The Woman to Woman Ministry is now in chapter 10 of Margaret Silf's Landmarks and the ladies has been reflecting on how we cling to things - people, ideas, beliefs or behaviour - that are not life-giving.
What is evident from our collective sharing is that we all desire love and approval while we all fear rejection and betrayal.
We all seek to be loved for who we are in our unadorned vulnerabilities and insecurities, and to believe in the love of those we in turn love; to be in relationships of unshakeable commitment and a solid, forever-like trust.
And yet, we go about with masks on, and we manufacture personas for fear that the truths about our selfs will be too much for others to accept and we will ultimately be left alone. By so doing, we refuse to honour those we love, withholding our tender hearts and suspecting others of doing the same, thus creating a chasm of deception and dangerous bubbling below the surface resentments and unresolved emotions.
We become attached to certain patterns of behaviour as we fear failure, not realizing that we have set ourselves up for failure until it is too late. We then lament the If onlys and we ponder the What ifs, the fears that keep us from attaining our deepest desires.
I just read an article on Arnold Schwarzenegger, an interview with him about his new book Total Recall and he speaks about the secrets and lies in his then marriage with Maria Shriver. He knowingly acted with dishonesty even though he knew it would cause pain to those who were closest to him.
"So the thing that really meant the most to me kind of fell apart because of my doing. That is something I will always look back and say, 'How could you have done that?'"
All of us, at some point in time, have uttered the same question to ourselves when we look back with remorse at how we destroyed something we prized. The question is do we continue to bumble along, repeating the same mistakes in our lives or do we seek change?
A reflection I read from Don Schwager last week really resonated with me:
Repentance demands change – a change of heart and way of life. God's word is life-giving and it saves us from destruction – the destruction of soul as well as body. Jesus' anger is directed toward sin and everything which hinders us from doing the will of God and receiving his blessing. In love he calls us to walk in his way of truth and freedom, grace and mercy, justice and holiness. Do you receive his word with faith and submission or with doubt and indifference?
The accompanying prayer he wrote was a call to us to remember that we are children of God and the virtues of being child-like:
Lord Jesus, give me the child-like simplicity and purity of faith to gaze upon your face with joy and confidence in your all-merciful love. Remove every doubt, fear, and proud thought which would hinder me from receiving your word with trust and humble submission.
Likewise Margeret Silf writes that God teaches us like the children that we are. He uses carrots, not sticks. He attracts us through our own deepest desires and not through threats of eternal punishment. He calls us to the joy of his presence by inviting us to discover, in our own deepest desires, his own overwhelming and passionate desire for us (page 162).
In attempting to rid ourselves of our dependencies, attachments, compulsions, crutches, idols, all the things that drag us down, we should rely not on our own energies and efforts but to "turn our attention to the holy mountain" and "journey towards it". Centre ourselves on God and give Him an openness of heart to reveal to us in His own time and way what we need to do.
I have found what Silf proposed in chapter 10 to be true. The stick of asceticism has not worked well for me, for it only leaves me in frozen desolation, so I have opted for the carrot lately.
Instead of giving in to crippling doubt and remaining stuck in dependency, I turn to Him humbly and trust Him to lead me, like a child who has complete faith in her loving parent who is guiding her. The outcome has been empowering resolve and fearlessness to act with significantly less effort as dreaded, and even enjoyment.
Life becomes an adventure when I walk up little trodden paths of risk where the beauty of serendipity delights frequently. In fact, I often pause in amazement at His wisdom and I am immensely grateful for the blessings of love He showers on me.
I am also dismayed at how little I trust in that love and how much I cling to the mediocrity of status quo and hiding behind masks, but I am working on it.
Perhaps it is fitting that today's psalm, Psalm 128, which is a song of ascent is one I meditate on this week.
Blessed are you who fear the Lord,
who walk in his ways!
For you shall eat the fruit of your handiwork;
blessed shall you be, and favoured.
Make mine an orange root vegetable.
What is evident from our collective sharing is that we all desire love and approval while we all fear rejection and betrayal.
We all seek to be loved for who we are in our unadorned vulnerabilities and insecurities, and to believe in the love of those we in turn love; to be in relationships of unshakeable commitment and a solid, forever-like trust.
And yet, we go about with masks on, and we manufacture personas for fear that the truths about our selfs will be too much for others to accept and we will ultimately be left alone. By so doing, we refuse to honour those we love, withholding our tender hearts and suspecting others of doing the same, thus creating a chasm of deception and dangerous bubbling below the surface resentments and unresolved emotions.
We become attached to certain patterns of behaviour as we fear failure, not realizing that we have set ourselves up for failure until it is too late. We then lament the If onlys and we ponder the What ifs, the fears that keep us from attaining our deepest desires.
I just read an article on Arnold Schwarzenegger, an interview with him about his new book Total Recall and he speaks about the secrets and lies in his then marriage with Maria Shriver. He knowingly acted with dishonesty even though he knew it would cause pain to those who were closest to him.
"So the thing that really meant the most to me kind of fell apart because of my doing. That is something I will always look back and say, 'How could you have done that?'"
All of us, at some point in time, have uttered the same question to ourselves when we look back with remorse at how we destroyed something we prized. The question is do we continue to bumble along, repeating the same mistakes in our lives or do we seek change?
A reflection I read from Don Schwager last week really resonated with me:
Repentance demands change – a change of heart and way of life. God's word is life-giving and it saves us from destruction – the destruction of soul as well as body. Jesus' anger is directed toward sin and everything which hinders us from doing the will of God and receiving his blessing. In love he calls us to walk in his way of truth and freedom, grace and mercy, justice and holiness. Do you receive his word with faith and submission or with doubt and indifference?
The accompanying prayer he wrote was a call to us to remember that we are children of God and the virtues of being child-like:
Lord Jesus, give me the child-like simplicity and purity of faith to gaze upon your face with joy and confidence in your all-merciful love. Remove every doubt, fear, and proud thought which would hinder me from receiving your word with trust and humble submission.
Likewise Margeret Silf writes that God teaches us like the children that we are. He uses carrots, not sticks. He attracts us through our own deepest desires and not through threats of eternal punishment. He calls us to the joy of his presence by inviting us to discover, in our own deepest desires, his own overwhelming and passionate desire for us (page 162).
In attempting to rid ourselves of our dependencies, attachments, compulsions, crutches, idols, all the things that drag us down, we should rely not on our own energies and efforts but to "turn our attention to the holy mountain" and "journey towards it". Centre ourselves on God and give Him an openness of heart to reveal to us in His own time and way what we need to do.
I have found what Silf proposed in chapter 10 to be true. The stick of asceticism has not worked well for me, for it only leaves me in frozen desolation, so I have opted for the carrot lately.
Instead of giving in to crippling doubt and remaining stuck in dependency, I turn to Him humbly and trust Him to lead me, like a child who has complete faith in her loving parent who is guiding her. The outcome has been empowering resolve and fearlessness to act with significantly less effort as dreaded, and even enjoyment.
Life becomes an adventure when I walk up little trodden paths of risk where the beauty of serendipity delights frequently. In fact, I often pause in amazement at His wisdom and I am immensely grateful for the blessings of love He showers on me.
I am also dismayed at how little I trust in that love and how much I cling to the mediocrity of status quo and hiding behind masks, but I am working on it.
Perhaps it is fitting that today's psalm, Psalm 128, which is a song of ascent is one I meditate on this week.
Blessed are you who fear the Lord,
who walk in his ways!
For you shall eat the fruit of your handiwork;
blessed shall you be, and favoured.
Make mine an orange root vegetable.
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