It was a joy and privilege to have Silvana Abela spend an evening with us last Wednesday on her way back to Mannheim. We had dinner followed by an informal sharing by Silvana who spoke of things that she was inspired by the Spirit to reveal to us. She reminisced of the first time she fell in love with Jesus at an ICPE School and now she gave her life completely to the Lord.
Before this moment, she already had a vocation as a nun which meant she had an existing faith journey, but she was now called to a new radicality, to step out of the boat and walk on water. Silvana shared that in the initial honeymoon phase, all things were possible for she was so in love with Christ and His people, the whole world, that she was open to go wherever He wanted her to go. She was malleable and formable. She was now not only a missionary (a vocation she said yes to as a religious), but she was a missionary disciple, a person who follows Jesus, and does whatever He tells her.
When I think back on my own encounter with Jesus, the moment I drank the living water He offered me, I can relate to what Silvana speaks of, the deep joy, peace, and abandonment to a love that satisfies completely. It is ironic that she calls it the honeymoon phase for it is not what the world usually defines honeymoon. By definition, the honeymoon is a holiday undertaken by a newly married couple and it infers a romantic and joyous time, a period of deep bonding as one, snapshots of beautiful moments filled with frivolity and laughter.
In that definitive moment I said yes to Jesus, I knew it was the right thing for me although the yes was going to be the beginning of a very painful and confusing period in my life. I said yes to sanctification; and making holy what has been unholy for years is excruciating, difficult, filled with great internal struggle and requires unbelievable discipline and perseverance.
Father Hung spoke of what is required for a successful retreat, openness and courage, a generosity of spirit on our part so that God can reveal to us the truth of how much He loves us and what He wants for us. What he suggested as necessary for a good retreat is really what is required for the life of someone who wants to follow Jesus. A disciple.
So why did I continue to say to Jesus all these years when it has been such a difficult journey, when I have had to be humbled again and again, to die to self in so many ways, to experience privation, persecution and alienation? Why did I allow the vine dresser to train me and prune me? Why did I allow myself to depend on God so completely, to give Him complete control of my life when I am such a control freak?
I have only one answer: He is my Lord and my God. When I put my hand on His wound, like Thomas, I knew how unworthy and undeserving I was to be saved and yet, He loves me with such depth, purity and true generosity that I cannot help myself but say yes. And it has also been an awesome, joyful, grace-filled journey despite the hardships and travails.
As we all know, the honeymoon phase does not last. We lose our zeal, we become fat and complacent, we even fall out of love, we can become bitter and angry and contract again into our natural selfish and stubborn ways. Life will always hurl itself at us and hit us where it hurts, knock us down and distract us away from God. So how do we regain this disposition of being in love teachable every day?
Silvana spoke of prayer, as defined by the Catechism of the Catholic Church in paragraph 2560:
"If you knew the gift of God!" The wonder of prayer is revealed beside the well where we come seeking water: there, Christ comes to meet every human being. It is he who first seeks us and asks us for a drink. Jesus thirsts; his asking arises from the depths of God's desire for us. Whether we realize it or not, prayer is the encounter of God's thirst with ours. God thirsts that we may thirst for him.
I relate very much to the woman at the well for it was in encountering the thirsty Jesus that I came to understand my own thirst and what it took to quench it. So all these years I have allowed my subsequent and frequent meetings with Jesus to nourish me and keep me satisfied. But He thirsts for me to have an even deeper relationship with Him, to experience even greater joy, a joy that can only be found in marriage. And so, here I am, falling in love with Jesus all over again by falling in love with P and saying yes to marrying him.
It is the scariest undertaking of my life, and I see myself entering another honeymoon phase of crazy highs and lows, but it is irresistible, and when all is said and done, I am a fool for love. I look forward to knowing the gift of God more and more in P, even as I slake my thirst by resting in His word even more frequently.
Before this moment, she already had a vocation as a nun which meant she had an existing faith journey, but she was now called to a new radicality, to step out of the boat and walk on water. Silvana shared that in the initial honeymoon phase, all things were possible for she was so in love with Christ and His people, the whole world, that she was open to go wherever He wanted her to go. She was malleable and formable. She was now not only a missionary (a vocation she said yes to as a religious), but she was a missionary disciple, a person who follows Jesus, and does whatever He tells her.
When I think back on my own encounter with Jesus, the moment I drank the living water He offered me, I can relate to what Silvana speaks of, the deep joy, peace, and abandonment to a love that satisfies completely. It is ironic that she calls it the honeymoon phase for it is not what the world usually defines honeymoon. By definition, the honeymoon is a holiday undertaken by a newly married couple and it infers a romantic and joyous time, a period of deep bonding as one, snapshots of beautiful moments filled with frivolity and laughter.
In that definitive moment I said yes to Jesus, I knew it was the right thing for me although the yes was going to be the beginning of a very painful and confusing period in my life. I said yes to sanctification; and making holy what has been unholy for years is excruciating, difficult, filled with great internal struggle and requires unbelievable discipline and perseverance.
Father Hung spoke of what is required for a successful retreat, openness and courage, a generosity of spirit on our part so that God can reveal to us the truth of how much He loves us and what He wants for us. What he suggested as necessary for a good retreat is really what is required for the life of someone who wants to follow Jesus. A disciple.
So why did I continue to say to Jesus all these years when it has been such a difficult journey, when I have had to be humbled again and again, to die to self in so many ways, to experience privation, persecution and alienation? Why did I allow the vine dresser to train me and prune me? Why did I allow myself to depend on God so completely, to give Him complete control of my life when I am such a control freak?
I have only one answer: He is my Lord and my God. When I put my hand on His wound, like Thomas, I knew how unworthy and undeserving I was to be saved and yet, He loves me with such depth, purity and true generosity that I cannot help myself but say yes. And it has also been an awesome, joyful, grace-filled journey despite the hardships and travails.
As we all know, the honeymoon phase does not last. We lose our zeal, we become fat and complacent, we even fall out of love, we can become bitter and angry and contract again into our natural selfish and stubborn ways. Life will always hurl itself at us and hit us where it hurts, knock us down and distract us away from God. So how do we regain this disposition of being in love teachable every day?
Silvana spoke of prayer, as defined by the Catechism of the Catholic Church in paragraph 2560:
"If you knew the gift of God!" The wonder of prayer is revealed beside the well where we come seeking water: there, Christ comes to meet every human being. It is he who first seeks us and asks us for a drink. Jesus thirsts; his asking arises from the depths of God's desire for us. Whether we realize it or not, prayer is the encounter of God's thirst with ours. God thirsts that we may thirst for him.
I relate very much to the woman at the well for it was in encountering the thirsty Jesus that I came to understand my own thirst and what it took to quench it. So all these years I have allowed my subsequent and frequent meetings with Jesus to nourish me and keep me satisfied. But He thirsts for me to have an even deeper relationship with Him, to experience even greater joy, a joy that can only be found in marriage. And so, here I am, falling in love with Jesus all over again by falling in love with P and saying yes to marrying him.
It is the scariest undertaking of my life, and I see myself entering another honeymoon phase of crazy highs and lows, but it is irresistible, and when all is said and done, I am a fool for love. I look forward to knowing the gift of God more and more in P, even as I slake my thirst by resting in His word even more frequently.
No comments:
Post a Comment