me up in prayer when I most need it; to be safe harbour where I feel loved and comforted when I am weary and dispirited; and to hold the space for me so I can grow from my losses and grow.
God has always been the initiator of covenants for He wants to walk with us ever more intimately, bestowing on us a love that nourishes our self-worth and purpose in such a way we can self-actualize and connect to those around us most meaningfully. We can change the world as He sees it.
So when we decide to say yes to Him in every covenant we undertake, from the baptismal, to the community, to the marriage covenant, we say yes to allowing Him to mould and enlarge our hearts and perfect us in our humanity.
Thank you Father for choosing me and making me whole in the bonds of covenantal love,. May I always be able to bless my husband and family as well as my ICPE Companions community, and the community at large.
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