Living the risen life

When I was little, Easter was something I looked forward to for I would get chocolate eggs from my grandparents and there was such a festive air when the extended family gathered together to eat. I loved, and still love singing the Easter Song for it is so full of joy.

Now my people don't you weep, He has risen from the sleep, He lives again. Alleluia!

To be able to sing Alleluia without restraint after the sombre season of Lent invokes an exuberance that is supremely satisfying. The Lord is risen! Praise God! Alleluia!

Understanding today the significance of Easter with an adult sensitivity, the sense of gladness I experienced as a child is still present, and enhanced by a deep gratitude and wonder (what did I do to deserve this selfless and unconditional love?).

It is precisely because I did not do anything to deserve this gift of redemption, the chance to make good on mistakes or golden opportunities cavalierly treated that makes it all the more felicitous and precious.

When one receives a piece of good news, the first reaction is to tell someone else, especially if it can make them happy as well. So what kind of response does the Easter message of risen life call forth from me besides joy? The reflection from Laudate reminds me there are "new challenges and new responsibilities, especially in evangelization."

Satan couldn't prevent the resurrection of Jesus from the dead, so now he is reduced to trying to stop us from spreading the good news that Jesus is alive and has conquered sin and death forever. Satan tries to limit the spread of the good news is to tempt Jesus' witnesses to be afraid, afraid of evangelizing, afraid of radical lifestyle changes, afraid of stepping out in faith, afraid of change. If Satan can take hold of at least a part of us, he's well on his way to reducing us from a half-witness to no witness at all.

This reflection really challenges me; why am I not spreading the good news of the Risen Lord in a bigger way? After all, we the undeserving are forgiven. We the sinners are beloved and redeemed. The darkness and hopelessness that oppressively crowds life is illuminated by this singular act of dying on the cross that triumphantly transmogrifies into resurrection. Evil is overcome. Death is not a tragic end but the beginning of a hope-filled, new life. A risen life.

Meeting a couple of good friends yesterday reminded me that family life can be difficult. The seeds of pride, envy, greed and unforgiving anger can sow discord and despair within even the most loving of families.

All families are broken because all individuals that make up a family are broken in different ways. I can be my loving best and yet at times my loving best descends into unkind words and actions, cowardly silence, lazy or defeated inaction and even a vicious meanness I would disapprove in others. I cannot seem to help myself and fear often dictates my immature and selfish behaviour.

But if Jesus can defeat death, so can I. I can defeat the death dealing actions of my brokenness if I recognize and train my focus on the Risen Lord. This is the Easter promise. This is how I can be an Easter person, a person of joy and hope - within my own family and with others I meet. This is how I can make the difference, by meeting Him in the tomb and responding with faith to His call: Out of darkness I call you to bring light to others.

Make tomorrow a light-filled Easter day.

Entering into Holy Week

With Palm Sunday we have entered Holy Week, this most holy of seasons in our liturgical calendar. As I participated in the Passion narrative at mass today, this question to God popped into my head. Why do You love me so much?

This question first pinged my consciousness last Thursday as I reflected in front of the Holy Eucharist during the Penitential Service. I am so imperfect. I fall so easily, Every day I sin. I am so faithless in actions despite my repeated professions of love.

Today Father Joe (so nice to see you Father Joe, it's been a long while - missed your plain talking homilies.) talked about the cast of characters to be found in the Passion narrative and asked us which one do we identify with this Lent. Even if I discover I am Judas, he encouraged not to be afraid to acknowledge the truth for then I can work on doing something positive about it.

Funnily enough who caught my attention today is not one of the main protagonists but the man wearing only a linen cloth and who left the linen cloth in the guards' hands as he ran away naked. That is me, the one who runs away in fear, not caring if I have exposed myself to greater danger by being so vulnerable. On the other hand, being naked means I have nothing more to lose or hide. It's just me that comes before Jesus this week. A sincere gift of self with all my blemishes and rolls of gluttonous, slothful fat.

The whole point of Holy Week is sacrifice; not just the reminder of the Pascal sacrifice, but my final push to make this Lenten season one of personal growth and accomplishment. For all my failures throughout Lent to stay faithful to what I wanted to do, I can make the conscious effort this week to make it happen.

Father Joe pointed out Lee Kuan Yew sacrificed his life to give us a beautiful home in Singapore, we can surely sacrifice a little time and effort to make a difference and give back not just to God, but to the ones around us, using this holiest of weeks to effect the change.

It was a poignant send off for Mr Lee today. Even the skies wept as the cortege moved slowly from Parliament House to the funeral service in the University Cultural Centre. The true testament to our founding father's spirit would be if all Singaporeans decide to move forward boldly and cohesively as "one united people, regardless of race, language or religion".

I can begin by standing up to my own personal challenges and working on them, starting this Holy Week. At least then I can say to Jesus although I do not know why You love me so much, I can justify it by being more like You. 

Farewell Mr Lee

On Monday, March 23, at 3:18am, Mr Lee Kuan Yew, former prime minister of Singapore, passed away at age 91 after fighting pneumonia and a chest infection for over six weeks. I was greatly saddened by the news for I had hoped he would pull through in order to celebrate Singapore's 50th birthday come August. It would have been fitting for much of what we have accomplished is due largely to his painstaking efforts. As founding father, he gave his life in service for the success of Singapore. 

The more I read and listened to stories about how he worked so tirelessly and passionately to make this nation a better place for all who live here and how he put Singapore on the map, the more my respect and love for the man deepened.

While I personally did not agree with some of his past policies or how they were rammed down our throats without finesse, he is, without a doubt, a visionary, a great leader who parlayed the dismal fate of a tiny island with no resources into a shining example of political stability and economic development lauded by the world.

Reading Minister Heng Swee Keat's tribute Mr Lee's Red Box* shed light on Mr Lee's work ethic and passion. He lived and breathed Singapore and never stopped for a moment even when personal tragedy struck. He was truly a servant leader, putting national interest above personal comfort.

Being a romantic, what really touched me as a woman was his deep love, respect and devotion for his wife. Especially when it mattered, when she was in a locked-in, vegetative state, he would visit her faithfully every evening, spend time with her, reading to her the news or her favourite poems. Then there is his final request (honouring his late wife's wishes) to have his ashes mingled with hers so that they could be joined together in death as they were in life.

Naturally he has his detractors. He had to make unpalatable, hard line choices and he has made mistakes as hindsight as proven, but as he rightfully pointed out in his book Hard Truths:

I did what I thought was right, given the circumstances, given my knowledge at the time, given the pressures on me at the time. That’s finished, done. I move forward. You keep on harking back, it’s just wasting time.

I can certainly learn much from this, as I can from Mr Lee's insatiable curiosity, humility, integrity, guts, great listening skills, iron discipline and straight shooting style. We do not get to where we want to be without hard work, sacrifice, failure and perseverance. We do not become architects of change by playing in the shallows timidly, wearing blinkers or running for popularity contests.

Thank you Mr Lee Kuan Yew for devoting your entire life towards making Singapore this beautiful, safe, stable, culturally harmonious, somewhat egalitarian Garden City I call home. I may not always appreciate the heavy handed, oftentimes draconian, way of doing things, but I am profoundly grateful and proud to be Singaporean because you, Sir, have given me the opportunity to grow up and live in dignity, freedom and material comfort.

Thank you for running the good race. You were indeed the good and faithful servant (Matthew 25:23) leader. Requiescat in pace. You will be greatly missed.

* https://www.facebook.com/hengsweekeat/posts/870264306345429:0

24 hours for the Lord

Pope Francis invited all Catholics to participate in 24 hours for the Lord this 13 - 14 March as a mid-Lenten exercise where we avail ourselves of the Sacrament of Reconciliation as well as pray and spend time in Eucharistic Adoration.

There was a theme: "God Rich in Mercy" (Ephesians 2:4). If ever there is a time for mercy, it is today where people are unforgiving, mistrustful and mostly self-serving.

It does not help us that we live in a world where many worship the gods of self-reliance and material wealth turning even believers into greedy and narcissistic children.

Our prayers reflect an immature, demanding tone, and when we do not get what we want, we turn our backs on God in anger and bitterness. Our relationship with God never transcends the superficial and transactional.

Lord, I believe in you and trust you only if you answer my prayers as I call them. Do try and get it right. Don't go off on a tangent and give me something I clearly did not ask for. Were you even listening to me?

If I am a good person and keep all the commandments, God, you should be answering my prayers - spoken with the self-righteous petulance of the Prodigal Son's brother.

What does it mean for me that God is rich in mercy? It means that I am able to acknowledge and be grateful for His primacy and loving authority over my life every day. Father knows best and He never stops loving me and giving generously. All the time.

It means I treat Him with respect and love, all the time, instead of shunting Him to one side as I make my way through life, speaking to Him only when I hit a roadblock.

It also means that having received His grace, I need to reflect His mercy to others by reaching out to others with joy and doing good deeds enthusiastically, whether appreciated or deserved. That translates into not judging others or giving up on others. If Saint Monica can pray for her husband for 30 years and her son for 17 years before both experienced conversion then I must persevere. The world would have been more arid and dim if Saint Monica had given up on her errant son, Saint Augustine, one of humankind's great treasures.

Just Monday past I attended the funeral mass of my recently deceased neighbour, a diminutive, white-haired, old lady named Alice. She is my inspiration for she would toddle off for evening mass every day without fail. On the occasions when our paths crossed, she would smile and impart words of encouragement.

Always be humble she advised frequently, citing examples of how her pride would trip her up. Love God, which she did wholeheartedly through her lifestyle. Her children recounted how in the four remaining days of her life as she lay on a hospital bed she would clamour to make her way to evening mass whenever 5:30pm rolled around.

When one seeks God out so regularly and faithfully, one cannot but be transformed. She exuded the goodness of God in every pore. Aunty Alice will be missed not only by her family but all of us whose lives she graced with her sweet and cheerful presence, and her stalwart fidelity.

Although the 24 hours for the Lord is over, I will continue to seek opportunities to be with Jesus 24/7 and why not? My life belongs to Him and I should give thanks for every breath I take. As Muriel Donnelly concluded in The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel there's no present like the time.

Celebrating womanhood

My SD is fond of telling me that women were created to make the world a more beautiful place; only women, not men, can grace an occasion. Here is a man, a priest, who appreciates beauty as a truth created by God, and has a deep respect, and love, for women and men alike.

To all women reading this, I agree with my SD wholeheartedly and encourage all my sisters (brothers too) out there to respect their bodies as temples of God by looking after appearances without vain obsession, and looking after minds and spirits without becoming self-absorbed.

Women, do not let yourselves go. No matter how old you are, do not give in to gluttony and allow the pounds to pile on. Being overweight taxes your joints and organs, and leads to serious medical issues sooner rather than later.

Eat healthily and moderately so as to maintain optimum health (eat junk and you will soon feel like junk) and exercise regularly to ensure suppleness and grace when you move, it is pointless to put effort into looking good only to shuffle like a 90-year-old with shoulders hunched over, head forward.

Regular exercise has many benefits. You get your blood circulation going and you even release endorphins into your system so you feel good. It also helps you maintain muscle mass and keeps osteoporosis at bay.

Maintaining neuromuscular coordination helps upkeep your vestibular system and balance so you decrease the risk of falls. I could go on but I am sure you get the picture by now.

One last thing, you should not experience pain or stiffness when you move any body part (barring any serious accidents or health conditions). If you do, it is a sign to do something about it so that you come back to a pain-free state.

Experiencing pain in every step is not acceptable (as I write this I am not pain-free myself but I am working hard at getting there). Popping pills may be a quick fix but ruinous to your health - best to reduce any chemical reliance you might have.

So you work out, you watch your diet, and you look and feel reasonably decent. Great. Let's talk dressing. I am no expert and I admit to dressing down as much as I can to combat the tropical heat but I do try to go for casual chic rather than casual sloppy.

Modesty does not mean greasy, unkempt hair, baggy T-shirts or shapeless garments and flip flops. Look and smell good. Dress age appropriately. Aim to please the senses without causing a lustful reaction. Sexiness is a state of mind and not the state of undress which leaves nothing to the imagination.

Sisters, do not sell yourself short. Do not give in to the prevalent world view of how a woman should dress or behave if it means objectifying yourself or causing others to objectify you. Men you attract purely on the merits of your figure or easy virtue are not worth holding onto in the long run. Superficial and immature, there's not much to stop them from leaving you for a hotter and younger bod.

Demand to be loved for who you are and not what you are, how you look or how others want you to be. Walk and talk like a lady if you wish to be treated like a lady. Swearing or crude language is not becoming, even in a man. If you begin by respecting yourself in how you present yourself to the world, others will accord you a similar respect.

Let's not stop at looking one's best. We can further beautify the world through our behaviour, by speaking and acting with feminine grace.

As women, we are gifted with intuition, a softer and nurturing nature, and the ability to believe and hope in the goodness of others beyond logic or reason. We connect more easily than men with others, and we are more in touch with and articulate about our emotions. Rather than rejecting what is often perceived as weakness, we should celebrate our vulnerability and use it to empower others to be freer, and therefore better people.

Grow into your vocation as woman be it as daughter, sister, friend, colleague, wife, mother, grandmother or godmother. We can transform our environment when we exercise our feminine gifts with gentle integrity and quiet confidence. Our receptivity and creativity can give birth to life in more ways than just biologically. Use your talents to bring joy and comfort to others.

Be proud of your sexuality. Thank God for it and walk humbly, virtuously and with great dignity. If you are unsure of how you should act, let Mother Mary be your model. Mary was a woman who took everything to God in prayer and emerged with insights born of faith.

Be the woman God created you to be: beautiful, liberated and brimming with joy. Happy Women's Day.

Here I am

Last Sunday's first reading of the testing of Abraham inspires me to be a little more like Abraham, especially this Lenten season.

Here is a man who has remained steadfast and true to God his entire life despite major setbacks. First, he endured the curse of a childless marriage. Then, just when he should be taking things easy and enjoying life, he is asked to pack up and go to a new land on a ridiculous promise of abundance: descendants as countless as the stars in the sky or the grains of sand on the seashore. But he goes.

He is finally blessed with one son, Isaac. Okay, so God appears to be making good on His promise. Just as he luxuriates in the blessings of fatherhood God does a number on him. Offer his son as a sacrifice back to God. So what happened to the countless descendants if Isaac dies? Both he and Sarah are well into their 90s, is another miracle birth probable?

I like how Abraham responded. Here I am. How often do I say that to God?  To present myself fully in one heart, mind and body; to be attentive, open and obedient.

What great effort did it cost Abraham to follow God's instructions to the T, yet he did so seemingly without flinching. Here I am. Ready to slit Isaac's throat even as his own heart must've been breaking. As the reflection from Laudate pronounced:

Abraham is the father of faith because he put his hope in the promises of God. Faith makes us taste in advance the light of God's glory when we shall see him face to face.

Through the eyes of faith Abraham recognized God and God's call on his life. He saw from afar not only what God intended for him, but for his descendants as well - an everlasting covenant of friendship and peace with the living God.

Abraham could see beyond his impending grievous loss, to see past his own humans wants and needs out of his deep love for God. He was willing to die to self in the present to be able to see God face to face in the future.

Even though I share the same conviction of eternal life as Abraham does, and a similar deep love and reverence for God, I am not sure I can be as biddable as he was. And yet, I do desire to have a faith as unshakeable as his was.

What do I need to do to nurture such a vigorous and lively faith? It took Abraham a lifetime of regular, constant prayer, and a life engaged actively in good works to attain his high level of faith. Out of his habitual obedience he could hear God's whispers clearly and say in a heartbeat: Here I am. I am yours.

I hope to make this Lent a springboard to aligning my will to God's as much as Abraham's was. This requires me to stay awake spiritually so that I can be as attentive as Abraham  was. The reflection from Laudate put it across best:

How much do we miss of God's glory and action because we are asleep spiritually?  There are many things which can keep our minds asleep to the things of God: Mental lethargy and the "unexamined life" can keep us from thinking things through and facing our doubts and questions. The life of ease can also hinder us from considering the challenging or disturbing demands of Christ.  Prejudice can make us blind to something new the Lord may have for us. Even sorrow can be a block until we can see past it to the glory of God. 

I thank God for the robust and constant faith of Abraham, a true inspiration during this season of Lent. Here I am, Lord. I am yours.

Travelling from beach to desert

Vacationing in a beach destination is a little like being in Sodom and Gomorrah. You are surrounded by people intent only on pleasures of the flesh. Everyone is there to have a good time and there is a propensity to overindulge.

Among the many vacationers comprising many families, friends and couples, you also see couples who are clearly involved in mere transactional relationships. No judgement on older, male foreigners and nubile, female locals who alternate between looking bored and acting coquettish, what you have is dross, nothing one can call meaningful or significant.

Is this so wrong, filling the need for companionship by paying for it or staving off loneliness by exchanging bodily fluids so casually? Yes, it is, for love is so trivialized and altered that it is an indistinct facsimile of the real thing.

Worse, we soon believe such relationships founded on lust to be the standard of love in our lives and we no longer bother to search for the genuine article for it is too elusive and takes too much effort to attain.

We become fast food people in our way of life. We seek instant gratification and are willing to consume what appeals only to the senses but in actual fact is bad for us on many levels.

We look only for the easier, faster way of attaining pleasure without wanting to sacrifice time and effort on our part. We grow lazy, selfish and become users of people.

We forget about God and eschew His ways for who wants to fast, abstain, spend time in prayer or give alms when one could be having fun? We fail to understand that being good and following God's ways does not necessitate giving up pleasure, and yet, this is the biggest misperception of Christianity.

The salvific beauty of Christianity and the call of Lent is to return and repent. It calls for a period of conversion, a time of purification where we seek a time of solitude, prayer and fasting in the desert so as to prepare our hearts to enter more deeply into our covenantal relationship with God.

Whether we recognize it or not, this relationship exists between every single human being and God and when we choose to develop it, especially during the Lenten season, we will experience a deep and lasting joy that cannot be found in the surfeit of food, drink, sex and pleasure one indulges in on vacation, or at home.

Why would I want to surrender my will to God in a way that means deprivation for me? What is the upside?

Father Robert Barron writes that in life, there is a pull toward hedonism - the philosophy that the good life is the physically -satisfying life. Food, drink, sex, material things, money, comfort, a secure sense of the future are the supreme values for many, especially in our culture.

Many, many people throughout history are waylaid by this powerful temptation. It is appealing because the desires are so basic. Thomas Merton said that the sensual desires - for food, comfort, pleasure, and sex - are like children in that they are so immediate and so insistent.

But our lives will never expand to greater depth as long as we are dominated by our physical desires. This is why in so many of the initiation rituals of primal peoples, something like fasting or deprivation is essential. It is also why initiation into a demanding form of life, like the military, often involves the deprivation of sensual pleasures.

When we give way to this temptation, it shuts down the soul, for the soul has been wired for God, for journey into the divine. When sensual desire dominates, those deeper and richer desires are never felt or followed. They are, as Merton said, like little children, constantly clamoring for attention, and never satisfied.

This is why Jesus responds: "It is written: 'One does not live by bread alone.'" Life means so much more than sensual pleasure. Love, loyalty, relationships, family, moral excellence, aesthetic pleasure, and the aspiration after God are all so much more important. How tragic then when we think that life shrinks down to the contours of pleasure or bodily satisfaction.

Having eaten and drunk more than I should have this last week, I welcome the season of Lent: to go into the desert and reconnect with the One who conquered death, and evil. I welcome the opportunity as Pope Francis puts it, to place myself on the path of Christ, who is "the road that leads to life."

In the desert I will be tempted as Jesus was, but engaging in spiritual combat will teach me to identify evil more readily and to "know how to respond to the attacks of the Evil One."

Pope Francis added: The Lenten desert helps us to say no to worldliness, to the 'idols', it helps us to make courageous choices in accordance with the Gospel and to strengthen solidarity among the brothers.

I found much beauty during my time in Cebu and Bohol, even as I encountered the ugliness of a godless, secular culture that celebrates lust, greed and gluttony.

As I return home, I will bring back with me great memories of natural beauty, friendship, honesty, generosity and hospitality that have enriched me. And I will offer up the ugliness of sin I found on vacation in my Lenten journey forward.

Hopefully, as I travel from beach to desert, I will make this Lent a time of renewal - of my Baptismal covenant and all the commitments that flow from it.*

* To read Pope Francis's full Lenten address, go to: http://www.zenit.org/en/articles/angelus-address-on-crossing-the-lenten-desert?utm_campaign=dailyhtml&utm_medium=email&utm_source=dispatch

Vacation blues

Life is not perfect so why would I expect things to be perfect on vacation for that would be going against the laws of the nature, no? And yet, I do expect perfection, especially because I want it all to be perfect for my mother. Despite this rather unrealistic bent that only serves to increase my stress levels, I am enjoying myself on vacation in beautiful Bohol.

We happened upon live music on our first evening here and enjoyed an evening of song with a delicious fish kinilaw (close cousin to ceviche). The next day we had a slow, lazy day with the opportunity to meet up with friends and spent an afternoon by the beach. Thanks, R, for your warm hospitality. It was a spectacular day.

It has all been really smooth from flying into Cebu (we got upgraded to a suite for our overnight stay which was excellent) and getting into Bohol, and we had a couple of relaxing days. Until yesterday.

We hired a boat to take us to Balicasag island. First, the boatman crammed 12 of us into his tiny craft which I have no issue with for he needs to make a living. What was not cool was he did not show up at the appointed time and despite texting me he was on the way, he still did not appear three hours later, at which point I thought it best to make alternative plans to get back into Panglao.

While it was unpleasant waiting and wondering if the boatman would show up and we didn't order lunch for fear he would show up while we were waiting for our food, we had a scenic view from the restaurant. Although anxiety lessened the pleasure I received from watching the variable weather turn the water from smoky to azure to turquoise and aquamarine and back, I enjoyed my time in Balicasag. The snorkelling was great and the people at the resort were friendly and very helpful.

In times of trouble God sends angels and our angel was the receptionist who helped us get onto a boat that was taking some guests ashore at half the price of a private boat. It was an infinitely more comfortable ride in as we headed for Panglao beach and tthe many gorgeous shades of blue and green the water transformed into minute by minute was a sight to behold.

The other gift was the unique approach into Panglao beach versus our morning launch from Alona beach. The shallowness of the sea meant slow and sometimes manual navigation inland and there was time to fully drink in the beauty that surrounded me.  We finally had to wade through the water to get onto the pier before taking a motor bike ride back to Alona. It was good fun for me (made me miss my diving days) and I think my soon-to-be 82-year-old mother embraced the adventure as well.

My insight from yesterday is when something bad happens, God always has a better way forward. Plus, when I surrender control to Jesus, I am less anxious and more open to the new alternatives constantly opening up. I am also more able to live in the beauty of the present moment rather than fixate on getting the future picture perfect. I need to continue to do more of this and worry less.

As I keep on letting the Spirit lead the rest of our time here, I look forward to more imperfectly perfect days filled with both the good and the bad, and all the blues of sea and sky in between.

Fasting Melakan style

Living in Singapore, I have grown used to the fast pace of city life and the impersonal utilitarianism that pervades this nation of five and a half million people. Every person is a stranger, so do not make eye contact, in case he or she wants something from you and you know full well you have no time to stop and assist, rushing as you are for your next urgent appointment. Better yet, use your phone or tablet as a shield. Plug in your earphones and plug out the world. That way, no one can approach you for you are now invisible in your alternative universe, and everyone else is equally invisible to you. You do not see as your eyes are glued to the screen in front of you.

It was therefore a little disconcerting to note that everywhere I went in Melaka, people noticed me. Walk into a room and all eyes would automatically train on you before glancing off. I initially wondered why people were so inquisitive and even felt their gazes obtrusive. Then I realized it is a small town thing, where everybody pretty much knew everybody else or felt that they did. No one, not even a tourist, is a stranger. I was just used to people ignoring me and seeing through and past me, even those who served me. How sad is that!

What amazed me further was everyone was open to giving assistance without prompting. People were genuinely nice with no thought of return. People here were givers, not users. Even if they were offering a service, they looked at me as a person, not a sale or a number. They were pleasant and they smiled readily. Why can’t Singaporeans be like this? Why can’t we be kaypoh* friendly instead or just kaypoh kiasi kiasu**?

I also noticed that everywhere I went in Melaka, no one was gazing at their phones as they walked or sat in their chairs in coffee shops. Instead they were plugged into life through their eyes and their actions. They were keenly aware of what was going on in their surroundings and actively participated when necessary. They were unafraid to get involved in my life even if it was an inconvenience to them or had no real advantage for them.

Part of this comes from the markedly slower pace of life where people can actually shoot the breeze and enjoy what they are doing. The other reason, I suspect, is people here do not feel compelled to be entertained every waking moment just because technology makes it all possible. They can sit in solitude, watching the world go by, comfortable in their own skins. 

This is just my own observation but I think smart phones and tablets have turned us into not very smart, anti-social, walking zombies. We have replaced old-fashioned conversations, the sharing of lives and quiet moments for our souls to breathe with techno gadgetry, social media and its exhibitionistic, voyeuristic, sterile escapism. This goes counter to the social dimension of our inherent personalities as human beings. Only by interacting with others do we become socially adept and humanistic. Only by giving to others do we actually find ourselves and therefore any form of real, lasting happiness. As Pope Paul VI incisively wrote in Gaudium et Spes, point 24:

For this reason, love for God and neighbor is the first and greatest commandment. Sacred Scripture, however, teaches us that the love of God cannot be separated from love of neighbor: "If there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying: Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.... Love therefore is the fulfillment of the Law" (Rom. 13:9-10; cf. 1 John 4:20)…

Indeed, the Lord Jesus, when He prayed to the Father, "that all may be one. . . as we are one" (John 17:21-22) opened up vistas closed to human reason, for He implied a certain likeness between the union of the divine Persons, and the unity of God's sons in truth and charity. This likeness reveals that man, who is the only creature on earth which God willed for itself, cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of himself.(2)

If we give in to the lure of technology, isolating ourselves in virtual worlds, we are probably stunting our own growth (in imperceptible but undeniable ways) and transforming ourselves into narcissistic, amoral and immature beings with no social graces. We become unwilling to engage in the real world in meaningful ways. We find reality too alarming, confusing, messy and troublesome, completely forgetting that people, relationships and life are alarming, confusing, messy and troublesome, but also glorious, sublime and definitely worth the effort. We even believe suffering is for others, certainly not us, and we run away from any unpleasantness in our lives instead of facing it head on.

I resolve to be more moderate in my habits and use technology judiciously: stop wexting, stop looking at my phone while having a meal and be more aware of my surroundings like the people I encountered in Melaka. I also intend to create more space to just sit and contemplate Jesus. With Lent just round the corner, fasting can be a life-giving thing as my trip to Melaka has shown me.

* nosy
** afraid to lose out to someone and afraid to get involved for fear of being implicated badly

Surrendering control

If one wants to experience God's loving and very real presence in life, one only has to surrender situations one does not have much control over.

I just got home from a two-day trip to Melaka where I had to run a number of necessary errands in a very limited space of time. Needless to say I was not looking forward to going up prior the trip, even dreaded it.

Before I left, I was already frantically squeezing in pre-trip tasks and had to put up with discouraging comments that left me feeling disheartened. So I prayed a prayer of surrender, placing an itemized wish list before the Lord.

It was an incredible time. I accomplished everything I intended to do, and more. The bonus was the way things just fell into place in a way I could not have planned myself. Even glitches were resolved so easily and quickly that one barely noticed the inconvenience caused.

People were friendly, full of smiles and so willing to help. I really love Melakan folks for they embody the kampong spirit. A good example is when I took a wrong turn and went up a one-way street in the town centre yesterday. Before you say woman driver, it used to be a two-way street and the arrows on the road were not erased, thereby misleading me (there was no No Entry sign I could see either). I even spotted another driver ahead of me who made the same mistake, a man, so I didn't feel so ditzy after all. Whew.

Anyways, we soon realized our mistake when we created a jam. A shopkeeper kindly directed me to pull into his shopfront while he stopped traffic and enabled us two clueless tourist drivers to make a three-point turn and drive down the street the correct way.

Such kindness and the willingness of strangers to lend a helping hand really touched me. Everywhere I went people went out of their way to help without prompting. Simple things like the gift of a few parking coupons when I only asked where I could purchase a book made my day.

The minor miracle of the trip was the ability to find the perfect parking spot in the heart of town where parking spots are a premium. I was waiting to know where to park when the spot behind me magically appeared as a car drove off. And it was right in front of where I needed to be as well. I could not stop being awed and thanking God.

Even the traffic cooperated, as did the queue in the bank. The bank tellers were genuinely nice and intent on saving me money... the list just goes on and on and I was there effectively for one day.

The highlight of this "business" trip was that Mummy and I even had time to meet up with her cousins. It is always nice to see them and spend time with them for every meeting is grace - they are all octogenarians.

When I shared how well things went with my cousin, she simply said: God loves you my dear.

Yes He does! I say this with a hint of surprise and a deeply grateful heart. He even gifted me with things I did not think I had time for such as a dental checkup and the chance to eat satay celup and cendol. Yummers! Yes, I know, talk of food and dental appointments go together so well.

I thank God for all the many things that went right, for the things that went wrong but were, on hindsight, blessings in disguise, and for just loving me so much.

 I will endeavour to invite God to take the driver's seat more often in future for He does a far more superior job than I ever could. No contest.

Slave for love

Today’s second reading from Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians (chapter 9, verse 16) really resonated with me for even though sometimes I feel as if I am a slave to the demands of others and my resentment shows in the impatience of my actions, I know that ultimately there is nothing I desire more than to help spread the Good News to others. If it means making myself a slave, then so be it (this does not imply abject subjugation but rather humility and the ability to be sensitive to the needs of others).

Like Saint Paul, I aspire to become all things to all so that I may help at least a few people experience the Good News in a way I have. His words encourage me to keep going for if I want to claim my share of the Gospel, that is to fully experience the joy of the Gospel myself, then I must live my life in a particular way: lovingly, joyously, empathetically, considerately and, most of all, compassionately. I must not shy away from connecting with others, and in every encounter, I must invite a spirit of hospitality into the interaction so that it becomes a positive experience.

This is quite difficult for me for being task-oriented, I sometimes forget about the journey being so focused on the destination. I get impatient and disconnected easily. I also often forget to rely on God for everything. Of course this is when things always go awry, when I insist on letting my ego take the driver’s seat. Thank God for His graciousness for He always saves the day and ensures I do not do too much damage in my inept and crude ways.

Reflecting on the last four weeks which have been busy beyond belief, there are lessons I can draw from to keep me going in 2015. The first lesson is that love really does conquer all. I have found that when I genuinely love the other (even if I may not agree with or like the person at times), I can do all things in order to touch the other’s heart and show the other how God loves him or her. The only way to love without prejudice and baggage is to keep experiencing God’s love for myself first.

As Pia reiterated in her talk on Christian leadership, being contemplative allows us to see beyond the face of things and to get to the heart of prickly relationships. If I know how to speak and act, especially with difficult people, I can then enable them to glimpse their own true identity. I will be able to bring their inner beauty to surface. Prayer helps me forgive slights imagined or real and to extend a sincere and open hand of friendship in any situation. I can be gentler, wiser and more generous. This is what it is to share God’s presence with others in spite of my own human frailties and shortcomings.

Another lesson that has been relearned recently is to keep saying yes to God even when I am frightened and feel inadequate, so not up to the task. Especially when I know my yes would make a positive difference. Rather than let my fearful and lazy child self stay in the shallows, in agreeing to swim out into deeper waters, I have found strength and empowerment. I grow, more into the person I have been created to be. So while saying yes is not always enjoyable, it is definitely fulfilling and enriching. I will keep saying yes to being a slave for that is my “obligation” as a filial child of God.     

All this running around has meant that I have not been so diligent in looking after my body and getting sufficient sleep. Letting go of the disciplines of physical fitness has resulted in physical exhaustion and a body that creaks and groans like a rusty, old machine. This, I have since discovered, is really bad, for feeling out of sorts physically I am short with people and I have no tolerance for delays or changes to the plan in my head. I am highly irritable and not pleasant to be around. I make errors in judgement. I become scatter-brained. I snap at people then regret it just moments later.

Physical health is thus vital to spiritual health. How can I serve when I am physically not up to it? I am short-changing those I serve for I just cannot give all of myself when my energy levels are close to empty or when some body part is in pain. So I am, more than ever, invested in regaining a supple and ache-free spine.

Thank you Saint Paul for inspiring me to be a slave for love. It is now time for bed for a busy week awaits.

Stories that save lives

The Bible is full of stories. Stories of families that come together that become stories of nations. They are also stories of God, of salvation. Even today this holds true. Stories of my life and yours, our family stories contain stories of God and the seeds of our own salvation, but oftentimes these are obscured, hidden, unless we are alert to them. 

I must therefore create space for these stories, so God can speak in and through them to me first, then I can share fruitfully with others in my life.

Using the story of Mary and Elizabeth, Pia Attard encouraged the women present at the talk in the parish of Saint Teresa last Monday evening how we, as women, can encounter other women and bear spiritual fruit in our lives.

The stories of barrenness in the Bible illustrate the power of God's awesome and saving grace. Only He can orchestrate the impossible. This was so in the story of Elizabeth, an elderly woman past her child-bearing years and Mary, a young virgin. The impossible happened to these two women, fruitfulness hoped for but never dreamed of; fruitfulness that brought great joy, even as it must have brought fear and the pain of sacrifice. 

Drawing on the examples of Elizabeth and Mary, women who went through their fair share of adversity and who in saying yes to God also said yes to uncertainty and loss in their lives, what can we learn from them?

We can learn to trust in God, knowing that our spiritual lives will always imply a lack of control. We can learn that being out of control is not a bad thing for in surrendering control to God, while a scary prospect, can be a liberating one. It can free us for becoming over-anxious and even hopeless when we simply trust God.

As Pia pointed out, Mary is the icon for creating empty space for God. She listened and obeyed. She embraced the revelation of God wholeheartedly even as she must have had many questions and inner struggles within her. She pondered in the sweeping plains of her heart and allowed God to plant a fecund garden brimming with beauty.

If we include this discipline of creating space for God in our lives, we too can conjure space for others and bless them. As contemplatives, we will recognize the hidden presence of God in each other's stories when we come together for we are able to see things essentially. Even when others around us are less than civil and rub us the wrong way, we can still decipher their intrinsic beauty, see beyond the surface of things and treat them with compassion, mustering the necessary patience, wisdom and creativity to draw out their inner beauty. 

Both Mary and Elizabeth had the gift of hospitality. They carried each other in their hearts and prayers, and when they met, they affirmed and edified each other in the life stories they shared with the other. Each woman uncovered the hidden presence of God to the other. We are rarely able to see everything about ourselves and our lives with clarity so we need others to reveal home truths to us, truths that bless us - as Elizabeth did for Mary, and vice versa, I am sure.

From Mary we can also learn how to express gratitude as she did in the Magnificat. The lowliness she shared with Elizabeth was her vulnerability. When we open to each other our imperfections and brokenness, we exercise a mutuality where in giving, we receive, and in receiving, we give.    

Ultimately, when we give ourselves as a gift to others, there in our life stories will God reside, and there will we be saved. Our stories will in turn have the power to save others. As women, we have a gathering, embracing intuition which when we give it full reign with other women, we will become blessed among women and pass this blessedness on, and on. And so it goes. So call your good girlfriend today, share with her your life stories and listen as she shares hers.

Becoming more like John

I have a new role model this year. His name is John the Baptist. Yes, it's that unkempt, ascetic radical who preaches an urgent, unwelcome message to all: Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.

 

He used to make me uncomfortable. Who wears clothes made from camel’s hair and lives on locusts and wild honey? Then walks around telling all and sundry change your ways now or else… What’s up with that?

 

Just because he is supremely uncomfortable in his clothes must he make it disagreeable for me as well? I am a good person, surely I will get to heaven without having to step outside my comfort zone? I do not have to go to the extreme lengths that he did, must I?

 

Although I have certainly travelled far from who I used to be, a woman ensnared in worldly values, what lengths do I go to in order to match John’s love and zeal for God? This is the challenge John the Baptist poses to me every day. Make the change - repent - and change the world.

 

Like Jesus, John must have spent much time in prayer as he knew God’s heart well. Although he was a preacher with an ever-growing following (why else would Herod fear him and eventually have him beheaded), he could humbly say without a trace of irony I am not fit to undo the strap of his sandal and even encouraged his own disciples to follow Jesus.

 

Who on earth, especially today says He must increase, I must decrease? Even when we are working for the same cause, boss, organization, country or kingdom, we all clamour for personal recognition and validation for our efforts. We fear that others might steal our glory, forgetting that everything we do should be for the greater glory of God.

 

We do not allow for diversity of perspectives and we shout down anyone who dares to disagree with us. We use means fair and foul to get what we want even as we simultaneously rationalize our ill motivated decisions and actions, convincing ourselves smugly we are right. It’s funny how we dumb God down thinking we can fool God with clever rhetoric.

 

John never had the problem of ego or hubris for he knew exactly who he was and what his mission on earth was and he worked tirelessly to achieve that end. He was the voice crying out in the wilderness, the frontrunner who prepares the way, the one who baptizes with water not the Holy Spirit, and he lived and worked wholeheartedly for God.

 

If I were him, I would have given up long ago. Why work so hard to play second fiddle? He even recognized Jesus, the younger man and inexperienced preacher (wasn’t he a carpenter for crying out loud), as divine, and accorded Him the requisite respect and worship.

 

Today’s feast day, the Baptism of the Lord, signifies the start of Christ’s public ministry, the revelation of Jesus as God’s beloved son on whom His favour rests, and the descent of the Holy Spirit on Christ in the form of a dove. It reminds me that, likewise, I have been baptized in the Holy Spirit and I am God’s beloved child.  

 

As Father Arro raised in his homily this morning life will always present struggles and difficulties, but I can walk in confidence, hope and joy knowing that the marvellous gift of my baptism has won me the favour of God’s forever love.

 

May I become more like John the Baptist for if I allow Jesus to increase and I decrease, then I will not be tempted to seek my own kingdom but God’s, and I will be content with zero accolades and no external validation. Just as long as I bring God pleasure with silent yet far-reaching humility.

New year freedom

I literally had an epiphany when we celebrated Epiphany this Sunday past (today is the actual feast day, being January 6). Before this, I had been languishing in a funk for after reviewing 2014, I found myself lacking in much too many areas. I despair of ever bringing to life a new, improved version of me, a me I could be proud of, a me that if I were to stand at the pearly gates before Saint Peter tomorrow, I could give a good account of myself.

Many things ran through my mind when I asked for the grace in the new year to act with courage and love in all that I do. My fears are many, which my brother C dismissively told me represented a lack of faith (it annoyed me but he is ultimately correct), and when I think of what I would like to accomplish this year, I marvel at my own temerity.

Epiphany centres around  the manifestation of the Christ child to the Gentiles or the non-Christian world, as represented by the magi. The magi journeyed to where Baby Jesus lay by following an unusually bright star and upon finding him, paid Him homage. While Epiphany is about good news, it reeks of danger, not just for the magi who were told to return via an alternative route, but for the life of the Infant Jesus. We also know that Herod's slaughter of innocent firstborn sons is imminent for here on out.

Why would good news provoke such a negative reaction? As the January 5 reflection in Laudate expanded upon, the good news Jesus brings is:

...the good news of peace - the Lord comes to reconcile and restore us to friendship with God. The good news of  hope - the Lord comes to dwell with us and to give us a home with him in his heavenly kingdom. The good news of  truth - the Lord Jesus sets us free from the lies and deception of Satan and opens our mind to understand the truth and revelation of God's word (John 8:32). The good news of promise - Jesus fulfills the promise of God to reward those who seek him with the treasure of heaven. The good news of immortality - Jesus overcomes sin and death for us in order to raise our lowly bodies to be like his glorious body which will never die again. And the good news of salvation - the Lord Jesus delivers us from every fear, every sin, and every obstacle that would keep us from entering his everlasting kingdom of righteousness, peace, and joy.

This was the epiphany I received, this good news, and that we, as sons and daughters of the Father have been set free by this relationship we have with Jesus and His Father. Through the gift of the Holy Spirit the Lord makes it possible for us to receive his word with faith and to act upon it with trust and obedience.

Faith. Trust. Obedience. It is with good reason I asked for courage, and more love this year. On my own, I will never be able to fulfil any new year resolution I deign to make, or accomplish what I would like to in this year. However, if I rely on the Holy Spirit, I can do it all, and then some.

Life was not easy for Jesus and his parents even before He was born so why should I expect my life to be any different? There will be struggles, justifiable fears, conflicts, and even persecution and burning animosity, but if I nurture my faith and trust through prayer and obedience, then I will always find the heart to keep moving ahead rather than stay mired in fear. With the Lord's help, it will be a good year, a very good one. I just have to hold onto the freedom of kinship I found in Epiphany.

 

Reviewing 2014

Reading a friend's comments on 2014 on Facebook I have to concur, this year has been a pretty challenging one. I have felt stretched way beyond my capabilities. I have struggled through some truly rough patches emotionally and physically. I feel I have failed in so many ways. At times, I have felt like a total zero in every area of my life.

In attempting to publish my first book I have experienced the height of frustration and I have been plagued immeasurably by insecurity. I have gone from panic attack to panic attack (I will still have them until I break even I am guessing).

Although I have been told ever since I was a young girl that I should write a book, that I am a good writer; although I have said I will write a book for, oh, the last 15 years or so, I have not done anything about it until now. And it has been terrifying beyond belief.

What if my writing really sucks? What if the book won't sell? What if I fall flat on my face? What was I thinking? Seriously? These are questions that have been circling around inside my consciousness for more than 24 months now, since this whole process began.

So why put myself through all this? The answer is simple. Writing is one of my giftings in life and I need to acknowledge it and utilize it fully if I am to inhabit the skin God put me in well. Who said being Christian is cushy?

To be a true follower of Christ entails not just cultivating virtues but developing all aspects of my personhood, nurturing my innate gifts and talents are chief. Complete receptivity of my gifts involves discipline, practice, constant learning, doggedness, and an unwavering focus on giving glory back to God who first gave me not just those gifts, but life itself. And I DO want to give Him glory in all I do.

Apart from the book thing, 2014 has been a difficult year for it has been painful, even excruciating, for many people I care for and call friends. It is hard to walk with them and not be affected by the darkness that envelopes them. More so when the best I can do is lend a listening ear. This has been a Herculean task for me at times for I am so not patient. Blast you Saint Paul for saying love is patient and kind.

Before you think my 2014 was a total sob fest, it was not. It contains some of the highest points in my life. Taking my Covenant as an ICPE Mission Companion and having a community of loving brothers and sisters in my life has been utterly amazing and awesome. I feel as if I am cradled in the hands of God through the faith of my brothers and sisters. They have helped me be a better person by inspiring me with their goodness and their love. Thank you my community - each one of you, individually and collectively in your families, has been a special gift to me this year.

More recently, I have been blessed by the ICPE Mission Philippines community during reverse carolling. It is always a joy to be able to live as part of the community; to work, laugh and pray together. What a privilege! Thank you Albert, Esther, Gemma and Joan. Missed you much, Jitka.

The other special thing about reverse carolling besides all I have written about previously is meeting and working with new and old friends. It has been such a blast and I had a great time. Angie and Jon, your music-making skills blow me away. My gratitude to Angie, Carolyn, Clare, Datina, Jeanny and Jon for making reverse carolling so joyous. Ad, Ams and Maize, you know you bring me joy all the time.

I had the opportunity to visit Hawaii early in the year and it was a very special time. Not only did I get to see the titan arum in bloom or the Hōkūleʻa about to set sail on her worldwide voyage, I was there for Saint Damien's feast day and the changing of the seasons - everything was unplanned which made it all the more special. I had time and space to pray, connect with old friends and reconnect with myself. Those weeks away clarified for me the way I should walk and gave me strength to face the rest of the year.

As a Friend of Gardens By The Bay, I have had the opportunity to visit the Gardens many times this year. Every visit has yielded beauty, not just the beauty of nature, but the joy of shared interests and companionship with my beloved mother. Our walks have been healthy and life-giving. I treasure them all in my heart.

If I were to use one word to encapsulate my experiences in 2014, it would be encounter. Learning about the significance of personal encounters (with, through and in the Lord) in Evangelii Gaudium and then seeing how personal encounters have worked powerfully in my life.  Life truly is about encountering people, strangers and family alike. I see that more clearly each day. Hence I give thanks for my Woman to Woman Ministry sisters, my parish community, my clients, my friends, my family, and all those people I have met throughout this year.

Most of all, I am grateful for all my encounters with Jesus. I may not have been faithful all the time, but He certainly was. He has guided me and protected me through all the storms and rejoiced with me in all the glorious, sunshiny days. He has been with me every day through the year, wherever I went, whoever I met, whether I acknowledged His presence or not. So I end the year knowing I can never be as faithful and loving as Jesus, yet knowing I will not stop trying even though all I can bring as a gift He would appreciate is a humble, contrite and grateful heart.

I look forward to the new year knowing that many things will come to fruition then. Goodbye 2014 and hello 2015.   

Try a little tenderness

What is my hope this Christmas, having seen what material poverty can be like up close in the Philippines, and living in Singapore where I am surrounded by countless people who are emotionally and spiritually bankrupt?

We are a people living in darkness (remembering the slain children in Pakistan), and yet, Isaiah prophesied: The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shined.

My hope, and the hope of the world, is this light, Jesus, or Emmanuel, God is with us. He was born into our world to bring the light of new life, joy, hope and most of all, salvation. Do I welcome the Infant Jesus with open heart and arms? Do I hear the real message of Christmas?

I really like the homily of Pope Francis at this year's Christmas Eve mass:

The message that everyone was expecting, that everyone was searching for in the depths of their souls, was none other than the tenderness of God: God who looks upon us with eyes full of love, who accepts our poverty, God who is in love with our smallness.

The pope asks us to reflect: Do I allow myself to be taken up by God, to be embraced by him, or do I prevent him from drawing close?  “But I am searching for the Lord” – we could respond. Nevertheless, what is most important is not seeking him, but rather allowing him to find me and caress me with tenderness. The question put to us simply by the Infant’s presence is: do I allow God to love me?

I found what Pope Francis said insightful. Often I cannot accept my own smallness, my own poverty, so I ignore it or shove it away, I project it onto others, I do everything I can except deal with it in a constructive manner. In so doing, I lose an opportunity to grow in love and joy. I fail to meet Jesus where I am, and where He stands, next to me, inviting me to experience my humanity.

As the pope pointed out: ...do we have the courage to welcome with tenderness the difficulties and problems of those who are near to us, or do we prefer impersonal solutions, perhaps effective but devoid of the warmth of the Gospel? How much the world needs tenderness today!

We are all in great need of tenderness. It is so easy to grow hard and grasping in a competitive, capitalistic environment where cash is king. It is seductive to buy into an individualistic and consumeristic lifestyle, thinking only of our own needs. The easier option is to medicate our discomfort, pain and hurt away, to numb ourselves so that we can forget about striving to be better people, and to make the world a brighter place. Too much work involved there.

Christmas is the answer to tapping into our inner tenderness. God who loved the world so much that He sent us His only son who was born a tiny baby in a manger.

The Christian response cannot be different from God’s response to our smallness. Life must be met with goodness, with meekness. When we realize that God is in love with our smallness, that he made himself small in order to better encounter us, we cannot help but open our hearts to him, and beseech him: “Lord, help me to be like you, give me the grace of tenderness in the most difficult circumstances of life, give me the grace of closeness in the face of every need, of meekness in every conflict”.

My hope this Christmas, and all the days of my life, is in God, who believes in me and loves me; God who understands my smallness and loves me even more because of it; God who became man and showed me how I can live as a woman of faith, tenderly. I can only stand in silent awe at the manger, and paraphrase the words of Matt Redman's song Endless Hallelujah:

And I will worship, worship
Forever in Your presence I will sing
I will worship, worship You
And endless hallelujah to the King.

Prepping for Christmas

It is hard to wrap my brains around Christmas having landed in Singapore last Thursday evening physically exhausted from reverse carolling in the Philippines, and still recovering from a mild bout of flu.

What makes it worse is the sudden spike in social activities: starting from Friday evening drinks at E's, Saturday's mad whirl of teaching, grocery shopping, attending an art exhibition* before catching the Dim Sum Dollies' matinee, and finally dining with three generations of relatives from Melbourne. Always nice to meet the young uns.

Today I was up at the crack of dawn to cook, teach (a client whom I love and make time for even on Sundays) and attend morning mass (lector duty), before rushing home to continue cooking lunch. Thanks to E for the Chilean cab sauv, it made for a brilliant beef bourguignon, just right for my brother's celebratory birthday luncheon.

Next I have to get my spring cleaning efforts into gear and maybe think of Christmas decorations that I have woefully neglected for years. Then there is more menu planning and cooking: family Christmas lunch, Christmas dinner potluck with my community of Companions...

In the midst of all this Martha-ish activity, it is so easy to forget about preparing my heart to make room for the Christ child to be born. I really like what I learned in my last days in ICPE Mission Philippines, to pray before any endeavour and to keep offering my intentions in any activity, be it cooking or cleaning. Prayer really imbues every action with love and elevates it.

Seeing as the final week of Advent is focused on love, this practice is a great one. It can be difficult to live out my choice of love, day after day, minute after minute, but I must persist, since love is what adds substance and tone to my world. Just as Mother Mary made the choice to say yes to great foreseeable sorrow in the Annunciation, I would like to follow her in making that initial choice, and to staying faithful to it in my daily life, as she did in hers.

The key to Mary's commitment to love was her openness and obedience to the movement of the Holy Spirit in her life. This kept her intentions pure even when she could not comprehend situations or circumstances in her limited human capacity. If only my faith is as tensile and robust as hers.

And for the times I struggle, today's O antiphon is a good one:

O Rising Dawn, Radiance of the Light eternal and Sun of Justice: come and enlighten those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death. 

I hope to enjoy these last days of Advent spending some of it in silence, reflecting on the birth in the manger that culminates in death on the cross and giving thanks for the sacrifices of love of all those who have gone before me. And in the flurry of activity I engage in, to offer up each activity mindfully, and with quiet love.

* Great to see you, Alvin. Love the new book.

To see Alvin Mark Tan's wonderful works of art, go to https://www.facebook.com/alvinmarktan?ref=br_rs

Surviving reverse carolling

It was fitting to end Reverse Carolling the day before Gaudete Sunday, the third week of Advent that exhorts us to rejoice.

Reverse carolling is always tough for the needs of those we meet cry out loudly for justice. No human being should live in such squalor be it the squatters area by the creek in New Manila, in Bagong Silang or in Salaban, but especially in Montalban where people are dumped there and forgotten, amidst the mountains of garbage they live on and around.

The stench of poverty, neglect and decay was suffocating, disturbing and greatly depressing. It was extremely hard to sing about having a merry Christmas when the hovels that pass off as homes are so frighteningly fragile and makeshift, hardly weather-proof and prone to flooding.

How could I assure the widow in Manoc Creek who is paralysed from the waist down that Jesus will take care of her? What comfort can I offer the woman with two young children in Salaban, whose husband has run off with another woman two weeks ago, leaving her to live off the kindness of her neighbours?

I am numb for it is easier to bury the horror deep down than to spiral into hopelessness and a darkness that promises to engulf my being completely if I let it.

Ultimately I know I cannot see the radical change I would like to see tomorrow or any time soon, but that should not stop me from trying, for every little bit I do helps (I remind myself of the starfish story - of how it made a great difference to the one starfish that was offered aid - when I feel helpless).

Reverse carolling is more than just about giving out food hampers to alleviate the hunger of the families we visited for two, maybe three days; it is about uniting with them in prayer and sharing in their poverty. It is about respecting their personhood and meeting Jesus in them, rather than fulfilling the lofty aspiration of bringing Jesus to them. It is about the unitive us as we unite in our faith, and not the divisive them and us.

The joy of the Gospel, the Good News, which I have experienced in a very real way is not something that should be kept to myself; it must be proclaimed to all, even to those who may find it hard to rejoice in their present circumstances.

In good times and in bad times, Jesus is with us, loving us and caring for us. We may not always recognize this truth and often, we forget it, but this reality, when we encounter it, is what gives us the hope and inner strength to live our lives joyously and with gratitude, even if our world is falling down around our ears

Reverse carolling is an opportunity for both the givers and the receivers to embrace this truth and allow Christ to permeate our hearts, thoughts and actions. It is one big grace moment to surrender our wills to God's will and be His channels of love, to live out the call found in Isaiah 61:

The spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
because the LORD has anointed me;
he has sent me to bring glad tidings to the poor,
to heal the broken-hearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives
and release to the prisoners,
to announce a year of favor from the LORD
and a day of vindication by our God.

As Isaiah goes on to proclaim:

I rejoice heartily in the LORD,
in my God is the joy of my soul;
for he has clothed me with a robe of salvation
and wrapped me in a mantle of justice,
like a bridegroom adorned with a diadem,
like a bride bedecked with her jewels.
As the earth brings forth its plants,
and a garden makes its growth spring up,
so will the Lord GOD make justice and praise
spring up before all the nations.

This Advent promise of joy can be ours, especially when we stop focusing on our own personal desires and rise to the challenge of loving our neighbour by treating him or her as a beloved brother or sister. We must make the sacrifice of time and energy to reach out to those who are not as fortunate as we are, for in giving, we will undeniably receive true joy ourselves.

Christmas is the time we celebrate the greatest gift that has been bestowed on us, God become man in the infant Jesus. In order to travel to that point of celebration and lay gifts worthy of the new-born baby who will sacrifice His life for you and me, may the remaining days of Advent be ones where I continue to stay awake as I travel toward the manger where He will lay.

As I leave the Philippines in a few days, I will take home the invitation He has placed in my heart, to continue to grow closer to Him, to trust Him and to love Him with the simple, wholehearted love of a little child.

Reverse carolling has shown me how small my faith is for it took a Super Typhoon that He transformed into a tropical storm to show me how much He loves us all and how much He wanted us reverse carollers to go out and do what we came to do: to love His people and show them how much He loves them.