2022 lessons

I am very tired, yet elated, which pretty much sums up this year for me, as a year where I have had to roll with the COVID and dengue punches that have come my way, living through the stress of caregiving, housework, lack of sleep, and wondering if I, myself, would succumb to it (the answer is still not yet). The most recent brush was over this Christmas season where my son M, and helper, LK, came down with it, forcing P and I to cancel all our social engagements, and hunker down at home, kept busy with housework. Today is the first day I can relax as both have been restored to health, although P has come down with the flu. I just feel hung over from the last few days of crazy activity. 

I give thanks for God’s kindness and providence throughout the year. Despite feeling as if I have not really had time for quiet reflection through the year, and that I have just been running from one activity to another, at times quite manically, without time to breathe, I have managed to stay fairly emotionally centred and mentally grounded. And I have been able to recognize how the Father as protected me and my loved ones through all the topsy-turvy days. I have not given into despair when the going was tough, and it’s all thanks to my morning rosary and checking in with God throughout the day. 

What has amazed me is how loved I am by the people around me, who have given help and support in various ways, when I needed it. I am blessed, and I mean this in a very heartfelt, non social media gushy way. The Lord has put people in my life who have allowed me to grow and to heal. He has also challenged me to stretch: to be more open, more available and more sensitive to the cries of help around me, and, at the same time, to experience the profound joy of responding, saying yes, even if it has come at a price to my own physical health. 

The highlight of this year is how the Lord has been faithful in even the small things. We have been able to experience good weather on vacation even though it was atypical for the season, the most recent being our time in Penang. When I checked the weather forecast prior our trip, the prediction was rain every day. We actually saw a storm rolling in from the sea towards us on our last day in Penang but it continued to blow inward and the rain lasted about 30 minutes enabling us to take the grandkids to the beach for one last fun-filled afternoon. 

P dropped his credit card case a second time on holiday, this time in Ipoh. My go to intercessory warriors, Mother Mary and Saint Anthony, came through, yet again. I initially felt a little disingenuous, praying for the same lost item again, but I was reminded, faith can move mountains, so I prayed. We found it!

So what is Jesus saying to me as I end this year of multiple COVID disruptions? Change is the only constant and not to get too stressed out or worried when things don’t go as planned. He will always be with me in the storms of change, chaos, loss and uncertainty, and He will guide me through it with grace, protecting me from the worst of it, if I let Him. More faith equals less struggling, less stress. Be open. Be available. 

I would like to give glory to God for all my successes, and for all the times I have chosen to walk the narrow path against my own selfish inclinations. 

Thank you, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, for showing me how families are loving and forgiving all the time, even when I don’t feel so loving and forgiving at the time. Thank you for guiding me how to be gentle, wise and compassionate, in order to be a better spouse, parent and grandparent; daughter, sister and friend, a better person, to all I meet. 

Jesus, all the time, for a good time, for inner peace in the chaos.

Christmas finally

It took some waiting, but now, you’re here!

Thank you for choosing to be born,

right here and now, in this dark world.

I can always use the light of the Star

To guide me, lost, time and again, to you.

I greet your presence, too cute, with joy,

Your saintly parents ushering me in

To welcome you, newborn babe, my Saviour,

Born out of love, mere child, yet God-is-with-us, 

Simply power made perfect in weakness, asleep

How, with all these smelly sounds around you?

Let me enjoy these precious days, as I enfold

your tiny hand in mine, enrapt, completely in love.

Surely your goodness will follow me

All the days of my life, and love!

For I choose to dwell in your house, forever.

This is my humble gift to you, my desire:

to adore you, sweet Jesus, as you deserve,

Never losing sight of you today, and, eternally.

 

Christmas Eve

And you, little child,

you shall be called Prophet of the Most High,

for you will go before the Lord

to prepare the way for him,

to give his people knowledge of salvation

through the forgiveness of their sins;

this by the tender mercy of our God

who from on high will bring the rising Sun to visit us,

to give light to those who live

in darkness and the shadow of death

and to guide our feet

into the way of peace.

The Benedictus, or the Song of Zechariah, is such a beautiful prayer of thanksgiving, an acknowledgment of what the Lord has done, not just for Zechariah, but for us, and to bless Him for His greatness. This second half of this canticle tells us of the role of the Christ child; it speaks of the great love of Father God, and what He desires for us. No more darkness, only peace, and the freedom of forgiveness. 

It has been a little challenging these past few days with two people in my household down with COVID, and me as caregiver (taking care of meals and making infusions to ease the coughs and sore throats). It will also mean a very quiet Christmas for I have cancelled all my social engagements, in anticipation of finally getting it myself. At the same time, I am glad I have this time to slow down, and reflect, to give my full attention to Baby Jesus, Mother Mary and Joseph.  

Thank you for coming, dear Baby J and:

Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel for he has visited his people, he has come to their rescue

and he has raised up for us a power for salvation

Amen.

Friday of the 4th Week of Advent

and when her neighbours and relations heard that the Lord had shown her so great a kindness, they shared her joy.

There’s nothing greater than sharing our joys and sorrows with people whom we love and who feel the same way about us. It brings to mind a Swedish proverb: shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow. 

We are almost on top of Christmas which is the day most families get together to celebrate the joy of Christmas. Nothing is more joyous than welcoming Baby Jesus into the world and nothing gives me more of a buzz than welcoming Him during Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. I am grateful that He chose to be born and my prayer is that I, and everyone in the world, never lose the joy of Christmas as we share it with friends and family.  

Thursday of the 4th Week of Advent

for the Almighty has done great things for me.

Holy is his name,

It is so important to see the good in every day and give thanks for it, praising God for all He has done. Even when times may be uncertain or even bleak, there is always something to be grateful for.. Perspective is key for nothing is so difficult that we cannot walk through it, especially with Jesus by our side. The here and now is not the end game for we have the great gift of eternal life. So let us give back to the Father for all He has given us, with the knowledge that He has always provided for us and will do so again. Just like Hannah did with Samuel and Mother Mary with Jesus, may I, too, offer Him what’s closest to my heart as gift.  

Wednesday of the 4th Week of Advent

Yes, blessed is she who believed that the promise made her by the Lord would be fulfilled.

The Visitation is one of my favourite passages of Scripture. It speaks of a meeting of minds and hearts between kindred women. Then there is the immense joy at the recognition of the yet unborn Christ child. What a sacred, glorious moment. This beautiful pronouncement made by Elizabeth tells me how I should live my faith out: to hold fast to promises even when it seems unlikely, or it seems to be taking too long to be fulfilled. I can attest to this for the promise the Lord made to me for marriage took 13 years to be fulfilled. During that time there were moments of doubt, but I never lost hope in that I still tried my best to live out His joy. I didn’t wait around moaning, but I tried to channel my desire for marriage in positive ways and live in His presence as Mary did, as His attentive handmaid. So, never doubt, but wait with expectant faith. Thank you, Jesus, for all the promises fulfilled, and yet to be fulfilled. 

Tuesday of the 4th Week of Advent

The Lord himself, therefore, will give you a sign.

If we are truly sincere about seeking the Lord’s will in our life, He does show us where we should go. Sometimes a process of discernment is required and Saint Ignatius of Loyola has given us some excellent ways to do this, that is, to be able to see the signs God has shared with us so we know what to do. 

King Ahaz, on the other hand, refused to ask for a sign for he was afraid of what would be revealed for fear of what he would have to do. Isaiah saw right through his lack of sincerity, his unwillingness to follow God’s ways wholeheartedly. 

Thus we need to purify our intent before we can begin to seek for God’s signs in our life so that we can walk according to His personal plan for each one of us.  Dear Father, please purify the desires of my heart so that I will seek only Your will and glory, and in so doing, will always follow the signs that You give me.   

Monday of the 4th Week of Advent

For you will conceive and bear a son.

Barren women, past the age of child-bearing, who become mothers against all odds have a special role in the Bible. They remind us that nothing cannot be done if the Almighty so wishes it. What are the areas of barrenness in our own lives that we have given up on? We must never lose hope, nor should we forget our principles. Continue to do what is right by the Lord, and allow Him to be the one who directs the circumstances of your life. He knows what’s best and He always blesses us, even in what may seem like long periods of barrenness. Stay worthy in the sight of the Lord, like Elizabeth and Zechariah did, for only good can come of a persevering faith. 

Father God, thank you for reminding me that out of barrenness can come the miracle of conception, creation and a birthing of new life.  

 

Sunday of the 4th Week of Advent

To you all, then, who are God’s beloved in Rome, called to be saints, may God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ send grace and peace.

We are called to be saints - every single one of us. Sainthood is never beyond us, or reserved only for a select few. Saints are not people who walk around with a holier than thou attitude but very real and mostly ordinary folk. What makes us saints is if we try, every day, to give our best to Him who made us. We first live the story of Christmas within our hearts, experiencing the grace and peace of loving Him, walking with Him and knowing Him intimately. Then, born out of our convictions of love - how He died to save us - we do whatever we need to in order to connect with people and make the world a better place. We make life our ministry, touching hearts wherever and whenever by recognizing God-is-with-us in every breath we take. Ours is a life of service and praising Him. 

As we round the corner towards Christmas, having lit the final Advent candle symbolizing love, it is worthwhile reflecting on how we have lived out this season of Advent. Have we been messengers of goodwill and cheer to all we have met? Have we allowed the spirit of expectant faith to draw us closer to the Christ child? Have we loved worthily? If we have fallen short, we still have time to do something in this final week leading up to Christmas. Make the days count.

Lord, help me bless others just as I have been blessed, and to love others as You love me. 

Part of my story

Grateful, deeply thankful

How ever did you become part of my story?

Someone who looks to the Lord in all things

Humble of heart, gentle and upright

Rooted in love of the Living God.

What did I do to deserve you?

Unmerited favour of a second spring

Making straight the crooked lines of sin

Melding two broken parts in nuptial gold

Imperfectly perfect, gloriously beautiful

Miracles happen only when we say yes

Dying to self, moving outward to the other

A Mother’s blessing has given rise to joy

I still marvel at the journey, a path wending 

Through forbidding, lush valleys, over 

arduous hills with magnificent views

For nothing is impossible with Him.

Why can I not stop praising?

Worshipping Him for the gift of you

My beloved, my song of songs 

All my being bless the Lord

Bless the Holy name of God*

Remembering His goodness

I ponder the questions of my present

As Mary did, steadfast and strong

Let it be done as You will

Again, most emphatically yet again

* From Scott Soper's Loving and Forgiving

Saturday of the 3rd Week of Advent

and Jacob was the father of Joseph the husband of Mary;

of her was born Jesus who is called Christ.

With the recitation of the genealogy of Jesus, the thing that stands out most for me is his humanity. There is nothing perfect about His family tree, among some good men and women we also find idolaters, womanizers, murderers, a prostitute, cheaters, liars; we find all manner of sinners. Even the good ones had serious flaws. His family tree is much like our own. 

Jesus became man to be like us. And because He did this, He redeemed humanity. As His brothers and sisters, His friends, we can dare to dream of becoming and being better people. We may fall every day, but we can also rise above our sins and aspire to greatness because He is Immanuel, God-is-with-us. O come, Immanuel, live in me today that I may glorify you.

Friday of the 3rd Week of Advent

Let no foreigner who has attached himself to the Lord say, ‘The Lord will surely exclude me from his people.’ Let no eunuch say, ‘And I, I am a dried-up tree.’

God is inclusive. Jesus came to save us all. He is the Good Shepherd who leaves His 99 sheep behind and goes after the 100th lost sheep. How can I not feel loved by such a compassionate and merciful God? How can I not do the same as He if I profess to believe in Him? I, too, need to welcome the foreigner, assist the poor and broken-hearted, visit the sick and imprisoned… I need to be just as inclusive as He was. Abba, teach me to be generous as you are to everyone I meet.  

Thursday of the 3rd Week of Advent

but my love for you will never leave you

and my covenant of peace with you will never be shaken,

says the Lord who takes pity on you.

Chapter 54 of Isaiah begins with such infectious jubilance that one can’t help but feel the glorious depths of the promise the Lord makes to each one of us. His covenant of everlasting love and peace will bring untold joy of graces unimagined. Do I say yes to such a covenant? It’s a no-brainer. 

But what do I have to do on my part? I simply have to follow Him, like Simon Peter and Andrew did, casting their nets away. This process - it is not just an act although it flows from a single decision - of following Jesus will take place the rest of my life, God willing. 

Having said yes to Him wholeheartedly for some 20 years now I have to say He has never gone back on His word. Thank you for loving me and never leaving me, Lord. I pray that I will always love you and will never leave you.  

Wednesday of the 3rd Week of Advent

Are you the one who is to come or have we to wait for someone else?

It is funny how someone who is as devout as Saint John the Baptist could’ve uttered those words of doubt questioning Christ’s legitimacy. But then again, he was in prison awaiting death so, perhaps, his words are not so unexpected? If I reflect, I do the same all the time, even without good reason. 

One of the people I admire greatly is Saint Teresa of Calcutta. Despite feeling separated for God in her latter years, where she even felt rejected by Him in the “painful night” of her soul, she never abandoned her prayer life nor her call to serve the poorest of the poor. Only after her death was the suffering she experienced in her interior life revealed. 

Lord, help me to believe in You always come what may, and to keep on doing what is right and good even when I feel lost and alone. 

 

Tuesday of the 3rd Week of Advent

I tell you solemnly, tax collectors and prostitutes are making their way into the kingdom of God before you.

The problem with being “good” is we sometimes think we are better than others and this version of pride can lead to spiritual myopia where we refuse to see Christ when He is right before our very eyes and we refuse to listen to Him thinking we know better. We become obdurate and dismissive to the detriment of our souls by falling into the trap of sin without even realising it. 

I think Advent is a great time to do some spiritual spring cleaning. It’s not that I don’t know my own sinful tendencies so it’s good to stop giving in to them, restart healthy habits of behaviour if I have drifted away and reinforce all the good that I do by doing more with a cheerful heart. I began this Advent by being available and I continue to be available to His teaching. Hopefully I am already part of the kingdom of God and will continue to reside there come what may. Thank you, Lord, for making me an instrument of your peace and joy, may I continue to spread your goodness to the ends of the earth. 

 

Anniversary affirmation

At the beginning of the year when I was still doing Pope John Paul II's Love & Responsibility, I turned to my husband and said to him, "You don't affirm me enough, but that's okay, I know that's you, so it's cool." He responded, "But I do affirm you a lot". He went on to elaborate that he didn't believe in paying lip service and instead preferred to use actions to show his love for me. 

Two things struck me after that exchange, one, we were kind of talking at cross-purposes and two, I finally understood what Pope JP2 meant when he wrote about the affirmation of the value of the person. 

When I said affirm, I meant words of affirmation. I did not mean the sweet nothings Boy whispers to Girl in the throes of first love, or insincere, calculated words used by a Smooth Talker to charm a woman. In my ICPE community, words of affirmation are truths we speak to the other, not so much to praise the other, but to honour the other; to give a little nod of acknowledgement and appreciation to who he or she is. We usually do this on special occasions like birthdays or when we feel prompted by the Spirit. 

Much like P, I don't quite trust words at times and I prefer to allow my actions to convey my love. This goes back to Gary Chapman's identified love language of acts of service - it is my secondary love language and P's primary. Having said that I have learned how important it is to use words to encourage and support someone. It is nice to receive external validation from time to time to know I am on the right track, and to even be pleasantly surprised when I have not seen the good in myself that others see in me. Positive reinforcement. Why not? Especially since all I received as a child was negative reinforcement. I am still learning to be a little more generous with affirming words, words that are comforting and even healing.    

Coming back to the book, I am just astounded at how difficult this business of love is, especially spousal love. In Part Three, the Ethical Analysis of Love, JP2 talks about the value of a person as being linked with the whole being and not just his or her sex. When we are able to look at someone of the opposite sex beyond the whole sensual-affective attraction we may experience, in proper relation to the value of the person, this is affirmation of the value of the person. 

The most powerful way this affirmation of the value of a person is demonstrated is in marriage, when man and woman choose each other permanently, and affirm the vows they made at their wedding ceremony daily: I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health and I promise to love you and honour you all the days of my life. In order to mean what I say, to love my husband as I promised to do so on our wedding day, it means I have to choose to fully live out the virtue of love. Love as exemplified best by Jesus, who loved unconditionally and compassionately and who ultimately sacrificed His life for love of us.

It means not using the other ever in any way but to always be giving, always wanting the good or better of the other by subsuming one's own selfish needs and desires. JP2 talks about the personalistic norm which, in a nutshell, is to love your neighbour as you love yourself, never using him or her as an object of use, or as a means to an end.

When P said to me I affirm you a lot, he was stating a truth he lives out in actions. He accepts and tolerates my craziness, gently teasing me to be a better person. He gives me space to be who I am and enables me to follow my dreams by being supportive. He chooses to spend most of his free time with me. He tries to make me laugh every single day. He buys me stuff I like.

Likewise, I accept him for who he is. I do my best to run the household and ensure everything runs smoothly. I bite my tongue when a sharp retort is just trembling on the tip of it (although he would probably say I am not successful enough with this). I look after the grandkids and the kids who mean the world to him, and now to me as well. I try to make him laugh. I spend most of his free time with him. I buy or cook him his favourite foods while ensuring he eats healthily most of the time. I sit with him and watch soccer (good thing World Cup is once every four years). And I try to speak positive words into his life, truths about him that delight me, affirming words. 

Today we have completed six years of marriage. In that time, I have lost quite a few people dear to me and he has always been there for me in my grief. Those were the times when I felt his love and affirmation most, the way he would take time off his busy schedule just to be there to comfort me, how he would bring me dinner and drive me home - those are the acts of love I treasure the most. Sure, the holidays we take are lovely, like celebrating my birthday in Sydney this year, but knowing I can count on him when I am down is priceless.      

I thank Father God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit for being our advocates and counsellors, and most of all, Mama Mary, who brought us together in the first place and continues to do so in many ways. 

Happy anniversary, P, love you more than you will ever know. Thank you for being you, the cheerful, beaming boy in the blue and white striped T-shirt.

Monday of the 3rd Week of Advent

The Lord will come, go out to meet him.

Great is his beginning and his reign will have no end.

The Bible is filled with prophecies about the coming of Jesus, even from people like Balaam who was not an Israelite and was a soothsayer. If non-believers can be prophetic, what about us? Do we allow the Spirit of the Lord to guide us in our daily lives so that we do not doubt and we are not afraid, and we know what to do even before we know it? Or are we like the chief priests and elders who refused to acknowledge God in Jesus even when He was in their midst? The Lord is here: He resides within me in Spirit, and He is always by my side guiding my way forward. 

A prophet speaks truth into peoples’ lives and is an authentic witness of the Living God. Let us be prophets and prophetic in our thoughts, words and actions. May I always see the greatness of your beginning, and your life on earth, and worship you, my eternal, resurrected king. And may I meet you and greet you with great joy. 

 

Sunday of the 3rd Week of Advent

You too have to be patient; do not lose heart, because the Lord’s coming will be soon. Do not make complaints against one another, brothers, so as not to be brought to judgement yourselves…

It is so easy to lose heart and descend into negativity, especially since we are not out of the pandemic woods which has caused worldwide inflation and all kinds of economic woes. However, this Sunday is about joy as we light the third Advent candle. So what do we need to do to capture joy in our hearts? 

Recently I was ventilating about someone and P said to me you just added one week in purgatory. I stuck out my tongue at him but he isn’t far wrong. Well, one hopes it is no more than a week if it is measured in chronological time. We truly need to guard our tongues, work through our frustrations in a more life-giving manner than giving in to a stream of vituperative verbal diarrhoea. 

I need to keep my ventilation to a minimum, bring it into prayer with the Lord when I cannot no longer hold it in, then walk a mile in the other’s shoes before I open my mouth. Quite a challenge for a high feeler like myself, and given my female sensibilities. Letting go of things that bump into my oversensitive, emo psyche needs conscious effort and focus. 

Although I never pray for patience (for fear of all the challenging situations the Lord will send me to teach me this particular virtue), I do desire it for I know I will be a much happier person. 

I can wait calmly without driving myself crazy, and I can even enjoy the process of waiting, without giving up or losing hope. 

I can be more patient with others; accepting them for who they are and therefore able to love them better for their “weaknesses “. 

I can also continue to remain in my Christ-centred circle of joy despite the storms that rage against me. Nothing is so bad that Jesus can’t help me through it. He’s helped me through some really bad days, weeks, months, and even years before, why do I think He will abandon me now? Can I not continue to hope and trust in Him? 

Help me, Jesus, to always keep my eyes on you and to choose joy always even while waiting.