Revealing beauty

N shared this with me recently that living honestly will lead to vulnerability which is all about authenticity and beauty in relationships. This weekend past, P and I were at a Couple Retreat facilitated by Father Pham Hung Trung at Kingsmead Centre For Ignatian Spirituality & Counselling and it was an opportunity for P and I to share honestly, taking off the masks we normally wear to protect ourselves.

Although the retreat was more for married couples, I felt that P and I gained a lot just by being among three other Christian couples who clearly loved and respected their respective spouses despite the challenges of marriage, and sought the good of the other sincerely. I was inspired and encouraged by their journeys and how each couple surrendered their lives to Christ in living out the vocation of marriage. It was by no means easy, there was struggle, conflict, deep hurt inflicted, but alongside was the desire to stay true to the marital covenant, and that made all the difference.

While P and I have yet to delve so deeply into the bowels of married life, I gained insight and learned how much my anxieties and fears needed to be shared with P, to allow him to respond. I also discovered just how much P loved me and I felt very blessed to know that this man will soon be my husband.

The mask-making was a fun exercise in itself and when we later removed our masks to explore the naked contours of the other's face, there was such grace in the time we spent caressing the other's cheeks, forehead, nose, chin and mouth tenderly. Every touch was a declaration of love, a blessing we bestowed on our beloved. Perhaps the most powerful thing P and I have done as a couple was the celebration of the Eucharist this afternoon, followed by the renewal of marital vows by the others, which for P and myself, became the opportunity to exchange personalized pre-nuptial vows.

Heartfelt words declared in the presence of Christ and others become powerful truths that bless and protect the relationship. I can see why it is important to celebrate the wedding day by inviting friends and family to be present and witness the permanent bonding of a couple who then become an icon of God's faithful, total and unconditional love. We later took turns to bless each couple present by praying for them, yet another rich experience filled with the Spirit of God.

Although we know we love each other and we have opportunity in our day-to-day living to express our love for the other, we typically, as a couple, do not avail ourselves of the opportunities to do so, focused as we are usually on the practicalities of life and its pressing issues that often distract us and require our attention and energy. Thus, it is nice to set aside time specially to have couple time, and to also include God in a special way in our couple time.

Whenever we open ourselves to receiving Jesus in our hearts, He will honour the invitation by entering into the deepest places, shedding the light of His love to transform and empower us. It was fitting that this was a Jesuit-run retreat for I managed to see God in all things and situations, even the first morning when P had to be somewhere else and I was initially dismayed but put on my supportive game face. My learning lesson was that things will never go as planned but if I opt to be loving, setting aside my own fears and choose to surrender the undesired change with graciousness, then I will be doubly blessed, and I was, so was P. It cannot get better than that.

As P and I continue to walk towards marriage, I hold the experience of this retreat in my memory as a milestone in a deeper understanding of who we are individually and as a couple; in growing bonds of intimacy so necessary for a strong marriage; and I walk away with a sense of gratitude and excitement for the adventure ahead. I understand P a little better and I have a clearer sense of how to make him happy, which I so desire but am often clueless as to how to communicate this desire effectively in concrete terms.

E shared something about his mission at our last ICPE Companions outreach which I thought profound, that as husband and father he needed to ensure that his wife and children get to heaven. I view my mission with the same seriousness and I hope that I will bring love, joy, pleasure and lots of laughter in my newly defined role, thereby creating heaven on earth, and making the journey to heaven one filled with authenticity and beauty.