Will to freedom

For some reason today, I left the house in a rush, convinced I was going to be late for my class, only to discover, en route, that I was early. So I decided to take a walk in the Botanic Gardens.

It was a grey, overcast afternoon, perfect for a walk. I essentially made a loop around the grounds before heading for class just over an hour later.

I enjoyed the oasis of green and quiet, with only the occasional breeze and the song of the cicadas accompanying me. It became an afternoon of Ignatian contemplation where I reviewed my weekend.

Much had transpired - many surprises and discoveries - some delightful, and some not so. What was most interesting to me was how my insecurities caused me to react in ways that took me right back to my teenage, angst-filled years.

Hmmm, having worked assiduously on my issues in recent years, I had reckoned I would react in a more mature fashion. Surely I was no longer slave to my OCD tendencies?

This is when I am glad I had made the decision to love Christ with "all my heart, soul mind and strength" for in so doing, I relinquish my will, every day, in order to follow Him.

In this instance, I was freed (as I processed my thoughts and feelings during my time of contemplation) of my impatience and my whiny, insecure, manic girl self.

Despite the inability to predict if the future would bring me what I want (or think I want), in allowing Christ to lead, I know that I will achieve the desires of my heart and experience much joy even before I attain them.

In the meantime, I was affirmed in so many ways.

My neighbour whom I met in church on Sunday bought me breakfast, insisting he pay for me in a very gallant manner.

I was able to give emotional support and advice to women friends who were going through crises and, in turn, received from other woman friends encouraging support.

My youngest bro and I had a chat where he reminded me of the woman I am - caring, nurturing, wise, wonderful and much loved.

I taught well this morning, enjoying the experience of helping clients get more in touch with their bodies.

My life is full of richness and depth as was revealed to me in my time of introspection.

I finish this day, with confidence renewed, calm restored and the conviction that with Christ at the centre of my universe, I am able to do all things.

His will be done. Freely.