I just got back yesterday from Malacca after spending four days there with Mum. It was necessary and ultimately pleasant to take this last trip of the year, but I am physically exhausted.
Despite the multiple juggling acts I have been pulling this year that have led to this continual state of tiredness, it has been a good year.
Good in terms of learning, growing and a few accomplishments along the way that I am proud of, pre-eminently Matthew, my first book. Yes, he is finally published.
The year 2011 has been a cusp year for me. I feel like I have been in training and many things will take place in the new year, the fruit of all that I have been exposed to this year.
Chief among the things I am grateful for is the moral theology course I took, Personal Compass, which has been mind-blowing and I give thanks for dedicated and brilliant priests like Father David who promulgate everything that is wonderful about Catholicism.
Music is another gift I have been enjoying immensely. Since September, Kihana, my gorgeous tiger maple and spruce Kamoa ukulele, has been a twin source of frustration and joy. I have re-discovered the fun of music-making and it's been awesome for I have done things I used to dread, like leading praise and worship.
Even though I have not been as diligent about my prayer time as I would have liked, God has been ever faithful and I have been blessed with His love, time and again.
Through the year, I have come face to face with my less than desirable weaknesses, my horribleness, and He has shown me that He is capable of transforming my heart when I ask for His help; that change is possible if I am open to it. Ego and sin can be overcome. Virtues can be acquired.
But the biggest thing that I have learned this year is that the mystery of God is to be savoured in gratitude even when it is not fully comprehended.
I never like things to be open-ended but the deeper I go into my relationship with Jesus, the more I realize that even though I know this ending (I am the type to read the last pages of a book to satisfy my curiosity of what will happen in the end), the journey can be exciting and profound if I choose to let go of pre-conceived notions and all fear.
As my SD once told me, mystery is not meant to obfuscate, but rather it is an invitation to delve deeper and luxuriate in the beauty of God who cannot be bound by human definitions or limitations.
Father Stephen who helps seminarians discern their vocations had this to add, that in the matter of vocation, it will always be a mystery purely because we have to make concrete choices.
Without mystery, we will lack the conviction to choose and stick by our choices in life; to know that what we have chosen is truly an independent choice.
What James Marcia would term identity achievement (making a committed choice after exploring different identities) versus foreclosure (making a choice without any identity exploration).
In accepting that mystery is God's way and letting Him lead has been a great adventure for me this year even as it went counter to my intellectual inclinations.
Saying yes means an uncompromising yes to situations I dislike or avoid; yes to hard work and laborious commitment; and yes to discarding fear and the comfortable known world I inhabit.
It has also meant saying yes to being used as a channel of grace to incarnate and glorify Him; yes to growing my talents and gifts beyond expectation; and yes to awe, amazement, much joy and great satisfaction.
Every day I have a greater appreciation for the ingenuity of my Creator and I seek to know His ways even more so that I can be more like Him: wise, caring, loving and good for all those things to me represent happiness and contentment.
And I look forward to living mysteriously in 2012 for He has worked marvels for me this year.
Despite the multiple juggling acts I have been pulling this year that have led to this continual state of tiredness, it has been a good year.
Good in terms of learning, growing and a few accomplishments along the way that I am proud of, pre-eminently Matthew, my first book. Yes, he is finally published.
The year 2011 has been a cusp year for me. I feel like I have been in training and many things will take place in the new year, the fruit of all that I have been exposed to this year.
Chief among the things I am grateful for is the moral theology course I took, Personal Compass, which has been mind-blowing and I give thanks for dedicated and brilliant priests like Father David who promulgate everything that is wonderful about Catholicism.
Music is another gift I have been enjoying immensely. Since September, Kihana, my gorgeous tiger maple and spruce Kamoa ukulele, has been a twin source of frustration and joy. I have re-discovered the fun of music-making and it's been awesome for I have done things I used to dread, like leading praise and worship.
Even though I have not been as diligent about my prayer time as I would have liked, God has been ever faithful and I have been blessed with His love, time and again.
Through the year, I have come face to face with my less than desirable weaknesses, my horribleness, and He has shown me that He is capable of transforming my heart when I ask for His help; that change is possible if I am open to it. Ego and sin can be overcome. Virtues can be acquired.
But the biggest thing that I have learned this year is that the mystery of God is to be savoured in gratitude even when it is not fully comprehended.
I never like things to be open-ended but the deeper I go into my relationship with Jesus, the more I realize that even though I know this ending (I am the type to read the last pages of a book to satisfy my curiosity of what will happen in the end), the journey can be exciting and profound if I choose to let go of pre-conceived notions and all fear.
As my SD once told me, mystery is not meant to obfuscate, but rather it is an invitation to delve deeper and luxuriate in the beauty of God who cannot be bound by human definitions or limitations.
Father Stephen who helps seminarians discern their vocations had this to add, that in the matter of vocation, it will always be a mystery purely because we have to make concrete choices.
Without mystery, we will lack the conviction to choose and stick by our choices in life; to know that what we have chosen is truly an independent choice.
What James Marcia would term identity achievement (making a committed choice after exploring different identities) versus foreclosure (making a choice without any identity exploration).
In accepting that mystery is God's way and letting Him lead has been a great adventure for me this year even as it went counter to my intellectual inclinations.
Saying yes means an uncompromising yes to situations I dislike or avoid; yes to hard work and laborious commitment; and yes to discarding fear and the comfortable known world I inhabit.
It has also meant saying yes to being used as a channel of grace to incarnate and glorify Him; yes to growing my talents and gifts beyond expectation; and yes to awe, amazement, much joy and great satisfaction.
Every day I have a greater appreciation for the ingenuity of my Creator and I seek to know His ways even more so that I can be more like Him: wise, caring, loving and good for all those things to me represent happiness and contentment.
And I look forward to living mysteriously in 2012 for He has worked marvels for me this year.
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