Best choices

I have been unusually busy from the moment January rolled around and the pace has not let up since. Busy is good for if I don't work, I don't get paid. As always I am awed at how God takes care of my needs without me even saying a word for I was not working most of December.

Ever since I quit corporate life, I have learned what providence truly means for even through the initial difficult times, He has always made sure I had enough, just as He provided manna, quail and water for the Israelites as they wandered in the desert.

We are given many things in life, talents, gifts, and yet, often we take them for granted and look at what we do not have and crib about it. Worse, we waste the talents we have, never taking time to develop them.

Aside for developing talents, it's equally important to develop the proper life skills or a good navigation system, in order to live a rich and meaningful life. Whether it's a value or belief system, a moral code that we live by, we all need integration of reason, will and emotions in order to consistently make good decisions in life.

The sudden death of Whitney Houston has sent shock waves around the world and the prevailing reaction (the autopsy report is not yet out) is that it is drug-related due to the singer's past struggles with substance and alcohol abuse.

Houston's songs are woven into the fabric of my young adult years and I am greatly saddened her incredible talent and beauty could not overcome addictions that diminished her vocal gift and possibly took her life.

Two weeks ago, Father David shared a Spanish saying: If you don't live according to your beliefs, you end up living according to your deeds.

As he pointed out, no one starts out in life desiring to be a thief or an alcoholic. However, the choices we make in life will reinforce subsequent choices and that is how habits, beliefs and finally character are formed.

There are no short cuts to making good decisions in life for they are, not uncommonly, hard decisions, and may require much time, hard work, to bear fruit. Wisdom and fortitude are absolutely necessary to keep on the right path, while temperance and a developed sense of justice help minimize the inevitable internal struggles and conflicts one encounters.

And when one begins to despair of ever seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, it is faith, hope and love that ultimately keep one on the right track. (I know I am boringly repetitive but I am sold on virtues as being the answer to living a fulfilling life.)

It will be, by no means, an easy journey for living "good" is often unglamorous, thankless, pedestrian and draining. Good choices even call for supreme sacrifice at times, and supernatural strength (which thankfully is provided by dint of grace), but they are satisfying, mind, body and soul. And, they keep us in right and tight relationship with Jesus - always a good thing, in my book.  

To show that I do not take what is given to me lightly, I strive constantly to be a good person, one who lives out my beliefs in thought, word and deed.

I may not always be successful - integration being a life-long endeavour - but I know He will provide the means to a perfect end each time. And if I follow His lead, I will invariably make good, and even the best choices in life.

Making it work

I have always liked Project Runway's Tim Gunn for he is understatedly elegant in style and manner, proffering sage advice to contestants without being destructive.

I like him even more when I read about his candid and courageous disclosure on the show The Revolution that he had not had sex for 29 years and that he was a perfectly happy, fulfilled person.

Do I feel like less of a person for it? No! Not even remotely. I have feelings, it's not as though I am some barren forest.


Thank you, Tim, for having the guts to point out that chastity is not such a bad thing and is incidental when it comes to self-fulfilment and happiness.

Why do we allow culture to tell us what will bring us happiness and fulfilment? We often forget that fanning the flames of a sex-obsessed culture is the multi-million dollar sex industry that thrives on the sexual objectification of the human body.

Loneliness is real but what most people do not realize is that loneliness cannot be erased by a surfeit of sexual activity and that the pleasure derived from sexual promiscuity blights one's humanity and is highly addictive (thereby leading to a loss of freedom).

As GK Chesterton once said: Every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God.

What we crave in life is intimacy and union with God for that is how we are created. However, when we do not acknowledge the presence of God in our lives, we sometimes allow loneliness to obscure the truths in our lives and misdirect our desires.

Loneliness, which is part of the nature of humankind, can actually be a creative force that drives us to transcend ourselves and to bring out the best of our humanity - more so if we allow God to lead us through that particular dark valley.

A life well-lived is one where one makes the best of one's life regardless of how many times a week one has sex or not and Tim has definitely made his life work for him.

If only most of the modern world would realize that, too.

Wordless perfect

As always, baby bro and I have conversations on life when we meet, and I am always stimulated and sometimes challenged by his perspectives on life.

I find words a poor tool to convey what is in my heart for what is most profound is always hardest to articulate, especially when it is to a loved one where communication is invariably coloured by the past.

How do I explain to him my "religious fanatic" bent: my whole-hearted adherence and participation in traditions and rites of the Catholic Church that seem so rigid and ridiculous in the modern world? How do I express the deep peace and ineffable joy I experience from being loved by a man whom I cannot touch and see?

Where do I begin to bridge the inevitable differences in perspectives? What must I do to communicate to him I do not judge him, but instead, love him, and as a natural outpouring of that love, want only the best for him, which also requires me to speak the unpalatable truth at times?

I do not set out to convert him or anyone else in this world because I want to save their souls - that would be insufferable arrogance - but because my faith in Christ has led to me to discover such beauty, goodness and wisdom that gets me all excited, I want passionately to share the treasures I have found.

The gifts of faith, hope, love, peace and joy - all the things we each seek in life as necessary for our physical and spiritual well-being are there for the picking on the tree of Christianity that yields life-giving and delicious fruit.

I long to exclaim, "It doesn't have to be this way!" whenever I encounter timidity, fear, bitterness, despair and hatred of those who think God is a tyrant or a waste of time or that Church is irrelevant.

And to repair the damage done by Christians who behave without love, compassion, generosity and integrity, thereby tarnishing the awesomeness of Christianity.

God is so much more than what our human minds can perceive and grasp but the good news is Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit can help us understand and experience that which brings us life.

As with any relationship, it requires us  to do our part. When we value a relationship we nurture it by giving it proper time and attention. We find every mundane detail of a lover fascinating and seek to know more.

If we do the same with Jesus we would be blown away. I am, every day, when I give Him time to tell me how much He loves me. And it is His unconditional love and faith in me that inspires me to reach for the stars, to demand happiness and satisfaction in life, to not settle for second best at all; to live life to the full, to be gloriously free.

The personal revelations I receive convince me that the Tradition and Teaching of the Church hold great wisdom that when applied to my life, point me towards the path of self-fulfilment and fruition.

Even the hard-hitting "rules" when studied and analyzed, uncover that love was their foundation and they actually help guide us to be more human.
 
So what happens when words fail and we sit at perceived opposite ends of the table and I am tempted to walk away? Here is where I am challenged to put out my hand in love and grasp his. To put aside my pride and to just let God sit with us and do His thing.

It is enough that we, bro and I, know we love each other. In such instances, words are not needed.

Food tradition

It's been an incredibly busy time. Cooking and cleaning require more time and effort than I can remember. I am absolutely knackered but at the same time, I am glad I did it.

Although I chose to go fusion for lunch today, I madly created a menu that required a lot of prep work. I am thankful things turned out fairly well (so glad my sister-in-law offered her services today despite being under the weather).

Cooking is, for me, one of the most visible acts of love I can bestow on those I love for cooking was a major expression of love for my father who had a extremely refined palate and it is now a family tradition I like to honour, especially during festive seasons.

There is also a sense of continuity in cooking special dishes my grandmother prepared for the family that I first tasted as a child. This was especially so when I could offer my Fifth Aunt from England a soup she had not tasted in years, one that represents our Cantonese heritage.

As you may have caught on by now, food is so much more than mere sustenance to me for the art of eating well is not just about dining on exquisitely prepared cuisine, but it's equally the sense of occasion in every meal, enhanced by the sense of intimacy and union that comes from eating together food that was lovingly prepared from scratch, something that is often overlooked and not cultivated.

Just as we come to the Supper of the Lamb with reverence, we would do well to find the sense of sacred in every meal by inviting Jesus to sit and dine with us as He did in the past with prostitutes and tax collectors (we are not any better).

As such, I give thanks for having had the opportunity to sit down with family this Lunar New Year and celebrate our lives together.

New year abundance

I am finally getting into Lunar New Year mode and I am actually enjoying it. Even the spring-cleaning is satisfying although not exactly fun. Friends and baby bro have been converging slowly and it's great to play catch-up.

A huge component of the LNY is cooking and the family gathering around the dining table to finally tuck into the delicious spread after being tantalized by the appetising aromas wafting from the kitchen since early afternoon.

The scents and the tastes of the LNY bring me back to childhood days and powerful memories of my grandmother, and later my father, who prepared the food for the reunion feast so lovingly and painstakingly.

I find the Lunar New Year a great metaphor for life: sweeping out the old and ushering in the new with great pomp and ceremony. It marks the seasons of life clearly and allows one the chance for renewal and to make right what wasn't in the previous year.

It's also about bringing people together, to honour family traditions and the values of filial piety and family unity; a multi-generational celebration of life.

Although the symbolism of the LNY centres around financial prosperity and abundance, it's a good reminder that we should live life with abundance spiritually and emotionally as well.

Today's readings help me walk along the path of abundance.

The first reading is from Jonah and reminds us of the value of repentance as experienced by the inhabitants of Nineveh.

The second is from St. Paul reminding us that time is running out and we need to be mindful of how we live out the time we have been allotted.

And the Gospel is from Mark: an invitation from Jesus to the disciples to be fishers of men.

Repentance is important, for like it or not, we will sin, as long as we are alive. And yet, it is not something we dwell upon much if we can help it.

I used to think it's okay to remain mired in sin for as long as it affords me some happiness, I am willing to bear the consequences when I eventually stood at the pearly gates. I was beyond redemption anyway, so why bother? And of course the longer I stayed away, the harder it was for me to turn around and return to God.

Then I progressed to cutting myself a break when I sinned. "I am not perfect and besides, I will be forgiven for God is all merciful." This attitude encouraged me to  be complacent and not work harder at eradicating a particular weakness or acquiring a certain virtue.

Repentance is not easy for pride makes it hard for us to admit that something is indeed wrong with our behaviour and that change is needed. And even when we know we need to alter our behaviour, we hide behind a host of rationalizations and just park, refusing to get onto the freeway that leads to freedom.

We choose to ignore that time is running out for every day we delay a positive response, it is one more day we deny ourselves the opportunity to live abundantly.

Metanoia, an internal change, repentance is needed. To see with the eyes of the heart. This can only happen when I come clean with Jesus, humble myself and ask for forgiveness. The funny thing is when I am able to do this, I am no longer bound by sin or wallowing in despair and hopelessness; I am given new heart.

New year. New life. It can happen for didn't Jesus say He came so that we may have life and to have it to the full?

I look forward to the promised abundance.      

Fully human

I have one resolution this year and it is that I become, and be, genuinely human every day.

What this means is to be human as Jesus Christ was, fully human, in that He knew exactly what every person He met needed in terms of loving encouragement and He changed the world of those who knew Him radically by challenging them with the truth.

He brought healing, affirmation, freedom, hope and joy wherever He went. Those who connected with Him could see their own potentialities and could also take the first courageous step forward.

While I do not have His grasp of what it is to be authentically human, I seek an ever-evolving understanding and appreciation of what it means to be human.

Meditating on the life of writer and human rights activist Julia Esquivel at the Franciscan Missionaries of Mary's celebration of World Day of Peace on December 31st, I was inspired by her life and her writing. How can I be the change I want to see and make a positive difference like she did?

Often I think I am not able or capable of moving mountains and I don't try. I forget I am not called to accomplish great things, I am called to just be, to live with openness of heart and respond in faith, especially in the small things on a daily basis. And in saying yes to the small things, great things can and will happen. The perennial problem is knowing what to say yes to and what to refuse.

As Gaudium et Spes identified, there is a basic imbalance rooted in the heart of man, for in each of us, "many elements wrestle with one another". We experience limitations in many ways and yet, we are also boundless in our desires and summoned to a higher life.

What happens is that we often do what we would not, and fail to do what we would (even Saint Paul talks about this internal struggle). An example closer to home is that I started this entry on new year's day and I have been wanting to complete it since January 4th, but I have let myself be distracted by countless other things, while some were good, others were not exactly commendable.

These internal divisions each one of us has, arising from being "weak and sinful" contributes to many discords in society.

There is no simple antidote to the ills of the world, the violence and unrest, the social and financial inequities and the degenerative fragmentation of society that is fuelled largely by consumerism and secularization. However, Christ did come to save the world and if we believe in Him, then we have our part to play in bringing peace and justice through a Christian humanism that involves open and loving dialogue.

As Doctor Dominic Doyle commented during his talk on Christian Identity in Modern Culture, the point of dialogue is not conversion but understanding, an understanding that will lead to the discovery of a unitive common ground. But in order to have a fruitful dialogue, we must be grounded enough in the rich moral vocabulary of Catholicism so that we can make it relevant and alluring to the uninitiated.

Even as I work towards attaining the right words to engage in dialogue, I must work doubly hard to gain the sensitivity and wisdom needed to make every dialogue an enlightening and affirming one. I am still clumsy in my efforts although I may mean well, which can be disastrous.

I know I am ambitious in my bid to hone my humanity for it involves consistency especially in prayer, contemplation, and the cultivation of a humble, contrite heart coupled with an open spirit that does not judge, but I am determined to reach beyond myself.

And become more and more human.

Mystery marvellous

I just got back yesterday from Malacca after spending four days there with Mum. It was necessary and ultimately pleasant to take this last trip of the year, but I am physically exhausted.

Despite the multiple juggling acts I have been pulling this year that have led to this continual state of tiredness, it has been a good year.

Good in terms of learning, growing and a few accomplishments along the way that I am proud of, pre-eminently Matthew, my first book. Yes, he is finally published.

The year 2011 has been a cusp year for me. I feel like I have been in training and many things will take place in the new year, the fruit of all that I have been exposed to this year.

Chief among the things I am grateful for is the moral theology course I took, Personal Compass, which has been mind-blowing and I give thanks for dedicated and brilliant priests like Father David who promulgate everything that is wonderful about Catholicism.

Music is another gift I have been enjoying immensely. Since September, Kihana, my gorgeous tiger maple and spruce Kamoa ukulele, has been a twin source of frustration and joy. I have re-discovered the fun of music-making and it's been awesome for I have done things I used to dread, like leading praise and worship.

Even though I have not been as diligent about my prayer time as I would have liked, God has been ever faithful and I have been blessed with His love, time and again.

Through the year, I have come face to face with my less than desirable weaknesses, my horribleness, and He has shown me that He is capable of transforming my heart when I ask for His help; that change is possible if I am open to it. Ego and sin can be overcome. Virtues can be acquired.

But the biggest thing that I have learned this year is that the mystery of God is to be savoured in gratitude even when it is not fully comprehended.

I never like things to be open-ended but the deeper I go into my relationship with Jesus, the more I realize that even though I know this ending (I am the type to read the last pages of a book to satisfy my curiosity of what will happen in the end), the journey can be exciting and profound if I choose to let go of pre-conceived notions and all fear.

As my SD once told me, mystery is not meant to obfuscate, but rather it is an invitation to delve deeper and luxuriate in the beauty of God who cannot be bound by human definitions or limitations.

Father Stephen who helps seminarians discern their vocations had this to add, that in the matter of vocation, it will always be a mystery purely because we have to make concrete choices.

Without mystery, we will lack the conviction to choose and stick by our choices in life; to know that what we have chosen is truly an independent choice.

What James Marcia would term identity achievement (making a committed choice after exploring different identities) versus foreclosure (making a choice without any identity exploration).
In accepting that mystery is God's way and letting Him lead has been a great adventure for me this year even as it went counter to my intellectual inclinations.

Saying yes means an uncompromising yes to situations I dislike or avoid; yes to hard work and laborious commitment; and yes to discarding fear and the comfortable known world I inhabit.

It has also meant saying yes to being used as a channel of grace to incarnate and glorify Him; yes to growing my talents and gifts beyond expectation; and yes to awe, amazement, much joy and great satisfaction.

Every day I have a greater appreciation for the ingenuity of my Creator and I seek to know His ways even more so that I can be more like Him: wise, caring, loving and good for all those things to me represent happiness and contentment.

And I look forward to living mysteriously in 2012 for He has worked marvels for me this year.

Celebrating Christ's mass

I have been feeling empty, restless and most un-Christmassy these last few days. Partly due to the fact I am recovering from flu and the lack of sleep for two weeks, and partly because I have not devoted any quiet time to God.

It's so easy to get distracted by technology and TV, especially because I have not had Internet or phone access for 10 days. But these diversions do not fill me up and the song I sang at the MSSP Christmas celebration which is based on Saint Augustine's Confessions has come to my mind:

"And I'm restless, I'm restless, 'til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You... You are the keeper of my heart..."

It was a call to communion that went unheeded by me for reverse carolling was such a profound experience that I needed time away from it, time to let it sit in a corner quietly.

It was only at mass this morning that I was ready to ask questions about the emptiness in my heart and this is my conclusion:

The emptiness was necessary for me to allow Jesus to be born inside today. To experience the hope and joy of His birth in the wake of deep sadness felt at the abject poverty I had recently witnessed. And to realize that no matter how dark the world may be, there is a light shining, all because we were gifted with the birth of a child.

The words of Isaiah 9:6 came alive today:

"For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace."

Come let us adore Him. 

Balikatan best

The reverse carolling this year was organized by the Balikatan Ministry who went to new areas in Montalban to suss out who were the "poorest of the poor" families that were open to listening to some carols and to prayer on 13th and 14th December.

Joscellan led my group while Vir was our untiring musician who almost lost his bike. Together with others members of the Balikatan Ministry, they awed me with their faith and their compassion in reaching out to the families we visited.

I thank them all for showing me that with God all things are possible.

Shoulder to shoulder we stand
As brothers and sisters in Christ
United in our shared suffering.
We help one another
Forge a community of love
For the light of Christ is with us
A light that warms our hearts
and brings us joy, even in the midst of misery.
We know that life is hard
But together we can overcome
New troubles that tomorrow may bring,
For He has already shown us
How much He loves us
Let us show you how much He loves you.

Balikatan means shoulder to shoulder in Tagalog and this ministry was initiated by Institute for World Evangelisation ICPE Mission Philippines to empower the poor in Montalban by walking with them and encouraging them on their faith journey. To read more about the Balikatan Ministry, go to:

http://icpephilippines.blogspot.com/search/label/balikatan%20ministry

Josephine's birthday

It was the day she was born, today.
A very special day and yet it seemed that
There was no reason to celebrate
No food in the house much less
A birthday cake.
Then they stopped by to say hello,
To sing a few Christmas carols
Which they sang enthusiastically
Quite lovely really; so what?
But then a kindly face, marked by poverty,
Smiled and asked if there was perhaps
A prayer intention or two
That the group might pray, for her and with her
In sincere solidarity.

The candle lit became the light of Christ
Bringing the warmth of His love and compassion
Into an otherwise dreary day.
He loves and cares for her. He must!
Why else would He send strangers
To sing a birthday song and wish her well
On this day that she was born.

Happy birthday Josephine!
He sent us to say He loves you
You are the very reason He was born into this world
To suffer and die so painfully.
You alone are the reason why Christmas exists.
We pray this message of love remains
Long after the food in the hamper is consumed.

Carolling lessons

I just returned home from reverse carolling in the Philippines early this morning. It was an intense 10-day period of activity so far from my normal life that I felt I was in another dimension where space and time expanded to condense a year's worth of living in that period.

Because it was my second time in three years, I knew what to expect, and yet, I feel that I gained more in terms of insight for familiarity allowed me a more incisive perspective. Reflection yielded revelations of breadth and uncommon depth.

First off, there was a sense of homecoming as I slipped into community life with the four Institute for World Evangelisation ICPE missionaries and with six other volunteers from Singapore.

The faith dimension (daily mass, regular prayer, evening sharing and spiritual journalling) transformed the outreach, turning it from self-serving social work into a constant flow of grace, where the hand of God was visibly present.

More than just visiting disadvantaged families to sing carols and leave them with a Christmas food hamper, reverse carolling was an invitation to each of us who participated in this outreach to open our hearts and enthrone the Christ child, and let Him work through us.

So that with each family we visited, we were able to personally bring God's love to them as we prayed with them as fellow brothers and sisters.

Without this openness to the Holy Spirit, then we were merely on a feel-good mission trip that gives us something to talk about when we returned home to our comfortable homes, to tell people, "I did something good for the poor this Christmas!"

Without the continual focus on Jesus, I would have fallen into cynical despair or callous indifference for there was just too much ugliness, deprivation and injustice before my eyes.

The contrast of the beautiful fresh faces of the children with the prematurely aged, dull-eyed adults was stark.

The dark, bare hovels we visited reeked of suffering and hopelessness.

No one deserves to be dumped like garbage and forgotten, as these people were in Montalban, or to be ignored by the rich who lived side by side the poor in Tagaytay.

The words of Pope Benedict XVI in defending the need for the service of love in societies and the need for the additional social principle of gratuity rang true:

"There will always be suffering which cries out for consolation and help. There will always be loneliness. There will always be situations of material need where help in the form of concrete love of neighbour is indispensable."

My ultimate challenge is to continue to respond to the cries for help and for consolation around me, wherever I am, abroad or at home.

I am grateful for the lessons reverse carolling have taught me this year and I thank God for meeting me wherever I was on that journey, whether in darkness or in light.    

Vocare

What do you need most to do in life and what the world most needs to have done is how Sister Martina defined personal vocation.

When vocation is a personal response to the call from God, then the place that God calls you to becomes for you one of deep gladness and the world's deep hunger. So say yes.






















As we embrace I see
There is a glow,
An indefinable change in you.
You have said yes to something big,
That will change your life forever.
For better. For worse.
You have chosen to be
Theotokos
I rejoice. Every atom of my body exults,
As does my child
Who leaps for joy within my womb,
My own little miracle.
In universal sisterhood we share
The gift of motherhood.
Although the birthing pains will not match
The great sorrow and losses we will bear
I am glad that I, too, said yes
To the fundamental option
Of the incarnation.
Immanuel. Fully human, fully divine.
God's will be done ever and always.

Opting in

With Advent well underway, I took time off this weekend to reflect and spend time with the Lord in a retreat to discover my personal name and vocation.

Together with 19 other women, we gathered at the FMM House of Prayer for a time of learning, resting, communing and reflecting in silence that helped me crystallize my personal vocation even further.

It begins with a fundamental option - a question posed and answered. If I say yes and opt for God, then this initial response will form the basis for my personal vocation.

This preferential option for Christ challenges me to a personal relationship with Him. To know Him and to know more about His ways, so that I can become more like Him.

As Jesus proclaimed in Luke's Gospel, He came to bring good news to the poor, proclaim release to the captives, help the blind see, let the oppressed go free and proclaim a year of the Lord's favour.

If Jesus were alive today, he would be a social activist, but one whose radicality is personal and pacifist in nature and is diametrically opposed to the violence that perpetuates and dominates our world.

Is this way of God possible? Yes, if we emulate ordinary people who accomplished extraordinary deeds such as Mother Teresa, Dorothy Day, Oscar Romero and Satoko Kitahara, and did it with only God's glory in mind.

What these people had in common despite their diverse backgrounds and accomplishments is a personal relationship with Christ, one that kept them focused on living out their own unique vocation in answer to God's call.

The fundamental option for Christ is no easy one for it requires sacrifice, openness of heart, great stamina, and a constant clarification of will and cultivation of the mind in order to follow a suffering Christ that died on the cross for His beliefs.

This constant process of conversion  and its attendant challenges was played out in the movie Of Gods and Men, which is a true story of nine Trappist monks who served an impoverished Algerian community.

Under threat from terrorists and a corrupt civil government, the monks faced the reality of death daily and the film chronicles the interior struggle of each man and their ultimate collective decision, which was to stay and continue serving the medical needs of the largely Muslim community... to their untimely death (only two survived being shot).

It isn't often that we are faced with such life-defining moments as these monks, living as we do in relative comfort and luxury. However, we must keep questioning and searching, in order to know why we choose what we choose.

To make a conscious choice for Christ and not make it about just a default position we have arrived at by virtue of our parents' faith.

I am thankful that my parents raised me in the faith, but I am even more grateful that I found Him and that today, eight years later, He is still my fundamental option, my first choice.

Teach our children

It's sad, ridiculous and alarming all at once how sexualized the world has become. Everywhere you turn, look or tune into, your senses are assaulted with images that are designed to evoke a base, prurient response.

Celebrities indulge in flesh parades taken to the heights of Gaga-ish bizarreness which adoring fans try their best to ape. Men and women eyeball each other as they would a juicy hunk of meat and make sex the currency of love.

Sex has been commoditized to the point that pornography and aberrant sexual behaviour are accepted as normal: where sexual promiscuity is endorsed and chastity denigrated.

Worst of all is when children are taken advantage of while their parents look on approvingly; often the progenitors of the early sexualization of their children. They hand their children on a platter to paedophiles and sexual predators when they allow their pre-pubescent children to dress and act as if they were navigating a singles' convention.

When I was a young girl, my mother refused to let me wear clothes she deemed inappropriate for my age. Nothing too revealing or adult; and no nail polish or make-up until I was sixteen or so. Leading by example she was (and still is) always appropriately attired. Both she and my father made sure I behaved and comported myself properly.

Although I chafed against the conservative ways of my parents then, today I am glad that they were true guardians of my innocence and childhood.

Who will protect the children now when parents themselves don't even know the difference between right and wrong and instead are fiercely proud of having their children sexually exploited for the sake of money and fame?

We have lost a sense of respect for the sanctity of our bodies. We treat our sexuality and our human dignity as bargain basement merchandise - shop soiled and cheap.

It pains me when children are not taught the proper reverence for their minds, hearts and bodies, that their identity is intrinsically precious, not to be exploited, because they are the very image of God.

Every child deserves to enjoy the innocence of childhood and to have it kept unsullied for as long as possible.

Every teen deserves to be respected and valued for his and her being and not manipulated into living out someone else's dream or fantasy, be it parent, peer or predatory stranger.

It is the responsibility of every adult to protect every child in the world: to teach the young the true meaning and full expression of love so as to eradicate under aged sex and teenage pregnancy; to destroy the ever-exploding child sex trade and reclaim the glory of love as espoused by Jesus Christ.

Teach your children and grandchildren is something Moses reminded the Israelites (Deuteronomy 4:9) as crucial for the well-being of future generations. This piece of advice applies today, more than ever.

We must begin first with ourselves. By educating ourselves on what is right and wrong, good and bad. Say no to sexual immorality. Make a stand against a world with constantly shifting boundaries of relativism.

Watch how we live: what we do for entertainment, who we hang out with and with what do we feed our minds. Like Ezra (in chapter 7 verse 10), if we devote our lives to studying, obeying and teaching the laws and decrees of the Lord, we will be able to bring the fullness of Christian life into our own lives and that of the people around us.

And then we can teach all children well and equip them with the values and skills to change the world we live in for the better. 

Befriending God

Someone asked the question last night, "How do I know I have a personal friendship with God?" for Father David had stressed to us that Christian love is personal friendship with God and if we did not remember anything else from this course, he wanted us to at least retain this Aquinas gem.

Father D.'s answer got a little cheem (esoteric), or maybe I was tired, but I did kinda get it, even though I would not be able to tell you what he said.

I got it because I do have a personal friendship with God. How do I know this? Because He has shown me He loves me in very concrete ways, in ways that when I connect the dots backwards, I see His hand in the twists and turns of my life's journey.

To honour this friendship that holds first place in my heart, I have tried my best to give Him carte blanche, to allow Him to lead and to thus infuse my faith, hope and love with grace, unmerited and divine.

And He has. How else would I have been able step out of my comfort zone and be radical in my life choices and succeed?

I am happy for I feel I am living my life meaningfully, as it should be lived. I am free to be who I am and I like that I have let go of fears and distortions that held me captive for so long.

Best of all, when I am unsure or confused, I know I can make the right choices for me when I abandon myself to His wisdom.

He talks to me through the inner workings of my heart. I am a person who is led very much by intuition, and so when I feel strongly about something, I know it is from Him.

This does not mean I go by emotion alone for my decisions in life are a collective effort and integration of my reason, will and emotion. And they are borne out by the good fruit that follow (else it ain't from God but just voices in my head).

I spend a lot of time and psychic energy seeking truth, trying to understand and experience first-hand why dogma and Church teachings are beautiful, God-inspired ways of life. Living it and liking it more and more.

Yesterday at lunch S. said to me, "You working on getting to heaven?" when I said I was going reverse carolling in December.

The answer to her question is no for I don't really give a hoot about going to heaven. Well yeah, I do want to get to heaven but my chief motivation for being good or doing good is not spiritual brownie points: it is my relationship with Jesus and pushing it to a new and deeper level, all the time.

My singular prayer in life is that I should always be able to see His face and hear His voice. This requires purity of heart, a purity I once lost, and it left me lost and desolate for a long time. I was in hellish limbo and I don't ever want to go there again.

Purity of heart demands that I choose not only good over evil but better over good, and even if it flies in the face of convention and comes at great personal cost.

Having regained the ability to know what He wants on such a lively and intimate level, I will do my utmost to maintain this friendly status.

In FB speak, I will never defriend Him.

Healthy fear

Last night during our Bible Timeline discussion, D. commented that he was musing recently how he could love God more?

We were covering the books of Kings, Daniel and Ezekiel and the destruction of both the northern and the southern kingdoms due to the rejection of God's covenant by the people.

The over-riding message as we journey through the Old Testament is that God wants to love us and forgive us but the refusal to respond in love and acceptance is reflective not just of peoples of old but of us today.

Jeff Cavins asked a very incisive question at the end of his talk. We may have returned from exile in that we are regular church-going and even active parishioners, but have we truly returned to God in our openness of heart. Are we completely in sync with God and His ways or are there still false gods and petty, pernicious sin in our lives?

I think that D. has the right idea. If we seek to show God how much we love Him all the time in every little thing we do, if we continue to look ahead and see how we can make our dreams His dreams for us, if we say yes every morning to let the Spirit guide our thoughts, actions and words through the day, then, perhaps, we will have shown we have walked out of exile into the Kingdom of Heaven on earth.

It is hard to remain single-minded and faithful all the time in all things. Even those among us whom we consider saint-like will demur from being thought so, for sin is all too accessible and convenient.

As Jesus did, so must we. Pray constantly. Unceasingly. Night and Day.

A deliberate act of integrating heart, mind and soul will earn us the virtues of faith, hope and charity, virtues that can only be bestowed to us by God alone, given their  theological nature.

Virtues that will help us crack the happiness code and be as close to perfection as we'll ever get.

My SD recently gifted me with a way of praying: Place your disappointments, weaknesses and sins in your outstretched palms and present them to the Lord, asking that He accept what is offered sincerely, humbly begging for transformation.

This attitude of prayer is a sign of spiritual well-being, for fear of the Lord, a reverential love and worship of the Creator, will be our saving grace through the rigours of life.

It is what led Abraham from barren marriage to precious son who sired a nation, a son whom he was willing to sacrifice out of obedience.

It is what made Jesus drink the excruciating cup of death in order to fulfil his mission of saving the world.  

So to pull my thoughts together, for me, the ability to love God more is to nourish a healthy fear of the Lord that will restore and refresh me as I pray, pray and pray.

Monogamy fidelity

Seventy-two days. That's all it took for Kim Kardashian to file for divorce after her wedding.

While I am not about to comment on what led to her decision, this latest crash and burn is emblematic of the state and institution of marriage.

Forever is as short as 55 hours, as Britney Spears in 2004 would tell you.

Given the brevity of many marriages out there, I used to wonder why people bothered getting married. 

Was it the superficial, romantic daydream of a white wedding fairy tale? 

Or is it simply a true human desire that is within every man and woman: a human requirement for the transcendental beauty of nuptial love, a love that is faithful, unconditional and will not be withdrawn on a whim and can withstand the test of time.

How else would procreation and parenthood be viable seeing as children are pretty much the joint responsibility of parents spanning 18 years or more.      

Pope John Paul II identifies the root of this high incidence of broken vows in modern times as a crisis of commitment wherein “frequently lies a corruption of the idea and the experience of freedom”.  

First, we are spoilt for choice, and, by choice.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to have the freedom to choose, but when the will to freedom supersedes wisdom and good sense and speaks only of selfish, immature urgings, then the process of choosing becomes one that is predicated on the idea of happiness as being the ability to choose among many options.

Commitment thus becomes an anathema to this misguided idea of freedom. We like what commitment brings to the table, the unconditional and faithful love, but we don’t want to play by its rule of reciprocity.      

Does freedom of choice truly lead to happiness? Perhaps, but it is only a very transient version of happiness that seems not even to last the honeymoon period. And surely we want more than that.

In the meanwhile, families are being torn apart and children are growing up in single parent homes only to perpetuate the lessons learnt at their parents’ knees, lessons of broken promises, infidelity and selfishness.

We have forgotten that we are able to synthesize happiness; that it is not found in material things or dream circumstances but in accepting the limitations of life and using these so-called constraints as a platform to happiness.

When we accept conditions such as race, gender or culture as part of our identity, these become a springboard toward self-actualization and fulfilment. 

The same can be said for accepting the strengths and imperfections of the spouse you marry.   

We would do well to mimic wild Canadian geese. David's Quammen writes in The Flight of The Iguana that these migratory birds “embody liberty, grace, and devotion, combining these three contradictory virtues with a seamless elegance” that humans often “only espouse”.

I would like to suggest that it is not just the geese but humans that have an “ecological mandate for fidelity”.

And that free will has somehow caused humanity to misplace its own human nature and adopt practices that are actually hostile and poisonous. 

Geese can’t afford our frivolity for their survival depends on “a life of mutual reliance in permanent twosomes”, a commitment brought about by their “physiology and anatomy”. 

Unfortunately for humans, the bid for survival and the perpetuation of the species is not so urgent or critical and also involves the luxury of love as an emotion and not purely just a decision.

Love is a glorious thing and should be at the heart of every marriage. However, it will be selfless commitment that carries a marriage through its rough patches and enables love to retain its vibrancy while growing in depth.

When love becomes a decision to be committed and faithful, happiness can be found at the end of the rainbow, which, incidentally, is symbolic of kept promises.  

Quammen ends his essay on geese with a quote from Marguerite Duras that I would like to end with as well:

“Fidelity, enforced and unto death, is the price you pay for the kind of love you never want to give up, for someone you want to hold forever, tighter and tighter, whether he's close or far away, someone who becomes dearer to you the more you've sacrificed for his sake. This sacrificial relationship is precisely the one that exists in the Christian church between pain and absolution. It can survive outside the church, but it retains its ecclesiastical form. There can be no more violent, and beautiful, strategy than this for seizing time, for restoring eternity to life. ” 

Caritas crazy

I think about love all the time for it's the only thing worth thinking about in life. One might even say I am obsessed with it for it is my ethos in life.

So what is it about love that is so compelling? The simple truth is I am made for love - as is every other person on this planet - and therefore it is part of who I am, as I live and breathe.

Seeing as love is essential  for my well-being I've spent years trying to get it right. And with the help of my Christian heritage, that I have fully embraced only in recent years, I am in a good 'lurve' place.

It hasn't been easy to find the balance and I've made quite a few wrong turns and taken a number of painful tumbles, but I have finally found the secret. It lies with one person: Jesus Christ.

By choosing to love as He did, in a selfless manner, I have found fulfilment and a deep joy that has set me free from desperate bids for love that portend only heartache and enslavement.

Instead Christ has led me to look for, and find love in all the right places.

In Deus Caritas Est, God is Love, Pope Benedict XVI proposes that love takes on a "multiplicity of meanings" that is much more than love between man and woman, so often thought of as the "epitome of love" and sought so avidly and single-mindedly by most people.

Love has an infinite number of flavours and textures but if we insist on hankering after one particular incarnation of love, nuptial in nature, then we have impoverished our life immensely and limited our capacity to savour the voluptuous, soul-satisfying and diverse fruits of love.

The Pope goes on to say it is when "body and soul are intimately united", we are able to attain "full stature" and eros from undisciplined intoxication its "true grandeur". Love becomes an experience beyond a physical high.

"Love is indeed “ecstasy”, not in the sense of a moment of intoxication, but rather as a journey, an ongoing exodus out of the closed inward-looking self towards its liberation through self-giving, and thus towards authentic self-discovery and indeed the discovery of God."

These words of Pope Ben resonate within me for my own journey has take on such an outward looking, Biblical turn of loving God and others. This perfect marriage of eros and agape.

The conscious decision to give of my self that is not merely about self-sacrifice or cheerless deprivation but about doing and being all the things that make me feel good about myself and all the things I would wish on myself from others but do not demand from them.

It is an exodus from ego-centricity to happiness, inner peace and self-transcendence made possible only through attempts to be more and more like Christ.

Why? Because I love the way He loves me and I want to share this incredibly precious love I have found with Him with the rest of the world.

Love has become my enabler, to make my existence a rich and exciting one.

Every day affords me opportunities to make a difference, not just within my immediate circle, but beyond. To enlarge my world to include those who are the "least of my brethren". 

The call to respond is unceasing for poverty, suffering and injustice are ugly realities of life. If I believe in the equal dignity of all humanity, then I must act accordingly to address whatever I see wrong in the world.

For the Church, diakonia or the ministry of charity "is part of her nature, an indispensable expression of her very being" according to Pope Benedict.   

Therefore, as a member of Church, "God's family in the world", I have an imperative to ensure no one "goes without the necessities of life", necessities I have in abundance, be it financial stability or emotional well-being.

Whatever I have received that is good and beautiful, I must pay it forward if I am to be true to myself and to honour my Father who created me.

Last Friday evening, A. spoke about "the call within the call" - what has God specifically called each of us to be and to do, that goes beyond a  surface understanding of vocation and touches on developing a personal spirituality.

Answering the call within the call is responding in love to God to love others in a way that is unique to who I am. It involves cultivating an interior openness and humility, and lots of prayer.

These dispositions, Pope Benedict also stresses, are vital when reaching out to others with a helping hand.

And so, as I continue to make sense of how I am to love in the world - to misquote Descartes: I love, therefore I am - I hearken to the Catholic Church's social teachings as the consummate guide.

I'd like to end with this beautiful invitation to love from the Pope's first encyclical letter, Deus Caritas Est:

"Faith, hope and charity go together. Hope is practised through the virtue of patience, which continues to do good even in the face of apparent failure, and through the virtue of humility, which accepts God's mystery and trusts him even at times of darkness.

"Faith tells us that God has given his Son for our sakes and gives us the victorious certainty that it is really true: God is love! It thus transforms our impatience and our doubts into the sure hope that God holds the world in his hands and that, as the dramatic imagery of the end of the Book of Revelation points out, in spite of all darkness he ultimately triumphs in glory.

"Faith, which sees the love of God revealed in the pierced heart of Jesus on the Cross, gives rise to love.

"Love is the light—and in the end, the only light—that can always illuminate a world grown dim and give us the courage needed to keep living and working.

"Love is possible, and we are able to practise it because we are created in the image of God. To experience love and in this way to cause the light of God to enter into the world."