Holy indifference

Holy indifference, the preacher said,
First and foremost is to be
in right relationship with God
To know who you are in the world
who and what you stand for
even when facing the guillotine
you stand fast, upright and unafraid
singing Salve Regina with your last breath
as the blade descends on skin and bone
Holy indifference is a love that bleeds
a heart on fire for God, the Almighty
moving, living and being only for the Lord
die, die, must follow Jesus!
you shed tears, copious and unceasing,
allowing yourself to be crucified
especially by your nearest and dearest
people you draw into your heart
just as Jesus drew you into His
Holy indifference is to live as a witness
joyous even in the hurricane
waiting out the storm patiently
dead certain that Jesus is in the boat with you
you steer with hope-filled tenacity
eyes and heart wide open to His Word
holding tight to His outstretched hand
humbly deferring to holy direction
going wherever you are led, in Spirit
Holy indifference is to be a missionary disciple
to do as Jesus did, every day
living an ordinary life that
speaks of God's extraordinary promise
in every human encounter
it won't  be easy, it will be uncomfortable
yours will be a voice lost in the wilderness
but as you lose your life you will know
Eternal life is yours, today and every day

With thanks to Father Geno Sylva for inspiring us at ICPE Mission's 30th anniversary celebration in Malta.

Lawful living for joyful living

How do we know that we are living out the Law as it should be lived? It is when we are loving, we are understanding, and we are full of joy, not just towards ourselves, but also towards our families and our communities. Thank you, Monsignor Vaz.

T1is Sunday past was a meditation on allowing the Law* to guide us to love and life (Deuteronomy 4:1-2).

 ...accept and submit to the word which has been planted in you and can save your souls. (James 1:21)

Psalm 14 tells us saying yes to Jesus means walking without fault, acting with justice, speaking truth from the heart... doing no wrong to your brother, casting no slur on your neighbour, and keeping your pledge come what may.

While James goes on to tell us:

Pure, unspoilt religion, in the eyes of God our Father is this: coming to the help of orphans and widows when they need it, and keeping oneself uncontaminated by the world.

As good Christians, we all know what we must do. Often, we are contaminated by our own selfish desires, and we choose the more convenient path or the easier walk, and we find excuses not to do what we know we should.

I find myself often ignoring the small, inner voice that tells me what I should be doing instead of indulging my own fancies. Yes, I work hard, yes, I do a lot to serve the Lord, yes, I am a good person who helps others, but there is also a bunch of stuff that takes me great effort to do, so I tend to leave that in a pile, for later. I procrastinate. And procrastinate. And never get round to doing most of it... It may be too late, if I am not careful.

One such instance is my Third Aunt. I have been meaning to visit her and see how she is, but because where she lives is a little out of the way, inconvenient, and I am never very sure of a warm reception, I have used work as an excuse to put off seeing her. She is currently quite ill and I am filled with remorse that I have neglected doing what my heart told me to do months earlier.

Thus I find myself making amends by visiting her frequently this period and trying my best to make her feel comfortable (and loved, hopefully). I can only thank God I am not too late.

If I am merely motivated by my guilt conscience then I will find the task onerous and I will be like the Pharisees who cling to human tradition and pay lip service in worshipping God, my heart not truly in what I do. (Mark 7) I will not bring comfort and joy to her, nor to myself, but only a grim, duty-bound and joyless satisfaction to us both.

The only way I can keep my intentions pure - I won't lie, I do feel physically and emotionally drained (it is very hard to see her suffering so) - is to keep offering every visit up to Jesus and allow myself to be His hands and feet. His glory, not mine.

Being good, living by the Law and delighting in it, may seem a contradiction in terms, but it isn't, unless I choose to make it so. It is not always the natural choice, the yes that rolls off the tongue lightly, but it is always the right one. More importantly, as I keep internalizing the Law, writing it on my heart, I feel a lightness of being which can only come from living as I was created to, fully engaged in the world, vitally alive.

We are all created to be good so being good feels good. Don't buy into the world view that feeling good can only come from self-serving, pleasure-seeking ways, leading you to disregard and disparage 'killjoy' commandments. Live lawfully and you will find yourself in the presence of the Lord, genuflecting with great joy.

*  Readings are taken from the 22nd Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year B.

Guard your heart

I was recently involved in two weekend retreats for Nativity church and the final message to retreatants was the same at both: guard your heart.

Whenever we experience inner healing, breakthroughs and profound insights into our lives that can help us grow; impacting our spiritual journeys in a significant and positive manner, the enemy is always waiting to snatch the truth away from our hearts.

Anything that brings us closer to Jesus is taken away, if we are not careful, and we quickly revert to old ways of thinking and acting. The devil likes us lukewarm in our convictions, stagnant in our spiritual lives and not very committed in our relationship with Jesus.

One of the oldest tricks in the book is to keep us believing in the lie I am not good enough and therefore let someone better than me do something for God, I better stay out of it and do nothing. This is where we are often attacked.

I cannot believe how rapidly the joy and elation I felt last Sunday afternoon dissolved into tears that evening when I came face to face with a barrage of lies hurled at me in a phone conversation. I doubted my own goodness and I questioned the value of my participating in ministry. What's the point when I am such an ineffectual and useless human being?

Often we emerge from the highs of a retreat, ready to do battle, only to face our lives where nothing has changed. The people who can hurt us the most do continue to hurt us. If we do not hold onto the truths and divine revelations we received, we will lose hope quickly, our enthusiasm fizzles, and like the disciples after the crucifixion of Jesus, we will walk away, go back to our old lives, beaten and discouraged.

We forget all too easily the resurrection, the salient fact that we are already living in God's kingdom as free men and women. We have been redeemed and every day Jesus wants to show us just how much He loves each of us in unique and personal ways. How much more grateful and happy should we be?  Life is to be celebrated and cherished. Our joy is to be shared with others.

Of course our challenges and difficulties do not disappear, neither do our weaknesses, our sinfulness, but our secret weapon is the gift of faith, the size of a mustard seed, which through a persevering and ever-evolving prayer life grows into a huge tree, bringing shelter and life to many.

So exercise the gift of faith: keep believing, keep praying and keep loving yourself and others. The truth is I will never be good enough but His grace is more than sufficient for me. The Lord can use me to move others powerfully, if I let Him. Say yes.

At the recent retreat, we talked about lies told to us as women and how one of the best ways to combat the lies is to know who you are and be centred in your identity. I cannot over-emphasize the importance of this. This, for me, is one of the key ways I guard my heart.

Knowing who I am in God's eyes, His beloved daughter, a radiant Bride of Christ, a beautiful, empowered woman with unique gifts and talents, has gone a long way in helping me build my self-esteem and self-worth. I am no longer as fearful or fussed by what others think of me, as long as I am right by God.

Sometimes my world does get rocked, as it was Sunday evening, but prayer brings clarity and inner peace. The lies shatter in the light of God's love, and the little bits of truth embedded in the lies* help me reflect and aspire to be a better person, grinding away the snarls and jagged edges of my imperfect personality.

Ranked in importance to identity in guarding my heart is knowing my vocation. To know who and what I was created to be helps me live meaningfully and intentionally. When I do my best to live the dream (His plan and purpose for me), I wake up with a strong sense of purpose, and I end my day in tired satisfaction. It can get a bit manic at times, juggling so many balls in the air, and it may not be the easiest course of action in life (it can be humbling and downright painful at times), but letting Jesus steer my course has blessed me abundantly, and blessed others.

If you are still in the process of discerning your vocation, there is one vocation we all share as Christians regardless of our personal gifts and talents and that is to love and serve others in everything we do. We can contribute to building the Father's kingdom wherever we are, broken as we are. It just takes our will to seek God and be His hands and feet.

Every retreat we attend helps us see the face of God clearly, know Jesus, His Son, in greater love and intimacy, and feel His awesome presence in our lives through the Holy Spirit. We get to uncover the lies in our lives and to live the truths with greater resonance and integrity. Make every retreat count. Let it be living bread for the journey as you continue to walk closer with Jesus. Stay close to the source through prayer (thanks to K who inspired me to turn more to our Mother and pray the rosary more regularly), work on your issues and guard your heart from deceptions, lies, and worldly temptations.

*   The most powerful lies are half truths where within the lie is a kernel of truth which could either be personal blind spots that cause us to stumble, especially when we deny them, or cause us to completely believe the lie. 

One true face

Inside of me there are many faces
The shy and tender soul
The bold as brass, hard-nosed cookie
The mille-feuille light, bubbly girl
The weepy, bleeding heart
I can be serious and very responsible
Mother hen loving and giving
Like the girl with a little curl down her forehead
I can also be horrid - a greedy brat
Unforgiving, cold and self-serving
Worse, I can be a goody two-shoes
Decked out in Pharisee tassels
Perfect to the outside world
Quoting Scripture for my own purposes
Nasty mean within four walls
No one could possibly love me, except Him.
Is there one true face?
The me I was created to be
Who is she?
She is the Daughter of the Father
The Bride of Christ
The one in whom He delights
Beloved.
A woman fertile and prolific
Bringing life and light to the world
Transforming hearts, channelling beauty
Exuding feminine genius
A watered garden.
If I keep my gaze on Him
See the me He sees
Then perhaps I can be
Everything He hopes for, and more.

Happy 50th, Singapore

I did not choose to be born here
But God decided that it was good -
That's good enough for me!
His plan and purpose involves
Knowing, loving and serving* the people
Who live with me in this place I call home
Singapura, the Lion City
Where the brave of heart roam, rojak** united.
Regardless of race, language or religion.
It may not be perfect but it is HOME. Truly.
Kiasu*** and kiasi****, safe and ordered
Some say too sanitized, straitjacketed,
Too expensive, material focused on the 5Cs*****
Or is it six now? Full of complainers.
We wouldn't be Singaporean if we didn't grouse.
Lest we forget, we should be proud,
Of how far we've come in just 50 years
Thanks to our indomitable forefathers
Who sacrificed their lives and made it work
From nobody's child to Little Red Dot.
The world sits up and applauds
I do, too.
To give thanks I pledge my best
Majulah Singapura.******

*  Thanks to Derek Chong who is here to do group work facilitation with us 7-10 August. This is my main take-away.
**  a salad
***  competitive
****  afraid to get involved
***** denotes materialism and the pursuit of Cash, Condo, Credit Card, Car and Country club membership
******  Onward Singapore

Kerygma

What is the real truth?
Jesus chose death on the cross freely
So I might live in a garden
Filled with sunlight, humming with life
Rose pink and lavender sweet, 
Softly sighing a jasmine high.
I may not appreciate His sacrifice always, 
But when I do, I am moved to spiritual revolution. 
A new self created in God's way
Of goodness and holy truth.
I walk the way of beauty 
So many can enjoy and come 
To know Him personally 
And find love everlasting, grace infinite,
Life never-ending; a source of hope.
The world can be better, brighter, and lighter,
If you and I hold Him close
And encourage the other to live 
Fully alive in harmony and liberating joy
Freedom never looked so good
I say it again, and again.

NB: Inspired by Ephesians 4:17, 20-24 and Evangelii Gaudium 165.

Of fruit and providence

Did I write earlier that July has been a great month? Well, it is turning out to be one of the most challenging months of the year as well! But through the most gruelling moments I am thanking the Lord for loving me with such generosity. He has truly been showering me with blessings.

I am planning to be in Malta in September, as part of a celebration. My community, ICPE Mission, turns 30 this year, and Malta is where it all began. Initially I struggled with the decision for my financial situation was dismal. I get depressed whenever I think about it for it reflects my poor stewardship all these years, but that's another story.

The sensible thing to do is to skip it altogether, yes? I didn't really pray in earnest for I didn't want to hear a clear go for it from God. Then E messages me one day and asks me to pray about my decision. Long story short: the Father says go, I will provide. And He has.

First, the work came pouring in. I have never had such long work days and weeks but I am not complaining, just dog tired. Then He arranged for most of my accommodation there to be free. I even get to go on vacation after the meeting. What grace!

To show my gratitude, I have said yes to many things that require an ongoing committed and well orchestrated effort to weave the lives of many into my own walk of life. There have been celebrations, outreaches, ministries, sickness, death, loss... I am dead on my feet, in pain at times, but I have never felt more alive and fulfilled than these past weeks. There is great satisfaction in connecting with people in a meaningful way, bringing about positive change and helping them get closer to God.

During our last W2W Ministry meeting D shared about the fruit of the Spirit and it got me thinking how much am I known by the fruit I bear? Am I someone whom people identify with the fruit Saint Paul talks about to the Galatians*, namely love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control?

While there's always room for improvement, I'd like to think I have been producing a fair crop. However, I would like to keep increasing the yield - benefit more and more people. As D shared, the point of cultivating good fruit is so that others can enjoy. To keep the harvest plentiful, there are a number of ways, said D:

God's Word.  If we keep our hearts fertile and rich by delighting in the law as the psalmist recommends in Psalm 1, then we will be able to give glory to God and be a blessing to many.

Meditation.  It is vital to stop and chew on the Word, in order to digest it and internalize it. Meditation allows us to see our actions through God's eyes, and to acknowledge our own sins so as to purge them.

Spiritual discipline.  Abiding in the Lord is a decision and a discipline. We need to expose ourselves to anointed preaching be it at mass or attending talks frequently. We need to pray, worship, meditate on the Word, receive the sacraments regularly; take the time to focus on Jesus and know Him daily.

Obedience.  More than anything else, obedience to the will of God will get us where we want to go. Yielding our flesh to power of the Holy Spirit requires us to acknowledge Our Lord and Saviour in all areas of our lives, to know what actually is God's desire, then to remain faithful in the smallest things, especially when we find it most tedious. 

Through pruning. The only way fruit trees yield abundant crops of bigger, more delicious fruit is judicious pruning. Likewise we must endure the pain of cutting away the dead wood of faults, vanities and weak spots in ourselves.

I can't say I am unhappy to say goodbye to July, despite all the blessings it brought. I can only hope I bring my experiences into the next month and make wiser decisions, and sleep a little more. With that, time to sleep.

* Galatians 5:22-23

Heartbeat

You conceived the idea of me as I am now

Knitting me then in my mother's womb

Day by day I grew

Into Your image and likeness

Though I was not conscious that I had

the seal of Your eternal love on my heart.

You breathed into my lungs

Gave me new life in eternity

I saw you; I knew you and loved you

You were my playmate, my BFF,

In communion, we spent days

Dedicated to laughter and delight.

 

 

But I grew up, walked away and forgot

Believed in sexy credos and magic mantras

That tasted ultimately of ashes

I was starving, miserable and lost

Until I limped home, diminished,

Inside my father's house I came alive again

Feasting on Living Water and the Lamb.

I had to relearn how to count the ways

I love you; with freedom

Dance to your heartbeat,

Make music to lift weary souls

I'm still broken and wounded but I can

Make your heart beat faster

With pride and joy. What joy!

 

Knowing the Father's heartbeat

In my last entry, I wrote that the truth is, I will never be good enough when it comes to ministry. That's okay, for God does not require excellence, as long as I make the effort and do my sincere best. What is needed is a humble heart that knows its own limitations, yet consciously and prayerfully chooses to allow Jesus inside to lead the way. If I cooperate fully with the Holy Spirit, things will turn out just as it should, even when I fall short, and things do not go as I planned them.

I certainly hope so, for I have been feeling completely incompetent and substandard in everything I do lately. Sheer physical exhaustion has contributed to my lacklustre performance. I am so tired that I am not even praying as I normally do. I can only thank God that I am still able to engage in the practice of mindfulness and lean on Him severely when I feel that I have nothing worthwhile to give.

Thank goodness the wisdom and compassion of the Holy Spirit shines through to the people around me (or so I hope) for all I feel inside is emptiness. I am so depleted I am beginning to rely on caffeine to get me through the long days. Desperate measures for caffeine-sensitive me.

Am I doing too much? Probably. And yet, so are all my fellow Companions. Every single one of them is fully engaged in their own personal ministries, giving their best effort unceasingly, not that I am comparing. I just marvel at how everyone is doing what they are doing, and doing it well. I most definitely am not.  

This begs the question why are we doing what we are doing? Why do we push ourselves so hard; engage in so many activities to the point of losing the joy (I teeter on the edge constantly)? As M pointed out last weekend, the meaning of life is God and if I choose to be grateful for this profound truth, I need to express my gratitude 24/7. Hear, hear.

Saint Paul wrote to the Romans in chapter 14, verse 8: If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.

This really resonates with me. I really love that I belong to the Lord, made in His image and likeness. He is my Lord and my God. I often doubt Him, as Thomas did, but I also got the wow moment of personally touching His side. There is no turning back after one intimately experiences the goodness of God’s love. I will spend the rest of my life, with His beneficent grace, knowing and residing inside the Father’s heartbeat. There is great peace, abundant joy and deep pleasure in this.

It is not difficult to know what makes the Creator happy, one just needs to follow in the footsteps of Jesus, and the many saints who came after Him.  I know exactly what would make Him smile. Be who I am (created to be) and do as He wills: follow the soft promptings of the Holy Spirit, inside my heart, to act in ways that bear good fruit. And if I am ever hazy, all I need do is reflect on the Bible. And, of course, prayer is my trusty compass, while like-minded friends and mature spiritual leaders like my SD are good reference points in knowing what the Lord would want me to do in any given situation. 

Although I struggle to fulfil my commitments some days, and I am exhausted beyond belief, my body protesting quite loudly and unceasingly, I would not have it any other way. Even though I may feel like giving up all the time, I won't, for I know that urging does not lead to life.

Thank you, Lord, for directing my days and my will. May our hearts beat as one - always.  


Clematis 'John Paul II', named after one of my heroes

July blessings

July has been going well. It has always been a period of introspection and reflection being my birthday month, but this year, it has been especially enriching.

Birthday vulnerability

It has been a great birthday week! The celebrations began days before my birthday itself and it will continue for some time to yet. That so many people sent their well wishes and love surprises me for I am, at heart, an introvert and I veer toward misanthropic tendencies. I admit to a sense of wonder that so many people love me, yet knowing full well that I have Jesus to thank for this.

It is because of the Lord that I say yes to loving others to the point of great inconvenience and hurt, at times, yet I can keep going. I can forgive and forget, because He forgives and forgets my sins. All the time. It is because of Jesus that I find myself in a web of communities, involved in a host of activities, doing things that scare, surprise and delight me in equal parts.

I find myself embarking on exciting, new adventures that refine my sense of personal mission. Every time I say yes to God, He sends me down new roads, putting me through the fire at the same time, purifying me.

It is not always pleasant. I get tired, discouraged and querulous. I often question the worth of what I am doing - is it enough, am I the right person for the job for I sure feel grossly inadequate... Truth be told, I will always BE inadequate. I can only sing:

Take, O take me as I am. Summon out what I shall be. 

Set a seal upon my heart, and live in me.

I give thanks to Jesus for loving me. I am immensely grateful He guides me to love others in wise and gentle ways - on my own, I would fall flat on my face. I thank everyone who blesses me with their love, especially all you folks who took time on my birthday to wish me.

My birthday wish for myself in this coming year can be summed up in a greeting sent to me by J, my former classmate: Blessings of vulnerability before God. What a beautiful sentiment!

Lord, may I never be afraid to humble myself before you, lay my failures at your feet and pledge a renewed effort to do better.

Jubilee jubilation

Gifts need not be given and received only on birthdays. One of my year-long gifts from God is my Spiritual Director, Father Michael Arro, who celebrated 60 years of being a priest just two days ago.

He is also my parish priest and the main reason why I am so active in Saint Teresa's. How can one say no to such a wonderful pastor, a gentle man of God?

Photo by Therese Jenny

When I asked if he could be my SD some 10, 11 years ago, he agreed most readily and he unfailingly makes time to see me on a regular basis. His wit, humour and wisdom have guided me all these years. He has helped me grow spiritually with simple, yet profound words of advice.

As someone commented during the celebration dinner, I see the face of God when I see him during Reconciliation, God's kind, loving and forgiving visage. He never makes me feel small, or like a failure, and his encouragement is like life-giving water on a parched and wilted plant.

Father Arro is a blessing to me and all the parishioners of Saint Teresa. May he continue to experience the joy of serving and may God grant him good health and abundance as he turns 84 this coming Thursday.

Proud to be Catholic. Proud to be Singaporean

Never has the importance of knowing where I come from made more of an impact on me than

yesterday's SG50 mass celebration at the Singapore Indoor Stadium.

When I watched the video Our Catholic Light*, I was moved to tears (even PM Lee Hsien Loong was visibly moved) by the selfless and intrepid missionaries who left their homes for Singapore to spread God's goodness by bettering peoples' lives in multiple ways.

Certainly Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life, but many of these religious and priests did more than just convert people to Christianity, they spared no efforts in spreading God's love and bringing hope, transforming lives in concrete and fundamental ways to believers and non-believers alike. They helped build Singapore up these last 50 years by providing education and healthcare, plus running homes and orphanages.

I, myself, am a recipient of the excellent education the IJ sisters provided, an education that laid the foundations of my Catholic spirituality and identity. Simple dans ma vertu, forte dans mon devoir - Simple in virtue, steadfast in duty. My school motto is one I subscribe to, even today.

It was a rush to be part of the 10,000-strong congregation and pray in unison as one church. Then there was the vastly enjoyable concert in the last segment after mass. My friend P who lives in Melbourne remarked that there is so much talent in the Catholic Church in Singapore. I was more impressed that they pulled off the entire event with such great success in just three months. By God's grace, of course.

I am inspired by those who have gone before me, and I aspire, as part of the Catholic community, to walk in their footsteps, to light up the darkness in Singapore and make a difference to this place I call home.

* To watch the video, go to: www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbdx9vjSwqA  and to enjoy the great concert, go to the last hour of the event link:  www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OAzBx4TGUk

Man + woman, forever = marriage

Last Friday, the US Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage in America (Ireland did the same a month ago). Everyone has been applauding this and many people on Facebook have taken to updating their profile photos in a wash of rainbow colours to show their support.

What is significant about this, one may ask, for the choice to engage in a relationship other than a conventional heterosexual one is a personal choice and does not impact my life. Or does it?

I am all for inclusiveness and I am against discrimination, but I can't help wondering how this new shade of grey will impact family life and whether it will indeed make the world a better place or will those of us who espouse traditional views of marriage and family life be discriminated against? I already see it happening when people trash and reject Catholic teaching* and convention.

That aside, I fail to see how there can be same-sex marriage. No matter how you splice it, marriage is the union between man and woman who complement each other in their sexuality, and who commit to a lifelong journey of fidelity. In the act of love, they will find not just pleasure but a transcendent and unitive experience which also holds the miracle of procreative promise. Man and man, or woman and woman just do not fit together the way man and woman are engineered to do so. Neither is the procreative power inherent in same-sex coupling. That we have to qualify marriage with the adjectival 'same-sex', tells me no matter how many countries legalize same-sex marriage, it is an oxymoron, a contradiction in terms.

I do not disapprove of loving relationships between people of the same sex, or of the different sex, for that matter, but I worry for the future of family life when heterosexual couples reject the stability of raising children within the commitment of marriage, and conversely same-sex couples want the possibility of formal recognition for their committed relationships.

Perhaps the LGBT community can teach men and women something about the commitment of marriage, seeing as they have fought hard to accord same-sex relationships the recognition that committed heterosexual couples currently enjoy in marriage, a privilege often misused and disrespected.

Perhaps we humans need to redefine our concepts of love and commitment placing less premium on lust and a self-centred fulfilment, and more on fidelity and sexual purity. Sexual intercourse is not just an extremely pleasurable, recreational way to get off, but it is a very powerful way to affirm the marital covenant that tells the other I am yours forever and ever and let's be possible co-creators with God to bring forth new life and be caring parents in our forever love. Every time we engage in sex, this is what we are saying to the other, man to woman, woman to man.

When it comes to children, I still believe that children need parents, a father and a mother in a stable and loving relationship to thrive and mature. I am not saying gay or single parents are incapable of bringing up healthy, happy and well adjusted children, but a woman cannot be a father in the same way a man cannot be a mother and one of each brings a dimension to family dynamics that is unique and irreplaceable. Surrogates are simply not the same, hard as same sex or single parents may seek to supplement their parenting responsibilities.

We now live in a world where life in the womb can be so thoughtlessly destroyed or can so clinically begin in a petri dish, or it can come to term in the womb of another woman. Then there are fertility methods that treat embryos like commodities that can be frozen at will, implanted in multiples in a geriatric womb (this is so wrong on so many levels), or destroyed when no longer desirable.

All these possibilities have reduced and nullified the sense of the sacred where conception is an act of God. Worse, we ignore how we are designed and insist on using our bodies in new ways just because we can; and we commit murder without batting an eyelid.

The inalienable right of children to have one biological father and mother to raise them up has been tarred by medical possibilities and all manner of blended and informal family structures that have opened the door to more sexual abuse, abandonment and greater psychological challenges.

Already figuring out one's identity and place in the world is hard, what more if I am the product of a sperm or egg donor, or I spent nine months in the womb of someone who wants me while my so-called parents don't just because I am born with a disability?

Who gets me when relationships go south and I am still a frozen embryo in storage? What if my father wants me but my mother wants me destroyed? Since when have I become a commodity to be bartered and fought over like a bone between two dogs?  I am a child who has the same rights as an adult even though I may be a blob right now, barely visible to the naked eye.

I suppose I have a sense of disquiet for when we insist on rewriting and legalizing definitions to words and concepts, it does not take much to keep pushing the envelope and very soon, the shade of grey may transform from more black to white. Or we might become Pharasaic in relying purely on the law, forgetting the spirit of the law, and begin discriminating against the wisdom of Catholic tradition to the great detriment of the human race. Call me biased but I am a fan of Catholic teaching and tradition for I see God's guiding hand and spirit at work; and it makes perfect sense.

Let us work to keep the lines of communication open, and to allow love, God's self-sacrificing and unconditional love, guide us all.

I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Genesis 9:13

* A great article on what the Church teaches: http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/column/what-the-catholic-church-does-and-does-not-teach-about-same-sex-marriage-3248/

Father complex

M and I were talking about parents and how when parents were too nice to their children, they were taken advantage of and even bullied in their old age. For some reason, many parents seem to spoil their children to the point that these children grow up to be selfish, demanding adults who have zero concept of filial piety. They continue to take without giving, and expect their parents to take care of their needs and wants pretty much forever.

In that respect I am very blessed for my father was no fool or pushover. He had very clear ideas of how we, his four children, should behave as decent human beings and would tell us if we were not living up to his gold standards, especially of how children should be treating their parents.

He himself did his best to give back to his parents and he set a great example of how adult children should take care of their parents. He was not perfect. He failed miserably in some areas but he never stopped trying to be a filial son.

Nothing in life is perfect, and as M put it, we all, at some point, have wanted to murder our parents, but that does not discharge us of our duty to live with them and look after them as they looked after us when we were young.

Daddy was not an easy man to live with but I never thought of moving out for I knew he would be upset, being the traditional Chinese patriarch he was, and I loved, love, both him and my mother enough to want to make them both happy. So I stayed, because families stay together - under one roof. That is the Asian way, and I find great merit in it, being a single woman, for it keeps me from becoming self-centred and eccentric.

My father is no longer with us, it's just me and my mother, but his spirit lives on, guiding me through life. People often praise me for being a good daughter but I don't think I am doing anything special. I am only doing what I ought to, my duty, nothing more or less. In fact, I often fall short, but as Saint Paul told the Galatians in chapter 6, verse 9: And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

So what's the purpose of this blog entry? It is to remind parents to teach their children well: to teach them how to become loving, responsible, polite, considerate, giving and generous adults who seek justice not merely for themselves but for those who need it most.

It is about raising children with a clear sense of right and wrong; of what is just and fair for all; of what is done and not done based on human decency; and to always aspire toward the summum bonum, the highest good.

Fame, fortune, status, power and physical beauty, these are all temporal and immaterial in the kingdom of God and should be accorded the right scant respect. If you really love your children, teach them the right values as my father taught me every day he was alive. Do not give up the authority of being a good parent and give in to the moral laxity of relativism and an egocentric freedom.

For those of us without children, it is worth our while to be loving, responsible, polite, considerate, giving and generous people who seek justice not merely for ourselves but for those who need it most. Let us also not forget to be joyous, courageous, faithful, diligent, hopeful and persevering beings who give proper thanks for our daily blessings. And while you are at it, don't forget to respect and care for your father and mother.

Father's Day was last Sunday, and the best way I can honour my father is to continue to be like him and to seek to do God's will in life, and to desire only the goodness of God in my life. I will fail, but I will not give up, like Daddy.

Loving and praying for your enemies

But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Matthew 5:44

Oh Jesus, say it isn't so. Love my enemies and pray for those who persecute me? You ask too much of me. Why can't I drown in the seething sludge of justified resentment, self-righteously condemning all those who have wronged me? Why must I love them and pray for them? What about what THEY did to ME?

As Don Schwager wrote in his meditation* for today's Gospel, the thing that sets serious Christian disciples apart is grace. Grace in:

treating others, not as they deserve, but as God wishes them to be treated - with lovingkindness, forbearance, and mercy. God is good to the unjust as well as the just. His love embraces saint and sinner alike. God seeks our highest good and teaches us to seek the greatest good of others, even those who hate and abuse us. Our love for others, even those who are ungrateful and selfish towards us, must be marked by the same kindness and mercy which God has shown to us. It is easier to show kindness and mercy when we can expect to benefit from doing so. How much harder when we can expect nothing in return. Our prayer for those who do us ill both breaks the power of revenge and releases the power of love to do good in the face of evil.

This, by no means, is an exhortation to be a people-pleasing doormat, or to remain stuck in codependent relationships, or to suffer repeated abuse, but it is a higher calling to break free of the cycles of deep resentment, anger, frustration and hurt in our lives which if we rub shoulders with others, will inevitably happen, especially with those whom we love, family members and friends alike, plus those who make us uncomfortable and challenge our values.

Loving opens us up to hurt for we offer our hearts to people who may not always appreciate our sincerity, not because they had any ill intent, but sometimes out of their own limitations, or ignorance.

Different perceptions, opinions and expectations shaped by personal experience will create misunderstandings. S___ happens. But we don't have to remain mired in it. Here is where we need the eyes of Christ to see beyond the externals and our own knee-jerk reactions of anger, hatred and the need for revenge.

You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:48

Jesus encourages us to seek perfection, to love as the Father loves us, with goodness and generosity, and the cleansing, forgiving love of a father who awaits the arrival of his prodigal child with unwavering faith and hope, day after day. Because Jesus has shown us by His own example, we know we can overcome our baser emotions and impulses and rise above them as well.

This is what praying for our enemies does, it transforms us so that we have the wisdom to see truth, and the compassion to be merciful and forgiving. We are also given the patience to see the kairos, an appointed God-moment, in our chronos, time, and not lose heart so easily.

In that way prayer is awesome. I find myself changing from a ranting, hating virago into an empathetic and loving sister. I am able to subsume my own inadequacies and ego needs to bring about restoration because I am able to set aside my own hurt feelings and move towards freedom.

Even if the other party is not ready to forgive and chooses continued hostility, I have the ability to lay my griefs and hurts at the foot of the cross and allow Jesus to comfort me and bring me back to wholeness and life. His love is the best balm for my wounds. His grace is truly sufficient. I just have to keep close company with Him and be humble enough to acknowledge my own weaknesses in order to gather strength from Him. This is completely liberating, surrendering impossible people and situations into His hands. If only I can remember to do this all the time.

Today's reminder to love and pray for my enemies challenges me to walk the Christian talk of forgiveness, knowing it is within my power to bring to pass if I am as Christ-centred a disciple as I profess to be. One cannot really be called a good disciple if one cannot be crucified, only to be resurrected by loving and forgiving others, especially those who do not deserve it. Time to allow Jesus to transform my heart.

* To read Don Schwager's excellent daily meditations, go to: http://www.dailyscripture.net

Trees of life

I couldn't quite believe it when I read that there is a campaign in the UK to ban parents from piercing their baby daughters' ears, claiming it is a form of child abuse. Huh?

Coming from a traditional Asian family, pierced ears are a cultural norm and when I first learned that baby girls had their ears pierced a few days after birth in Indonesia (I was about nine then) I thought to myself how practical and wonderful a practice for it certainly would have saved me the remembered pain of getting mine pierced at the age of six. Although I did not cry, I was nervous. And although I liked that my grandmother asked me and I chose, I could have done without the pain, minimal as it was.

There are many things that constitute child abuse: feeding your children high caloric, processed foods until they resemble butterballs, instilling a lifelong love for sugar and junk food; keeping your toddlers quiet by exposing them to technology, setting them up to be techno junkies; and how about your unborn children, getting rid of them before they have had a chance to breathe on their own just because they were inconvenient, unwanted accidents with no voice or legal standing?

The list is long and we can pick causes that speak to us, however, legislating ear piercing is treating parents like morons (admittedly some are) and trying to control them (so much for freedom), as well as being culturally insensitive. I am no parent but I know ridiculous when I see it.

The parable of the mustard seed in Mark 4:26-34 just Sunday past challenges us to a supernatural faith that allows each of us to grow spiritually. As Monsignor Vaz shared, this growth comes from the sincere desire to seek and know God. We cooperate with God in allowing Him to shape us. Growth for growth's sake implies a certain lack of maturity, so we should make like trees with deep roots (in God), and grow wide, shady, fruitful boughs that give shelter and feed those around us.

Life-giving tree hospitality speaks of patience, gentleness, compassion, wisdom, and a listening heart to comfort and soothe hurting or weary souls, and to lift spirits, dispelling loneliness. This requires us to cultivate the appropriate attitude of humility and openness that recognizes the supremacy of God.

Even if we are driven to make the world a better place, we must know when to fight and when to give in, if not, we are no better than terrorists: the ones with the most virulent voice win.

Unity, not disharmony, should be our goal. We should build up and bind, not tear down and fracture. As Saint Paul reminds us in the second reading, 2 Corinthians 5:6-10, we need to walk by faith and not by sight, and whatever we do, we must be intent on being pleasing to Christ in word, deed and action.

Ecologically trees are responsible for life on earth, contributing oxygen, controlling climate and providing food and shelter to many, amongst many other benefits. Likewise we can become valuable sources of life when we ourselves are fed by the sun, wind and rain of the Trinity and we remember, it is the Lord who speaks in our lives, who stunts tall trees and makes the low ones grow, who withers green trees and makes the withered green. Ezekiel 17:24

 

Beatitude living

Chatting with my SD he shared that in his years of pastoring people he has found a shift in thinking. Previously, people used to be motivated by duty, but in recent times it is all about fulfilment. Going by the recent media furor over a former Olympian decathlete's very public gender transformation I would say that the search for fulfilment has broken a new record.

Fulfilment is good. God created each of us with specific talents and gifts, to walk down particular and unique paths toward self actualization. However, the service dimension in seeking fulfilment is often dismissed nowadays. We ignore the verity of Pope Paul VI's statement in Gaudium et Spes 24 that we can fully find our true selves only in the sincere gift of self.

Seeking one's bliss has instead taken on an inward-looking, masturbatory characteristic. The only definition of pleasure worth celebrating it would seem is to be voraciously hedonistic with no regard for how one derives pleasure or for setting limits on pleasure. Just look at the large number of infidelities and the proliferation of addictions in its myriad forms to confirm this.

The selfish pursuit of happiness leaves little consideration for others. And when obstacles to the path of happiness appear, they are perceived as insurmountable mountains and great energy is spent on either lamenting one's misfortunes at length, or circumventing them employing means more foul than fair.

This egocentricity has led to a people are either for me or against me but most of the time they are against me mentality. We have become self-absorbed, overly demanding, hypersensitive and martial in outlook.

We are the cǎoméi zú, Strawberry Generation, easily bruised and oh so high maintenance. We are not fervent in commitment, every ready to give up with we hit a road block or when ennui sets in. No wonder marriage is not the lifelong covenant it was when we are so fulfilment led that feelings, or the lack thereof, justify 'uncoupling'. It is even normative to defend self-serving extremes of behaviour as a right to freedom and receive the approbation of others under the guise of a horrifying politically correct tolerance.

Thank God Jesus was no strawberry or else we would be nose-deep in the muck. Thank Jesus for His sermon on the mount that gives us an alternative and radical way of living. Last Monday's reflection from Laudate encourages living out the beatitudes as the secrets to happiness:

choosing to be poor rather than rich (Mt 5:3),
sorrowing in repentance for our sins rather than feeling good (Mt 5:4),
becoming lowly rather than getting high (Mt 5:5),
hungering for holiness rather than getting what we want (Mt 5:6),
giving others a break rather than getting our rights (Mt 5:7),
having nothing but Jesus rather than having everything (see Mt 5:8),
dying for our enemies rather than killing them (see Mt 5:9), and,
being insulted, persecuted, and slandered because of Jesus rather than being popular (Mt 5:10-11).

Beatitudes are closer to Maslow's definition of self actualization and definitely not for the faint of heart, and yet, as Maslow found, one can look forward to being comfortable, secure and happy in one's own skin (no plastic surgery required), loving and living a fulfilling life, regardless of circumstance.

Looking back, I have been happiest in the years I acknowledged Jesus as my Lord and Saviour. There are certain 'worldly' things I forgo and miss intensely from time to time but I would not trade what I have now - peace of mind, direction and self-assurance - for the fleeting, gratuitous pleasures of my past.

Every possession I have had to let go of in order to follow Christ has been replaced by more than I ever envisaged. Initial tears have given way to deep joy and the certainty that I am loved and prized beyond my wildest dreams.

Secure and fulfilled by the Father's love, I cannot help but want to make Him happy. Follow Christ and His ways. Trust the gentle guidance of the Holy Spirit. Live out the beatitudes and be a fool for Christ.

Being one of the duty driven people my SD spoke of, I can, at times, lose the joy and fall into the trap of judging others by my own standards. Here is where the words of Saint Ephrem resonate:

Virtues are formed by prayer. Prayer preserves temperance. Prayer suppresses anger. Prayer prevents emotions of pride and envy. Prayer draws into the soul the Holy Spirit, and raises man to Heaven.

Fulfilment lies not in radical superficial change but in a radical change of heart that relies on the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews11:1).

Acquiring power through the Spirit

When I attended ICPE Mission's Pastoral Counselling School in Bangalore in 2003 I was initiated into the charismatic way of Praise & Worship. It was alien and uncomfortable, especially for the control freak in me. What is with this babbling in tongues business? What's the point of this charismatic gift, especially since you cannot understand a word of it?

Then I began to feel left out because everybody had the gift but me. I wanted to be able to express prayer directly from my heart, bypassing my cognitive abilities. I wanted to feel the oneness with the Spirit and the personal edification that comes from speaking in tongues. Instead, all I could do was stay silent while everyone else was participating spiritedly (pun intended), and with great joy during Praise & Worship. Because I desired the gift, E prayed over me before I left India and not long after, I received the gift of tongues.

Since then, the gift of tongues and other subsequent gifts* have helped me live in the Spirit so that I have a living and meaningful relationship with this last person of the Trinity who is very often overlooked.

Last weekend (fittingly on Trinity Sunday), the Woman to Woman Ministry conducted our own Woman in the Spirit Seminar (a condensed version of the Life in the Spirit Seminar) and it was an intense but amazing time. More than just about receiving the gifts of the Spirit, it was a time of reflection, sharing, fellowship, and focusing on a deepening of my relationship with the Father, the Son and, of course, the Holy Spirit.

A question I had asked in Bangalore years back was how do I know that God is speaking to me? Twelve years later I can say I know that God speaks to me, and it is most concretely through the Holy Spirit. He is my Counsellor, Comforter, Teacher and Helper. He is wisdom, truth, holiness and all impulses good.

Perhaps my SD put it best. He said it is the Father who initiates, our Creator who first loved us; Jesus the Son is the performer of miracles, the action guy who brings us to the Father; and the Holy Spirit is the power or the driving force behind our every good action.

Through the answers of my sisters at the retreat, it is clear that God speaks to us in many different ways, but the only way each of us can truly hear Him is if we avoid sin which causes a deadening of one's spiritual senses and sensibilities (as the beatitude goes blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God), and we offer Him the time and space to speak to us in prayer.

The acid test, as A emphasized, is when the Holy Spirit becomes our first love, the one we turn to when life deals us hard knocks or devilish questions. He is the one we go to whether it is for commiseration and consolation, or with jubilation and gratitude.

Miracles happen every day. Signs and wonders abound. The question is, do we have the eyes of faith to see them? Do we have the heart of faith to give thanks and rejoice? Do we have the mind and strength of faith to be transformed in order to love our neighbour as ourselves?

Do we ask our Advocate, the Holy Spirit, to make the impossible happen when we are faced with our fears and surrounded by enemies? He has the power.  We have the power, through Him, by virtue of our Baptism and Confirmation for He lives within us. Do we exercise that power frequently, judiciously and effectively in our lives?

The Per Ipsum** in the Eucharistic Prayer reminds us at every Eucharistic celebration that the Holy Spirit is the one who helps us unite with the Father and the Son, and give glory to God. Through Him, with Him and in Him, let us lead lives that testify to the world that God - Father, Son and Holy Spirit - is with us, and walks among us, closer than we think.

 *  From 1 Corinthians 12:4-11: Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of services, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who activates all of them in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. To one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the discernment of spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are activated by one and the same Spirit, who allots to each one individually just as the Spirit chooses.

**  Through him, with him, in him, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, all glory and honour is yours, almighty Father, forever and ever. 

Baby talk = Spirit speak

Happiness is having a child lay his face upon your chest for comfort, in complete trust, wholly at ease. This was my baby fix for the day, along with the incomprehensible but utterly delightful conversation I had with my 14-month-old charge, Ian. I have been babysitting the last three Saturdays after a busy morning of teaching and it’s been refreshing, albeit tiring. It has also been a great way to spend time with some of my community sisters with whom I shared baby-sitting duties.

I am quite thankful now that I am not a mother for it is such a huge responsibility and I no longer have the required energy, although I know I would have made an excellent one (a tad psychotic at times but wonderful nonetheless), and I feel very blessed that I have been given many opportunities in life to play at being one. From youngest brother, to young cousins, to cousin’s kids, to godchildren, and now, my community’s kiddies, I have enjoyed every moment of changing nappies, feeding, burping, entertaining and just watching them grow.

I never thought I would end up single without children but it no longer is the tragedy it was for in giving Jesus carte blanche with my life, I have managed to live out my vocation. I was created for marriage and motherhood and being a childless, single woman has not cramped my style at all. These last 12 years (since I articulated my vocation) have been unconventional but fulfilling, and have brought me many indelibly happy moments.

At today’s confirmation mass in Saint Teresa’s, Archbishop Goh spoke about the importance of finding meaning in life which comes mostly from serving others, as Jesus did. His other takeaway messages were the necessity of having a personal experience of God in order to be able to witness authentically and with conviction, and the beauty of Pentecost which is the powerful renewal of the Spirit that was gifted to us in baptism.

The Holy Spirit is our panacea to the sorry state of the world we find ourselves in currently for it is the Spirit of God that can renew the face of the earth, transforming hearts and lives. The Spirit within us is what animates and enriches our beings, steering us to lead extraordinary lives filled with mundane, tedious, day-to-day tasks.

Pentecost is a reminder to all Christians that living in the Spirit is the only way to true happiness for when we are guided by Him in all things, then we will somehow be living the dream, the dream that was placed in our hearts even before we were born.

Service does require commitment and sacrifice, but if we enter into service with intent, grasping the meaning of what we do, even the most mind-numbingly thankless chore can be elevated into something with the touch of the divine. Those who serve will gain more than those who are being served. Those who serve will be blessed beyond measure.

I can testify to this for baby Ian gave me a priceless gift today. Thank you, C and S, for entrusting your child to me. Ian gave me a personal encounter with God, God who said I love and trust you completely. Won’t you love and trust me completely, too?    

The Luke 4:18 difference

Two events have gripped the world in recent weeks. One is the devastating April 25 earthquake in Nepal with a subsequent and equally damaging May 12 one which killed thousands and left hundreds of thousands injured and homeless.

The other is boat loads of persecuted Rohingya, a Muslim minority in Myanmar, who seek asylum in Thailand, Indonesia and Malaysia to no avail. Stuck at sea with Bangladeshi migrants, they are collectively rejected landing rights anywhere, and thousands have perished at sea, dying sometimes violent, but mostly torturous deaths from thirst and starvation.

While the world has been united in bringing aid to the Nepalese, the boat people have become a hot potato that no one wants to handle. Both situations are heart-wrenching but the one that truly outrages my sensibilities is the plight of the Rohingya refugees.

Oppressed pariahs in their homeland, this ethnic minority are not recognized as citizens with rights due to their alternative religious beliefs in a predominantly Buddhist state. They have been confined into ghettos with bleak futures. Those rich enough to get out have placed their bets on a sea journey that invariably leads to death.

If they survive, where do they go? They are not welcome anywhere. The only glimmer of hope now is that the Philippines has just signalled a willingness to give safe haven to the refugees.

It is easy for me to lend a helping hand to the Nepalese by writing a cheque that hopefully translates into food and rebuilt shelter for the affected, but I cannot do much to help the Rohingya. I can only remember them in prayer and perhaps support groups that seek redress for them.                

What does it take for us to treat every person with fairness, and to respect their dignity even if we do not share the same beliefs, cultural backgrounds or language? Instead of feeling threatened, we should allow ourselves to be enriched by the differences. Diversity is what makes life interesting and helps us to grow into more multi-dimensional beings. And if we bothered to look a little deeper, we would realize we are not that different underneath. We all want and need the same things: love and acceptance.

So even though I may not be able to help the Rohingya directly, I can be more aware of others in my immediate sphere of influence and ensure I do not treat people who make me uncomfortable by brushing them aside and ignoring them. I can spend more time getting to know them. Befriend them, as Jesus befriended hated Zacchaeus or the scorned woman at the well.

I am no better, and no worse, than the next person regardless of age, sex, intelligence quotient, accomplishment, social or economic status. My value is equal to his or hers in that we are all children of God, made in His image and likeness. He is my brother. She is my sister. We are all related and we all live together in one abode called Earth. Let's not fight or exclude others but work towards a world without borders or poverty.  So lend a helping hand where needed for true wealth consists in the act of giving.

The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, Luke 4:18