Faith experience

Yesterday E. asked me this question regarding faith, "Do you feel it in your body?" Initially I thought it a curious question but responded in the affirmative after giving the question some thought.

My experiences of God are many and diverse, but at the most visceral level, it is a felt, sensory experience.

It's a sense of incredible lightness that permeates every corner of my mind, the distant reaches of my psyche and every tingly nerve ending in my body.

As my heart is touched by the experience of Divine love, it's a point of transformation and an opportunity for growth.

It's an ineffable lightness of being. There are no words save when it happens to you, you will know it, even if it is not a dramatic Damascus event like St. Paul's.

This gift of the Spirit is often one of surprise, unexpected, oft-times elusive although deeply sought - what Ignatius might call "consolation without previous cause".

While I am wary of over-simplifying and reducing faith to an experiential high that one gets, the truth of God's love is undeniably decoded in the language of the body, as Pope John Paul II elucidates in his Theology of the Body.

In order for there to be real meaning and depth in any human experience, the experience must be an amalgam of thought/words and life/love. So that it becomes an experience that can be shared with others, connecting and uniting humanity one with the other, thereby forging yet another link in the chain of life that answers the fundamental questions of existence and how meaning in life is lived out in the body.

Experience cannot be reduced to merely a series of events, separate from affectivity, and without any meaning in life.

With the body as the foundational place of all experiences in life, the body becomes the place not only to meet and "communicate" God, but it is the vehicle for us to "reach out and touch someone" (be it child, parent, sibling, relative, friend or stranger), and thereby make a difference in the world.

In that encounter with the other where we give of ourselves (be it a smile, a kind word, a loving caress or a helping hand), our hearts are transformed by that act of love and we move closer to the true meaning of love and towards God.

And we get to live out the message that God is love in our bodies.

Random acts

Today is the solemnity of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. As I read the reflection this morning, I came to a new understanding of what this feast celebrates ie the living heart of Jesus, the man He was: His inner life, virtues, sentiments and infinitely loving and lovable nature.

I recently re-read an article written by Rolheiser where he talks about what lies at the heart of our faith, "the deep truth that we are unconditionally loved by God". While we may know this, we find it difficult to believe.

It's hard to internalize this fundamental truth for we rarely experience unconditional love in our lifetimes. Much as our parents, relative and friends love us, they love us better when we conform to their idea of what we should be like.

Plus our experience of love is usually tainted by expressions of love that are not love at all but "expressions of self-serving manipulation, exploitation, or even positive abuse".

No wonder it's so difficult to believe in love, especially unconditional love.

Rolheiser recommends we "kill" the incarnations of our past selfs, and not allow our past experience and past wounded selfs mar our present belief or vision of God.

To add to that, I would like to suggest that we get to know the very heart of Jesus by poring over and meditating on the gospels and the collection of letters in the New Testament.

The more we see and understand how He embraced humanity with love in everything He did during His short time on earth leading up to His ultimate sacrificial act of love, the more we are able to see Him acting in our lives today and experience in a very personal and real way His unconditional love.

Every act of random kindness is an act that bears the mark of Christ's unconditional love for us, whether we realize it or not, and whether we are the recipient or the initiator.

So even if we struggle to believe that Jesus loves us, we allow Him to live in us when we love and reach out to another in "the sincere gift of self".

And in so doing, we become brilliant imitators of His Sacred Heart and most resemble Him.

For we have now experienced Christ’s unconditional, infinite love as the giver and that transforms us, imperceptibly but significantly.

Now that's a class act.

Will to freedom

For some reason today, I left the house in a rush, convinced I was going to be late for my class, only to discover, en route, that I was early. So I decided to take a walk in the Botanic Gardens.

It was a grey, overcast afternoon, perfect for a walk. I essentially made a loop around the grounds before heading for class just over an hour later.

I enjoyed the oasis of green and quiet, with only the occasional breeze and the song of the cicadas accompanying me. It became an afternoon of Ignatian contemplation where I reviewed my weekend.

Much had transpired - many surprises and discoveries - some delightful, and some not so. What was most interesting to me was how my insecurities caused me to react in ways that took me right back to my teenage, angst-filled years.

Hmmm, having worked assiduously on my issues in recent years, I had reckoned I would react in a more mature fashion. Surely I was no longer slave to my OCD tendencies?

This is when I am glad I had made the decision to love Christ with "all my heart, soul mind and strength" for in so doing, I relinquish my will, every day, in order to follow Him.

In this instance, I was freed (as I processed my thoughts and feelings during my time of contemplation) of my impatience and my whiny, insecure, manic girl self.

Despite the inability to predict if the future would bring me what I want (or think I want), in allowing Christ to lead, I know that I will achieve the desires of my heart and experience much joy even before I attain them.

In the meantime, I was affirmed in so many ways.

My neighbour whom I met in church on Sunday bought me breakfast, insisting he pay for me in a very gallant manner.

I was able to give emotional support and advice to women friends who were going through crises and, in turn, received from other woman friends encouraging support.

My youngest bro and I had a chat where he reminded me of the woman I am - caring, nurturing, wise, wonderful and much loved.

I taught well this morning, enjoying the experience of helping clients get more in touch with their bodies.

My life is full of richness and depth as was revealed to me in my time of introspection.

I finish this day, with confidence renewed, calm restored and the conviction that with Christ at the centre of my universe, I am able to do all things.

His will be done. Freely.

Holy wholeness

It's been a little bit of a frustrating time for me for I keep falling sick every week. I won't bore you with a laundry list of ailments, suffice to say I am sick of it all and foing my darnedest to get healthy and fit.

In sharing my woes, A. offered me a very profound thought about two weeks ago. She said that what God wants, first and foremost, is for me to be whole and holy. He is not looking purely for someone to serve Him. Service is secondary, something we do to reciprocate the love we have received from our heavenly Father.

It made me realize that I valued my self-worth based very much on what I could bring to the table. Not surprising seeing as one of my main love languages is acts of service. When I don't accomplish what I think I ought to, I consider myself a failure.

No wonder I get so uptight and critical of my self.

Anyway, I spent the weekend attending the Life in the Spirit Seminar. I went only because I wanted to encourage my cousin and uncle to attend but of course, there was a huge learning lesson for me.

This issue of wholeness that has been floating around in my consciousness for the last two weeks was addressed numerous times for the message is that Jesus came so that we can have life "to the full".

So I managed to let go and let God do His thang this weekend and it was pretty awesome in the mysterium tremendum and fascinosum way.*

Now the trick is to keep remembering that I am called to wholeness and holiness and treat my mind, body and spirit accordingly.

So if I forget, please remind me.

* Read more of Otto's definition: http://academic.brooklyn.cuny.edu/english/melani/gothic/numinous.html

Spirit led

"The wind blows where it pleases and you hear its sound,
but you don't know where it comes from or where it is going.
It is like that with everyone who is born of the Spirit."

The lyricism and power of this verse from John's gospel blows my mind every time I read it.

While it reminds me to desist from attempting to grasp too tightly the mystery and transcendence of the Creator for He is beyond all human understanding, it also reminds me that Christ is immanent, residing right within me.

He is my spirit guide, the inner voice that lights my path with velvet-soft whispers. In order to proceed along the narrow path of God's will, I must use my sensibilities intuitively, relying on a blend of compassion and righteousness that is indubitably Christ's.

It is never easy to navigate based on faith for it can be such a fragile and nebulous thing. Plus being human (and a kiasu Singaporean), I tend to hedge my bets on known facts and figures, and what my head tells me.

I still remember asking E. in Bangalore how will I know if I am following what God wills in my life or simply following my own will? She told me to ask that He speaks to me in ways that I understand. And then to sit back and listen carefully in my sacred spaces of prayer time.

It's amazing what can come from a sincere desire to decipher the movements of the Spirit. While it will never be an exact science, there are instances I know that an unexplainable impulse is Spirit led. This is especially so when I consider the consequences of that said impulse. If it moves me to bear good fruit, beneficial to those around me, then it is as it should be. As He wills it.

Of course there are times I wonder if a decision or idea comes from Him or from me? In those instances, I seek counsel from people whom I trust for their sound judgment. I also read the lay of the land, gathering information from various sources, bringing it to prayer, then seeing where my heart leads me. Consolation or desolation?*

Along the way I've learned not to let fear of making the wrong decision stop me from acting. For even a wrong decision can be made right if my initial and constant desire is to follow His will. The creativity of the Spirit never ceases to surprise me so I am no longer afraid to mess up or go with the flow.

As we honour the 'Advocate' given to us on Pentecost, I give thanks for this great gift of the Holy Spirit and resolve to remain open to living in the Spirit.


* Making use of tools or methodologies of brilliant minds who have trodden the same path before me is of great assistance. I am currently enjoying the revisit of Ignatian spirituality, made easy by Margaret Silf in her book Landmarks.

Integrating body and spirit

When I saw my SD last week and he asked me what I would like to pray for, I said I felt very scattered and needed focus. He prayed for an integration of my gifts and came up with a beautiful image of a person's gifts and talents as flowers which when looked at singly may be pretty but when integrated into a bouquet became a spectacular show of contrasting colours, perfumes, shapes and textures.

This word "integration" has been figuring largely in my life this year. Not that it hasn't in the past for I have spent the last five years trying to integrate my spirituality with my sexuality, my beliefs and thoughts with my actions and behaviour and I have been largely successful.

However, in attempting to live out my life as fully as possible, I have overstretched my limits at times and hence I find myself struggling to integrate my talents: be all things to all people in order to be Christ to the world and, at the same time, be a happy, healthy woman in the prime of her life.

Right now there is little integration between my will and my body. I find myself feeling fragile, physically and emotionally.

Tired seems to be my constant state of existence as I rush from place to activity in neverending succession.

I even struggle with turning up for my weekly W2W meeting although I look forward to it for my exhausted body would love it if I could just spend the Friday evening relaxing at home and going to bed early in order to be fresh for a busy Saturday of teaching.

I am Jacob tussling with the angel when it comes to doing what I feel is the right thing to do versus what I really want.

In accepting that the tension between the two will always exist, there is great relief. An insight that was sparked by the realization that I must accept my imperfect past, present and future in my body.

In other words, my life will never perfect, as I will never be perfect and while I should strive for perfection, if I fall short, that's perfectly alright, as long as I have tried my best to be true to myself (and the Father's will) and conducted myself with integrity - all this while respecting the limitations of my physical being.

At last Friday's meeting, we shared on helplessness and feeling trapped. While I sometimes feel trapped by my sense of right and wrong, I realized that it is in moments of utter helplessness when I cease to struggle and just rely totally on God, and that is when I experience relief and freedom.

This realization was common among the women present. Each had her own unique story to share, her own personal cross, yet when each surrendered her situation in its most bewildering, depressing and scariest moments, somehow she was liberated from fear and given the strength to soldier on.

Grace in its purest form is given when we meet Jesus face to face.

I am reminded of a verse from Exodus that encouraged me in the aftermath of a devastating break-up:

'The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to keep still.’

So instead of struggling so hard, I will stand still and let time and nature unfurl organically.

Living new life

Life has been particularly hectic the last couple of weeks and my health has suffered for it. While there were times I wished that I could've slow down, I have also enjoyed the busyness of it all.

Easter brought visitors and I most enjoyed getting to know C. who is S.'s charming little boy, and having long chats with S., who is like a dear sister to me. Then there was the lector retreat, followed by a trip to Bangkok which was a mad whirl of shopping and eating - enjoyable but utterly exhausting.

There have also been concerted efforts to meet up with friends, attend required meetings and soul-enriching talks which, on top of the teaching, left very little time for myself and a body that is protesting very loudly by failing to function well.

At last Friday's meeting, A. brought up a very interesting point of integration - how the mind and body must connect in all that we do, that is, will, reason and emotion must all sing on the same page.

You would think that teaching Pilates would help me get it - but that's just it, I have been teaching and not doing, and hence have missed the point completely for a while now.

I have been neglecting my own physical and emotional health by focusing on what I need to do and what I perceive as things that I need to do which are hard to fit into a 24-hour day.

Instead of loving myself, I have been caring for others with a total disregard for my own self. And because I am so exhausted every day, I give in to poor dietary choices and unhealthy couch potato-like behaviour. It's become a cycle of bad lifestyle habits hard to break.

AW also shared last Friday how as a wife, mother and working woman she survives on three-four hours of sleep at least three times a week. A conscientious and loving woman, she struggles with juggling responsibilities.

While there will always be too many responsibilities from the multi-varied roles we are each called to play, there must be harmony within our minds, bodies and souls.

If our health is less than perfect: if we are physically unfit/overweight/constantly tired, if we suffer from a variety of mysterious aches and pains, if we are too tired to even know how we feel or seem to be low in spirits, if we are mentally stressed and find it hard to relax, if we find it hard to sleep well at night, if we are irritable and illogical... this is a wake-up call.

Listen to your body - what is it saying to you? If it is not happy in any way, there is something seriously wrong with the way you are living your life.

Being loving, caring human beings who serve others does not mean we should suffer by being in less than optimum health.

We must treat our bodies with respect by getting the requisite amount of sleep, eating well (a nutritionally sound diet that moderates or abstains from unhealthy food choices) and exercising (the human body was made to move and I am not talking about walking to the fridge to get a snack or channel-surfing here).

Being "ensouled bodies", we must treat our souls with the same amount of respect by exercising our spiritual muscle and making time to nourish our relationship with Jesus.

If we make time to know Christ, and ourselves, intimately, we will never stray too far or get too lost. For our inner compass will always work to steer us in the right direction, especially in moments of crisis. But one must use this compass constantly if not it will get rusty and untrue.

Exercising spiritual muscle is a little more complicated for we live in a world where many evils abound, some clothed in perceived goodness. I think it's vital to make good recreational choices - in the movies we watch, the music we listen to and the pastimes we indulge in - as well as moderate what we are exposed to media-wise for the rule of GIGO (garbage in, garbage out) applies.

This rule applies to friends as well. I am fond of telling my youngest brother, "You lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas." So who you hang out with is something to consider very carefully.

Self-possession is also key and it begins with the small things like not eating the next delicious mouthful that will push you over the edge into over-eating, and guarding against addictions and compulsive behaviour.

The moment you say, "I can't help myself", "I really need to finish this before I..." or "Just one more..." warning bells should go off in your head.

I have set myself a goal of a pain-free and fit body by year's end and I am as far from it as I can possibly be. So my Easter promise to myself is to begin living a new life, instead of just talking about it.

Let new life begin.

Child

Child has the inalienable right to be loved,
For who he is, for her own being.
Not what he can become, or what she does well,
or what Child represents in the grown-up's universe.
Too tall, too short, too fat, too skinny,
Too quiet, too noisy, too stupid, too naughty,
Her eyes are too small, his ears stick out,
She's too dark, he's too fair - too ugly.
The litany of unmet expectations and exacting judgments
Obscure the fact that Child is perfect!
As is. Not one freckle more or less.
Regardless of shortcomings, disabilities, size, shape, form or sex.
In spite of the circumstances of birth, good and bad.
Child is a priceless gift, to be cherished,
Savoured each passing day,
From first smile to first word to first date.
Clothed in loving affirmation, she will grow, he will mature
Into the image and likeness of each parent's best self.
The world a playground and safe haven
Where Child is creator, giving birth to new life
Every single day.

Gaming lessons

I spent the previous weekend in Kluang (outside JB) and returned home completely exhausted with a bokok nose to boot, but in high spirits.

What began as a simple desire to use my gift of reading aloud has led to being part of St. Teresa's PPC (Parish Pastoral Council) Exco - a responsibility I never sought and I was quite dismayed when I was elected. However, I did say "yes" as Edwina, the retreat facilitator, pointed out.

Indeed I did.

The PPC retreat began with probing questions on why each of us was there. It was heartening to note that there were quite a few who felt like I did ("Aiyah, why me, ah?"). As we went through the planned activities - mostly games - a transformation soon took place.

I learned to stop looking back to examine how I arrived at this point, but instead to be present in the moment and to recognize God's presence in the moment.

I got to know my fellow councillors and it was equally enjoyable and humbling to get to know some of them - good men and women of faith. (It was also mega fun to hang out with my cousin J. whose high empathy taught me a lesson or two.)

Other new skills I picked up were how to work in a team successfully: never to make assumptions but to assume that we each have a different way of processing information and to therefore clarify continually; to be aware of the people factor and not just focus on getting the task done; and to be empathetic and cooperative in getting a job done collectively. And, of course, to persevere in all things.

The two days spent in communal prayer and fellowship also brought back great memories of my first experience of community life in Bangalore in 2003 and my "burning bush" experience. A timely reminder of how God always answers prayer.

Apart from having fun, my learning lesson about myself is that I tend to be negative for I am highly critical of self and I need to take myself less seriously. I also need to love myself even when I goof up and accept I make mistakes, like everyone else.

At the start of Lent, my SD did challenge me to dive into the deep and despite the busyness of my life, I think I have managed to do just that.

Thank God for fun and games.

Perfection challenge

I've been experiencing a restlessness of heart which I've identified only recently and in seeking its reason, I realized it was linked to my stymied prayer life.

While I desire an even more intimate relationship with Jesus, my spirit has been distracted and I have not been giving this relationship the time and space to grow.

So it was clearly not by accident that I picked up Rolheiser's Forgotten Among the Lilies and began reading.

The book is a collection of essays on how to live a Christ-centred life beyond our fears, restlessness, passions and desires within the landscape of quotidian needs and demands.

It's a fab book that contains a wide berth of topics that are salient to everyday Christian living but I will not go into book review mode, except to say it is a highly recommended read.

Rolheiser quotes Socrates in several essays to underscore the importance of prayer and introspection: "The unexamined life is not worth living."

It made me realize that I have neglected a proper examen of consciousness* lately which has led to this void and left me wanting.

Ignatius of Loyola prescribed a "method" to find God in all things and examine how the Spirit moves in one's daily life in order to deepen the relationship with God.

It starts first with taking time out to be in the presence of God.

Then to give thanks for the day's specific and unique gifts.

Followed by a review of one's actions and attitudes in the Spirit of truth for better self-knowledge.

A playback of the day's events within the context of the internal movements of one's heart allows the opportunity for self-growth and a way forward to freedom from attachments and addictions.

Finally an intimate conversation with Jesus will allow resolution and inner peace, with an eye to future action.

During the International Women's Day thanksgiving mass last Saturday, Fr. Paul Staes remarked that we should not let circumstances dictate who we are for we are, each of us, invited by God to be perfect, just as Jesus was.

The challenge to be "perfect" is an interesting one for it would seem an impossible quest, to be blemish-free and/or complete, especially since to be human is to be imperfect.

Jesus seems to have pulled off this feat of perfection through prayer, never letting up on looking for opportunities to spend time with His Father, especially during the brief years of His ministry.

If we look at saints through the ages, they followed in Jesus' footsteps in this unrelenting appetite for prayer despite the seasons of dryness and trials that came into their lives.

This Lent, I am attempting to go with Rolheiser's recommended minimum of one hour set aside for prayer daily.

I do so want to be perfect for this perfect man in my life.

* See http://www.norprov.org/spirituality/ignatianprayer.htm for a more detailed explanation of the foundation of Ignatian prayer and a bookmark that helps one do the examen of consciousness daily.

For P

With you I dove deeper, gave more than with any other,
You were the one I chose to live with, happy ever after.
For you made me smile, sharing promises of life
Ruby rich and deliciously golden.
Together we conjured a kaleidoscope of memories
Each more beautiful than the next.
Until you told me you wanted out!
Said I wasn't the one anymore. After all.
That's life. Hurts like hell but I will survive,
There is no option for I will always choose the light.
Even in the blinding madness a voice
Steers me to safety in whispers divined
I am loved too much to give up on myself
Crushed and crumbled though I now lay,
Restoration, resurrection is at the potter's hand.
While surrender isn't easy, I rely solely on grace,
I know I can look forward to the day
I let you go with a smile and no backward glance,
A bounce in my step, my heart filled with gratitude.
For His love is sufficient, with Him I shall not want.

Signs and wonders

I just attended a seminar on "Types of Healing" by Bob Canton over last weekend and was blown away by what I witnessed. Here is a man anointed by God to perform miracles of healing, just as Jesus did when He walked the earth.

Bob shared his story of how he did not think he was worthy of the task he was called to initially but continued to let the Lord lead and is now travelling the world over, making the Gospel come alive by demonstrating Jesus' love, mercy and compassion through healing, telling everyone that the kingdom of God is here and now, bringing glory and honour to God by drawing people to Jesus and salvation.

My takeaway from the weekend is that God uses ordinary people, wounded healers (as Henri Nouwen would call them) to carry out His will. If we are able to avail ourselves of the Holy Spirit that resides in us through our baptism to cultivate a praying, discerning heart, receive the sacraments frequently and develop a listening ear to what God wants, then you and I, we, can perform miracles that bring healing.

We don't have to look for "signs and wonders" (preached by "false prophets") but instead "signs and wonders" will follow us.

As we live in a world where scientific and technological advances have explained away the wonder and awe of God's creations; and look increasingly for external signs of God before we deign to believe, this was refreshing - a challenge to live up to my faith.

Faith is a gift from God and one that is fuelled by an interior life nourished by the discipline of prayer. According to the Gospels, faith heals and makes us whole while St. Paul reminds us to "walk by faith, not by sight".

Despite the miracles I witnessed this weekend, my faith in God is no more or no less than when my life was in shambles and I was caught in a downward spiral of emotional hell.

My faith is not reliant on events or people. It just is.

Through grace, the grace of conversion, a deep inner conviction born of the felt presence of a loving God and the ability to soldier on even when the wells of faith run dry.

The weekend has caused me to wonder about the depth of my faith and how I live it out actively in my daily life.

And I resolve to love more boldly, more richly and more fearlessly for faith without love is nothing*.

* Read 1 Corinthians 13

True to nature

I have been meditating on Sarah (read Genesis 12 onwards) this week for she will be the woman we will discuss tomorrow evening at the W2W Ministry weekly meeting (we are covering women in the Bible).

It's quite amazing to me that at age 65, she willingly embarked on an arduous and dangerous journey with her husband Abraham into an unknown land, later gave her husband permission to have a child with another woman because she thought she herself was incapable of the task and has her husband's ear in a way that suggests he loves and respects her as an equal.

Both Sarah and Abraham clearly lived out their marital vows committed to one another, through thick and thin, better and worse. Certainly a model of marriage that seems outmoded by the rise in divorce figures and the number of "committed' relationships men and women run through in one lifetime.

In David Quammen's book The Flight of the Iguana, there is an essay entitled The Miracle of the Geese where he proposes that geese are the image of "humanity's own highest self" for they "embody liberty, grace and devotion" in they way they live. "Geese mate monogamously and for life" for both male and female rely on each other for survival.

They are committed by "physiology and anatomy, to a life of mutual reliance in permanent twosomes" dictated, in part, by the incredible distances they have to travel on their annual migration and a life that is hard by any measure.

Given the many choices that allure us in today's world, couples have lost this sense of hardball commitment that is the glue to marriage as it was created to be, for a lifetime of tears and laughter, bearing witness to the foibles and victories of everyday banality.

Instead we now live in a world of disposable utensils, appliances and, sadly, relationships.

If only we took a leaf out of nature, and like the geese, re-discover what it is to be in a monogamous relationship, making the requisite sacrifices to create a relationship of love that will bear fruit.

If only we loved as Abraham and Sarah did, traversing time and distance in the bid to be faithful to their ideals and find "pleasure" in their latter years.

Humans were created for a purpose. When we live true to nature, true to the purpose that we were created for, then we will discover the meaning of life that is "ecclesiastical" and be able to restore "eternity to life".

Because we can

While the new U.S. president has adopted the rousing "Yes we can" to counter the economic gloom brought on by the financial tsunami that has engulfed the world, what seems to be more representative of the times is the self-indulgent "Because we can".

"Because we can live on credit, it's okay to buy, eat and drink as much as we want. So what if we live beyond our means?"

"Because we can get away with it, let's dip into someone else's pocket and 'borrow' some funds. They're rich, they won't know or feel it."

"Because that hot colleague wants me, we can indulge our sexual desires. Hey, it's only sex, we're not hurting anyone or cheating."

"Because we love each other, we can totally disregard our spouses and families, and focus on attaining our own happiness. Anything that feels this good must be right."

"Because we can fool everyone, let's lie, bribe, cheat, steal, commit murder, break every rule in the book to get what we want. As long as we don't get caught, it's cool."

"Because we can, let's waste precious resources and continue despoiling the earth, taking everything we can for our own comfort. Who cares about future generations, all that matter is I, me and myself in the here and now!"

The signs of relativism, consumerism and materialism are symptomatic of a society devoid of morals, integrity and a lack of a fundamental sense of right and wrong.

Worse, we don't realize when we are wrong or have behaved inappropriately for "everyone is doing it so it's fine" seems to be the perfect 'out' clause.

If the world were a happier place, that may be cause for justification, but there seems to be more lonely, unhappy people; more addictions and substance abuse; more infidelity and broken marriages/families; more hurt and rage and killings... more darkness in the world due to selfish motives of ego-centric beings driven by money, success, power, fame and misplaced ideals.

What can be done to regain that inner compass that directs us to recognize and choose not only good over bad but best over better?

It begins with the realization that everything we have was first given to us out of love from the Creator.

It begins with wisdom to understand who we are, where we come from, what we can accomplish, when we should just be and why love - selfless, mature and sacrificial love - is the only thing that matters.

It begins with gratitude for all things in life right down to the next breath we draw.

It begins with the humility to appreciate the happy incidence of grace.

St. Ignatius of Loyola wrote a prayer commonly known as suscipe, which is Latin for 'receive' that can help us make the best choice:

"Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding and my entire will. All I have and call my own, You have given to me; to you, Lord, I return it. Everything is yours; do with it what you will. Give me only your love and your grace. That is enough for me."

Because we can choose good over evil... make a positive impact... realize our potential to the fullest... make the world a better place... be a catalyst to progressive change... be honest, upright, loving, caring, sharing... and a half-decent human being.

Yes we can!

Brewing goodness

I recently caught a TV programme on herbs and what this herbalist from Eu Yan Sang said was that when each individual herb is brewed on its own, it may not yield a remedy that is healthful.

However when the right mix of berries, seeds, leaves and roots are selected and brewed together, a magical transformation takes place and drinking the resulting decoction efficaciously heals and brings the body back into harmony.

This simple truth is reflected in cooking where the right marriage of ingredients creates a harmonious explosion of flavours on the palate, and a fecund spiritual life.

As individuals, we are each gifted with unique talents which we first utilise to reap financial gain and work towards a physically comfortable life for ourselves. Nothing wrong in that at all.

But man/woman was not created to be alone. We were created to live in community, the family being the most basic unit of community.

As such, when we use our talents for others, sharing in love what we have and what we can and want to bring to the table, the beneficiary is not only the receiver, but the giver as well.

I have experienced this as a reality in ICPE's W2W Ministry. As a community of women, we gather weekly to share our life experiences, giving thanks to the One who made it all possible, bonded by our love for Christ and our sincere desire to grow into mature women of faith.

The honesty and vulnerability of each woman makes each meeting a sacred space that Jesus enters and is powerfully present. There are many insights and much healing for something indefinably potent happens when a community prays together that is different from solitary prayer.

If you're serious about spiritual growth in life, consider the power of community and experience how unity in diversity makes for quantum leaps in faith and character building.

Balancing act

Today is the first day of the Lunar New Year and I finally have some quiet time. It's been a busy time spring cleaning, shopping for all manner of food and having branches of the extended family over for lunch today.

Many thanks to my sis-in-law W., cousin A., Lynn and my brothers who helped out with prepwork, and cousin J. who helped with the wash up - couldn't have done it without them. Why is it that every year I forget how much work it all entails?

I am quite pleased with how the dishes turned out despite my forgetfulness (only remembered ingredients midway of a stir-fry). Well, I did pray that Dad would be there in spirit guiding me - after all, cooking for the family is my way of paying him homage.

This hospitality, or as the Hawaiians call it, the spirit of aloha, is one that I value more as I get older. There is a sense of joy in being able to make someone feel welcome and sitting down together to good food and conversation.

As I scurried around, I reminded myself to keep focusing on "the one thing", unlike Martha who was so intent on serving that she was upset with her sister Mary for not helping out, and was eventually reminded to choose the "better part".

There will always be a tension between being able to do everything (perfectly) and finding the time to focus on Jesus and his availability to the people around Him.

Given my perfectionistic streak, I have a tendency to disregard the human element in getting a task done right, often sacrificing graciousness in the process.

I'm glad I was not so manic this new year, that I was able to let certain things go, and most importantly, that I was able to give thanks and enjoy the bounty and the fellowship that has been provided by my Maker.

Epiphany

As the newborn slumbers in the night, his mother
Gazes at him in wonder and delight.
What a miracle the child is!
He is precious, perfect - a prince of peace.
Even the angels concur, carolling
Jubilant tunes across the star-studded skies
Drawing shepherds and their flocks from afar
To see the saviour of the world in swaddling soft.
While star-trailing kings from the East bear gifts
Of gold, frankincense and myrrh
The highest honour to Emmanuel, God-with-us.
Nativity epiphany!
To see what is revealed in the wintry darkness
Revering, revelling in the mystic truth
That a tiny babe can redeem humanity
Conquering sin through love through time,
No greater love has man than a god who loved
The world so much that he gave his only son
To be born; to live and die agonizingly alone.
Bearing the gift of eternal life in his human entity
The Christ child brings us back to the beginning_
The way it's supposed to be.
When man and woman were created
To live in unity.

Love and honour

If the way I have spent New Year's Day is indicative of what is to come in the rest of the year, then this year will indeed be a time of rest, recollection, reflection, inspiration and creativity.

Last evening, I was given the opportunity to welcome in the new year with a thanksgiving mass at St. Teresa's with family members, while this morning I lounged around luxuriously in my jammies, with my mother for soothing companionship.

I also managed to watch the movie Love and Honor, Bushi no ichibun, by Yoji Yamada. It was a gorgeous tale of love conquering adversity - of Shinnojo Mimura, a samurai who was blinded in the line of duty and how he sought to avenge the dishonour of his wife, Kayo, who in seeking to address the calamity of her husband's misfortune had fallen prey to an unscrupulous samurai, Toya Shimada.

In purportedly offering aid to the young couple after the event that led to Shinnojo's blindness, Shimada has demanded recompense by taking advantage of Kayo, whose beauty he had lusted after for years.

Kayo had submitted unwillingly, caught in the situation, as she believed Shimada would redeem her now-useless husband's livelihood. Subsequently she was blackmailed by Shimada and acquiesced to his demands in misery, knowing full well that the husband she loved and would die for would eventually find out and kill her for her "infidelity".

Upon discovering the truth, Shinnojo divorces Kayo and drives her away, and sets about to relearn his fighting skills as a blind warrior, before challenging Shimada to a duel.

In his single-minded pursuit of Kayo's lost honour, Shinnojo cuts off Shimada's arm amd the defeated samurai eventually commits the final act of seppuku, taking to his grave the identity of his nemesis.

In the final scenes of the movie, Shinnojo debates whether it would have better if he had not discovered the truth for he acknowledges that he has acted wrongly against Kayo whom he loves and who never stopped being his loving and faithful wife.

Shinnojo's humility marks him as a man who loves much and despite his blindness, is able to see the unvarnished truth about himself and those around him.

The movie brought home to me that love and honour are inextricably linked and thus in seeking to bring God honour, I must not forget Christ's principle of love in all things for without love, honour is meaningless.

What also moved me was the portrayal of spousal love between Shinnojo and Kayo, how each were willing to sacrifice self for the benefit of the other, and how each lived out the role of husband and wife respectively, with great tenderness and nobility.

As I begin the new year with fresh resolve to live with integrity, I ask for the ability to realize my still nascent and amorphous desires in order to bear much fruit in 2009.
I also ask that I accomplish everything honourably, and with much love.