Drinking living water

Last night at the First Scrutiny we reflected on the woman at the well  in the Gospel of John, chapter four and what surfaced for me was one of my greatest fears: that I would walk away from God and lose sight of Jesus, that His Spirit would not be dwelling in me. Do I praise and worship the Lord with appropriate zeal? Despite all my prayer time I still seem so deeply flawed as an individual, making silly mistakes. How can I say I love God when I am so lacking in wisdom? 

The place of fear is where mistakes are born. We often choose unwisely when we are driven by fear. We say and do the wrong things. That is why it is so important to name our fears for knowing our enemies can help us defeat them. This realization gave me clarity of thought and reflecting further I realized that there was a deeper fear underlying all this: the fear of being unloved. 

What if Jesus stopped loving me because I was unfaithful, or because He finally realized I was not good enough? I spent a great part of my life looking for love, to be loved for who I am. I often asked God in sorrow in my younger days why am I so unlovable? It was only when I turned to Jesus that I realized the love I was looking for all along was there right in front of me. He was The One, my Prince Loving. In His arms I have found the amazingly lovely and lovable woman His Father created me to be, and with Him by my side, I can be strong, courageous, bold, fearless... 

My identity as daughter of God, a princess in His Kingdom, Bride of Christ allows me to be a tireless worker in His vineyard, to go forth and spread the good news: People, you are precious in God’s eyes, every one of you, you are priceless and wonderfully made. You are loved beyond your wildest imaginations and hopes. In His eyes you are the most beautiful person ever just because He loves you as a Father loves a beloved daughter or son. Why stand outside His house looking in with such yearning and thirst in your soul? Enter today and drink of the living water, you will never be thirsty again. No regrets.  Satisfaction guaranteed. 

As for myself, I acknowledge my fear and I know it is simply a fear. I should use it as a reminder to always give of my best, not to backslide, and to counter it by speaking truth to myself: I may not deserve it, but I am deeply loved. So I myself should enter the inner sanctum of His house and just sit at His feet, allowing His presence to wash over me. And take a sip of the living water occasionally. 

Lenten Reflection Day 17

Therefore, I say to you, the Kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a people that will produce its fruit. Matthew 21:43

When we do not love someone we become indifferent, there is a hardness of heart. We are not inclined to be generous or giving, we may even despise and seek to condemn and destroy. There is no room for understanding for we become stubborn and close minded. We allow pride, anger, envy, greed, all manner of deadly sin to enter our hearts and rule our words and actions.    

Thus Joseph’s brothers got rid of him and sold him as a slave in Egypt. Thus the Pharisees who were actually waiting for the Messiah could not see the face of salvation in the Son of God. They scorned Jesus’ humble beginnings, they hated how He challenged them to be better people. They proudly preferred their rigid, unloving version, subversion of the Law which lead them to murder Him. Thus they rejected the Son and the Father, thinking themselves above even the Almighty Himself.

There is a cautionary tale in the parable of the tenants. If we don’t appreciate what the Lord God is giving us, this gift of eternal life, He will give it to those who will want it and be fruitful ambassadors of His love to the world. 

Another important point: God is in control of history, and He rewrites our crooked lines to reveal His glory in His story. We see that in the story of Joseph who was sold as a slave, thrown in prison to later rise up and become vizier, second in power only to Pharaoh. Again, today, we are presented with a choice, what will you choose? 

 

Lenten Reflection Day 16

Blessed are they who have kept the word with a generous heart and yield a harvest through perseverance.  Luke 8:15

Faith dictates how we live our lives, and whether we gain eternal salvation or not. There are no half-measures. If you are in, you are in all the way, to the end, and if you are not, you’re not. But know that your choice will determine if you end up in heaven or hell in the afterlife.

Yesterday we understood that faith in Christ was not for the faint of heart, and yet, it has its graces. As it says in Jeremiah 17:8, a person of faith is like a tree in the year of drought showing no distress, but still bears fruit. Whereas those who choose not to follow Christ are likened to barren bushes in the desert that enjoy no change of season (verse 6 of the same chapter). 

Jesus warns the Pharisees, and those of us who refuse to follow Him now that there are no second chances once death occurs. The gravity of final judgement is that it is irrevocable. Our Father may be merciful and compassionate, but He cannot save those who decide to go their own way, turning their back on Him in pursuit of selfish pleasures. 

So turn back today, the end may be closer than you think. Say yes to God, to love, to virtue, to service, to goodness, and eternal glory, today and every day.

Lenten Reflection Day 15

the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.  Matthew 20:28

Today’s readings remind us that it is not easy being a follower of Christ. Jesus may be a king, but He is not typical of what we think of as king. Despite His royal lineage, He was born in a manger, grew up in a tiny village where He was the carpenter’s son. 

When He began His public ministry, His three-year “reign”, He worked tirelessly among the common people, brought healing to the outcasts and the marginalized, and preached to thousands of people who needed Him to provide food to fill their empty stomachs as well. He reached out especially to sinners, people scorned not just by the Pharisees and scribes, but even decent folk. 

Jesus challenged the social order of His time with everything He did, gaining such popularity that those in position felt threatened and plotted his downfall. He was arrested, falsely accused, scourged, then crucified like a criminal. He did all this to save us. If we follow Him, we can expect the same. We serve with love, and then we keep on serving. Do not expect to be rewarded. What’s more, be prepared to be persecuted.  

So why be a follower? Because the love I have experienced from Him is like nothing else on earth. It is boundless and deep as the ocean, it is heartwarming, healing and transformative... I wake up every new day grateful, and go about my day with expectant faith. I love myself, and I love my life just because He loves me. As a child of God, I know He is with me in Spirit and He will always be there for me, no matter what happens. How could I not follow Him? 

Lenten Reflection Day 14

Put away your misdeeds from before my eyes; cease doing evil; learn to do good.  Isaiah 1:16-17

Jesus had harsh words for the scribes and Pharisees when he urged the people not to follow their example. Do as they say but not as they do for their actions belie their words and burden those around them. Essentially he called them hypocrites of the first order, and they were not to be emulated nor admired, except in their knowledge of Mosaic law that promulgated goodness. 

Doing good, Isaiah goes on to say is to bring justice into the world: redress the wronged and defend the marginalized; to lighten people’s burdens, not add to them as the Pharisees did. As Christians we don’t need to be reminded that Jesus had a preferential option for the poor, he always sought to balance the scales of social justice, to bring more equality to the world through a love that was practical and effective. 

While we know alms-giving is a main focus of Lent, we should not forget about it the rest of the year. Keep an eye out to see what needs to be set right and act accordingly. How can I personally be the boy who unceasingly threw one starfish at a time back into the ocean during low tide so that it would not dry up and die on the sand. 

Poverty or social injustice is a widespread reality, more so in COVID-19 times. Lend a helping hand today, give your time, and more importantly, give your money.  

Lenten Reflection Day 13

For the measure with which you measure will in return be measured out to you.”  Luke 6:38

We are all sinners without exception. The quicker I recognize this, the better able I will be to do something constructive about it because I am often my worst critic and judge. Here Jesus reminds me to be merciful, to stop judging, to stop condemning, and to forgive, myself especially. Only by doing so can I truly start giving a good measure, and receiving in similar fashion. 

Remember the woman in chapter 7 of Luke’s gospel? The one who had sinned much and who was consequently forgiven much and therefore loved more - giving in good measure? She was forgiven much because she repented much. If I repent like she did, no matter how heinous or plentiful my sins are, I will be forgiven. 

Jesus is encouraging me to stop dwelling on my own sins such that I remain stuck in either misery or denial, but to progress to a place of honest repentance so that I can be open to His forgiveness and love, his mercy. And when that happens, I will receive such an ocean of love from Him that it will overflow through me to others. I will not be able to help myself but to love and give generously, emulating Him. And, this is the best part, it will earn me even more graces, for all the good I do will always rebound on me.

So rather than focus on my shortcomings, my weaknesses, my sins, I will repent by placing all of it at His feet, begging for forgiveness. This will then free me to love myself as He loves me, and to love others as He loves them. So I can pay forward the love to eventually see it return full circle to me. How beautifully symmetrical and complete is that? 

Lenten Reflection Day 12

He who did not spare his own Son but handed him over for us all, how will he not also give us everything else along with him? Romans 8:32

Jesus is our gift, a gift we clearly do not deserve, for we threw Him away, and we do it to some extent every day. Why would God give us His beloved son, knowing we would spurn His gesture and murder His son? It is because He created us out of love, for love. His love for us, his creatures, runs deep, and He keeps pulling out all the stops in order to save us. The point is why do we not believe in His love? 

Every time I sin, it is a rejection of this incredibly generous and tender love. Every time I trust in my own abilities I reject the awesome future He has planned for me. Every time I get fearful and anxious, I display an utter lack of trust in someone who wants only good things for me and delivers them consistently right into my hands. 

Sure, life isn’t hunky dory all the time, expect it not to be.Yes, believing in Him does not mean I won’t suffer persecution, disaster, loss and sorrow. So life isn’t fair, but there is something to be said for an enduring and absolute faith. Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice his son Isaac won him multiple blessings that impacted not just himself, but his descendants, even making him a founder of a nation. My faith could potentially bless all whom I love, even those they come into contact with, and over time, through the generations. Talk about a ripple effect that spreads not just outwards but through infinity.

How can I not love someone who never stops thinking about me and who always wants to give me abundance unimaginable? The invitation today, and every day, is to allow His love to transfigure me in such a way that beloved, I receive fully all He desires to give me, all the blessings, and I, in turn, can bless others in a manner that brings the Father to them, giving them everything He wishes to give.

May I always allow myself to be transfigured by His love by saying yes to the Father's gift of Jesus filled with the Holy Spirit. 

Lenten Reflection Day 11

So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:48

What is the way of perfection? Moses exhorted the people to observe all God’s statutes and decrees with all heart and soul. Jesus goes further by proclaiming we must love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. 

The way of perfection is to love as Jesus did, He who gave up His life for the most underserving and ungrateful people that we are. He who willingly took on our sins to die a most humiliating and excruciating death just so that we can be redeemed. He who dined with sinners and tax collectors, engaged outcasts like the woman at the well, cast demons out and healed the sick.

Jesus who was the human face of His Heavenly Father showed us what true love, compassion  and mercy, should look like. He also showed us how we should live - at one with the Father through constant communication so that He accomplished His Father’s will in thought, word and action at every turn. 

Rather than focus on material or physical perfection which seems to be the goal of many today, let me focus on spiritual or supernatural perfection instead.  If I choose to, I can be perfect today - as my Heavenly Father is perfect. 

Lenten Reflection Day 10

 I tell you, unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter into the Kingdom of heaven.  Matthew 5:20

Keeping the law, whether civil or spiritual, is all well and good. As upright citizens we want to do what is right and good in order to contribute to a society that is stable and thriving. However, as Christians, we still may not make it to heaven as Jesus warns his disciples. What is needed is a constant and deep conversion of heart that drives us to act by going  beyond the law to fulfilling the law of love Jesus Himself embodied. 

What is written in my heart is more important. Am I motivated by love of God in every good deed that I do, or is it a bid to win affirmation, maybe manipulate others, and create an opportunity to boast of my good deeds? 

The example Jesus gives here is even more demanding. Anger and unforgiveness is as good as murder He preaches. If I refuse to reconcile with my brother, even if my brother is at fault, then no matter what I do, all my good deeds in life, they all count for nothing. 

Every single day repentance is needed, just so that I can make for myself a new heart and spirit. Only then will I never veer off the path of virtue Jesus has forged, slipping much too easily onto the road to perdition. It al seems so difficult. It is. And yet, at the same time, it is worth it. In keeping His ways I have found much happiness, great inner peace and a sense of well-being and deep satisfaction for I have found the Kingdom of heaven here on earth. Now I just need to continue to seek His Kingdom until I reach it beyond my deathbed. 

Lord, please grant me the grace of a humbled, contrite heart each day. 

Lenten Reflection Day 9

On the day I cried out, you answered; you strengthened my spirit. Psalm 138:3

The message today from Scripture is to have the trusting nature of a young child who relies on a parent for everything, every waking moment. Whether it is Queen Esther who acknowledges her helplessness and seeks God’s assistance through prayer and fasting, or the psalmist who thanks and praises God for His help and continues to fall back on the Lord’s aid, or Jesus who encourages his disciples to ask, to seek and to knock in Matthew’s gospel, chapter 7.

The words of Jesus ring true for us today: In asking you will be given, in seeking you will find, in knocking the door will be opened. Jesus reassures us of the generosity of His Father, saying it surpasses every effort of human parents to love their children by giving them good things. 

It may be counter-intuitive, humiliating even, to cry out and ask for help to such an extent. Surely as intelligent and able adults we are able to accomplish tasks, create systems, and run organizations on our own steam. We tend to forget that everything comes from God, our intelligence, skills, talents, capabilities and gifts, everything. We should always give ownership back to the Lord and whatever we accomplish in a day, we should thank and praise Him for all the opportunities that came our way to glorify Him. 

Without Him we are nothing. Every good thing comes from Him. Both Jesus and Mary understood this truth all too well and sought constantly to do the will of the Father. They cried out every day for the Father to strengthen their spirit and lead them. We ought to do the same if we call ourselves Christians. 

Lenten Reflection Day 8

At the judgment the men of Nineveh will arise with this generation and condemn it, because at the preaching of Jonah they repented, and there is something greater than Jonah here.” Luke 12:32

Today’s readings recall strongly the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector in Luke 18:9-14. The wicked Ninevites repented fairly quickly and sincerely when they heard the prophet Jonah’s message from God which was imminent destruction for their wickedness. They were conscious of their sins and knew they required God’s mercy to be saved, much like the tax collector in the parable. Because of their humble contrition, they were saved. 

Ironically, the people during Jesus’ time refused to believe Him, even when they witnessed firsthand the many miracles He wrought. Worse, they attributed His healings to demons. They are like the Pharisee in the parable who thought themselves saved through their own righteousness. Out of pride, they could not see their own sins and therefore repent. They scorned the carpenter’s son and closed their minds to seeing “something greater than Jonah here”, the Son of God Himself. They were so blind they could not see that they themselves were breaking their beloved law when they plotted His murder.

Am I the tax collector or the Pharisee in my walk with Jesus? Do I always see my own sin before me and make an effort to ask for forgiveness and correct myself, or do I tell myself I am okay, I am much better than all those sinners out there for I don’t commit obvious crimes, and besides, no one knows if I “sin” a little now and then. Little sins, like little white lies, don’t count anyway. 

It is so easy to rationalize my own actions and dull my own conscience; so easy to be one of the evil generation. Maybe it’s time to fess up and bring all my little sins, all my dark secrets to the light this Lent. For I know the Lord is gracious and merciful and all I have to do is return to Him with my whole heart to be saved. But no procrastination, in case I may be too late.

Lenten Reflection Day 7

 Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.   Mark 6:8

In today’s first reading from Isaiah 55, God says his word goes forth from his mouth and does not return void, instead it does His will, achieving the end for which He sent it. His word is fertile, fruitful and even nourishingly edible. His word is alive as we see in John’s gospel where it was incarnated in the person of Jesus Christ. 

Words we speak can bless or curse others as they can bless or curse us who pronounce them. Thus we should be careful not only with what we say but how we speak and when we utter our words. Growing up with a grandmother who knew how to use expertly use words as a weapon to hurt grievously I have always tried to be careful with my words. I don’t always succeed, especially when my feelings are involved, but I do my best to live by the principle of clarifying my intent before I speak. Once hurtful, malicious words depart my lips, I can never retract them and they will always leave an indelible mark behind even if forgiveness and healing take place. 

Precisely because my Father knows what I need before I ask Him, I should use my words of prayer more judiciously by praying the Lord’s Prayer sincerely. It is the perfect prayer for in it I can first honour Him and His holy name, then orientate my whole being towards doing His will and trusting in His providence, asking for nothing more than forgiveness of my sins and the ability to forgive others. And, of course, to ask for protection against temptation and deliverance from evil. 

Lord Jesus, I pray today that my words will always be as fertile and fruitful as yours were when you were on earth. You who are God’s word, you are the way and truth and the life. May I always utter your words of love and truth and be a blessing to others for I know how blessed I am in you. 

Lenten Reflection Day 6

And when the chief Shepherd is revealed, you will receive the unfading crown of glory. 1 Peter 4

Today is the Feast of the Chair of Saint Peter, rough fisherman turned first pope of the Roman Catholic Church. I identify very much with Saint Peter in his early days when he was a diamond in the rough. His heart was in the right place but his words and actions were less than impressive. He would say the wrong thing, his courage would fail him and he would run away and desert the Lord at the crucial moment. 

However, even when his weak faith failed him, it also led him to repent, weeping bitterly in remorse, and to ultimately come back to the resurrected Lord with a faith that led to his eventual crucifixion. He grew into his mission which Jesus pronounced in today’s gospel (Mathew 16:13-19) that Peter would be the rock that Lord would build his church upon. 

If I were Peter, I would have been terrified to hear those words. And yet, I also know when I say yes to being His stone, rock being perhaps a tad too lofty for me, I will have help. He will send the Holy Spirit to aid me as He did for Peter at the first Pentecost. When I say yes to being His hands and feet, His voice, Jesus will supply everything else. So what do I have to fear? Even when I stumble, He will be there to pick me up. I just have to be like Peter and allow myself to be schooled by the Spirit of God.

Like Peter, all of us are called to be shepherds. We must do as the chief Shepherd did - helping others find their way, protecting them from danger, leading them to green pastures and restful waters so their spiritual tummies are filled, and attending to them when they are hurt. It is a full-time job,and often back-breaking and thankless, but I do so look forward to hearing Jesus praise me good and faithful servant, that would be my crown of unfading glory.

Lenten Reflection Day 5

 and he remained in the desert for forty days, tempted by Satan. He was among wild beasts, and the angels ministered to him. Mark 1:13

The relationship God wants to establish with each one of us is just like the one He had with Jesus. It is covenantal in nature, binding, intimate, vibrant and life-giving. Although Christ was in the desert for 40 days, no small amount of time, He was protected whether from the devil or wild beasts. Likewise, the Father will protect me from evil and save me from temptation and sin if I so desire, if I say yes to this covenantal relationship with Him.

Saying yes implies a certain way of living, living out God’s love and truth no matter what happens to me. Come rain, come shine, I espouse His ways to the end, whether it be bitter or sweet. Such constancy in faith requires vigilance, zeal and endurance. We already know what happened to Jesus, He came, He loved and was persecuted for it. By remaining true to who He was, He was crucified. Don’t expect it to be too different if you are His disciple.

So why would I choose to be Christian? Because despite all the trials that will come in life, I know that nothing can take away the deep joy and consolation, this inner peace that comes from having a covenantal relationship with Him. I know that He will always be there for me, and that He will see me through the darkest valleys, as He has done in the past. His love sustains me especially when I am down. And He always sends angels to take care of me in my time of need. 

I experience His love in countless ways every single day. There are so many miracles to take in and marvel at daily. What’s more, I do not have to agonize much when it comes to making hard decisions for things are clear when I say yes to being in covenant with the Father. Life can be simple, and simply good. 

Lenten Reflection Day 4

 ...He said to him, “Follow me.” And leaving everything behind, he got up and followed him.    Luke 5:27-28

Almost every time Jesus says to someone in the Bible “Follow me!”, the person responds immediately, leaving everything behind. I always wondered about that for not really given to impulse, I don’t think I would have followed Jesus so quickly. What was it about our Lord that would have people acting with such alacrity? The answer lies in the verse 32 when Jesus tells the Pharisees and scribes that it is the sinners He has come to call to repentance. 

When I think back on my initial conversion, the first moment I met Jesus, I did actually leave everything behind to follow Him - just like that. I did it because He saw past all my sins and forgave me with such compassion that I knew He was the one I had been searching for all my life, the only one who would love me with such incredible and unconditional love, undeserving as I was. 

I was ready to follow Him to the ends of the earth if He so commanded for I was set free from living a life with no meaning. As His disciple I was given a higher purpose: to love God and my neighbour as He loves me. I am called to spread the most excellent good news to my fellow sinners: 

“So you’re a sinner, no big deal. If you repent, your sins will be forgiven. You are then free to become this awesome person our Father has created you to be. You get a free pass to a new life, a great one, filled with joy, peace and true love. It’s a chance to reinvent yourself. Who gets such an opportunity? Guess what, you do, today, and every day. So what are you waiting for? Repent! Don’t wait a second longer.

Lenten Reflection Day 3

 Day 3

Isaiah is vey explicit on what true fasting is all about in chapter 58. Fasting does not imply an activity that only impacts oneself. The hunger I feel should mean more than just I am able to attain some merit, self-mastery, or that I am experiencing hunger in solidarity with those who are hungry due to poverty. Or goody, I am going to lose weight.

The feeling of hunger should lead me to respond.  I should not only offer it up with my prayer for others to make my intercession more powerful, but I should also act to ensure someone doesn’t go hungry today. I can open my eyes to see who are the oppressed, the homeless, the naked and the needy in my immediate vicinity and reach out.  I don’t even have to look very far at times, for it could be someone I know, my own kin. And should I not help my own brother or sister if I help strangers? 

Fasting from excess, doing without in order that I can channel what I have deprived myself of and put it towards helping the marginalized is what Isaiah exhorts. He wants my time, my effort, my money - how can I use them in a way that will bless others, especially those others who would never be able to reciprocate, and to do it sensitively such that I still respect the dignity of the other. It is definitely food for thought today, especially with the sweetener Isaiah promises in verse 11:

The Lord will guide you continually,

and satisfy your needs in parched places,

and make your bones strong;

and you shall be like a watered garden,

like a spring of water,

whose waters never fail. 

Lenten Reflection Days 1 & 2

 S recently challenged me to write a set of daily Lenten reflections - she had given me a set of beautiful Advent reflection cards last Christmas. I said I would try my best. Sorry I am a little late but here goes:

Day 1

A clean heart create for me, O God, and a steadfast spirit renew within me. 

Verse 10 of Psalm 51 encapsulates Lent, which, for me, is an opportunity to regain purity and constancy. I hear the cry to come back with my whole heart, to return to a state of holiness for every day I will fall, no matter how hard I try. So every day I must seek a way home to my Father. One way is through the prescribed practices of Lent which are prayer, fasting and alms-giving:

* Prayer not only puts me in touch with my Maker but with my inner self in order to see where I should be going and what I should be doing. Prayer is my bridge to the Sacred Heart of Jesus who loves all humanity and desires unity with every single person on earth through mercy and compassion. 

* Fasting prepares my mind, my heart, my whole being for fasting allows me to master my senses in a way that helps me build spiritual muscle. Discipline is necessary if I wish to be a worthy disciple of Christ. Discipline is what will see me through my bad days, my weaknesses and my failings. Like the prodigal I can always come home to Him with a repentant heart knowing He will always forgive me. And yet, at the same time, I desire to be less of a prodigal each day, so discipline will help me get there. 

* Alms-giving reminds me of how fortunate I am and how much I have been given. Precisely because I have experienced His generosity, I am called to do the same, to share what I have been given with those who need assistance. Not just but especially during this Lenten season, I need to hear the cries of my brothers and sisters in need and reciprocate in love, give with a charitable heart to those who need financial assistance. 

Day 2

Choose life, then, that you and your descendants may live, by loving the Lord, your God, heeding his voice, and holding fast to him. 

In Deuteronomy 30:19-20 Moses lays out in no uncertain terms what will happen if we decide to choose or reject God and His ways, the difference between life or death. It is very clear that the decision to live as a Christian is no easy one. Jesus talks about self-denial and how we must be able to take up our cross daily to follow Him. 

Having been a committed Christian for the last 18 years, I sometimes wonder if I am doing all I can to be more and more like Jesus. Have I lost the zeal and fire I once had? There is no denying I have grown spiritually through the years, and have acquired many virtues to some degree. Sometimes this makes it harder to discern whether I have grown complacent, or have fallen victim to pride in my self-righteous and judgmental ways. Purifying my motivation is so very necessary. This call to lose my life for His sake to save it helps me orientate my motives and intentions, my whole being back to Jesus. 

He was and He is my all in all. Everything I have now in my life is because He desired to give me everything. While I am grateful, I also ask for the grace to always hold it all lightly in my hands, to know my pilgrim status and not get too attached to pleasures, money, people, things and ideals. 

If I place all my hope in Him, heeding His voice and holding fast to Him, maybe, just maybe, I will get to live eternal life not just with the Almighty, but together with my earthly family, my loved ones whom I would wish very much to be there wth me in Paradise. In the meantime, the love I have for my Father centres me and helps me make the right decisions in life. Taking up my cross is not as burdensome as it would seem, and losing my life can be extremely rewarding.

Seeking divine grace

On this day in 1957 my parents said yes to marriage, to be there for each other until death effects a parting. Much as my father desired to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary together, he succumbed to cancer in August 2003. 

While their life together had its moments, Daddy was a real terror at times, it was lovely watching them together, their “coupleness”. After 40 odd years of marriage, they still had real conversations with each other, they hung out together and they had a gentle affection for each other. They had grown into each other in a way I would like to do with P. Two separate individuals with distinct personalities and likes who could come together and blend harmoniously in the commons of marital love.

I was joking with a friend that P and I would never celebrate 50 years of marriage, hence I made the most of our 50 months together, but in truth, the brevity of our time together has so much packed in it that the quantitative seems unimportant. I have grown accustomed to the rhythms of our life together and I (don’t know about him) simply cannot imagine life being any other way. Grateful for the richness I have experienced and I pray never to take it for granted, ever.

Marriages don’t seem to be as robust as marriages of my parents’ generation. There will always be periods where relationships are turbulent and difficult. And yet such times are part and parcel of every marriage. I must admit I have thought my mother foolish in the past for putting up with so much abuse from my father. I was foolishly too modern in my thinking looking only for quick fixes and espousing disposable relationships. Despite their difficulties and struggles, there was also much beauty and joy in their relationship, especially in latter years. The bad did become good because divorce was not an option and they made it work. Short of having made a bad choice - here I would term a bad choice as someone who was dishonest, unethical, violent, abusive or with sociopathic tendencies, someone who leads you to sin - we should not give up on marriage so easily, there is always a way.

This is where supernatural grace comes in for marriages to not only survive but thrive. A supernatural grace that can only flow from a couple’s individual and collective faith: a belief in the institution of marriage and their own marriage, as well as a belief in God’s mercy and forgiveness that transforms the individual such that they can surmount past hurts, even bad childhoods, in order to bring healing and growth into their relationship as a couple. 

In my bathroom I have a papal apostolic blessing that blesses our marriage and it reads: that their love consecrated at the altar will be blessed each day by divine graces. I place it where I can see it and read it not because I believe this piece of paper holds any special powers, but that it serves as a timely reminder to me: divine graces must be sought before they can be attained and experienced fully. 

We seek divine grace when we seek the better of the other. This all-encompassing better of the other demands that I work out all my own baggage of fears, insecurities, bad scripts, unhealthy patterns of behaviour, selfish desires and egoistic narcissism before I present myself at the table of marriage. I need to better myself every day before I can work on the goal of wanting the better of my spouse.

At the table of marriage I must present the best of who I am, together with a listening and forgiving heart, an empathetic and gentle tongue, a sensitive and gracious spirit, a grateful, patient, good-humoured demeanour even when I feel least like it. Did I mention perseverance is key for I also need to actively seek the better of my spouse every day and evermore. 

Whatever hurts I experience I leave at the feet of the Lord, always begging the Lord for wisdom to know how I should navigate in every circumstance, especially when I feel I am not heard, or when I am taken for granted. Oftentimes I do not even have to address the situation for somehow prayer helps me resolve it by either giving me a new perspective through insight, or giving him one. Prayer allows me to go outside of myself and expand my capacity to love in order that I can give generously until it hurts, and then give some more. As Mother Teresa put it: I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

I have a friend who thinks I am crazy to do what I do, who thinks I am a door mat and foolish. What I have found is the more you give in love, the more you receive, bearing in mind that there is no expectation in the first place of what comes back to you. Love has to be unconditional. 

Marriage is a constant ebb and flow of give and take, it requires openness of heart and the ability to change when change is what brings about harmony. I can only thank God that He has endowed both P and I with this pragmatism to do what is necessary to make our marriage work. Knowing exactly what to do doesn’t make it any easier to execute, great sacrifice may be demanded at times, but when one gives freely, even greater rewards come, as I have found. So don’t be afraid to give generously. Don’t be stingy. 

I thank my parents for being such great role models of what to do and what not to do as spouses. While Daddy is no longer with us, I am sure he is still watching out for Mummy and the four of us. Remembering Daddy and Mummy today who said yes to a life together and to bringing me into being, along with my brothers. Divine grace helped my parents remain true to each other to the end as I hope and pray it helps me and P today and in the coming years.