Truth in community

There is an unsettling resemblance between Internet trolls and Christians of active faith, we both think we are THE bearers of truth, and therefore claim the right to be obnoxious when speaking our minds, provoking controversy and division within communities.

It is not wrong to seek truth, but at the same time, it should not be a truth that is closed up in illusions, dreams, and ideologies, frightened of reality and sets us apart from others. Instead, as Jean Vanier goes on to elaborate in his book, Becoming human, we must choose to move toward connectedness, for to be human is to remain connected to our humanness and to reality.

We need to accept history as it really is, our history, who we are, and the histories of others and to work, without fear, towards greater openness, greater understanding, and a greater love of others.

I really like what he also wrote about striving to live in truth even though it may mean loneliness and anguish at certain moments: Perhaps this search for truth is a process of letting ourselves be enfolded in truth rather than possessing truth, as if it were an object that we could possess, that we could use against others.

The truth will set us free only if we let it penetrate our hearts and rend the veil that separates head from heart.

Truth should inspire our lives, attitudes and way of living.

The truth of religion and morality shows itself when they liberate us and give us a deep respect and compassion for others.

This week's Gospel readings from Matthew serve as a reminder that truth can sometimes trap us in a web of self-righteous pride where we become like close-minded and rigid Pharisees, who on the outside appear righteous, but inside are filled with hypocrisy and evil-doing (chapter 23).

As Pope Francis addressed those present in Saint Peter's Square today, the "parish"* sin of disunity, caused by envy, jealousy and antipathy, happens when we seek the first places, when we put ourselves at the center, with our personal ambitions and our ways of seeing things, and we judge others; when we look at the defects of our brothers instead of their gifts, when we give more weight to what divides that to what brings us together.

He went on to say: In a Christian community, division is one of the gravest sins, because it renders it not the work of God but a sign of the devil, who by definition is he who separates, who ruins relations, who insinuates prejudices. Instead, God wants us to grow in the capacity to accept, forgive and love one another, to be ever more like Him who is communion and love. Herein lies the holiness of the Church: in recognizing herself as the image of God, filled with His mercy and His grace. 

Pope Francis encourages all of us, especially those in community with this conclusion:
Dear friends, let us have these words of Jesus resound in our heart: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9). Let us ask sincerely for forgiveness for all the times we have been the occasion of division or incomprehension within our communities, knowing well that communion is not attained except through constant conversion. And let us pray that the daily fabric of our relations can become an ever more beautiful and joyful reflection of the relation between Jesus and the Father.

As we enfold ourselves more and more in Christ's liberating truth, let us not forget that we should participate in our communities with love, respect and compassion, and keep our troll-like tendencies under lock and key, together with our hubris.

* Pope Francis points out that each parish should be a place of sharing and communion, having one heart and one soul.

Becoming who I am

It has been a very challenging season these past six months. Not only for me, but for the people around me, people I know and some I love. For it has been a season of great change, mostly of loss, be it loss of health, loss of financial security, loss of equilibrium, loss of family unity or loss of a loved one.

It has made for emotionally charged moments, deep grief, agonizing pain, great stress and dark, rainy days, some of it my own, some of it in felt empathy with others.

Through all this I have been asking how is life questioning me?  What do challenges tell me about myself in the way I react to them? How do I see myself? And, how do I see God in the ensuing chaos and drama?

Attending the retreat, Who am I?, with Bea and Derek Chong last weekend, I was reminded again of how self-awareness is key to leading my life unbowed by difficulties, unafraid to continue dreaming, then going forward boldly to attain my dreams.

What alters the way I dream and perceive life (I am still more negative than positive, drats) are blockages such as apathy, guilt, failure, self-hatred, self-pity, insecurity, inferiority, depression and sadness, these prevent me from maximizing my own potential, from being great.

I can lose track of who I am and what I really want out of life. I can also shrink from making myself known to others, for fear of being judged and found lacking, and ultimately rejected.

Therefore I can shy away from connecting with others, isolating myself, and often end up believing the distortions and lies my fears spin, until I get lost in a web of shame and self-hatred that imprisons and suffocates me.

It is all too easy to get sucked down into a whirlpool of negativity when strong winds shake the foundations of my being and I no longer see God as the loving Father I know He is, and I fail to see myself as He sees me, beloved.

Derek shared a way* that we can use to overcome our own blockages, especially when things are not all hunky-dory:

1) Examine an event that has happened recently and identify the emotion(s) that arose from this. How do you feel?

2) In the case of an undesired event and negative feelings, look for a similar event that may have happened in your past. Who was God to you then and has this event dictated how you behave now?

3) If necessary, give yourself space to grieve and question God. Let Him enter into that situation and bring healing. Who is God to you now? How do you feel? Do you know it is not real if you experience a God who is not loving, caring, merciful and compassionate?

4) Who are you to God? What would God say to you? What is the truth of who you are that God is dying to reveal to you, just as Jesus died to share this truth?

5) Take all this into prayer, thanking God in your own way. Take time to celebrate your insights.

6) It is also good to record your insights in a journal, and share your revelations with people you trust. When you share your struggles, you realize that they are not as big as you thought they were and this injects needed perspective.

Fundamentally, we all want to be known to others. This validates us in a very profound manner for God Himself, whom we are made in the image and likeness of, wants to be known to us. Every day He waits for us to get to know Him more and in so doing, to know ourselves more as well.

I cannot change my history, the circumstances of my life and the wrong choices I have made. I cannot prevent change, loss or suffering from touching my life, nor should I, for life will be fluid and even messy when I choose to participate fully in it, this includes immersing myself in the lives of the people around me, and in the causes that speak to my heart.

Loss is part of life and the more I engage with others, the higher the probability and frequency of loss. This may mean more tears and more pain, commiserating with others and getting directly involved in their lives, but I will not desist.

As I discovered last weekend, this need to see others happy and healthy, assisting them to become the best that they can be, is part of who I am, and I believe, part of who we all are as human beings.

* Using this to identify good things in our lives and how we feel helps us connect with God and concretize His goodness in our lives. It helps us give thanks appropriately - always a good thing.

Making dreams come true

Ever since I was a young girl, I have been in love with language. Words fascinate me. I love reading for books open up new, exciting worlds. Despite being introspective and introverted, connecting with people is equally life-giving, especially if I can help them feel better about themselves, assist them in gaining new insights about themselves or their lives.

Although I have a fair idea of what my natural talents and abilities are, and the ones that have been passed down to me through my parents and grandparents, attending Jumpstart led by Derek Chong, set off many new light bulbs. God's revelations to me began as far back as I can remember, if I but reflect on what He was revealing to me then.

It has been a transformational weekend for me for not only have I rediscovered truths about myself, Jumpstart has helped me put things into sharper focus. While I am living my dreams right now, Derek encouraged me to dream greatly, to go beyond what I am presently doing.

What if there are no limits or obstacles to your dreams? What if failure was no deterrent? I quickly realized I had set limits on my dreams in the last 25 years. I had therefore shelved the dreams of my youth for I thought them unattainable. They have since received a new lease on life.

Derek reminded all of us that God always has a good plan for each of us, but the question is whether we realize or recognize this truth? God wants us to dream the impossible dream or plan for it was put there by Him. Derek also reminded us that if we get to know God and ourselves, then we will love and trust Him, and in so doing, we will want to serve Him by bringing that impossible dream to fruition.

As I worked to come up with my personal mission and vision, set goals and objectives as well as fill in a list of things to do in the next two weeks, I realized the importance of planning and making concrete steps.

Planning has never been my strong suit, as my DiSC results will tell you, but if I believe in God's plan for me, then I must, and can make it happen. I will keep reviewing my game plan and I will keep goal setting every six months to fine-tune the plan and make sure I am still on the right track. 

Exciting times lie ahead as I continue to allow my dreams to breathe and grow, and hopefully, like Derek, I am going to die great.

NB Derek is also a life coach and runs a bunch of other great workshops and seminars. You can get in touch with him to find out more: derek@livethecallcoaching.com

Sexy symbols

August began in an awesome way. I witnessed the joyous wedding celebration of A, a former W2W sister, as well as the uplifting baptism of baby I, the latest addition to the Singapore community of ICPE Mission Companions.

During the baptismal mass, Father Tony spoke of symbols and how they communicated the profundity and gravity of special occasions and milestones, when words were simply inadequate.

Being a visual person I enjoy the bouquet and complexity of symbols. The exchange of gold rings at the wedding of A and J where they articulated what wearing the ring meant: avowed love and fidelity sealed in the sanctity of the Trinity.

For baby I, the water of baptism symbolized a life-giving cleansing that transformed him into a new creation (with the wearing of the white garment). The lighted candle he received represents the light of the resurrected Christ in his life.

He was also anointed with oil which represents healing and strength, along with joy and thanksgiving, for Christ now resides in him and he therefore inherits Christ's three-fold office of priest, prophet and king.

The symbols found in the other sacraments, plus those that adorn a church's walls, hold a wealth of meaning and power that we often trivialize due to familiarity.

G recently shared what seven-year-old H said after visiting one too many churches in Europe that typifies our response to symbols we are so exposed to that we barely award them a cursory glance: I am a bit over this Jesus guy.

In contrast, H was quite upset when he first saw a crucifix about a year ago and asked many questions about why Jesus was persecuted and nailed to the cross to die.

H's Jesus guy response is my response very frequently, if I stop to think about it, especially when I breeze through my prayers just so I have recited them, or when I behave like a thug who takes what she likes with no regard for others.

The crucifix* is one of the Church's most profound symbols and sacramentals. It is found in every Catholic church, on every rosary, and often, around peoples' necks.

Do I pause and give proper thanks whenever I see a crucifix, for the sacrifice Christ made for me and for the whole world? He died an excruciating death because He loves me and deems me worthy of affection. Do I honour His abounding, abiding love, or am I the one who drives the nails deeper into His extremities?

Father Tony also reminded all of us present of the charisms of the ICPE Mission: evangelization, worship and covenant. How is this lived out in our lives?

Do we each reflect a spirituality of worship that reverences the presence of God in each other? Are we mindful of our covenant and faithful? Do we evangelize with every thought, word and action to everyone we meet?

Today's Feast of the Transfiguration describes what happens to Jesus on the mountain top:

And he was transfigured before them;
his face shone like the sun
and his clothes became white as light.

When I meet the Lord in prayer, it should be a mini transfiguration. Spending time with Him should transform me so much that my face shines with joy and peace and I am pure as driven snow in heart and action. Does my prayer life transfigure me? Not always, unfortunately.

I am inspired to redouble my efforts at prayer, as I am inspired to reflect more on the symbols of my Catholic faith, allowing these profound truths to permeate my being and my soul.

Perhaps then my word and actions, my life, will be an alluring symbol of Christian love that attracts all with its beauty, drawing them to Jesus.

* On August 18, during our study on the Gospel of John, Monsignor Vaz shared the reason why we venerate the crucified Christ figure most beautifully. The crucifix is the highest expression of love and it is the means through which Christ triumphed. It is the hour of glory that exemplifies John 15:13: Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. The crucifix conveys most powerfully what an empty cross cannot, that it is through the death and love of Jesus Christ that we have been redeemed. It also reminds us to expect no less for ourselves, that is to be crucified, if we love Him in return and follow Him.

Working towards peace

July was an extraordinarily busy month, filled with good and bad: I had loads of family face time with relatives living abroad and had especial fun with the kiddies; but I also experienced great frustration in the workplace. It, however, pales in light of what has happened around the world.

The MH17 plane crash in Ukraine caused by a missile firing it down was hideous, as was the brutal persecution and eviction of Christians in Iraq followed by the wanton destruction of historic monuments. The incessant fighting going on in Gaza; the bombing which has claimed the many lives of mostly children is equally unforgivable.

All this senseless killing of civilians whose only crime was to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. How is it that in the name of territorial power, we humans can justify the slaughter of innocent people? Worse yet, when we drag God into the fight, claiming we are doing all this in His name.

We conveniently forget that life is sacred and that no religion teaches violence and killing as a permissible or righteous means to an end. It's insanely delusional to think otherwise.

Christian, Jew, Muslim, if we profess that God is the centre of our lives, how then can we kill, destroy or condone what is happening right now in our midst? No one is right when a life is taken. Everyone is wrong when an act is death dealing.

What are we teaching our children? That you should hate someone just because they are different, because they see God differently? Did God not create each of us different and unique? Therefore we are teaching our children to hate their own brother and sister. This is the biggest distortion of God's truth.

Jesus came so that we all may have life; He came to end divisions between Jew and Gentile. He came to teach us a new commandment: love one another as I have loved you.

It's all about love because God is love and if we love God, we must love our neighbour, even the stranger who just moved into the neighbourhood who looks, acts and talks funny.

In an interview with Argentine weekly Viva, published July 27, Pope Francis shared 10 tips for bringing joy, happiness, into life, they are, in brief:

1. Live and let live.

2. Be giving of yourself to others. 

3. Proceed calmly; to have the ability to move with kindness and humility, a calmness in life.

4. To have a healthy sense of leisure.

5. Sundays should be holidays.

6. Find innovative ways to create dignified jobs for young people.

7. Respect and take care of nature.

8. Stop being negative.

9. Don't proselytize; respect others' beliefs.

10. Work for peace.

We cannot like everyone we meet. We will have deep and wide disagreements, diametrically opposing views from others. We will hurt others as others will hurt us, sometimes even with malicious intent. Through all this, we must work toward some sort of unity in diversity for we all live on one earth, in one world.

Let's not forget that every time someone is killed, a void in the universe is created, an irreparable one. No one deserves to die before his or her time, especially a child whose potentiality has not been given time to mature.

All life is sacred. Let's recognize this and work towards maintaining the sanctity of life by stopping the killing. Work for peace.

NB Father Ronald Rolheiser posted an article on August 18 that articulates the Pope's 10 tips better. Have a read: http://ronrolheiser.com/en/#.U_U-lH8ayK0

In praise of fathers

Yesterday was my deceased father's birthday. Remembering his birthday makes me miss him sorely. He was such an imperfect man, and yet, in his gross imperfections, he was the perfect father, for he loved me and my siblings dearly, and would have given up his life for any of us without a moment's thought.

The older I get, the more I appreciate the man he was and the one he aspired to be. I find myself aligning with his values, for he chose to emulate my grandfather for the most part, who was a good and upright man.

Despite the fact my grandfather himself lacked a father, he was guided by the Father of us all. A sickly baby when he was born to a mother recently widowed with three other sons to care for, he was left on the doorstep of a convent, consigned to God, so to speak. He was taken in, baptized and survived. When his mother heard he was alive, she came back for him, pledging to bring him up in the Catholic faith. And that was how my grandfather grew up to be a God-fearing man who fathered seven children of his own, of which Dad was the eldest.

As his father taught him, my father taught me right from wrong. I am very much guided, especially in difficult situations, by what he would have done. Although, I am so much like him at times that it scares me, for he was highly critical being perfectionistic, autocratic, hot-tempered and impatient - he could be a royal pain.

I thank God for the gift of my father for without him in my life I would not have learned many things, chief among which is how to be a woman of substance and style. His greatest gifts to me were my baptism, my vibrant Catholic faith, and the education I received at his hands which was both catholic and enriching:

I learned to always seek the truth and to strive unceasingly to be better person.

I learned to embrace pain and suffering like a champion, without a whimper; to be strong, independent and brave. Whining is for wimps. Regrets are for fools. Make a decision and run with it, don't waffle.

Through him I learned how to appreciate the finer things in life, but also how to live simply, savouring the beauty of simplicity.

Money, power, fame and status are inconsequential for all men and women are created equal and respect is due to all in equal measure. The only person worthy of worship is God, no one else. He would have shaken his head in disbelief at the extent the world adulates money, power, fame and status now.

Perhaps one of the most valuable life lessons my father taught me is to walk only to the beat of God's drum: to be true to who I am (as God created me), standing by my beliefs even if they are unpopular.

Because of him I do not care what others think of me for my happiness and actions do not hinge on the approbation of others. The approval of my Father in heaven is all that matters. This was a lesson he learned from his own father, who, in turn, learned it from his Father. It is a vintage truth I appreciate more fully, the older I get, and the more I learn from Father God. 

Thank you, Daddy, for all you have taught me and given me, for helping me become a real woman, proud of and comfortable in her femininity. And thank you Abba, Father, for in your infinite wisdom you gave me a father who taught me well.

I thank and praise all fathers who love their children and teach them well.

Making lemonade

The Christian vocation is all about knowing how to transform something unpalatable into something most refreshing, delicious and good for health. It's about learning how to make a sweet, tangy lemonade.

Life will undoubtedly serve up lemons from time to time, that is, something not desired, and even a fiendish challenge. The trick is to remain calm, even in a "fight" situation and handle the situation in a loving and wise manner.

Impossible you say? If you buy into an inflated sense of entitlement and concept of subjective justice, then yes. But if you keep your eyes on Jesus and channel Him, then you will become the master lemonade maker that He is.

A recent YouTube video on road rage and bullying in Kuantan, Malaysia is case in point. An old man bumped a new, expensive car of a young woman. She had a right to restitution, of course, but how she handled the situation was extreme.

She grabbed his steering wheel lock and used it to dent his car while screaming at him and hurling abuse. The man kept calm and kept trying to pacify her despite what she did to his car.

Wow. If it were me, I would not have been so gracious. And yet, we are all called to be that elderly gentleman who went on to forgive her when she apologized and requested that the police forget the matter. He did not press charges and has not asked for damages.

Some would say he's stupid for he was within his rights but he is my hero and future model in learning to live graciously and let live.

Lately I have been beset with problems at one of my workplaces. My frustration levels have been in overdrive and I have been sounding off about the cartloads of lemons I have received.

Since I began the process of cutting the lemons up and turning the juice into lemonade, I have also decided to stop being a complainer.

Some level of complaining is not unreasonable, but to keep wallowing in it raises my blood pressure and is counter-productive. I get negative and stay negative. Certainly not a place I wish to inhabit.

With the aid of constant prayer, I have sought to remain unaffected and professional, and not take a 'an eye for an eye' attitude. Quit whining and complaining. Add some sugar to tame the tartness.

As I believe in the best interests of my clients, I have gone ahead to minimize their risks even if it means exposing myself to more risk. For my interests, I have given God the reins.

It hasn't been easy but this has liberated me from worrying about whether I get paid my dues, and I have not allowed this issue to overshadow other areas of my life. Has not the Lord provided for me previously and most recently? So why doubt Him now?

Just as a good Christian is a joyous Christian, a good Christian should know how to deftly squeeze the lemons that life or others hand them, and make a great lemonade to share with others.

So all may receive a drink that quenches their souls and inspires health, joy and love.

Entitlement

When I said goodbye to my cousin and his girls last Saturday as they were flying back to Melbourne, D said something to I which stuck with me. She was insisting on having her own way, so he took her aside and said: "It's not all about you."

This sentence came back to me when I got irritated with T yesterday whose inconsiderate and unreasonable (according to me) act had inconvenienced me. It's not all about you. Why get angry over something so minor? Even if she was wrong in doing so, why create a scene and insist on things being done properly? Find some other means to get what you want. Don't get mad, get creative. It's not the end of the world. Being right does not mean I should be unpleasant, exacting, or calculating.

It got me thinking, do I have an overly inflated sense of entitlement, something I abhor in others? Sadly I do.

Being a true blue Singaporean, I am guilty of expecting things to happen exactly when I am ready for them to happen. My bus must appear when I arrive at the bus stop. I want to be served nownownow. Why are you walking so slowly, impeding my way? Why am I waiting? Where's the much touted efficiency?

This impatience is due, in part, to me cutting things fine and being in a perpetual time crunch. It is also due to me giving in to the rhythm of harried city living that infects everyone. We are all rushing somewhere, we all have big, important things to do, so get out of the way or be mowed over.

Because my world matters most, forget being considerate, kind, or generous. I am intolerant of others, especially when they do things differently, and I demand perfection, perfect control in all situations. When things do not go my way, I gripe and play the blame game. What is wrong with everyone? Why are these people put on this earth to aggravate me? I don't care, I want it done my way.

My skewed sense of entitlement has led me to forgo being generous in many ways as I am deaf and blind to everything but my own needs. I sacrifice really listening to people, to God, and connecting to the Creator of heaven and earth in a way that would enrich me and help me be a better person. What I really want.

I have failed to be rich soil for the Word to fall on and reap a hundredfold (yesterday's Gospel). And yet, the sower keeps sowing over the rocky and thorny bits of my heart, for which I am grateful. His generosity is the redemption of my obdurate ways.

This week I resolve to listen more to His Word and give it room to grow and bear fruit. When I am tempted to insist that my way is best, or whine when something does not go my way precisely, I will tell myself what D told seven-year-old I, it's not all about you. As the song goes, it's all about you, Jesus.

Blink moments

I just spent a couple of days with my mother, my brothers (youngest bro missing unfortunately) and my sis-in-law at a chalet in Changi. I was surrounded by the beauty of the sea which lay at the bottom of the garden.

Even in Singapore, a concrete jungle, the glory of God's handiwork is present. Beauty exists around us if we seek it. I found it in the tiny shell I found on the beach, and in the wild flowers that grow along the boardwalk.

I also found beauty in the time we spent together as family, as well as the convergence of the clans from both sides of the family for an evening of fun and laughter.

Sometimes when we expend a lot of energy and time on something, and we try and try without making any headway, we get frustrated and disheartened to the point of giving up.

It could be some area in our personal walk that we are trying to sort out, or it could be a situation, or in someone we are hoping to see a marked change. 

This is when we need to realize utter dependence on God, and His timing, is necessary. This quote from Saint Philip Neri says it all:

The Lord grants in a moment what we may have been unable to obtain in dozens of years.

This moment of grace, of healing, may be just round the corner, but when we give up too soon, and we stop trying to make it better, we may deprive ourselves of this grace.

So yes, sometimes, it is a painfully long waiting game. And yet, what we do in that time of waiting is crucial. We must remain faithful to the vision we conceived, maybe years earlier, and keep chipping away at the mountain we see in front of us.

We must keep on doing the right thing: be loving even in the face of hostility. Be true to who we are, refusing to allow circumstances, people, to change us for the worse. To not bow under the oppressive weight of unchanging, death-dealing negativity.

Because I have experienced one such moment before, when God intervened in a situation I had sought to change but remained mired in for years, I know He will continue to grant me such moments in future. He alone can erase the tensions and misunderstandings within my family in a blink. Even if it has been years, I must be patient - my concept of time is not His.

In the meantime, all is not lost. I can still enjoy the little moments of laughter and joy in the shared experiences of life; of unsought for grace, especially in the trouble spots. Until God decides otherwise.

And if those blink moments do not occur, I will remember today's Gospel message from Saint Matthew, chapter 10:

You will be hated by all because of my name,
but whoever endures to the end will be saved.

Attaining the gold standard

I had a really great start to the 50s. I woke up with an overwhelming sense of gratitude for I felt so blessed by the Father, who has shown me such great love through the years.

All this time He has been part of my life, watching over me, protecting me, loving me through all the stupid mistakes and  bad decisions I have made, and I know He will continue to love me through my future missteps and faithless moments.

So what lies ahead? Only time will tell. At the same time, I do know the way I should walk - it is where Jesus is leading me, up the narrow path. I also know the way I should walk - hand in hand with Jesus, in close, intimate communication, like a woman aglow with love.

This love was confirmed through the day by all the prayers and well wishes of friends and loved ones. I was treated like a queen. My eldest brother even flew back to celebrate this day with me. It was a very special day yesterday.

Knowing all this doesn't mean I sit under the mango tree waiting for the mangoes to drop. It actually means I need to go out and plant more mango trees and other types of edible and good fruit-bearing trees.

The way ahead is a race as Saint Paul said, a marathon, and it requires patience and perseverance, plus I need to pace myself, given my diminishing reserves of energy.

I also have to watch out for complacency and remain humble, and hungry for Christ. It is not easy to maintain the edge for distractions, pride, sloth and all the other deadly sins tend to get in the way. It scares me for I know on my own I will certainly fail. But, of course, there is a way... a gold standard.

What came to me yesterday was Scripture, three separate verses. Two speak of my deepest desire and one tells me how I can attain that desire. The three verses are:

Proverbs 20:15  There is gold, and there are a multitude of jewels. But lips of knowledge are a precious vessel.

Proverbs 25:11  Whoever speaks a word at an opportune time is like apples of gold on beds of silver.

1 Peter 1:7  so that the testing of your faith, which is much more precious than gold tested by fire, may be found in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

First, it is wisdom that is treasured as gold, a wisdom that comes from hanging out with Jesus all the time. To be able to speak the right words, at the right time, so that they are received in the right way.

This is my personal challenge, to grow into that calibre of wisdom, that I can speak words of such value to help others grow. I have an innate desire to help people find truths that are not only relevant but revolutionary to their worlds. It is a desire that drives me with no small urgency.

The other revelation I had was the need for constant purification that surpasses even that of the process of refining gold. And should I pass the test, and grow in faith, I would find new ways to praise, glorify and honour Jesus as I would experience His love even more.

Gold represents not just wisdom but incorruptibility, something of great value, rare, pure, worthy enough to worship God with. The streets of heaven are paved with gold so gold also represents God's glory.

Nothing on this earth is as valuable as this relationship I have with Jesus. It is gold to me. My birthday wish for the future is that I come to value this relationship even more the older I get. Then, I will truly be living in the golden age.

When we walk, hand in hand,
The warmth of your hand sets my skin on fire.
Liquid gold races through my veins,
Purifying my heart, soul and mind
To a diamantine brilliance.
Beauty, your beauty, exudes through my pores,
I am made radiant by your love and passion.
A shower of flowers tumble over my shoulders 
Creating a veil of colour and fragrance,
A perfect balance of abundance and joy.

Fifty epiphanies

And so a new decade of life begins for me real soon. The big five-O. Am I looking forward to it? I will have to say yes for there is no other way but forward, and downhill (physically, but not emotionally or spiritually, I am in a good place here).

The last year has been, as I see it, my year of jubilee and it has been full of many lessons in how I should be living. I hope to be doing what I have learned for the rest of my life:

1)  Be kind to the body: sleep early, eat healthily, eat less (I recently discovered how much I overeat), cut sugar (it's addictive), fat and alcohol, and EXERCISE.

2)  Especially when it comes to health, prevention is better than the cure. Popping meds should not become part of one's lifestyle as far as possible. There are always side effects.

3)  Schedule appointments with more downtime in between. It's bad to be in a constant rush. Use the time-outs to be mindful, live in your body and breathe. An examen consciousness would not be amiss.

4)  Food is health and can be healing. Do not load junk into the body. If you do want to feel halfway decent when you are 75, eat properly. Start now, not tomorrow.

5)  If you abuse your body, expect it to bite back. Don't act surprised when you are in pain or worse, and wimp out by taking painkillers. Remember the pain and try not to repeat the experience.

6)  Compliment someone genuinely, be kind to someone and help someone at least once a day. This is food for the soul.

7)  Consciously breathe in the love of God and gently breathe out gratitude in the quiet moments of the day. It is a great way to de-stress, and so fundamental for a rich, spiritual life.

8)  Laugh as often as you can throughout the day. You get to exercise your abs and keep the blues at bay at the same time.

9)  Tell your mother or father you love them in ways creative and infinite every day. Your time with them is pure gift, appreciate it and use it well.

10)  Use technology wisely and only as necessary. Do not become a slave to it and live only in a virtual world. Live in the real world by being present to those around you, including the Almighty.

11)  Smile at strangers and acknowledge their presence instead of texting on your phone and ignoring them. Remember we are created human, that is to be social, to connect with one another, enriching each other's lives.

12)  It is good to experience hunger from time to time and not feed it immediately. Offer it up in solidarity with those who are starving in the world.

13)  Do not waste food. It is a sin. Quality is also better than quantity. So savour, don't gorge. Gluttony is yet another sin.

14)  When you feel down, remember there are many others much worse off than you. Your problems are nothing compared to theirs. A little perspective is always helpful, as is quiet time with the Lord.

15)  Less is more. Learn to live simply and do without. Stuff is just stuff - it buys you a scant five minutes of pure pleasure, and is inconsequential when you are dead. Store up treasures in heaven that moths and rust cannot destroy (Matthew 6:20).

16)  When you worry about finances remember God will always provide. Just do your part and things will work out, somehow.

17)  Never compromise your principles. Integrity is everything. As the Bible goes For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul? (Mark 8:36)

18)  There is always a way out. With God, a dead end can be a place of grace for it is here that He performs the most amazing miracles. Trust Him.

19)  When you least feel the presence of God, practise the virtue of faith by choosing to believe and act accordingly. Like Mother Teresa did.

20)  Never be too proud to ask for a helping hand. Give others the opportunity to love you.

21)  As Emily Dickinson wrote:
       Hope is the thing with feathers
       That perches in the soul,
       And sings the tune without the words,
       And never stops at all

22)  My SD likes to tell me: Women are created to beautify the world. He is right, so take pride in your appearance without getting obsessively vain. Handsome is as handsome does.

23)  When you think you are better than others, that's when you most definitely are not. We are all created equal in dignity, and in the image and likeness of God. Dissing others is dissing God.

24)  The need for instant gratification breeds instant rudeness and selfishness. Think of others before you think of yourself.

25)  Be polite and considerate in all circumstances. There is no excuse for rudeness even when others are rude. Living graciously is a constant, conscious decision.

26)  Profanities are for the lazy and the vulgar. A good woman (or man) should never be vulgar or lazy.

27)  Faith is not a feeling, a happy clappy high. Faith is honouring the love one has received in the past, and paying it forward.

28)  We cannot save the world, but we can always try to make someone's day a little brighter. Look for little ways to do what you can to tip the balance towards good.

29)  Go green. It's the only way we can keep Mother Earth looking beautiful and feeling good.

30)  Always look for a better way to do things. The old ways, status quo, may not always be the best, although, sometimes, they are gold and should be honoured.

31)  Happiness is always within our grasp, we just have to know where to find it. Psychologist Martin Seligman proposes starting with forgiveness and gratitude.

32)  Praise and thank God for everything, even major setbacks and grave losses. It is the fastest way to defeat adversity and rebuild what has been destroyed.

33)  Shopping or eating cannot fill the gaping hole within you. Prayer can.

34)  I don't have to like growing old but I can choose to do so gracefully. It takes hard work, there are no short cuts, but it is well worth it.

35)  Isaiah 61 is the song of my life, and the true mission of every human being. Sing it every day.

36)  We can never change people, but we can help them to change, if, and when, they desire it.

37)  Seek the best for others, not the best for you. Leave that to the Lord to reveal to you, in His time.

38)  Ageing is part of life, embrace it and use it to your advantage. You may be slower but your step is surer.

39)  The beauty of nature is the best balm for a jaded, weary spirit. Take a walk and let nature, the Creator, speak and minister to you in beauty.

40)  We don't have to like everyone for we are all created to be different and unique, but we can find unity in love, and become part of the same body of Christ.

41)  Love of God means love of neighbour, especially those we despise or cannot stand. No one said loving was an easy decision to execute, something Jesus appreciates and understands - seek His help on this.

42)  God is in the details, of your life and mine. He does not miss a thing. So depend on Him for everything, all the time.

43)  Judge not, lest ye be judged (Matthew 7:1). Extremely hard to accomplish, yet with God, all things are possible. Rely on the Holy Spirit for help on this.

44)  Never seek to be what you are not, but accept who you are and grow into your own being. That is all the Father wants, that we see ourselves as He sees us, precious and beloved.

45)  It does not matter if you are disliked, ugly and unloveable, for Jesus loves you and that love is enough to fill you up and paint your world in glorious technicolour. His love and grace are truly enough.

46)  Precisely because life is complex and people are complicated that truth comes in many forms, textures and colours. However, Jesus is unmistakably THE WAY, THE TRUTH and THE LIFE.

47)  If change is a constant, why do we expect things to stay the same? Rather than mourn the way things used to be, celebrate the here and now with gratitude and real enthusiasm.

48) While I abhor my weaknesses, I know they are where God's power can be manifested most perfectly, if I offer them up in humility and openness of heart.

49)  Clean hands and pure heart - that is all I wish for every birthday, every day. For with clean hands and pure heart, I will have gazed upon the face of God. I can die happy.

50)  Let me never forget the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, the Trinitarian God, is my all in all. My north, my south, my east and west. Without Him, I am lost.

By grace alone

I have been reflecting on pain lately. Reason being I have been experiencing some level of physical pain for some several weeks now. It culminated in the most excruciating pain I have ever felt last Monday evening, to the point I gave in and took painkillers, which were so useless that I regretted taking them.

Those who know me know I rarely take meds for I have this thing about the side effects of drugs. I combat infection and fever with propolis and honey and I constantly seek out home remedies to help my body heal itself.

The first thing I discovered about pain this time round is how much I can ignore it. It's amazing how much punishment the body can take and how much I can soldier on purely on will power.

This is both good and bad. Good that I am functional on some level for I still have to make a living, but bad when I push my body beyond what is advisable.

Having said that, the intense pain (it felt like someone drove a spike through my eyeball) on Monday evening wiped me out completely and I was forced to rest Tuesday and take it easy the rest of the week.

It is at times like these that I rely completely on grace to carry me through the commitments I made previously and I seriously do not feel up to, and the Lord has been truly kind. He has given me inner strength to do the things I needed to last week, even inspiring me to do the ones I disliked well (how awesome is that?). 

Although I am able to recognize that everything comes from God, nothing brings this fact home more than when I am weak and incapable of much. So while I would not want to repeat last week’s physical challenges, especially the piercing pain, I am immensely grateful that the Holy Spirit was there for me and came through in spades.

Grace is a wonderful thing.

Unitive majesty

It is the solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity and what caught my attention during mass this morning was when Father Arro proclaimed: undivided in unity, equal in majesty.

I am really glad that I believe in the Trinitarian God: God who is Father, Son and Holy Spirit. This mystery is truly central to my faith and my life for by virtue of being human, I am complex in thought and emotion. As such, God understands I need Him to be someone who can be everything to me in a way no man can. 

As a child I first understood God as Father, someone who loves and cares for me, his beloved child. He was always there for me, ready to forgive me when I erred, and who set me on the right path again if I strayed. He was my Good Shepherd.

He was also my Creator, the one who is the alpha and the omega, the transcendent and the immanent. Such a God is one who inspires awe and wonder, who is beyond my human understanding, and yet is someone I seek within my very heartbeat (even when I did not know it, or forgot this important fact).

I loved Him for loving me. I respected Him for being pure goodness and holy. I feared Him for when I committed sin or evil, I knew He knew. Nothing escapes Him.

In recent years, I have experienced much of His tenderness and faithfulness for He has been my provender (He is truly my portion and cup) and protector, and I never cease to be amazed at how much He loves me.

Then there is Jesus, God incarnate because the Father loved me enough to send me the gift of His son. Jesus is someone I only came to know fairly recently. As Saint Augustine famously wrote late have I loved Thee. I sometimes lament the lateness, but I rejoice that this is a relationship I will never take for granted ever for it is hard won.

I have come to know Jesus as brother, friend, lover and bridegroom. He affirms my womanhood and encourages my feminine genius. With Him, I feel like a beautiful woman, inside out, one who is treasured and loved completely. Even on my ugly and mean days, He never stops rooting for me, nudging me out of spiritual darkness and sadness. He makes me want to be a better person all the time. He inspires me for He stands on the side of good, and was willing to die that I may be saved. He is my knight in a shimmering armour of unconditional love.       

Best of all, what it says in Matthew 11:27 rings true for it is through Jesus, the Word, that I have come to know the Father even more. The plans God has for me to prosper me, have been revealed as I walk with Jesus by my side, hand in hand. His humanity channels his divinity.

When it comes to the Holy Spirit, it has been like a treasure hunt. Even though I was sealed with the gift of the Holy Spirit during the Sacrament of Confirmation and was sent forth then to be witness, I sadly ignored the graces of this gift, frittering them away. Thus, the gifts (see 1 Corinthians 12:7-11) and the fruits (Galatians 5:22) of the Spirit were lost or hidden from me.

I did not acknowledge how awesome a person He can be (He is not called Great Counsellor for nothing), and how He came so that I may always be guided and taught in truth. Through the Holy Spirit, I have since come to understand the gifts of my baptism and my life more fully. I have discovered the gifts and fruits that He has blessed me with and learned how to put them to good effect.

If I want to grow in virtue, to become the person I was created to be, He is the one who can help me. If I wish to be as holy as the disciples and saints of the past, He is key to my becoming a Kingdom builder - my path to happiness through goodness. And through Him, Father and Son can be further revealed in greater glory. As Pope Francis puts it:

The Holy Spirit, gift of the risen Jesus, communicates the divine life to us and thus he draws us into the dynamism of the Trinity, which is a dynamism of love, communion, mutual service, sharing.  

Thank you, Father, Son and Holy Spirit for gracing my life, and for revealing your Trinitarian majesty to me. Without you, my life would be pallid and one-dimensional.

Birthday gift

Today is Pentecost. To celebrate this great birthday feast of the Church, Father Matthew Linn was invited to celebrate the Church of the Holy Spirit’s Triduum and run a seminar, Fully Alive yesterday. I came away with many gifts and would like to share them with you.

Father Matthew reminded us that each of us came into the world with special gifts, a unique voice and mission. If we have not found our mission, then we are only half alive. He defined mission as the way we each receive and give love in life.

Until we find that special way to give life and get life back, we ourselves, and the world along with us, are impoverished. Using a series of vignettes taken from CBS News On The Road with Steve Hartman, Father Matthew gave us pointers on how we recognize our special gifts and use them.

He stressed that we need not be as impossibly selfless as Mother Teresa or as crazy talented as Beethoven, but when we identify our gifts and use them, then we will be living out the new commandment to “love your neighbour as yourself”.   

The gift may be as small as teaching others to read and singing in a choir, or as big as going back to school to become a doctor and then helping heal those who cannot afford healthcare, paying for their treatment and meds. The first step is to identify your call: What do you do when you don't have to do your job? What gives you energy and life? What brings meaning to your life and gets you out of bed, raring to go each day.

Father Matthew also asked us this: Who do you find that you can really love? Are there special groups of people you feel drawn toward? For Jim O’Connor, a high school math teacher, it is cuddling sick babies at a hospital.  For centenarian Agnes Zhelesnik, it is teaching young children to bake, a vocation she took up when she turned 81.

Another way to find your gift is to see where you have been hurt and healed. Your scar will be your strength, your badge of honour. Just as former alcoholics know exactly how to help alcoholics who are trying to quit, or cancer patients like Jon McAlpin who found a way to deal with dying. Jon warmly greets fellow patients and their family members to the hospital, helping them feel better. What got him out of his depression was when his doctor told him the end of your life need not mean the end of the world.

Father Matthew asked: What have you been through that has made you stronger, that you have come out on the other side with a bigger heart, and you want to be there for those who are going through the same ordeal? This can become your gift.

The next two questions help us put our lives into perspective, to maybe act out our mission and to just be grateful for the present moment:

What would you do if you had one year left to live?

What would you do if you have 10 years to live and you have just won the lottery?

We are our worst enemies at times, for we put obstacles in our own path even if we know what we want to do. He encouraged us not to play it small, to come out of the box, and to go far and wide. God always has a bigger plan for each of us. If we are liberated from our fears, then we can help liberate others. If we dare to love more deeply, then we can receive more love and life.

Perhaps the biggest gift I received yesterday was during ministry time. Father Matthew taught us how to pray with each other by laying hands on each other in silence. Before we began, we each blessed the other’s hand, “May this hand be the healing hand of Jesus”, then we asked the other person where they would feel comfortable having someone’s hand on them and what they would like to pray for and we began to pray. Instead of using words, he asked us to breathe in Jesus’ love and breathe it out through our hand.

We do not need words or faith, for to pray like Jesus was to just love with our hearts. Healing comes from Jesus, not how well we pray in words. We can also ask how the other felt, and continue to pray for what the person wants, asking for more healing (if there was some other area that needed healing).

He debunked the need to only ask a priest to pray for us and instead encouraged us to pray for our own family members, in our own homes. The Holy Spirit lives within each of us and the love we have for family and friends widens the channel through which Jesus, the Holy Spirit, will bring healing.

I actually experienced physical healing yesterday. But that was not the best part. The best part was when J opened his eyes after praying, he found that his hand was no longer resting on my shoulder, and yet, he had not lifted his hand off my shoulder and had never lost the feel of my shoulder under his hand. Funnily enough, I never felt him lift his hand off my shoulder either. There is only one conclusion I can draw, we both felt the hand of Jesus, in between J’s hand and my shoulder. It does not get better than that.

Happy Pentecost!

Bringing vacation home

Although I have been back from Honolulu for almost three weeks, my body has not fully adjusted to the time change (yes, I am a poor traveller for I never really adjusted to Honolulu time well only to come home and face the same problem here). Result: I am absolutely knackered by 9:00pm.

While I have thrown myself into life quite enthusiastically, it has been full of challenges lately, and it has been quite stressful consequently. I have also fallen sick, and had to deal with a wisdom tooth inflammation which has proven quite painful (I now understand what it means to be driven crazy by pain) for I have opted to let my body heal on its own, sans drugs. So it's been a slow and agonizing process.

Despite all my recent woes, I have been able to keep my head above water and function without turning into a blubbering, hot mess or a vengeful harridan blaming the world for all my problems. The glow of my vacation has not worn off.

Three things have helped me. The first is that I have tried to maintain the disciplines of prayer I began in Hawaii and although not exactly successful, the effects of being so Christ-focused on vacation have spilled over into life, post-vacation. Being Christ-centred has become an even stronger habit with many attendant graces.

I have not fallen into despair. I am more positive. I am filled with joy even as I am frustrated at certain situations or with various people. I love and truly enjoy what I do and I have been gratified with happy, satisfied clients. I am grateful for my life and I can taste life in all its different flavours and textures with greedy gusto.

I am not worried and I can sleep in peace knowing He will take care of me as He has always done, with generosity and gentleness. I can let go and forgive all the bad things. I am happy to be me, creaky bones, aching muscles, saggy flesh and all.

The second thing that has helped me through this trying period is taking accountability for my own health. I have refused to give in to the perimenopausal hormonal craziness and am experimenting with all kinds of supplements, and get-fit rituals to help me through this physically life-altering transition of life.

I went on this health bid while on vacation and seem to have hit on a pretty good combination for the hot flashes are minimal again and I have not been an emotional wreck. I can sleep. Best of all, the belly has even subsided and I do not feel so ungainly.

Finally, I received a gift from the islands that I carry within my heart, one I cherish greatly and refuse to forget, this time. The gift is the hearts of the people who live in Hawaii. It is the unmistakable yet indefinable spirit of aloha that lives in those who are born there and infects those who choose to make their home there.

It is in the warm hospitality of strangers who treat you like a long-lost friend. It is the generosity and passion of people who give back what they have received, committed to spreading the love around. It is this common decency and common courtesy, both no longer so common, that I experienced in abundance.

I was charmed by the goodness of the people I met and I fell in love all over again. I resolved to import the aloha spirit, bring it home with me, for I want to live graciously not just when I am there, but wherever I am. Thus, I have tried to be more patient, more reasonable, more personable, friendly, open and more laid back upon my return.

Guess what, I have found some really nice and friendly people living in Singapore. This proves to me that I can be the change I want to see. So now, when I meet rude, obnoxious, impatient people, I don't bristle so quickly in reaction, but I try to see if I can change how I view them by changing how I behave toward them. Stay gracious, no matter what. This has led to pleasant surprises (the grouchy, unfriendly fruit stall uncle can actually be nice) and I feel that the world around me has become a friendlier, cosier place lately.

Life will continue to be filled with problems and challenges, but there will always be blessings and gifts that demonstrate the love of God as well. His grace is enough to keep me happy and humming, despite the stumbling blocks.

Thank you, Lord, for the gift of aloha for it is your Spirit that animates and leads, no matter where I am, at home or abroad.

Halau Mele dancers celebrating the Huli Kauwela, Changing of the Seasons

Vocation reflection

The way to one's true vocation is not simply about finding the path that brings one the most joy or greatest fulfilment in life. It is also about finding the path that brings one the most tears, for it is only when one has truly cried for others that one has truly loved.     

When I read what Brother Nicholas Lye said about his vocation journey in the Catholic News (June 1, 2014), it made me think of what my vocation means to me now, 11 years on.

It is true that what has afforded me the deepest satisfaction and joy has also exacted a great price; sacrifices involving time, hard work, discipline, perseverance, physical and emotional pain, and tears, copious amounts at times.

Saying yes to my vocation (not just the domain of priests and religious) has necessitated my saying no to many other things. It has meant saying no, at times, to personal comfort, pleasure, complacency, and my own selfish desires. I have had to cut links, lose relationships and leave people I loved dearly behind.

It has also meant saying yes to growing: forming my character, acquiring new skills, sharpening my faith, shaping my spirituality and dying to self, repeatedly. I had to learn how to be a child again, helpless and utterly dependent on the Father. Whilst incredibly hard, and humbling, it has been exhilarating and liberating as well.

So if you think following your vocation is a cakewalk, think again. And yet, for me, there is no other way. From the moment I knew what it was that I was created to do, I had to follow the dreams that God placed into my heart from the beginning, dreams I had discovered only a decade or so ago. I had lived in a purposeless limbo too long to want to remain there a second more.

While each one of us has a unique vocation, there is one aspect of vocation that we all share, and that is the mission to love: God and others. Loving, as we all know, is a risky business with treacherous yields. To love means allowing one to be vulnerable, to expose one's heart to the vagaries and whimsies of others, to risk betrayal.

Thus to be true to one's vocation is to transform the wastelands of anger, despair, fear, hatred and evil in the world, seeding the landscape with faith, hope, joy and peace through love as we march through the highways and byways of everyday, humdrum chaos, bringing new life to what was previously lost and thought hopeless. We may even be required to water the landscape with our own tears of hurt, frustration and pain in order to change it for the better.

It can get lonely and wearisome so it is imperative to have companions on the journey. As today's first reading from Acts 1:12-14 reminds us, we need to gather in the upper room with others of like mind and heart to praise and glorify God, thanking Him for sending us Jesus, His Son, and to keep watch for the Holy Spirit who will be sent to us so that we can be filled with His grace and power. So glad I am going to see my fellow ICPE Companions later this afternoon.

These last years have been a time of study and training for me and I know this will continue until the day I die. I am battle-scarred, I have even broken a few bones, but I am stronger, more resilient, and wiser.

I can see how God is constantly honing and refining my vocation, waiting for me to say yes to His plan (it is a process, not a one-shot deal). I won't continue to say yes without trepidation, especially since I know how high the costs can be, but I know that if I am sincere, then He will always be with me, a reassuring and loving presence, every step of the way.

Pride in Christ

When I refuted an inference that I may have dallied with a former boyfriend by saying I never look back on relationships I left behind, plus, I do not believe in pre-marital sex, T said I was born in the wrong era and was like Rapunzel in an ivory tower, and she would buy me a chastity belt for my birthday. I found her remarks pejorative and mildly hostile although they were couched in 'humour'.

It never ceases to amaze me how strong a reaction others have to my personal decision to live out my Catholic faith actively, especially in the matter of chastity. What is it that makes others do their utmost to change my mind or mock me? Why is sexual abstinence so socially unacceptable?

Is it so unimaginable that I can be a sexually vibrant and fulfilled woman (yes, I do see myself as such), just because I abstain from sexual relations? Is it so hard to believe that I am no slave to my sexual urges, nor do I feel desperately and unhappily incomplete or defective as a woman if I lack the attention of men?

A recent address by Robert P. George* to the National Catholic Prayer Breakfast caught my attention. He opened by saying:

The days of socially acceptable Christianity are over. The days of comfortable Catholicism are past. It is no longer easy to be a faithful Christian, a good Catholic, an authentic witness to the truths of the Gospel. A price is demanded and must be paid. There are costs of discipleship—heavy costs, costs that are burdensome and painful to bear.

He went on to say:

The question each of us today must face is this: Am I ashamed of the Gospel? And that question opens others: Am I prepared to pay the price that will be demanded if I refuse to be ashamed, if, in other words, I am prepared to give public witness to the massively politically incorrect truths of the Gospel, truths that the mandarins of an elite culture shaped by the dogmas of expressive individualism and me-generation liberalism do not wish to hear spoken? Or, put more simply, am I willing, or am I, in the end, unwilling, to take up my cross and follow Christ?

Powerful forces and currents in our society press us to be ashamed of the Gospel—ashamed of the good, ashamed of our faith’s teachings on the sanctity of human life in all stages and conditions, ashamed of our faith’s teachings on marriage as the conjugal union of husband and wife. These forces insist that the Church’s teachings are out of date, retrograde, insensitive, uncompassionate, illiberal, bigoted—even hateful. These currents bring pressure on all of us—and on young Catholics in particular—to yield to this insistence. They threaten us with consequences if we refuse to call what is good evil, and what is evil good. They command us to conform our thinking to their orthodoxy, or else say nothing at all.

George covered the usual sticky issues of what Gospel living means in the context of Catholic doctrine such as the dignity of the human person (abortion and contraception violate that dignity) and the nature of sexual morality and marriage (chastity before and after marriage, plus the sanctity of the marital covenant is valid only for couples of the opposite sex, no such thing as same sex marriage, an oxymoron if there ever was one). He went on to say:

To be a witness to the Gospel today is to make oneself a marked man or woman. It is to expose oneself to scorn and reproach. To unashamedly proclaim the Gospel in its fullness is to place in jeopardy one’s security, one’s personal aspirations and ambitions, the peace and tranquility one enjoys, one’s standing in polite society. One may in consequence of one’s public witness be discriminated against and denied educational opportunities and the prestigious credentials they may offer; one may lose valuable opportunities for employment and professional advancement; one may be excluded from worldly recognition and honors of various sorts; one’s witness may even cost one treasured friendships. It may produce familial discord and even alienation from family members. Yes, there are costs of discipleship—heavy costs. 

He likens this period that Catholics who seek to live out their faith in fullness as Good Friday, a time of trial and testing and encourages us not to forget that the Easter of our lives is coming and therefore not to be ashamed of the Gospel, and to keep hoping.

Today's Gospel from John 15:18-21 reminds us:

If the world hates you, realize that it hated me first.
If you belonged to the world, the world would love its own;
but because you do not belong to the world,
and I have chosen you out of the world,
the world hates you.
Remember the word I spoke to you,
‘No slave is greater than his master.’
If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you.
If they kept my word, they will also keep yours.
And they will do all these things to you on account of my name,
because they do not know the one who sent me.” 

To be a follower of Christ is seriously scary. Every day Christians are persecuted and killed, their homes destroyed, their places of worship violated.  Christianity is also under siege by the world for espousing the Gospel values George talks about.

As a Christian living in a city that promotes racial and religious harmony, I am grateful that I can express my faith freely. Perhaps because I don't have to fight for my faith, I tend to be a little more complacent, my faith not tested to the fullest extent.

I can only pray that if I deny Jesus as Saint Peter did (and I know I will) that, when it really counts, I would be willing to be crucified upside down as he was. In the meantime, may I be granted the grace to live and sing the Gospel with pride.

* To read the transcript of this rousing speech, go to http://www.zenit.org/en/articles/ashamed-of-the-gospel 

Temptation

No one ought to consider himself a true servant of God who is not tried by many temptations and trials.

I read this quote from Saint Francis of Assisi with great relief. Despite constantly striving for virtue and the greatest good, I sometimes feel I am going nowhere for I am seething with temptations within, and I fall into sin as easily as I did before my Damascus experience. I am sure I exaggerate for I must have progressed somewhat, but it sure feels that way, much to my chagrin. So, Saint Francis, thank you.

Although I know that to be tempted is not a sin if I do not act out what I am tempted to do, it still feels pretty much like a sin when temptation pops into my head and I kinda let it sit there a while, contemplating, and even luxuriating in it (sailing a little too close to the wind here), before banishing it with prayerful resolve.

It is quite interesting to note that there are different grades of temptation, some easily dealt with, while others tend to be a little more persistent, much like pet sins that plague us regularly despite our best efforts. But then, given that there are venial and mortal sins, I suppose it makes sense that there are temptations of varying strengths.

I also know that my strongest weaknesses (although A would tell me that weakness is strength in excess) will always be the most challenged and these are the ones I safeguard against the most zealously. I once asked E how do I deal with the heavy duty ones, and she told me to offer them up to the Lord to sanctify. This actually works. So it is important to acknowledge and give up our weaknesses for only in humble supplication can God's transformative power be made perfect; temptation, and sin, vanquished.

It is imperative that we have an ongoing, maturing awareness of self. Self-knowledge that aids a well-formed conscience is one of our most effective weapons against temptation, apart from our openness and desire to improve ourselves.

But merely knowing our shadows is grossly inadequate; we have to want to overcome weakness, or else it becomes a greater obstacle to our spiritual growth. When we fall into sin knowingly, it not only bumps the gravity of the sin up one notch, taking us further away from God, it also erodes our moral fibre and our confidence in combating sin in general.

It's much like walking, and falling knowingly into a pit, then mouldering there in gloomy self-exile. We may convince ourselves that a particular sin is the source of our greatest happiness but we would only be fooling ourselves momentarily (check out the parable of the prodigal son and you will see what I mean).

Conversely, we might despair, causing us to stay away from the Father and His healing love even longer. Worse, we give up, or we can are unable to differentiate between right and wrong any more, thereby opening the door even wider for evil to take root more vigorously in our hearts and lives.

There is no such thing as a little sin or a little evil: from a single seed, an entire forest can proliferate in the blink of an eye. You cannot control it, it is most insidious. Just when you thought it could not get any worse, sin happens to have a social aspect, meaning what you do impacts others. Your actions may cause others to sin, or incur collateral damage. Even if damage is not apparent, every sin committed makes the world a darker, and sadder, place, tipping the scales between good and evil toward evil.

So befriend your shadows and coax them every day into the light of God's grace to diminish in strength. The consciousness examen is inestimable in this endeavour. Call it super-strength weed killer for it helps us spot even the seeds that are naked to the human eye, and eradicate them.

If they do not go away, this is where the second part of Saint Francis's quote kicks in, it becomes a trial to be endured, much like Saint Paul's thorn in his flesh. After all, it is an imperfect world we live in so why should we be perfect while inhabiting it? It would only serve to make us insufferable, hardly saintly.

Speaking of saintliness, I found another gem of a quote by Leon Bloy (read this twice in two days which means it is worth sharing):

Life offers only one tragedy in the end: not to have been a saint. 

If you are seriously considering becoming one, this is answered aptly by Peter Kreeft in life lesson 12, in his book Before I Go:

A saint is one who loves God simply, with whole heart, mind and soul. 

What's stopping you?